Chapter 21
My room is full of sun when I open my eyes.
I close them and open them again just to make sure I am actually here.
Even though it feels late, my stomach isn’t growling.
For a while, I just admire the little roof over my bed, how it gathers in the center into a big delicious-looking pink button. Well … maybe I am a little hungry.
Then I remember the argument in the night.
Lucille saying HER. And something about money.
Staring up at that button, I worry what it could mean.
I have not cost them any money to speak of, except what I have ate in food.
Remembering her angry voice makes my stomach hurt a little. And then I see something and sit up.
On the bench seat under the window are three big white bags with handles like you get at a store. I crawl out and peek inside … Lord, these are clothes. New clothes, and they look about my size!
Well, I start whipping it all out. There is a pink dress, two white dresses, and a blue flowery dress.
One of the white dresses has got beautiful bluebirds sewed on the collar.
Also there are some fold-down socks, bloomers with eyelet trim, two long nightgowns with fluffy ruffles on the front, two playclothes sets, one in green and one in a red floral design that I do not much care for, and two sets of actual shoes, a white and a black pair that are the strap-over-the-foot kind.
In another sack is a soft baby-blue sweater.
Sewed in the back is a label that reads Sweaterette of Lamb’s Wool, just like those mittens at the Neilson’s Department Store.
I also find a stuffed bear missing a eye, a bag of jacks with a ball, and a box of Tinkertoys that looks played with already but still in pretty good shape.
I notice some scuff marks on the bottoms of the shoes, so they must be hand-me-downs from somebody. But I think again about how that fight in the night was about spending money, so maybe this all came from a secondhand store of some kind.
At the bottom of a bag is a real live pink bathing costume with a matching pink rubber cap!
It has got funny suction cup flowers that suck up my finger when I push down on them.
Quick as I can, I pull off my old petticoat to try things on.
I would flush the damn thing down the toilet if I could.
But that would stop up the pipe and then you would be in trouble, Meg.
You better be careful what all you put down that toilet stool.
I stuff my old things in the paper sack I came here with and stick it up under the bed.
I try the bluebird dress on first, paired with the lamb’s wool sweaterette for the fall season. They both fit but with room to grow on. Then I run down the hall to show Lucille and Tom how good it looks. I knock and say her name. Knock and say his name. After a minute, the door flies open.
WHAT. Is it. Meg? Lucille says.
I just—I wanted to say thank you. For all the nice clothes.
Black makeup is smeared around her eyes, and a mask is pushed up on her forehead. She breathes in deep through her nose.
I’m sorry I woke you up, Lucille, I say.
It’s fine. She says this very clearly. But in the future, please do not wake me up again. And she shuts the door in my face so hard it makes me blink.
I go back to my room and tell myself it’s all right. Lord knows I have had worse than a door slammed in my face. And who does like to get woke up in the morning. That is plain human nature.
Except to get food and water, I stay put in my room the rest of the morning.
Soon as I hang up a white dress, I got to pull the bluebird one off the hanger and try it on again.
Only the shiny pink one is too small and too babyish for my age, and I hate it.
None are soft as my old flour sack from the Orphan, but they all smell better.
Tom checks to make sure I am alright before he goes downstairs to work in his office. Willy May must’ve come and gone early, so I carry some biscuits and ham up to my room to enjoy. Nobody said it wasn’t allowed.
And who is that girl in the mirror? It has been almost two years since I saw my whole naked self.
I have grown some inches taller, but it is like the rest of me plumb washed down the drain.
All I got left is ribs and skin, a odd personality, and a lot of white hair stuck on top.
And lookathere, it is already starting to turn darker underneath, like my mama said would happen.
My left ear still sticks out more than my right, though.
Which I don’t like, but at least I am used to it.
I guess a person should only have to tolerate so many surprises in a day.
When I feel it is time for a midmorning snack, I put on the green flower play set. It has a skirt and matching top with white piping on the edges. I wear it to the kitchen, expecting compliments. Sure enough, Tom comes in and says, Well, that looks better. Green suits you, Meg.
I tell him thank you, Lucille made some good selections. But if she needs to return some to the store for money back, I add, I understand. Long as they don’t argue on account of me.
Tom asks will I be alright playing in my room today and I tell him yes sir, that I am a expert in ways to pass the time.
The jacks-and-ball set does not interest me much, so I play with the Tinkertoys, sticking sticks in the wheels and making funny people shapes.
After that, I stroll by the mirror like I am minding my own beeswax.
Then I act all surprised to see me and exclaim, Why, hello there, little girl, what’s your name?
So I tell her Meg. Would you like to come and play with me, Meg?
And I tell her I sure would! It is fun for the first fifteen times or so and when I get tired of it, I have her say her name is Dorella.
And when she asks to play, I tell her, No.
Also I hope you catch polio and have to walk around in those metal leg braces.
Then I lay on my bed and listen to the rain coming down.
It is odd to miss people you didn’t even like.
In case anybody wants to visit, I keep my door open wide. When I hear feet pad in the hall, I go stand in the doorway.
Lucille jumps like she forgot I was even in here.
She is still in her floral robe, but her hair is all fixed so the red curls cup around her face. She picks at my blouse to puff up the shoulder and says, Looks like this one fits you pretty good.
Yes ma’am, I got it all hung up, so you do not need to do a thing. And I run and open up my closet door. I wave my hand to display how the hangers are perfectly spaced.
She looks like she wants to go somewhere else. But she walks on in.
Alright, I say, everything fits or has some room to grow on except for that pink one runs way too short. So you’ll want to return that for some money back since it runs so short.
Like I told Tom, it will not hurt my feelings. Maybe not that bluebird dress, but definitely the pink one. And that unattractive red floral item. They can go right straight back to the store.
She ticks through the hangers and tsks. I can adjust those back when she goes out. I was really hoping the pink one would fit you, she says.
The bluebird one is my actual favorite. I reach past her. You see how those bluebirds are sewed on? That is some quality work. I hold it up and pose with one foot out.
She shakes her head. Maybe I can let the pink one out a little.
But the more I look at that fussy baby pink one, the more I hate it. I want to let her know that without sounding ungrateful. Did you … have a favorite dress growing up, Lucille?
Sugar, I didn’t have shit growing up.
I look at her. I have not heard a grown woman use that word before. Where did you grow up exactly?
Yazoo County, she says. Don’t worry, you’re not missing anything if you’ve never heard of it. She sighs. I’m like you. I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth.
But Tom, he grew up with the spoon in his mouth?
Lucille laughs deep as a man. Well, yes. To the extent that he even grew up. She takes the bluebird dress from me and hangs it up and pulls the pink dress back out. I want you to wear this pink one when you meet the Heidelbergs, alright, sugar? I’ll see if I can let the hem down a little.
But. It’s too small all over, I say. The shape is wrong for a eleven-year-old. That one’s for a littler girl. The skirt flares out like something that stupid little Shirley Temple would wear.
Exactly, she says.
But.
Can I trust you to wear this without making a fuss, or do we need to discuss it, Meg?
I would like not to discuss that dress anymore. I tell her, Yes ma’am, you can trust me.
Good. She smiles. Remember, I scratch your back, and you scratch mine, alright? We girls need to look out for each other.
I still don’t like that dress, but I nod.
For supper, I still got my green playsuit on.
Lucille comes down behind me wearing a long black dress with a sparkly belt and silver bracelets clinking on her arm.
She has drawed a black line along the top of her eyes that turns up at the ends like a cat.
Eye corners point up, mouth corners point down.
It is not a friendly look, but it is interesting.
You sure are dressed up tonight, Tom says, standing up. I remember that one. He tries to kiss her on the lips, but she turns a cheek to him.
Somebody’s got to entertain all those nice things in the closet. Else they might pack up and move back to New York.
I’m sorry, darling, I know you’re bored. But the good news is I had another productive day writing. He winks at me. I think Meg here might be my good luck charm.
Well, aren’t y’all cute, she says sort of snippy and goes in the kitchen. I don’t let it take the fun out of being his good luck charm. My mind is on what is for supper anyway.