Hoyt #2
“Then Dad got bad. Fast.” He sighed. “And every day after that has been taken up with managing him, watching him, chasing him down when he wanders off. Reaching out again felt like something I’d already missed my chance to do.
” Yeah, I knew that feeling. The emptiness of missing your chance to connect.
“There was a fire in the barn. Dad was…he’d lit an oil lamp.
Not sure why. We think he maybe was drunk.
Barrett went in and pulled him out but he had the heart attack right in front of the barn. Widow maker. Gone in seconds.”
“Fuck, that’s rough.” I looked to Lucas. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” Lucas said, his voice gruff. “I wasn’t close to him.”
I nodded. I knew how that rolled all too well.
Silence fell over us. “And you inherited the ranch,” I prompted because the quiet allowed too many memories to take root. “What happened to Abel being foreman?”
“We don’t know completely how but there was a beam and…well, they wrote that he suffered a traumatic brain injury. There was a ton of rehab. A lot of walking around the edges of things that no one wanted to name.”
I winced. “Shit, Jesse, I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone.
I should have been here for you.” I took care not to say for the old man because the love I had for Abel fit in a thimble.
And now I knew he was in this state I was starting to feel like the biggest prick in the world but then again he had beaten me then kicked me out so should I feel anything but animosity towards him?
“I could have called you if I needed help. I was okay, and I don’t need some hero bull rider being all valiant and sacrificing his career to rescue his little brother. I’m not a fucking kid.”
Wow. Holy shit. That one hit dead-center. The room was so still I could hear the timer in the kitchen.
“Sure, sorry,” I muttered. “I didn’t mean that.”
Jesse flattened like a popped balloon. “I know you didn’t. I just take things to heart.”
“Always did,” I slipped in and got a weary little twist of his lips. Lucas took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. That made me real happy. Jesse deserved a good person in his life.
“He lives in town now. Olivia Descout, who lives in the same house, the apartment next door, watches out for him. When she can. Sometimes he forgets where he is. Some days when he’s really lost he thinks this place still needs him.
Thinks he’s late for work. That’s when he drives out here and causes trouble. ”
“Guess his memory about how much he hates pansies still triggers now and again,” I said with all kinds of ill intent.
Jesse rubbed a hand over his face then went quiet again.
I wanted to say more, rail and rant about Abel, the past, the present, the fucking bull that had pulverized my shoulder.
Shit. This whole scenario sucked. The offer fell out of my mouth before my brain could yank on the reins.
“I could…I mean.” Jesus fucking Christ. “If you ever want—”
“I don’t.” The comeback was fast and sharp. “I’ve got things handled. I don’t need help managing him. I don’t need opinions.”
Lucas shifted uncomfortably as he gave my brother’s hand another squeeze.
I nodded. “Okay. Then…okay.” I stared into my coffee as if it held the answers I searched for when all it held was a few grinds floating on the surface. My attention lifted to meet Jesse’s. “I just wanted you to know that I would’ve come. If I’d known how bad it was.”
He shrugged. “You didn’t know. And I didn’t tell you. So here we are.”
“Here we are.” I started to snicker.
Both men on the sofa gave me a questioning look.
“My chute man, Clayton, he always had ways of saying things that cut right through most any bullshit. If Clay were here he’d remind me that bullheadedness runs right downhill. Abel is as thickheaded and stubborn as they come and, by the looks, the two of us are a couple of obstinate mules.”
Lucas chortled. Jesse, well he took a moment to accept it was the truth and then he allowed a smile to tug at the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah, I guess we are a little mulish,” Jesse confessed.
“A little. So, I’ll think hard on all of that. Not sure what side of the fence I’ll come down on since me and Abel…well, you know.”
“I know,” Jesse whispered.
“Just one more question about this.” I waved my mug to indicate the two of them. “You gay or what, Jesse?”
“Oh, I uhm…Lucas-sexual I guess. I’ve not really had time to…you know…” He glanced at Lucas. Oh man, the love in his eyes was about to make me weepy. “It’s just him I think.”
“Okay, so demisexual then mostly. Got it. And, Lucas, are you gay as a daisy like me?”
“Yeah, totally daisy-gay.”
“Huh. Well, that’s nice to know. Someday you need to tell me how Abel reacted when he found out you were queer, little brother. I pray it was better than how he reacted when he found out I was a flamer. His words, not mine.”
“Yeah, we can talk about that some other day. I think we’re pretty talked out for now. You want to stay for dinner? Maybe play some cards afterwards?”
“Cards. Sure. Last time I played cards with you it was Go Fish. When you lost you held your breath until you were purple.”
Jesse chuckled. “Just hold onto your wallet, cowboy.”
I left the main house four hours later stuffed to the gills and considerably poorer. Should have stuck to Go Fish and opted out of poker. Next time I’d be better prepared for the card shark that was my little brother.