Chapter Twenty-Four Tom
Chapter Twenty-Four
Tom
“So, who are they?”
My grandmother wove her arm through mine as we sauntered along the clearing in the woods behind her house.
Sunlight sliced through the thick branches and treetops.
It was a beautiful, lush piece of land, a quarter of which belonged to her in the property deed.
It was also one my father—her son—had tried converting many times into many things: a playground for me, a greenhouse, a berry field.
The small slice of the forest had not bent to his will, much to my grandmother’s amusement, until he finally gave up and moved to an urban part of the island.
“One cannot alter and twist anything out of its true shape,” Grams always said. “That is true about people, and that is true about land.”
I carried these words in my pocket everywhere I went.
Her gray hair was stylishly coiffed into something loose and French, and she wore an oversized designer sweater, comfortable shoes, and bright red lipstick.
“Who’s who?” I grumbled.
“Why, the person who threw you off-kilter, of course.”
“Nobody threw me off-kilter.”
“I beg to differ. This is the first time you’ve taken unplanned time off since Matt’s funeral,” she tutted. “Even then, you only took one day, sulked a little, and returned to work, twice as stony.”
“Is it a crime to move on from tragedy?”
“No, but it is ill-advised not to allow yourself to feel pain at all. When one trains oneself to ignore a singular emotion, it usually deprives them from feeling all the others.”
“I’m single,” I said shortly.
“Zeke tells me otherwise. Why are you keeping them under wraps?”
I pressed my lips together, determined not to entertain this nonsense.
“And Iris told me you smiled the other day,” she continued doggedly. “That you couldn’t wait to get back to the city—you almost ran over her foot!”
Another grunt. “Is there anyone in my life you don’t gossip about me with?”
“Why, of course.” She gave me an incredulous glare. “Your mystery lover. But I intend to change that soon enough. So?”
Better get it out of the way so I could focus on moving on this week, rather than rehashing my three-day relationship with the mobster.
“There was someone, briefly. It ended. I’m here because I need a breather from the city, that’s all.”
“I take it he or she doesn’t let you steamroll them like Matt did.” She smiled to herself.
“Matt didn’t—”
“He did. He reckoned you got the short end of the stick, because of Iris, and went through great lengths to appease you. This is not the case here, I assume?”
Nothing escaped this woman.
“He busts my balls on a daily basis,” I muttered with a groan.
“So it’s a he.” She grinned. “I like him already.”
“He’s not for me, Grams.”
“Why not?”
“Too complicated.” I smoothed a hand over my creaseless dark jeans. “Too young. Too…much.”
All of it was true, and still, I couldn’t find an ounce of relief in the fact that we were over. In fact, I’d spent the entire drive here using all my strength not to check his Instagram.
“Maybe it’s because he’s too much that you finally took interest in someone. Matt was so cautious to shrink himself in order to fit into your life. This new one sounds like he’s unapologetically himself.”
“There have been others, Grandmother,” I said primly.
“Others, yes. But no one you considered a relationship with.”
“Matt—” I started.
“Is gone.” She halted in the middle of the trail.
“Has been for years. A darling man, sorely missed, but it is time you and Iris move on. She is making a conscious effort, and I’d like to see you try as well.
Otherwise, you’d just bury yourself with more work, your destiny not much different from Matthew’s. ”
“I didn’t kill myself,” I ground out. I was still so fucking mad at him for doing that.
And at myself, for letting it happen.
“You might as well have,” she huffed, with the same unrelenting fierceness she used to rear my father and five of his siblings on a teacher’s salary. “Do you call what you’re doing living?”
“Grams, you’re not listening,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “I told you he is not for me.”
“Yet you haven’t given me one good reason why.”
Okay. We were really doing this. Treating my deranged fling with the enforcer as something more.
Fine. Sure. I’d humor her.
“For one thing, he’s engaged.”
“Lovely,” she purred. “That means not married yet. Already, the starting point is better than yours and Matt’s.”
“He’s twenty-six.”
“Thank heavens! You need some zeal in your life.”
“He’s in the closet.”
“That’s not an incurable condition.” She clucked her tongue. “Even more reason to be by his side and show support.”
She was inexorable, not to mention maddening. Enzo and I made no sense at all. I was supposed to come here to get over him.
“Grandma, he’s…” A cold-blooded murderer. “Let’s just say if the bureau found out we’re seeing each other, getting transferred to Chicago would be the least of my worries. I’d get fired immediately and blacklisted from all reputable governmental bodies in the country.”
She considered my last words for a beat, perhaps finally realizing the graveness of the situation.
“Oh, all right, you convinced me.” She dipped her head, resuming our walk. “You’re doomed. Time to move on.”
“Really?” I raised a cynical brow, ready for another round of verbal sparring.
“Really!” She smiled innocently. “You have plenty of logical, common-sense reasons not to be with our mysterious engaged twenty-six-year-old. Clearly you’ve given it thought, and nothing, and no one, can stir you from your decision.
Now, now, dear. What would you like for dinner?
I’m thinking fresh lobster and cheese grits to mark the beginning of our wonderful week together. ”
I eyed her in annoyance but dropped the subject.
This was what I wanted.
To be left alone.
It was for the best.
I spent the first three days in Staten Island doing work on the house, meeting with my old therapist after my episode with Enzo, and playing ball with Silas.
The manual labor helped. It quieted the voices raging in my head.
I installed Grams’s dishwasher, mowed her lawn, cleared up the weeds in the backyard, and repaired the deck.
I drove into town to buy some supplies for her house and Iris’s.
Then, when my help was no longer needed, I took it upon myself to change the fire alarms in each room at Grams’s, as well as changing all her lights to LEDs.
On Thursday, I found myself dangerously close to messaging him, so I put my walking boots on and trudged my way into the woods.
I made it to the Jersey border before I gained some sense of control.
When I returned to my grandmother’s house, she was in the living room, crocheting with five cats napping on various spots of her body.
She didn’t look up to witness the sweaty mess that was her grandson, merely tsked to herself. “A man can run from the truth twice across the globe, but he can never outpace it.”
“That’s profound,” I bit out. “Where’d you get that, a fortune cookie?”
“You won’t finish the full week here without running back and begging for his forgiveness, whatever it was you’ve done to upset him.”
“Grams, it’s time to put you in a home. You’re not cognitively with it anymore.”
She chuckled, shaking her head. “Go to the supermarket, dear. Buy us some steaks. It’ll keep you busy. You need that.”
I didn’t argue. It was something to do.
I went.
On Friday, I had dinner with my grandmother, Iris, and Silas. We went to that Mexican place again, because Silas was obsessed with their alambre a la diabla. I pushed my carnitas salad across the plate. It was delicious last time I’d had it. Now, I couldn’t taste a thing.
“Hey, Tom, wanna hear something?” Silas grinned across the table.
“What?” I took a pull of my root beer.
“Mom’s going on a hot date tomorrow.”
“Silas Gregory!” Iris tossed a napkin over her plate, turning beet red. “That is nonsense. I… Well, for one thing, it is not going to be hot at all. We’re going ice skating.”
“Who’s the lucky guy?” Grams exclaimed happily.
I sat back, smiling for the first time in almost two weeks. A lot of my guilt melted away at the information. Iris was young, pretty, and now an accomplished teacher, just like Grams had been. She deserved someone who made her happy. Someone who belonged only to her.
“Yeah, who is it?” I probed.
Iris tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled down at her lap. “His name is Joshua, and he is not a new fixture in my life. In fact, I’ve known him since we were fifteen.”
“Joshua, the church administrator?” Grams cried out.
“Yes!” Silas pumped the air. “Finally, he mustered the courage to ask her out. It was becoming pathetic. You know he made us food every Wednesday and came over so we could all have it together for an entire year to ‘test his culinary abilities’?” Silas air-quoted the words with a snort. “And Mom was totally clueless!”
“Well, he said he needed to practice,” Iris said in a dignified tone. “And to be completely honest, he had room for improvement. I was happy to help.”
“The food was that bad?” Grams’s eyes twinkled.
Silas made a gagging motion, and Iris flung a napkin at the back of his neck with a huff. “Lead with kindness, Silas!”
“Straight to McDonald’s,” Silas mumbled into his bite.
Grams nearly fell off her chair laughing. “This is great. Joshua is a dashing young man, you know.”
“Thank you.” Iris was both pleased and exasperated, judging by her color and awkward smile. “What about you, Tom?”
I opened my mouth, but Grams beat me to it. “He’s still single. There was someone, but he simply won’t do.”
“Why?” Iris frowned.
“Because he is not exactly tailored to the impossible, erratic proportions Tom squeezes everything in his life into so they’ll fit perfectly.”
The provocation earned my grandmother a stern headshake.
“Tom?” Iris turned to me with question in her eyes. “Is this true?”
“It’s complicated.” I reached for the root beer again. “But no, there isn’t anyone. I’m glad for you, though. You deserve some happiness.”
“Mom says ‘complicated’ is how people describe things when they don’t want to face the truth,” Silas piped up, oblivious to the tension at the table as he dug into his food. “Reality is cut and dried. The way we feel about it isn’t.”
And damn if the kid wasn’t right.