Chapter 10 #2
Harald nodded, understanding immediately. "Come on, we can take the back stairs to my quarters. No one will disturb us there or even miss us while the party is still going on."
They walked silently through the dark and quiet corridors, passing the dorm rooms of other cadets with their names on brass plaques on the doors, two or even four to a room, until they came to the end of the hallway where there were two small singles for the head cadets, and a large room that had once been for a faculty advisor but had been cleaned and vacated for Hal's use.
He slid his key into the lock, turned it, and gestured for Jakob to precede him, through the door.
The room was dark, and Hal walked over to the desk and gently lit the lamp.
"Hal," Jakob said quietly, as Hal blew out the match. "I need to tell you something. Christian cornered me in the armory before the lecture."
Hal turned, the burnt match still in his fingers. "What do you mean?"
Jakob's voice was steady, but Hal could see the tension in his shoulders. "He made it very clear that he knows about us. About the farm visits, the time we've spent together. Everything."
Hal's stomach dropped. "What did he say?"
"That we needed to end this. Tonight. Or he'd tell your mother." Jakob stepped closer, his boots scraping against the floor. "He was very... descriptive about what he thought she might do to me. To my family."
"He threatened you too," Hal breathed, and something fierce and protective flared in his chest.
"Too?" Jakob's eyes sharpened. "He got to you as well?"
Harald couldn't look at Jakob Not yet. He moved to the window instead, where the familiar view of the frost-limned woods outside the school offered him no comfort. His fingers found the edge of his jacket, worrying at a loose thread.
"He's been spying on me. For my mother." The words felt like stones in his mouth. "She thinks I'm soft, too sensitive and bookish to do my duty. So he's been reporting back to her with everything I do here, who I see, what I say in class. Since the beginning of term."
"I suspected as much," Jakob said quietly. "The way he watches you. Watches us." He looked at Hal again, longer this time as if seeing to the heart of him. A pause, and then "You're afraid of what she'll do."
Harald turned, his eyes finally meeting Jakob's.
"I am, but not to me. There are limits, since I'm in the Royal Family.
But… to you." His hands trembled as he reached for Jakob, not quite touching him.
"Christian said she's made people disappear before.
A lady-in-waiting who caught my father's eye.
He said she'd do the same to you, to your family. "
Jakob's jaw tightened. "He told me the same story.
But he was... more detailed about what he thought might happen to a Jewish family that had outlived its usefulness.
" His voice was carefully controlled, but Hal could see the fear beneath it.
"He said the Queen has friends in Germany now.
That accidents happen to people like us all the time, and no one bothers to investigate too closely. "
Harald felt the blood drain from his face. "He said that?"
"Among other things." Jakob's hands clenched into fists. "He seemed to take particular pleasure in describing how easy it would be to make my mother and Rachel simply... vanish."
For a moment, they just looked at each other, the weight of Christian's threats settling between them like a physical presence. Harald could see his own fear reflected in Jakob's eyes, but also something else—a stubborn determination that matched his own.
Jakob was quiet for a moment, considering. "So what do we do now? He's made his threats. He expects you to end things between us."
"Is that what you want me to do?" Harald asked, finally meeting Jakob's eyes. "It would keep you safe." I'd do anything to keep you safe, he thought.
"No." The word was immediate, certain. "But I won't be the reason your family turns against you either."
Harald took a deep breath. "I've spent my whole life trying to be what my family needed me to be.
The perfect prince. The dutiful son." His hand reached out, finding Jakob's.
"And I've come closer in the last few months than I ever have.
What they don't understand is that all the changes they've noticed, all the praise I've gotten from my father, from the professors...
It's because I'm better with you. We're both better together.
And I want to be brave enough to choose that. "
Harald made a small, wounded sound, and he felt the warmth of Jakob's hands catching his own and stilling it where it was worrying at his uniform buttons.
He forced himself to look up and meet Jakob's gaze, though it felt like stepping off a cliff.
"I keep thinking that I should be better than this.
Stronger. I should be able to give up what I want for what is best for the crown, and the country.
But every time I try to imagine telling you to walk away from me forever, I can't breathe. "
The words hung between them, too honest, too raw. Harald's heart thundered in his chest as Jakob's fingers tightened on his.
Jakob made a sound like he'd been struck. His free hand came up to cup Harald's face, thumb brushing over the freckles that scattered across his cheekbone.
"Hal." The nickname was rough, almost prayer-like.
He leaned in until their foreheads almost touched, his voice dropping to barely more than a whisper.
"I watched my father lose everything in Saint Petersburg because he wouldn't bend to men like Christian.
And I watched my aristocratic mother, who had never worked a day in her life scratch a life for us out of the soil here without complaint.
" His fingers trembled against Harald's skin.
"I thought I understood what courage looked like then. "
"Jakob—"
"But this?" Jakob's laugh was shaky. "Standing here, watching you fight against everything they've trained into you since birth, against your fear for me and mine?" He pulled back just enough to meet Harald's eyes. "That's the bravest thing I've ever seen."
The words hung between them, heavy with promise and warning both. Because they both knew what it meant—that sometimes the bravest choice wasn't fighting, but choosing to walk away to protect what mattered most.
Harald's breath hitched. He wanted to look away from the intensity in Jakob's eyes, but couldn't. His fingers clutched at Jakob's shirt, seeking anchor.
"And I know it's selfish," Harald pressed on, the words tumbling out now, unstoppable.
"I know what this could cost. But when Christian threatened to tell Mother, all I could think was—" He drew a shaking breath.
"All I could think was that I'd rather lose everything else than lose this.
Lose you." The words hung between them, too honest, too raw.
Harald's heart thundered in his chest as Jakob's fingers tightened on his.
"Does that make me a terrible prince?" he whispered.
Jakob was quiet for a moment, his thumb tracing the line of Harald's jaw. "Maybe," he admitted finally. "But it makes you a remarkable man."
Harald's laugh was soft, broken. "What good is that when Christian is already moving against us? When my mother could—"
"I don't have an answer," Jakob interrupted gently. "I don't know how to fight a queen. But I do know that power is constantly shifting." His fingers tightened on Harald's. "We don't have to win forever tonight. We just have to survive long enough."
Harald blinked, something settling in his chest. "You sound like you're planning a campaign."
"I suppose I am." The corner of Jakob's mouth lifted in a half-smile. "That's what they've been teaching us, isn't it? How to hold ground against superior forces?"
"Together." Jakob's hand came up to cup Harald's face. "Carefully. One day at a time." He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Harald's. "I don't have all the answers. "But I do know that whatever comes, I'd rather face it with you than without you."
"Even if it means—"
"Even then." Jakobs voice was steady now, certain. "They can take everything else. But this—" his hand pressed over Harald's heart, "—this is ours. And I won't give it up without a fight."
Harald's eyes burned. "Neither will I," he whispered, the promise feeling like both surrender and defiance. He leaned forward, catching Jakob's mouth with his own, the kiss tasting of fear and hope and something deeper that neither of them dared name.
"Stay with me tonight?" The words slipped out before Hal could stop them, barely more than a whisper against Jakob's neck. "I don't want to be alone after... all that."
Jakob pulled back just enough to search Hal's face, his eyes serious in the lamplight. "Are you sure? If someone found out—"
"Let them." A flash of something fierce crossed Hal's face. "If Christian's already watching, already reporting back... what difference does it make now?"
Jakob's thumb traced the line of Hal's jaw, his touch gentle where his eyes were fierce. "It makes every difference. If we're careful, we buy ourselves time."
"Time for what?" Hal asked, leaning into the touch despite himself.
"To figure out how to fight back." Jakob's voice was soft but certain. "To protect what matters."
The weight of those words hung between them, heavy with promise. Hal's fingers found Jakob's collar, not pulling him closer, just needing something to hold onto.
"You matter," he whispered, the confession raw. "More than I can say."
Something in Jakob's expression broke open at that. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched, his breath warm against Hal's lips. "Then I'll stay. Just for tonight."
Hal nodded, unable to form words around the tightness in his throat. His hands trembled slightly as he reached for the buttons of Jakob's formal uniform jacket. Jakob caught his fingers, stilling them.