Hoyt #3
So I did, and amazingly, for once, we agreed on this thing for Abel.
This was a nice compromise. Private land, a nice copse with trees, maybe we could plant a fucking bush or something.
Only plant I could think of that would express Abel Knox well was poison ivy but Aubrey would probably prefer a rose bush.
Whatever. I was doing this for Jesse. I’d do anything for him.
Abel had stopped being my dad the day he’d turned me out.
But for Jesse I would do this because that was how much I loved my little brother.
Memorial Day.
For me, in the past, that holiday would have been me on the road at a large major rodeo or stampede, climbing onto the back of a bull for hopefully eight seconds.
This year the day of remembrance for U.S.
military who lost their lives in service was starting off with a funeral of sorts.
Maybe a sending-off service would be a more fitting term.
I doubted there would be fond stories told over the pink rose bush Aubrey had found withering away at the grocery store.
He’d adopted it instantly, fussing over the little plant just like he did the chickens, the cats—yes cats plural—as he’d found a scrawny kitten eating lasagna out of a dumpster behind the bookshop five days ago.
Kind of like he had taken me into his heart and home to nourish me with his boundless love.
Yeah, I was smitten. As was the new kitten, even if Aubrey had given him a flea bath on his arrival. Orlando was a gray and white fluffball Ruggerio had taken to instantly much like I had with Aubrey.
“Tie or not?” Aubrey asked, breaking into my spaced-out stare fest with myself in the bathroom mirror.
He came in behind me, wearing a black suit with skinny trousers that left little to the imagination, a demure lilac shirt, and a slim ebony tie.
Loafers with no socks completed his ensemble.
And I was here in a western shirt and jeans.
No socks or boots, just a shirt and pants.
Was I dreading this upcoming ceremony? Hell yes.
He held up two of his own over my right shoulder.
“Since your shirt is this lovely blue chambray I think the dark gray would work well. But the burgundy is nice too.”
“Gray,” I replied, pulling the comb through my hair one final time before turning to him.
“Gray it is.” With flair for ties I did not possess he tucked the silken length under my collar as his eyes met mine. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m good.”
He seemed dubious. “Well, you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel is genuine. It’s just us and your brother and Lucas. No one will judge you.”
I bent down slightly as he began creating a perfect Windsor knot. “I don’t think I ever told you the dirty details of why Abel threw me off the ranch.”
His fingers paused as his gaze softened. “No, not all the gory details, and I don’t require them. I’ve knitted together a rather sad blanket of tidbits and mentions from you and Jesse that explain what took place in your family, not just on that night, but for years.”
“I should tell you. I want to tell you.” I sighed. “I think I’m scared to lay all of that shit out because you’ll see what damaged goods I am then tell me to fuck off.”
“Never.” He released one end of the tie to pat my chest. “If anyone should hit the trail it should be you. I’m not exactly the warmest or most sensual person. My baggage could fill the hold of a 747 and I’m a nervous talker. All things that most men tend to—”
I pressed my lips to his to stall that talk.
“Most men aren’t me. I love all those things about you, Aubrey.
I think you are one of the warmest most loving men I have ever met.
We’re plenty sexual for me. I love all of you.
Everything, the chatter, the frets, the way you fuss over me like a mother hen. I love it. I love you.”
“Oh, Hoyt,” he whispered, his brown eyes filling with tears. The tie was forgotten for a moment as he rose to his toes to kiss me with a fiery passion that lit me up like one of the big fireworks the town of Chance would be setting off tonight. “I…I love you too. Madly!”
“Then we’re good, yeah?”
“Yes, yes, so good.” He wiped at his cheeks with the tips of his fingers while my hands rested on his slim hips.
“Lordy, I’m all a flutter. Okay.” He drew in a shaky breath before giving me a wobbly smile.
“Let’s get this tie done. Your brother will be here soon.
Do you want a rainbow tie tac like I wear? ”
“Oh, uhm…”
“No pressure. I just thought I would ask. I have all kinds of pins laid out, one for every day since Pride begins tomorrow. I can pluck one out for you if you’re comfortable?”
“Never did Pride before.” His face fell.
“No, it’s not…don’t be sad over that, baby.
Just seemed a thing to avoid since I was playing the role of a badass cowboy who didn’t go in for all that rainbow shit.
Guess I was scared someone would think I was an ally or even worse, queer, and that would be the end of my career.
So yeah, I can do the flag on the tie. Might even put it on my hat when we go to the town picnic and fireworks tonight.
Would you be okay with that? Maybe even holding hands in front of all of Chance? ”
“I would love it! Oh, my gods, you are so brave, Hoyt Knox. I love you!” He peppered my face with kisses until the knock at the front door got him moving out of my arms. Hated to let him go but there were ashes to chuck into the brisk winds.
I did my best to finish up my tie, ambling out to the living room to find Jesse and Lucas petting the cats.
Jesse looked up when I entered. We both snickered at the fact we were dressed identically.
“Go figure,” Jesse said as he passed the urn to me.
I didn’t want it but I took it, turned, got pinned by Aubrey, and then we made our way to the backyard.
The sickly rose bush was waiting for us, being freshly planted, watered, and fertilized it did seem a bit more perky.
The area had been raked just yesterday, cleared of sticks and such, and a small bronze horse Abel had had sitting on a shelf at his house had been placed in front of the bush.
Aubrey stood on my left, holding my journal, Jesse on my right, Lucas on his right.
The wind was gusty today, tugging at the spindly branches of the rose bush.
“Not sure how this is supposed to go. Most of the things online dealt with loving memories, long talks about how wonderful the dearly departed had been, and that kind of shit. Don’t think any of that applies here.
” I shot Jesse a glance. He shook his head after removing his hat.
Guess that was as far as my stoic little brother was going.
Which was cool. My hat stayed on my head.
“So, uhm, I wrote this poem. I think it’s good. I’ll read it then we can dump the ashes.” My sight moved over the other three gathered. “Unless anyone has anything they want to say?”
“Nope. I got nothing to say. He’s gone. Our lives will be better for his passing.”
I nodded at my brother. Silent, strong, but shaking ever so slightly. Lucas stepped closer to Jesse to offer gentle support.
“Okay, I’ll read this then we can move on with our lives.”
The lid on the basic metal urn unscrewed with ease. I dumped some ash into the wind then passed what was left back to my brother. Aubrey handed me my journal; the page marked with a thin black ribbon. Opening the book, the wind got feisty, swirling around us.
“His horse waits, moonlight on red hairs,
Listening for the whistle that’ll never come,
Stars are out like whispered prayers,
Another cowboy rides home.”
Jesse scattered the rest of our father over the land. No one said a word for a long moment before my brother turned to me, his face tight.
“I’d like this to be a new beginning for us,” Jesse said then held out his hand.
“I know we got lots of work to do, emotions, things that we both carried for too long. Fears. Shit, all of that but it feels like a weight has been lifted off me. The air smells fresher. The stink of bigotry blown away with his ashes. Can we stay in touch when you leave for the circuit?”
“I’d like that.” With a choked sound I brushed his hand aside to hug him. Hard. The embrace was returned with equal strength. We stood there for a long time, just holding each other, listening to the birds and the chickens as a Colorado zephyr blew the past away.