Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
S he was going to throw up. After managing to get herself to Luca’s house and wait on his porch for almost an hour, Serenity was going to throw up right on his black running shoes.
She wrung her hands together, pulling at her knuckles and trying to find the tiniest bit more courage than she currently had.
Luca was breathing heavily from his run. His sleeveless shirt showed off the definition of his arms and strained across his chest, only making Serenity’s breathlessness even worse.
She’d been held in those arms and against that very chest. It had been one of the most glorious times of her life, and her own personal fear was about to cost her the opportunity to do it again.
“We need to talk,” she managed in a hoarse whisper.
Luca didn’t speak, just stared.
She could barely meet his eyes, but Serenity tried to keep herself upright. She’d put this off long enough…too long. The question was, was she too late to save it?
“I’m scared,” she croaked.
Luca’s eyebrows went up. “Of me?”
Serenity shook her head. “No,” she rushed to say, stumbling forward a couple of steps. “Not of you.” Once again, the words caught in her throat. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she knew she had to. How could she possibly ask him to give up what he wanted, for her?
Luca sighed and rubbed his head. “Seri…I’m sorry, but I’m lost. What are you scared of? Is it about the break in? Or did I say something to frighten you?”
She was about to rip her finger off by twisting it so hard, but Serenity held the pose for a moment, trying to use the pain to ground her back to reality. “The academy.”
Luca froze. “What?”
The first of her tears began to spill over. “It’s the academy,” she whispered, wiping frantically at her face. “I…I’m so sorry, Luca. I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted to support you and be the perfect girlfriend, but I…I don’t know how to do it. Not again. I can’t watch you take on another job where you’ll be away from me for long periods of time and where you could be in danger every moment. I know I did it before, but…I just…”
Serenity turned around, shoving her hands into her hair and shaking her head. She hated this. Hated it! What was wrong with her? Women dated or married police officers all the time. Why did this bother her so much? Why couldn’t she just support the man she loved? Why did it have to come down to an ultimatum? It wasn’t right!
“Seri.”
She squeezed her eyes harder. He was right there. Right behind her. She hadn’t heard him step closer, but she could feel him now. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “It’s not?—”
“I don’t care about being a police officer.”
It took a moment for his words to penetrate, but when they did, Serenity’s eyes popped open and she spun so quickly the world took a minute to right itself. “What did you say?” she asked, staring up at him with wide eyes.
Luca’s eyebrows were pulled together and he slowly shook his head. “I don’t care about being a police officer,” he said slowly. “I never did.”
“But!” she cried, her hands coming up to clutch at her chest. “You were so excited! You were smiling and practically floating. What do you mean you don’t care?”
His hand came up and then faltered, falling back to his side, and Serenity’s heart skipped a beat.
She wanted him to feel comfortable enough to reach out and touch her. She hated this…whatever it was…that was coming between them. This gap that she’d created by her fears.
“The only thing I want is to be able to take care of you,” he said, his voice low and deliciously gravelly. “I came back to apologize, to work with my brothers and to make sure I gave us both closure. I…” Luca blew out a breath. “I didn’t expect to stay.”
Serenity closed her eyes. “You mentioned that when we first spoke, but you never said why. Why come but plan to leave again?”
He chuckled without humor. “Because I never expected you to forgive me,” he admitted. “I thought that ship had sailed a long time ago. But I had to know for sure. After watching Tony try again, I knew I had to give it a go. When I left the rehab facility, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. Working for my brothers is not a long term plan.” Luca gave her a tight smile. “I’m not good at a lot of things. But I’d be good at being a cop. The military doesn’t want me anymore, but I’m still whole enough to keep the peace on a smaller level.”
Luca shrugged one massive shoulder. “But it wasn’t being an officer that excited me. It was knowing it gave us a future. You shocked me with your forgiveness, but I knew I could never move forward in our relationship unless I had a way to support us and as wonderful as your shop is, I hoped to eventually have a family and didn’t want it to be our sole source of income. Meanwhile, the police thing kind of fell into my lap.” He sighed and rubbed his head again. “It won’t upset me at all to find something else…as long as it means keeping you with me.”
Serenity had gone from wanting to throw up to not being able to breathe. Her lungs felt frozen, and her knees began to shake. He didn’t care about being a police officer? He. Didn’t. Care.
She’d spent all this time…Serenity shook her head. “I thought it was your dream,” she managed in a slightly hysterical laugh. “All this time, I thought it had become your new dream. When you smiled and were so happy, I knew I couldn’t take it away from you. How could I ask you not to do something that made you so happy just because I was sca-”
Serenity’s explanation was cut short when Luca stepped in and gripped the back of her head, bringing their mouths together in a fierce kiss. Serenity couldn’t have cared less that he didn’t let her finish or that she hadn’t gotten a chance to apologize.
The distance, the fear, the despair that had been enveloping her for days evaporated so quickly it was as if it had never existed to begin with.
Stretching up on tiptoe, she wrapped her arms around his neck, not caring that he was slick with sweat. When his own arms wrapped around her back and tugged her closer, she almost left the ground, but it didn’t matter.
She was back where she belonged. Where she should have always been.
“I’m so sorry,” she rasped when he moved to kissing her jawline and just below her ear. She tilted her head to the side, offering him easier access. “I should have said something. I’m so sorry I got upset.”
Luca pulled back and put a couple of his fingers over her lips, slowly shaking his head. “No,” he said softly. “I get it. Trusting me has to be hard, no matter how willing you are to forgive. And when we add in what’s happened in the last few weeks with the two break-ins, it all makes complete sense.” Luca dropped his fingers and left a soft kiss on her tender mouth. “I’ve seen this kind of situation a thousand times when I was working at the facility. Even when we think we’re okay, there are parts of us that still need healing.”
“But—”
Luca cut her off again. “You’re still recovering, Seri. It’s expected, and it’s okay. I’m not here to rush you.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m here because I love you. Because I have hope of a future with you. Not because I want you to just let everything go and move on. If you don’t let it heal, it’ll come back to get you another time.” Luca scrunched his nose. “I’ve seen that too…and it’s not pretty.”
Serenity closed her eyes and let her forehead drop to his sternum. “I love you,” she whispered. “Maybe I do need a little more time, but I really do love you.”
How was it possible to go from one of the worst days in a person’s life to one of the best? Luca closed his eyes and wrapped his arms more tightly around Serenity, pulling her as close as he could possibly get her.
The academy.
This whole thing had been about that stupid academy.
He clenched his jaw for just a moment and shook his head. They’d moved too fast. He’d pushed her too fast. Once she’d said she loved him, Luca had gone off the deep end and wanted to jump straight into marriage, and Serenity wasn’t ready yet.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his shirt.
“I told you,” he said, rubbing her back. “My fault. Not yours. I don’t blame you at all.”
Pushing slightly against his chest, Serenity leaned her head back so they could look at each other. “It is,” she insisted.
When he opened his mouth to speak, she put her fingers against his mouth, mimicking his own actions a moment ago.
“My turn,” she teased.
Luca smiled but kept his mouth shut.
“I should have said something,” she said bluntly. “I’m not saying you haven’t made mistakes, Luc. But this isn’t all on your shoulders, whether I’m still learning to trust again or not.” She pointed a finger at herself. “I made the choice not to tell you how I was feeling. I made the choice to pull back and be upset. I made the choice to let this fester rather than dealing with it like a normal adult would do.”
Luca shook his head. He didn’t like hearing her talk about herself like that.
“I made choices. They were stupid choices, but ones that I made.” She took a deep breath and blew it out. “And now I’m apologizing.”
“I forgive you,” he said when she opened her mouth to speak again.
Serenity huffed a laugh. “I didn’t finish apologizing.”
“You don’t have to. I already forgave you.”
Serenity slapped his chest, and he put a hand over hers to keep it against him. “You can’t keep doing that. If we’re going to make this work, I have to be able to fix my mistakes just like you have to be able to fix yours.”
Luca forced himself to pause before answering. He didn’t like it, but… “You’re right.”
Serenity raised an eyebrow. “What, what? Say that again?”
Chuckling, Luca pulled her back into a hug. “I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that a lot,” he admitted.
“I have a feeling I’ll enjoy hearing it,” Serenity teased back.
Luca chuckled and rubbed her back a little harder when Serenity shivered. “Let’s get you inside,” he said. “It’s cold out here.”
“You’re in a tank top!” Serenity scolded.
“I have more body heat,” Luca shot back. “Come on.” Taking her hand, he led her inside. “You can sit by the fireplace while I take a quick shower.”
“Bossy, bossy,” Serenity muttered.
“He’s always been bossy.”
Luca’s head whipped around. “Tate. I swear, one of these days I’m gonna throat punch you.”
Tate grinned from his place at the door. “How else am I supposed to know what the latest gossip is?”
Luca rolled his eye. “You ask, like normal people.” He punched his brother’s shoulder as he and Serenity came inside.
“Give her to me,” Tate said. “I’ll keep her warm until you get back.”
This time Serenity did the punching.
“Geez, has he been giving you lessons or something?” Tate rubbed his arm and scowled.
Serenity grinned. “I’ve missed you guys.”
“Aw…” Tate opened his arms, his wound apparently forgotten. “Little Sis is back for good.”
Luca shook his head, but smiled when Serenity laughed and gave Tate a hug.
“It’s about time you two got your heads on straight.” Tate sniffed. “I had hope there for a few days, but then I thought I was going to have to intervene.”
“If you intervened, we’d have never gotten back together,” Luca muttered. He looked pointedly at Serenity. “You okay for five minutes?”
She nodded and rubbed her arms. “I’ll force Tate to get me some hot chocolate.”
Luca grinned. “Sounds good. Be back in a minute.” Luca pounded up the steps, but he didn’t miss his brother still being stupid.
“Do you really think a guy that size can get all the stink off in five minutes? It’ll take at least seven to get through all that hair.”
Shaking his head and growling under his breath, Luca put his focus into getting clean, rather than his brother’s idiocy. Luca had a girlfriend to get back to.
Unfortunately, Tate had been right, and it took ten minutes to get back rather than five.
Luca would never admit it, though.
When he walked into the family room area, Serenity’s head turned, and a smile lit up her face, causing an equal reaction on Luca’s. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Tate had to pipe in yet again.
“And with that dopey look, I’m headed to bed.” Tate gave Luca a mock salute. “Be honorable, soldier. She deserves it.”
Luca gave his brother a glare, but nodded. Serenity did deserve it, but Luca didn’t need reminding of it. He’d never do anything to hurt her on purpose.
“You can be dishonorable,” Serenity said with a sly grin. She held up two fingers close together. “But just a little.”
Luca chuckled and walked over to join her on the couch. “Just a little, huh?” He slid in with one arm across the back of the couch, letting it fall down around her shoulders and tugging her into his side. Leaning down, he nuzzled her ear. “Just how dishonorable is dishonorable?”
Serenity sighed and melted against him. “I trust you,” she whispered.
Luca groaned. “And with that…the line just got very clear.”
Serenity laughed under her breath. “The bane of every good man?”
“Pretty much.”
She leaned her head against his chest, still cradling a mug. “So, where do we go from here?”
Luca kissed the top of her head. “Where do you want to go?”
She straightened and turned to look at him. “Don’t even think about it, mister. I’m not going to be the one making all these decisions just because you’re afraid of upsetting me.”
Luca grinned and couldn’t help but kiss the tip of her lightly freckled nose. “Okay. I vote we go back to dating…exclusively. I’ve already told you I love you and hope you marry you, though I messed it up royally. So…I hope we can keep going with the eventual outcome of me proposing when we both feel it’s right, whether or not it has to do with me finally getting a job.”
Serenity smiled and leaned back into his chest. “I like that plan. So my vote is yes.”
“That was easy,” Luca said, rubbing his hand up and down her arm.
“It’s always easy.” Serenity yawned and snuggled even deeper into his hold. “If one of us isn’t being stupid.”
Another chuckle emerged, and Serenity’s head bounced a little with the movement. “I’ll remember that,” Luca said. “And I’ll try to make sure I avoid being stupid.”
“Me too,” Serenity said sleepily. “I think we’ll like life better that way.”