Chapter 7 #2
“Because I’ve spent five years trying to want something else, and it’s impossible.” The admission comes out exposed. “You’re it for me, Lily. You always have been.”
Before she can respond, before she can retreat behind her walls again, I lean down and kiss her. Not like the careful, tentative kisses from last night, but something deeper, more certain.
She melts into me, her hands fisting in my shirt, and for a second, the world narrows to just this stretch of time. Her mouth on mine, her body pressed against me, and the taste of possibility on my tongue. When we break apart, we’re both breathing hard.
“We should go,” she whispers, but she doesn’t step away.
“Probably.” I rest my forehead against hers. “But I don’t wanna just yet.”
“If we stay here, I’m going to say or do something that complicates everything.”
“What if I want you to complicate everything?”
She laughs, the sound breathless and a little wild. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Then show me.”
For a beat, I think she might. I see the conflict in her eyes: desire fighting with caution. Then she moves away, putting a couple of feet between us.
“Food.” She nods once. “We should get breakfast.”
I wanna argue and push back, but panic is creeping into her expression. She needs space to consider everything and think about being with me again. And I need to prove I can give her time to figure this out.
“Food it is.” I step back, giving her room. “But you’re picking the place.”
“Deal.”
We gather our things in relative silence, the tension from her office following us as she turns off the lights. When we reach the front door, she fumbles with the alarm code. Her hands are shaking.
“Hey.” I catch her wrist, stilling her movements. “We’re okay. Whatever you’re thinking right now, we’re perfect where we are.”
She gazes up at me, fear written across her face. “I don’t know how to do this, Callum. I don’t know how to let you in without feeling like I’m losing myself.”
“You don’t have to figure it all out today.” I brush my thumb across her skin. Her pulse races under my touch. “Just one day at a time. Can you do that?”
“I think so.” She finishes with the security system, and we step into the hallway together.
Being with her is different now than it has been. Today is fueled with opportunity and the weight of everything we’ve just shared.
It’s like something fundamental has shifted. Not just the physical attraction, though that’s definitely there. It’s deeper than that. It’s the recognition that we’re both different people than we were five years ago, but somehow we still fit.
She’s checking if the door is closed when an intense urge hits me.
“Lily.”
She turns, and before I can second-guess myself, something in me rebels against the idea of this moment ending without acknowledgment of what just happened. I inch into her, backing her gently against the wall.
“Callum…” She breathes, but she doesn’t resist.
I kiss her, and there’s nothing soft about it. This is five years of regret, hope, and desperate need pouring out as my mouth moves against hers.
She responds immediately, her hands pawing at my chest, pulling me closer until there’s no space left between us. I push into her more, needing the closeness of our bodies together.
If I could, I’d hold her like this all day. My stomach spins, warmth radiating throughout my chest.
Kissing her is heaven. It always has been, and it’s surreal that she’s giving me this chance.
She breaks away. “That was…”
“Yeah.”
We stare at each other, and I see the exact second she overthinks what just occurred.
“Don’t.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “Whatever you’re about to say to convince yourself this is a mistake, don’t.”
“But what if it is?”
“Then we’ll figure it out.” I frame her face with my hands, needing her to understand. “But Lily, what if it’s not? What if this is exactly what we’re supposed to be doing?”
She closes her eyes, leaning into my touch. “I’m terrified of being wrong.”
“I know. So am I.” I run my thumb over her bottom lip. “But I’d rather be scared with you than safe without you.”
When she opens her eyes, there’s something swirling in them. Not resolution exactly, but a kind of tentative belief.
Her gaze pierces mine. “What if I do something that hurts you like I did before?”
“Like what?”
“You know… I lost him, Callum. I was drinking and using any drug I could get my hands on. What if it wasn’t your uncle’s fault after all? What if it happened because I wasn’t taking care of it like I should’ve been?”
“Livianna…” Searing heat strikes my stomach. The pain ricochets through my body, but I focus on her needs. “You have to let that part of our past heal. We were young and made mistakes.”
“But—”
“No. That wasn’t your fault. Yes, I still believe we were meant to have our child, but that doesn’t mean I blame you.”
She lowers her head. “I still wonder about the what-ifs.”
I take her chin and lift it with my fingers. “That’s normal, but it doesn’t define us. We just agreed to see where this goes. If it’s meant to be, all that will come in time.”
“You really mean that?”
“I do.” I give her a reassuring kiss. “Can you try to trust the process?”
“Maybe.” She smirks. “You sound like a therapist.”
“Well, considering that’s where I got the idea, I’m not surprised.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, let’s see what happens.”
I lean down to kiss her again, gently this time, sealing the promise we’ve just made to each other. Maybe we’re finally getting this right.
I get lost in her and the possibility I stand a chance again. I dreamed this would happen, but I never expected it. My heart explodes and love fills my core.
I just hope I’m not setting myself up for the biggest heartbreak of my life, because being with her now, our breaths tangled, I know I’m already too far gone to care.