Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
I f she cried any harder, her nose was going to turn red and start dripping like a faucet, and then she’d never recover.
The old Luca? The new one?
He’d cut her out of his life early enough that she didn’t truly understand all that had happened to him during his injury, or knew what occurred during his recovery, but the man sitting next to her certainly looked different. Serenity was only now beginning to understand how many scars she couldn’t see.
She sniffled and wiped at her face, wincing when she hit a few lingering scrapes. “What does the new Luca want?” she dared to ask. If they were being open tonight, she was going to force herself to be brave.
She wasn’t the same woman he’d left behind either. Bold, sassy, bull-headed Serenity had mellowed, softened, been humbled in a way that had her second guessing things all too often. And yes, much of that had come from being rejected by the one being on this Earth she’d never thought would reject her.
When a foundation crumbled, a woman could either rebuild or crumble with it. Serenity would be the first to admit that she’d stayed among the rubble for a while, refusing to acknowledge that her life had been permanently upended.
But eventually, she’d tried to rebuild. The problem had been that nothing had ever seemed as good as what she’d already had. She’d built her business, created a life for herself, and tried to move on, but no man had ever come close to replacing Luca McCoy.
Luca took a deep breath and rubbed the top of his shiny head. “I don’t think my wants will ever change, Seri.” He closed his eyes and hung his head. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve already crossed some lines with you and pushed you when you weren’t ready, but”—he raised his head—“I’m not sure I’ll ever get you out of my system. It’s a constant battle between trying to pick up where we left off and remembering that life goes on.”
“Be plain, Luc,” she whispered, her heart hammering against her chest so hard she was sure it would break through her ribcage. Her skin was flushed and wet from the tears, and her mascara was probably smeared across her face, but Serenity needed to know. She needed it laid out so there were no misunderstandings or ways to second guess their situation. “Say it as you mean it.”
His jaw tightened, a pulse just under his jaw. “I want you, Seri. I’ve always wanted you. I’ll always want you. But I’m not stupid enough to think you’ll ever feel the same. I know what I did, andthe consequences are mine to bear. But that’s it. The whole truth. You. I want you. Even if you never again feel the same.”
Her breathing grew ragged, and Luca’s face blurred with her renewed tears. “I’m…” She choked on the words, even though she knew they had to be said. “I’m lost somewhere in the middle, Luc. I’ve never stopped loving you, but I’m not sure I know how to trust you.”
Luca nodded, his mouth shifting up as if he was trying to smile, but it fell quickly. “I understand. And I’m not blaming you for that. This is my fault.” His hand reached between them, but he let it drop before it landed on her cheek.
Serenity’s face felt cold with the loss, though he’d never made contact. She knew his touch, knew how it warmed her skin and sent butterflies through her belly. She’d been so comfortable on his arm tonight, so grateful for his support and for once again saving her from the memories of the break in.
How had that content feeling gone so wrong now? Where was the peace?
She snatched his hand off his lap and brought it to her cheek, pressing his palm into her skin and closing her eyes, focusing on the sensations. Heat, dancing nerves, fluttering heart, and the desire to sigh in utter happiness.
It was there. It was all there, maybe even stronger than it had ever been when they were younger.
After a few more seconds, his hand shifted just enough to cup her cheek, his thumb rubbing softly under her eye, smoothing away the tears that were still trickling.
Serenity opened her eyes to a man torn in two different directions. As if he were fighting himself to keep from acting on an impulse, and it was painful to do so.
“I want you, too.” The words rang with truth, though Serenity didn’t remember giving them permission to leave her mouth.
His eye flared, and his fingers stiffened against her cheek. “Seri,” he rasped.
Letting go of his hand, she reached out to touch his face. Her fingers traced along his jaw, so sharp and strong. Floating upward, she drew a line along his cheekbone, then hesitated only momentarily before tracing his eyepatch and coming down the bridge of his nose. “Does it hurt?” she whispered.
Luca gave a small shake of his head.
She leaned her head to the side, dislodging his hold, and studied his pinched and marred skin. With a feather-light touch, she traced the random scarring patterns. “How about this?”
A shiver rocked through him, but he shook his head. “Not anymore.”
Serenity tried to smile, but her lips were shaking too hard. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you were hurt, and that I wasn’t there?—”
Luca shook his head hard this time and grabbed her hand before she could drop it to her lap. “It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered fiercely. “It was my fault. My choice. I couldn’t…I didn’t want…” Squeezing his eyes shut, he brought her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to her fingertips.
The impishness she used to have as a teenager suddenly slammed into Serenity’s chest, and she couldn’t help but laugh softly, some of the tension in her body relaxing. “Hey, buddy,” she whispered, tapping her bottom lip with her free hand. “My mouth is over here.”
Luca’s eye shot open, and he didn’t remove her fingers even as his lips spread into an understanding smile. Many times when they were younger, Luca had toyed with Serenity. Kissing her jaw, her nose, her ear or even her forehead, but she’d always been impatient for him to reach her mouth. He’d easily caught her reference.
Setting her hand against his chest, Luca then reached out and cupped the back of Serenity’s head, drawing her closer with deliberate, aching slowness. Her breathing grew shallow, and her breath heaved as his overwhelming presence washed over her, simultaneously exciting and soothing.
Luca paused, their lips so close she could feel his breath. “Are you sure, Seri? It’s been a long time, and I’m probably really rusty.”
Serenity closed her eyes and took a long breath through her nose, savoring his cologne and the smell of his soap. “I’m willing to take that risk,” she whispered.
His hand flexed against her head, and his fingers trembled as he held her. He kept her still while he reached up, kissing her forehead.
She couldn’t stop the hum of satisfaction at his touch. It was no wonder no other man had compared. It was as if Serenity Michaels had been made just for Luca McCoy, and every touch only brought more confirmation.
His lips next moved to her eyelids, soft, feathery touches, one at a time. Then the tip of her nose. Serenity’s lips tingled in anticipation, and she clenched her fist against his chest, clutching his t-shirt tightly.
He was there. She could feel his mouth hovering level with hers, but he hesitated, drawing the tension between them so tight Serenity was sure she was about to snap into tiny pieces.
He shifted, brushing the edge of her lips on the left, then on the right, sending her heart rate so high Serenity thought she’d die from a heart attack before he ever truly kissed her.
And then it happened. His lips landed on hers, gently and hesitantly, as if afraid to break her, but Serenity hadn’t come this far to let him think her fragile. Still gripping his shirt, she tugged, and Luca immediately answered the call.
If time could truly stand still, Luca wanted it to happen now. His mind was swirling from the whiplash of emotions in the last ten minutes, but despite what had seemed like a rocky start, he was now kissing a woman he’d thought out of reach to him.
She was absolutely heaven, and it seemed as if the angels themselves had created Serenity to be his.
That painful ache, the one begging him to find a home and a foundation, were swept away at her touch.
She was his home.
How could he ever have been so stupid as to let that go?
When her hand tightened on his shirt, Luca had to work to keep from smiling, instead balancing himself so he could cup her face with both hands and offer the attention and adoration she deserved in this moment.
Time passed, but Luca didn’t care. He wasn’t sure he would ever have his fill of Seri. She was the missing piece of him, the part he’d been searching for to feel whole…but what did he have to offer in return?
The thought was a cold slap in the face.
Gently, he slowed their exchange and pulled back to look at her. The glazed look in her eye showed she was just as affected by the kissing as he had been, and Luca couldn’t stop himself from running his thumb along her swollen bottom lip.
“I’m an idiot,” he murmured.
Serenity blinked, coming out of the light haze she’d been under and gave a breathless laugh. “I should hope so.”
Luca chuckled. “It’s late,” he said, leaning in to kiss her nose. “I should go before I become even more of an idiot.”
Serenity watched him intently for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”
Luca stood and held out his hand to her, which Serenity took without hesitation. Slowly, he led her to the front door. “Make sure and lock it behind me,” he instructed.
Serenity rolled her eyes. “Yes, sir.”
Luca grinned. He brought her hand to his chest and pressed it flat. “Are you going to regret this tomorrow?”
Serenity’s head jerked. “Wait…are you?”
Luca slowly shook his head. “Never.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and she smiled at him again. There was no way she didn’t notice how that made the beat of his heart sped up under her palm. “Me either.”
“Good.” Luca nodded, then nodded some more. “Good.” Giving himself a count of ten, he leaned in, took one last kiss, then forced himself to leave.
The night air was sharp and helped bring his focus back where it belonged. It would be far too easy to stay with Serenity forever, rather than going back to his childhood bedroom.
All those years…he’d thought he was doing the right thing by letting her go, by giving her the freedom to find a life with someone who wasn’t so broken. And yet now that he was on the road to having her back, it was clear his life would never have been complete without Serenity Michaels in it.
He started his truck and pulled out onto the street, slowly driving toward home. Except, it wasn’t really home, and he didn’t really want to go there.
The question that had stopped him the first time came back again.
“What do you have to offer her?” he muttered into the darkness. Luca pursed his lips and blew out a long breath. “Not much.”
The drive home was quiet, but his mind was louder than ever. Old fears and new ones were churning so hard Luca could barely think straight. He didn’t have a real job. He was scarred. He’d hurt her once before.
Seriously, what could she possibly see in him to try again?
Parking in the right side of the driveway, Luca sat in the cab for a moment, working to get control. “I’m not destitute,” he reminded himself. He’d had a good job in Portland and very few expenses. He was getting a paycheck from his brothers, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been earning before.
“You’re not planning to stay working as a sub,” he continued. “You’re not in debt. You love her. You’d give your life to protect her.” Gripping the steering wheel, Luca blew out a breath. “Who better than you?” he asked. “Who better than you?”
No one answered him, and Luca reluctantly got out and headed to the door. He wasn’t exactly surprised when Tate opened the door before Luca could grip the handle.
“So…?” Tate asked with a smirk.
“Aren’t you supposed to be getting your beauty sleep?” Luca grumbled.
Tate ruffled his hair. “I don’t need any.”
“You need more than most!” Jett shouted from farther in the house.
“Shut up!” Tate shouted back.
“It’s late,” Luca said calmly. “I’m going to bed.”
“Are you seriously not going to tell us what happened?” Tate complained.
“Are you seriously going to stand there and try to get me to gossip with you like a bunch of old mother hens?” Luca shot back.
“Yeah. I am.” Tate folded his arms over his chest. “We had to deal with Shiloh for you. The least you can do is let us know if it was worth it.”
Luca rolled his eye. “Don’t pretend like you don’t like Shiloh. You two have always thought she was hilarious.”
Tate rubbed his side where she’d elbowed him as if it hurt. “Maybe, but she’s also dangerous. Never get in a pen fight with her.”
Luca shook his head. “Night.”
Tate made another sound of distress, but Jett interrupted. “Dude, leave him be. He’s not the kiss and tell kind.”
“Considering he was gone for like an hour, there better have been some kissing,” Tate grumbled. “Otherwise, I seriously got jipped on eating leftovers.”
“I guess we’ll be living vicariously through you,” Jett said, stepping into the hallway with the other two men. “Tate and I are too ugly to be kissing anyone, so that just leaves you, Luc.”
Luca grunted, and Tate punched his twin.
“We’re fraternal, you dolt,” Tate argued. “I’m not stuck with that mug.”
“No, you’re just stuck drooling from afar,” Jett shot back.
“At least I’m drooling over someone,” Tate continued. “Instead of pretending I’m too good for any girl in town.”
Luca shook his head and headed for the stairs. A fight was about to break out, and he was too wiped out to be a part of it. A good smash down with his brothers was fun once in a while, but not now. Not when he felt so unsettled about his future with Serenity, and not when he was ready to fall asleep on his feet.
“Oh, now you’ve done it,” Tate said. “You scared him off, and we’ll never know what happened.”
“Do you really doubt that Serenity will become our official little sister someday?” Jett tsked his tongue. “You’re even dumber than I thought.”
Shaking his head, Luca slipped into the bathroom. He’d missed this. Sort of. But tonight…tonight things were too up in the air. Luca had had the best night he’d ever had, and yet it had been followed by some stark realizations.
No. He couldn’t think about it tonight. Serenity said she wanted him. She didn’t mind his scarring. She seemed willing to consider forgiving his early abandonment. She knew he was working for his brothers.
Luca stared at himself in the mirror. She knew almost everything, and she still welcomed his attention tonight. Years ago, he hadn’t trusted her enough to give her the option in their relationship, and he’d learned since how wrong that had been.
This time, he’d do things different. He’d push back the concerns and let it unfold as it would. Serenity might yet push him away, but for now…Luca would hold onto every moment he was given.