Chapter 35 #2
“Yes.” She glances down, then brings her gaze to mine. “I don’t know why. I can’t explain it, but sometimes when I’m around you I get really…”
“Yes, Livianna. You get really, what?”
“Upset. Hurt even, and I can’t tell you why. It just happens and then I’m mad at you to the point I get massive headaches.”
My chest caves in. “I never want to be the source of your pain. If it’s easier for you, I’ll keep my distance.”
“That’s not what I want.” She takes a sip of her champagne. “What I’m trying to say is, I’d like to be friends.”
“Done.”
“Wait. It’s not that easy. What I mean is, I want to feel like I did the first day I came back to work and you helped me.”
“How did you feel that day?”
She shifts her weight from side to side. “Safe. Cared for. Having you around was… It felt normal.”
“It was normal.” I swirl my drink in my glass. “We spent a lot of time together prior to this.”
“More than we do now?”
“Yes.” I take a swig of my whiskey. “We’re in different places now.”
“Do we have to be?”
“Only if that’s what you want.”
Her face screws up. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Did we… Um.” Her face turns bright red. She glances around the room. After a few beats, she stares into my eyes. “We’re we ever together in…”
Is she starting to remember?
I take the opportunity to find out. “Together in what?”
A serious relationship? Together in love? What, Livianna, what?
She pulls back as if surprised by my question. She doesn’t say anything, so I press for more.
“I won’t judge anything you ask. If you want to know something, be brave.” I step closer to make the conversation more private. “Ask me whatever you want to know.”
“Okay, but if I’m off base, please just understand my memories are really fuzzy.”
“Done.”
She finishes the rest of her drink, places her flute down on the counter, and blurts out what she wants to say. “See, I had this dream. If I hadn’t woken up in a cold sweat, I would’ve thought it was real.”
It probably was a memory, Livianna. You just need to remember.
“Tell me about this dream you had. What was going on?”
Her entire demeanor goes into a submissive stance, shoulders inward, eye contact minimal, with her hands cupped together near her waist. “You were in it, Jax. It was—”
“Jax?” I lean closer to her, willing her to have a breakthrough.
“Um…sorry. That’s the name I called you in my dream. I know you hate being called that.”
“Where did you get that idea?”
“I called you that the day you were over here talking to my dad about buying a new place. You hurt my feelings, and I told you—”
“I know why you called me that. And yes, you call me Jax.” I set my glass down and whisper in her ear, “But only in private. It was our little inside joke.”
She steps away, creating distance. Her eyes dart around my face, and I wait. I won’t push her for her mental well-being, but I won’t give her an out if she’s ready to hear the truth.
She blinks a few times. “What do you mean?”
“Specifics, Livianna.” My voice drops to a low, rich texture. I’m going to throw in a nudge, telling her it’s safe to ask. “What is it you want to know, firecracker?”
Her eyes widen, her cheeks flush, and her breathing speeds up. “Firecracker?”
“That’s the name I would call you sometimes. Like I said, we had an inside joke.”
“So…we were…close?”
My pulse quickens. “I’ve always told you we were.”
“Lily.” Cash’s voice cuts in behind me. “Your pops wants us to meet him outside near the pool. He’s gathering everyone now.”
She holds my longing gaze before she shakes off a thought and faces Cash. “Can it wait for just a minute or two? I’m in the middle of an important conversation.”
He slips his arm around her waist. “You know you’re pops. When he asks us to do something, he expects us to do it.”
“Why can’t it wait?” She slides out of Cash’s embrace.
He glances between us, suspicion growing into lines etched in his brow. “Jaxon, I didn’t expect you to join us tonight.”
“It was a last-minute thing.” I shrug.
He nods, then turns his attention back to Livianna. “Your pops has an announcement he’d like to make. Let’s do what he asked of us, and then you and Jaxon can finish your talk.”
“But—”
“Livianna, where are you?” Greg hollers from somewhere outside. “You’re being summoned, darling.”
“Be right there, Daddy.” She gestures to the server. “Can I get another glass of champagne, please?”
“Yes, of course.” The server pours her another glass while the three of us stand in an awkward silence.
It’s like a game of chess. We’re all waiting to see what move the other makes.
Once Livianna has her drink, Cash takes her other hand and addresses me. “We shouldn’t keep her pops waiting.”
“No, we wouldn’t want that.” My gaze stays on her.
She fidgets a bit, then peeks up at Cash. “We’d better go see what he wants.”
With that, they excuse themselves, and my lungs deflate. She was so close to asking me about our relationship, and if she had, I would’ve told her the truth.
I get a refill of whiskey and mosey out onto the deck. All the guests have moved from this area to the patio below. I peer over the edge with my drink resting on the thick concrete railing.
Greg whistles to get everyone’s attention. “I’d like to make an announcement. Today, Cash came to me and asked for Livianna’s hand in marriage. It’s my honor to let you know I welcome it with open arms.”
The crowd erupts in cheers and applause. My glass freezes halfway to my lips. Every muscle in my body locks as the words slam into me.
Below, Livianna’s mouth drops open. She turns. Cash is on one knee, holding out an engagement ring that catches the light from the string of overhead bulbs, looking like fireworks exploding against the evening sky.
My heart doesn’t just break. It stops. Then it tears itself from my chest and shatters on the ground beneath my feet.
This is it. The moment I lose her forever.
The guests surge around them, a sea of well-wishes and excitement. Someone pops champagne. Lorna wipes tears from her eyes. Quinn squeals and pulls Livianna into a hug.
I can’t move. Can’t breathe. Can’t do anything but watch the woman I love slip through my fingers in the most final way possible.
She accepts multiple congratulations in a daze. Then, in the middle of embracing her mother, she lifts her gaze.
Our eyes lock.
The noise fades. The party blurs. There’s only her stare holding mine across the distance that’s been between us and always will be from this point on.
I lift my whiskey to her in a silent toast. To her happiness. To Cash’s victory. To the end of everything I wanted.
Her lips part as if she wants to say something. Her brow furrows. She takes half a step away from the crowd, still keeping her eyes on me.
I can’t do this. Can’t stand here and witness her celebrate a future that should’ve been ours.
I turn and amble back into the house. My footsteps echo in the empty kitchen as I head for the front door.
Behind me, the cheers continue. Ahead of me, nothing but the choice I have to make.
Because standing on that deck, her accepting another man’s ring while our unborn child’s memory burns in my heart, something inside me shifts.
I pull out my phone and send one message to Axel.
Me: Find the driver. I don’t care what it takes. I want a name by morning.
Axel: Already have it. What’s next?
Enter the next fracture in book five,
The Frayed Strings.