Chapter Forty-Two Enzo
Chapter Forty-Two
Enzo
The following days were a goddamn mess.
Sleep was a distant memory, as we all threw ourselves into damage control.
The next day, I announced my canceled engagement to Katya and that I was gay in front of thirty of our captains and high-ranking soldiers.
They responded by staring at me blankly, then pretending I’d never said anything.
Luca and Achilles were obviously uncomfortable with the situation.
They hadn’t offered me any words beyond what was said at Tiernan and Lila’s dining table regarding my sexuality, and brushed over the subject quickly, moving on to the issue with the feds.
By the afternoon, my being gay was the talk of the Italian Mafia all across the world.
New York, Chicago, Naples, Sicily. Everyone knew, and everyone had something to say.
The Bratva was having a field day. I heard rumors started circulating on Discord and WhatsApp groups, about how Katya caught me red-handed in a fuck-fest with three men.
Another about how I couldn’t get it up and that was why she left me.
I had to turn off my comments on Instagram because assholes kept opening new anonymous profiles and targeting me.
And we were losing soldiers rapidly, not to mention prestige.
The Camorra had never been weaker, and a lot of it was because of me.
I also had to get rid of a shit ton of drugs outside of state lines at a ridiculously low price to avoid the feds.
Amid all this, I also had to get over Tom. And I wasn’t sure I ever could, even if I wanted to.
He’d stayed true to his word that he’d honor whatever I asked in exchange for the get-out-of-jail-free card.
He hadn’t texted, called, or waited outside my apartment.
That pissed me off, too. I knew I’d said I didn’t want him to contact me, but he was not supposed to have that kind of self-control where I was concerned.
Although of course I would never be with him. Ever.
Fucking asshole.
Fucking fucker who fucked everything the fuck up.
I missed him.
I missed him so much, and only three days had passed since our showdown at his office.
If I needed any more reasons to suspect I was a complete idiot (and after the last eleven weeks, I had no doubt at all), it was the fact I still worried about him.
Was his grandmother doing okay? She was old.
Did he smile? Did anyone check on him? Brighten his day? Was he seeing his therapist?
Did he take care of himself? Work out? He was forty. His bone density was probably trash.
He was no longer my business, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care anymore. It just meant I had one more thing to worry about. And already, I was tormented by my brothers, who gave me the silent treatment.
Achilles: Going down to DE to liquidate some shit.
Me: I’ll be in Philly doing the same thing.
Luca: Enzo, get the trucks ready to move north.
Me:
Luca: Heading to Chicago in an hour to talk to FIL.
Achilles: Are you taking the whore with you? Because that might hurt your chances of getting help from him.
Luca: Shut the fuck up, Achilles. You know she was a prop.
Achilles: You spelled KARMA IS A BITCH AND I’M SUFFERING HER WRATH wrong, stronzo.
Luca was going to bend the knee and kiss the ring of Alonso Bandini, Sofia’s stepfather, in a bid to get rid of the bulk of our unsold drug shipment. He wanted to sell it to him, and ask for a loan to cover payroll, legal fees, and more expenses we needed to take care of while our hands were tied.
Tiernan was working the Bratva angle as much as he could, and Tristan was trying to find someone to flip in the FBI, but for the most part, we were underwater, and we knew it.
We were in big, big trouble.
The Bratva knew that and were ready to strike.
It was only on the third day of total chaos that I finally managed to drag myself back to my apartment and collapse face-first onto the couch.
My eyes were impossibly heavy, and I dozed into sleep immediately.
I didn’t even have time to slather myself in psoriasis cream, even though, needless to say, I was flaking like it was my sole purpose in life.
When I woke up, the sun hung low in the sky, seemingly melting into rooftops, and I heard a knock on my door.
“Ugh,” I groaned into a throw pillow, realizing it was wet with drool. I forced myself to flip on my back, throwing an arm over my face. “Go away.”
There was another set of cheerful knocks.
“I said, fuck off.” I yawned, curling my fists. “Please.”
I prided myself on being polite even when my entire life was up in flames.
To my shock and horror, I heard the mechanical lock of my door turning. I sat up straight and grabbed my gun from the coffee table, cocking it.
Tierney and Lila burst through the door. Tierney was holding a straw picnic basket, and Lila had her index finger hooked around a hanger with dry-cleaned clothes for me.
“Our hero!” Tierney cried out, putting the basket down and throwing her arms around me. Lila followed suit. They covered me with hugs and kisses. I made annoyed sounds, but I didn’t push them away. Actually, I really did need those hugs. “How are you feeling?”
“Terrible,” I grunted.
“Good. I’m going to make coffee while Lila gives you shit.” Tierney kissed the top of my head. “Have fun.”
“Thank you.”
“How come you didn’t tell me you were gay?!” Lila sat next to me, pushing at my shoulder with a furious frown.
“I didn’t tell anyone. Tierney figured it out because a friend of hers found me on a queer dating site.”
“I’m not our brothers.” Lila shook her head, her eyes welling with emotions.
“You’re right. But up until a year and a half ago, I still thought of you as my innocent little sis.” I felt my face crinkling in affection. “Not anyone I’d discuss my sexuality with. I don’t see you that way anymore,” I lamented. “You blew every expectation I had for you out of the water.”
“It hurt me to think you went through this all on your own,” she said verbally, and I knew it was because she realized I needed to hear these soothing words.
“He wasn’t on his own; he had Tom Rothwell to keep him company.” Tierney swaggered back with a silver tray laden with coffee and snacks. “You know I tried to fuck him for, like, years before I got back with Achilles.” She took the recliner in front of me.
Despite myself, a whisper of heat licked at my chest, of jealousy and possessiveness I no longer had the right to feel.
“That so?” I tried to sound amused.
She nodded. “He’s seriously hot. And so remote. Exactly my type. Needless to say, he didn’t spare me a second glance.”
“He’s bi,” I said.
“Yes, but I have a feeling he’s not the type to fuck people of interest. You must be something special.” Tierney clasped my chin, smiling.
“How long were you two together for?” Lila asked.
“Two, maybe three months.”
Lila’s face crumpled in sympathy. “Did you develop feelings for him?”
Did I ever. How could I tell her that he’d changed the makeup of who I was in a way so fundamental, I’d never be the same again?
That despite his betraying me in the most tragic of fashions, I still craved him more than my next breath?
That I was always, always, just a breath away from crying because he wasn’t mine anymore? Words seemed inadequate.
I’d never thought two people could fit together so seamlessly.
“I did,” I choked out, looking away from them. “But, as I said, he only got close to me to uncover Camorra secrets. It’s done now, and I’m focused on trying to save our business.”
“I’m sorry about the way Achilles and Luca reacted.” Tierney reached out to rub my arm. “It was extremely messed up.”
“It was everything I anticipated.” I forced a smile. “And, in a way, I do understand them. I don’t think they’re homophobes. It’s going to be hard to get past the stigma with our soldiers. Besides, it’s not just about my sexuality. It’s also about the wedding, the Bratva, and the FBI.”
“They’ll calm down,” Lila said with certainty.
“What makes you so confident?” I eyed her.
“They love you.” Her steady gaze held my own. “They’re in panic mode now, but once things settle down, they will realize that they love you, that your sexuality is none of anyone’s business, and move on.”
Lila still used sign language when she had a lot to say. It was easier for her, but I’d learned to master it.“You seem way too confident.” I eyed her skeptically.
“You’re the backbone of the family, Enzo. The one who always steps up. If you think this can all be wiped out, you’re wrong. Give yourself some credit. Give them credit, too.”
Damn. When did my baby sis get so smart and perceptive?
“Also, can we just put a pause on the dumpster fire that is my life for one second?” I turned to Tierney. “How come I have to hear on the streets that you and my brother are adopting?”
By the instant grin on Lila’s face, she was already in the know about it.
Tierney smiled coyly. “I didn’t want to make a big announcement until it’s a done deal.”
“And?” I lifted an eyebrow.
“And it’s almost a done deal.”
“I didn’t even know you wanted children.” I was also confused as to why they weren’t going the old-fashioned baby-making way. Hell knew that they were prolific at fucking. It was all they’d been doing for the better part of last year. But it wasn’t my business to ask.
“I wasn’t sure until recently,” Tierney admitted. “I had my own journey to go through with my therapist before feeling confident I should be a parent. You know, not all humans should be.”
Lila and I nodded in agreement, both of us the children of the merciless late Vello.
“Excuse me, I need to go relieve my bladder from my green juice detox.” Tierney stood and slinked away. I returned my attention to Lila. She was rubbing her pregnant belly, and it occurred to me she’d waited until Tierney was gone to do that.
“What does Tiernan make of all this?” I asked her.
She tilted her head, considering my question. “He is happy for you for standing up for yourself. But he thinks, if you want to bring the Bratva to their knees, you need to deal with the FBI first. Which means you might need to speak to Agent Rothwell. Try to understand what you’re up against.”
“He’ll never tell me.” I shook my head.
I wasn’t a prideful man, and I didn’t have a problem reaching out to Tom if I thought I had a shot. But I didn’t. He’d always choose his morals over anything else.
Tierney returned from the bathroom, holding a tub of cream. “What’s this?”
My mouth hung open. It was my psoriasis ointment. But, of course, she already knew that. What she was really asking was how come I’d never said anything about it.
She walked deeper into the living room, sitting beside me. “When?”
I swallowed hard. “When Vello found out that I was gay and warned me off ever acting on my desires.”
Lila closed her eyes, and tears slipped down her cheeks. When she opened them again, I saw nothing but love.
“You need to take care of yourself,” Tierney said.
“Coming out was a good start, but it’s not enough.
Here.” She took out her phone and started typing something.
“I’m sending you my therapist’s number. She is also a psychologist. Also a badass.
You call her as soon as we leave here, okay?
And you see her twice a week. You need this. ”
“Okay, I will.”
I meant it. I wanted to get better. I realized I couldn’t outrun my misery, so I’d decided to outgrow it. Life was too short not to be happy.