Chapter 29
Ben took one painful step after another. The bullet wound in his back somehow made his bayonet wound hurt even more than usual, but he gritted his teeth together and kept moving until he touched the opposite wall.
“There,” he said as he leaned against the paneling. “How is that?”
“Hmm. I suppose it’s at least a start,” Doc Armstrong grumbled.
Exhausted from the effort, Ben turned around and hobbled back to his bed, easing down onto the mattress. Doc Armstrong had taken good care of him; there was no denying that. He’d patched up his wounds and nursed him through the fever that followed.
“Does that mean I can go down there now?” Ben asked. He’d been told of Hattie’s arrest, and it made him miserable to know he couldn’t do anything for her. She didn’t belong in a jail, and she didn’t have anyone but him!
“Perhaps after you eat a little something,” Doc Armstrong finally relented. “You’ll need all the strength you can muster to make it there.”
“Did I hear my name?” A plump, elderly woman bustled into the room carrying a tray.
Edith, his maid and cook, had ensured that Ben was well-fed. She brought him broth when he could barely keep anything down, and she’d been delighted once Ben had started eating real food.
She put the tray on the table next to Ben’s bed. “I’ve got a nice chicken pie for you today.”
“I don’t know if I can eat all that.” The crust was golden and flaky, and the gravy inside was rich and savory.
“Of course, you can,” Edith encouraged. “And you must, or else you’ll never get better! Not that I mind you staying here, of course.” She winked and returned to the kitchen.
Ben ate, grateful for the kind strangers who’d taken such good care of him. He also felt guilty, wondering how everyone back at St. Thomas was fairing.
He’d been in Antelope Springs for a week, but he hadn’t yet been well enough to get back to the orphanage.
He hadn’t even been well enough to go a few buildings down the street to see Hattie.
The small amount of money he had left would buy a bit of food for them, but it wouldn’t be enough to pay someone to drive it there.
“There,” Ben said, putting his fork down. “Now can I go?”
“All right.” Doc Armstrong stood up. “I’ll walk you down there myself. Mind you, if anything goes wrong, we’re coming right back.”
“Yes, sir.” He put his pride and dignity aside as the doctor handed him a cane to lean on and clutched his other arm to make up for the rest of his balance.
A warm spell had hit the region, melting most of the snow and turning the dirt underneath into mud. It was still the beginning of winter, and another storm would come sometime soon, but for the moment the air smelled of warm earth. It felt like spring.
The jail was small but clean. The sheriff stood up as soon as he saw them entering. “The last time I saw you, you looked like you were about to order a tombstone. I’m glad you’re on your feet.”
“Thank you,” Ben said politely, though he felt impatient. He scanned the row of cells across the room, but Hattie wasn’t there. “I’m here to see Hattie Monroe.”
The sheriff didn’t look pleased, but he nodded. “This way.”
He brought Ben and the doctor to a separate set of cells. Ben guessed these were for women only, but Hattie was the only prisoner. She sat in the corner, slumping against the wall with her curls in her face.
Sheriff Burton put a chair just outside the bars. “We won’t be far away, so you just holler if she tries anything.”
“Yes, sir.” Ben gripped the bars as he lowered himself to the chair, unable to take his eyes off of her. “Hattie?”
She looked up groggily. Then her eyes widened, and she jumped up and ran to him. Her skinny arms threaded the bars and were around his neck and shoulders. “Ben! Oh, Ben! You’re all right! I kept asking about you, but nobody would tell me anything!”
“Easy there,” he said, as he pulled her arms off of him and gripped her hands. “I’m right here, Hattie. I’m a little worse for wear, but I’m here. Nobody would tell me anything, either. I was just firmly instructed to get better. Why are you in jail?”
“Oh, Ben.” Her voice had been full of relief when she’d uttered that phrase a moment ago, but now it was full of sadness. “There’s so much you don’t know.”
“I’d like to. Very much.” He squeezed her fingers. “What happened at Traveler’s Rest? How did we get here?”
He listened in awe as Hattie told him of her fight with Mama Kincaid and then Cutter, of Hattie enlisting the help of the stable boy and returning him to his family as she brought Ben to safety.
“Suffice it to say, we don’t have to worry about any of the Kincaid’s coming after us again,” she concluded.
His body was stiff and sore from spending so much time in bed as he recovered, but Ben felt a little bit of tension drain from his muscles. “That’s good to hear. Is that why they locked you up? Because that was purely self-defense. We could prove it.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t think anyone cares about that, and I was already tried and convicted yesterday. I’ll be serving a long prison sentence. They’ll transport me later today, but they haven’t yet told me where.”
“Hattie.” He wasn’t supposed to get upset. Doc Armstrong had warned him many times, but none of this was making sense. “What is going on? Why aren’t you telling me?”
“Because it’s hard. It’s harder to tell you than it was to tell a whole courtroom, because yours is the only opinion that truly matters to me.” Hattie gripped the bars. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about how my family died.”
Once again, Ben listened to her tale. This time, it was about her foolish pride as she tried to get her father to agree to her marriage, about the way Cutter and Bo had taken control of the situation and turned it into a murder scene.
He felt as though his insides were melting just like the snow, running through him like cold water.
“I was going to leave, and Oscar tried to stop me,” she whispered. “He tried to get the gun away from me, but I accidentally pulled the trigger. Oscar is dead, but he didn’t die in some barroom brawl. He’s dead because I killed him.”
Ben shook his head. He shook it so hard it made him dizzy. “But that’s not your fault, Hattie. None of this is. You didn’t do anything to kill your family.”
“No, but it was still used against me to show what a dangerous woman I am,” she said solemnly. “They didn’t even care that Oscar’s death was an accident. It’s not just that one moment that was judged, but all the bad moments in my life when I’ve done anything wrong.”
“We can get a lawyer.”
“I had one,” she countered quickly, as though she’d prepared for him to react in just this way.
“There’s got to be some way,” he insisted. Ben didn’t want to give up. Hattie had driven him crazy. She’d caused an infinite amount of trouble for him and for the orphanage, but he wanted to see her safe and happy.
“I wish you’d told me about all of this a long time ago.” Ben pressed his forehead against the cool bars.
“It wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t have changed the outcome.” She lightly ran her fingers through his hair.
“I would’ve mattered to me. I blamed you for Father Tillman’s death.
” Ben’s heart still pressed in on itself when he thought about the priest. “I thought you were just a wild an insensible girl who didn’t think about the consequences.
But you were put in an impossible situation, and you were just trying to stay alive. I hope you can forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she whispered.
He’d wanted to come see Hattie from the moment he understood what was happening, but he hadn’t expected it to go like this. “We’re the same, Hattie. We’re both sinners, but you’re the only one behind bars. It’s not right.”
“There’s a difference, Ben. You were a soldier. You defended yourself then, and you’ve defended yourself since then. I killed the son of a very powerful man. The more I think about it, I’m not sure if it really was an accident.”
“You’re just saying that because this is so hard.” Ben didn’t want her to believe that of herself. He didn’t want her to fall into the deep, dark hole of guilt, blame, and fear. He wrapped his hands around hers on the bars.
“I’m going to prison, but I’m not hanging. I’m grateful for that. I suggest you accept it, because I have.”
“Out of everything else, that is asking too much.” A sob escaped his throat. He just wanted everything to be okay. It wasn’t as though he and Hattie would ever have had a future together, not in a romantic sense. They had a connection, but it was different than that.
It was as though destiny had put Hattie in Ben’s path to shake him up, to wake him from the stupor the war and his subsequent actions had left him in and make him realize there was so much more to live for. She hadn’t meant to, but she’d given him purpose.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done, Hattie,” he whispered. “I know my thanks don’t amount to much, but I do appreciate it. All of it. There’s no telling what Cutter would’ve done to me if you hadn’t rescued me.”
Ben’s dreams were haunted with images of Cutter grinning and brandishing his knives. What he saw in those nightmares could easily have been a reality.
Hattie peered sideways toward the sheriff’s desk. “They’re not charging me for Cutter’s death. I think he was as much of a nuisance to the law as I was. But I have to admit, that’s one thing I don’t regret at all. Cutter killed my father, and he was going to kill you, too. He deserved to die.”
Ben’s wound throbbed. “I think you’re probably right.”
“I am,” she said confidently. Some of the old Hattie had returned, replacing the one that’d been so beaten down by life that she’d just about given up.
“I think that’s what we have to do, Ben.
We have to find a way to accept the lot we’ve been dealt and move forward with our lives.
I’ve been living in a future that could never be, and you’ve been living in the past. We deserve better than that. ”
“Yes. We do.” He straightened up in his chair. “I’ve got to get better so I can get to St. Thomas. I don’t know what I’ll find when I get there, though.”
“A happy home with a bunch of well-fed children, I’d bet.
” Hattie smiled brightly at him. “I might be in jail, but I still have some control over my father’s estate through his attorney.
Mr. Hawkins isn’t too keen on me, but he did agree that a charitable donation would be a good legacy for the family name. ”
Ben’s heart lifted. For the first time in weeks, he finally felt hope. “I can’t thank you enough, Hattie! Really. I’ll find a way to pay you back.”
“No, you won’t.” She pursed her lips and tightened her jaw, threatening him with a look. “You’re my friend, even if we might not ever see each other again. That means we can do things for each other without expecting anything in return.”
He sighed. It sounded too simple, but it was also nice.
“Besides, you can think of it as a favor I did for everyone at St. Thomas and not just you. They were kind to me when I didn’t have a friend in the world.”
“That’s just how they are,” Ben said with a smile.
“Ben?” Doc Armstrong came around the corner. “It’s probably about time we get you back to the office. We don’t want that wound to open back up.”
“Just a moment. I promise I’m all right.”
The doctor nodded and retreated.
“He’s probably right.” Ben slowly stood up. Pain shot down his leg and up his back. “If I don’t get back in bed soon, Doc’s cook will be fattening me up like a Christmas goose.
She put her hand through the bar, spreading her fingers. “Actually, there’s one favor you can do for me if you do want to give me something in return.” Hattie’s eyes dropped to the floor.
He leaped at the chance, though he doubted he could do anything that would truly help her. “What is it?”
The tip of her tongue darted out to lick the corner of her mouth. Then she finally brought her gaze back up to meet his. “Randall Davies came into town for the trial. He’s still at the inn, from what I understand. You should go and talk to him?”
“Why would I want to?” Ben didn’t understand. He couldn’t possibly speak with the man who’d helped lock Hattie away!
She bent over slightly, looking like she might be sick. “He helped me get the supplies to St. Thomas. It’s not easy as a woman behind bars to get anyone to do any favors, regardless of how much money she has. Mr. Davies found out about it and helped make it happen.”
“But why?” Ben pressed. “Why would a complete stranger do such a thing.”
“He’s not that much of a stranger.” Hattie breathed in deeply, and she sagged a little when she exhaled. “Please, just promise me that you’ll go and see him before he leaves town.”
It was such a strange request, but she could’ve asked anything of him, and he’d have been unable to deny her. “All right, Hattie. I will.”
He started to turn away but then discovered that he couldn’t. Not yet. Hattie had confessed to him, and he felt compelled to do the same. “Hattie?”
“Hm?” A curl fell over her forehead, and she blew it away.
“You were the first woman I ever kissed.” Ben shrugged, embarrassed at his sentimentality. Men kissed women all the time without any discussion or thought, but everything was different when it came to Hattie.
She smiled at him. “I already knew that. Now you’d better go.”
Ben limped out of the jailhouse, leaving an important part of his life behind.