Chapter 18
CAMERON
Cameron pushed the metal wheelbarrow along the bumpy pathway that would lead them to one of the large pumpkin patches at Honey Haven Farm.
He’d travelled here with Izzi and Cupcake earlier, ready to pick enough pumpkins to fill his truck.
Afterwards, they planned to deliver them to the primary school, so Violet’s class would be able to carve them ready for the Halloween festival.
Flora had organised an appointment with the farmer and he’d given them gloves, shears and a wheelbarrow before sending them on their way.
‘Are you okay?’ Cameron asked, glancing over his shoulder at Izzi as she carefully made her way along the path with Cupcake trotting by her side.
She wore jeans, his moss green waterproof coat and a pair of wellington boots she’d borrowed from his grandma, and looked pink-cheeked and oddly at ease considering she’d told him she hadn’t been near a pumpkin field in her life.
Izzi had been unexpectedly quiet on the journey from Honey Haven to the farm and Cameron suspected she had something important on her mind. He wished she’d tell him what it was but didn’t know how to ask.
She’d been fine when he’d told her he’d read her text messages last night, but he didn’t want to push it.
Didn’t want to make her feel like he was checking up on her.
He wasn’t going to be that man anymore. He wanted to give her that better version of himself, although he wasn’t ready to examine why.
‘All good,’ she said, offering a tight smile before stopping and reaching a hand down to scratch Cupcake’s head.
His dog had become a slave to Izzi over the last few days and – much like his fancy oven – seemed to prefer her to him.
If he didn’t feel the same way, Cameron might have been jealous.
It was odd how easily she’d fitted into his life, but he still wasn’t ready to trust it yet.
Couldn’t believe the whole thing wasn’t about to come crashing down.
‘I wondered if you might want to eat out tonight?’ he asked, waiting until she was walking beside him, feeling a flush burn across his cheeks.
They hadn’t been on an official date yet – despite Izzi sleeping in his bed – and he wanted to do something to put that right.
‘To celebrate your birthday since the meal I cooked was such a disaster.’
‘It wasn’t all a disaster,’ Izzi said playfully. ‘As birthdays go, it was probably the best I’ve ever had.’
Cameron grinned as his body went hot. They’d made love on his kitchen table before making their way into his sitting room for another round.
After they’d eaten, they’d ended up in his bedroom and he was hoping they might do the same thing all over again.
He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get enough of Izzi. ‘So tonight?’ He swallowed.
Izzi’s face dropped. ‘That’s such a lovely thought.’ She looked at the ground and swallowed. ‘I… I’m so sorry but I can’t. I’m out tonight. I’ve got…’
Cameron frowned. What was she going to say? Concerned, he waited for her to fill in the blanks.
‘… an appointment a seven o’clock and I’m not sure when I’ll be back,’ she finished rapidly, starting to walk again. ‘But I’m free tomorrow and for the rest of the week.’ Cameron started walking alongside Izzi and when he looked at her, he saw the round globes of her cheeks had turned red.
Cameron waited for her to give him more information, to tell him what she was planning to do, feeling an ache of concern narrow his windpipe, making it more difficult to breathe. ‘Are you meeting Cat?’ he asked after a pause.
‘No.’ Izzi shook her head and they fell silent again. He saw her lips pinch out of the corner of his eye and it was as if she were forcing herself not to say more. What was she keeping from him – was it important?
Suspicion prickled at the back of his neck, but Cameron forced it away.
This was Izzi. He could trust her. At least he was starting to hope he could.
Besides, he didn’t have a right to know where she was all the time – she was a grown woman, and she was entitled to her privacy.
The fact that he was suspicious was his hang up. One he had to work on.
He stopped when they arrived at the field and made himself focus on the hundreds of plump round pumpkins nestled within beds of lush green foliage that stretched far into the distance.
It was a glorious afternoon with a blue cloudless sky that picked out the orange and golden hues on the ground, and he took in a long breath as he tried to settle his mind and calm his feelings.
Despite their gorgeous surroundings, his insides were curling into themselves as he tried to fight his concern. What was Izzi keeping from him?
His mobile suddenly pinged, drawing his attention, and he drew it from his pocket and saw his mom had messaged again. He felt a familiar clawing in his chest because it was the second one he’d received from her today.
He knew without reading the words that she was asking for money again.
Knew because she’d already requested another two hundred dollars from him today.
Usually, Cameron wouldn’t have hesitated – but since it was hot on the heels of her last request, he felt uncomfortable.
He’d always known his mom was using him, but this was the first time it had felt so obvious.
Sophie had cleared out most of his savings and he didn’t have a whole lot to spare. Business was good, but he still needed to repair the cabin roof – not to mention all the other expenses that came with running a house and business.
‘More importantly, are you okay?’ Izzi asked, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder, making him realise she was now staring at him.
‘You look tense,’ she explained and he wriggled his shoulders, trying to loosen them before pointing into the field.
He lifted the shears, bending so he could cut the pumpkin stem.
As Izzi picked up the first pumpkin and placed it into the wheelbarrow, Cameron swallowed, wondering how much to share about his mom.
He’d been sleeping with Izzi for over a week and while they’d stayed up late into the night talking, he’d told her nothing more intimate about himself than his favourite colour (green); where he was ticklish (the back of his knees); and his favourite biscuit flavour (dark chocolate).
He knew about her losing her mother at twelve, about her aunt Regina; sensed how deeply she’d been hurt by the woman’s rejection and that she had no other family.
He also knew birthday cakes made Izzi cry, and that she seemed to have few people in her life outside of the women he’d called about references.
He also knew she’d be leaving Honey Haven for her new job after Christmas.
Izzi wasn’t exactly an open book, but she’d shared a lot more with him than he had with her. Was it time for him to remedy that? If he did, perhaps she’d tell him where she was going tonight.
He leaned down again and snipped another pumpkin stem, feeling the tightness in his chest increase.
He wasn’t used to opening up. His mom had hurt him and his father badly when she’d left and since then he’d always found it easier to hold a part of himself back – but perhaps it was time to change old patterns of behaviour. Perhaps it was time to let Izzi in?
‘I’m not great,’ he said, his voice gravelly, and saw her eyes widen as she knelt to pick up the next pumpkin and instead reached out and squeezed his arm. It was a gesture of support, and he almost choked on the feelings of gratitude as they stuck in his throat.
‘Tell me,’ she said, leaning closer, giving him a whiff of caramel. Cupcake let out a low whine and Cameron almost smiled at his pet’s show of solidarity. He’d gone from being mostly alone to feeling loved and supported and it was an intoxicating combination. One that encouraged him to continue.
He let out a long breath. ‘It’s my mom.’ He saw her nod and knew he had her full attention. ‘I told you she left my pop and me when I was young?’
‘Yes.’ He was still kneeling and their thighs bumped.
‘But that’s not everything,’ he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his eyes.
‘She stayed in touch. Used to ask my pop for money from time to time.’ Izzi said nothing.
‘She used to promise to visit, even agree times, then she’d bail at the last minute.
When I was younger, I used to stay up waiting for her, until I had to accept she’d never come.
I wanted to cut her out of my life, but my pop never did.
I think he loved her right up until he died – he just wanted to make her happy, whatever that meant. ’
He’d never really understood, never wanted to examine it. His mom had rejected them both, it was hard to see beyond that. But the lingering sense that they were connected, that one day she might properly seek him out hadn’t left him. He had no idea why.
‘I’m sorry,’ Izzi said, sounding upset. ‘It’s hard when the people who are supposed to love us let us down.
I’m sorry for your dad, but you should know that you deserve better, Cameron.
’ The words echoed the ones he’d said to her on her birthday and the edge of his mouth tipped skywards because they were so in tune. ‘Is she still in your life?’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘She asks me for money from time to time too and I give it to her, because…’ He sorted through his jumbled emotions.
‘I think my pop would want me to and I worry she’ll go after my grandma if I don’t – also, perhaps, it’s a connection I’m not ready to let go of.
I have memories of her with Pop. I know how much he loved her…
’ He swallowed because he’d never admitted that before, not even to himself.
He was hanging onto a memory, a woman who obviously had no feelings for him beyond what she could get.
‘But?’ she asked quietly. ‘I’m sensing there is a but…?’
He shrugged and moved so he could clip another pumpkin because he didn’t want to look into Izzi’s eyes. ‘She’s just asked for money. More than I can comfortably give her this month and I don’t know.’ He grimaced, this was stupid.
‘You don’t want to?’ Izzi guessed as she picked up the next pumpkin and placed it into the wheelbarrow. ‘What does Maud say?’
‘I haven’t told her,’ he admitted. ‘It’s my problem – not hers. I know exactly what she’ll do, try to fix it and—’ He shook his head. ‘I’ve caused her enough trouble by introducing her to Sophie.’
Just talking about his ex-partner made his stomach feel heavy and weighed with guilt. ‘My gran isn’t responsible for fixing my problems,’ he said firmly.
‘I wasn’t saying she was,’ Izzi said. ‘I just wondered if you’d told her.
Sometimes sharing helps, especially since I’m assuming she knew your mother from before.
I mean, she was married to your dad?’ He nodded.
‘But I understand why you don’t want to worry her. Do you know what you’re going to do?’
‘Nah.’ He shook his head. Not giving his mom the money would make him feel bad and if he sent it, he’d just feel like an idiot again – and he wasn’t sure if he could continue like this.
‘I’m sorry I brought it up,’ he said, feeling uncomfortable.
‘Do you mind if we change the subject?’ He’d shared enough for today.
All that he’d succeeded in doing was making himself more confused.
‘Of course.’ Izzi stood and stretched her legs and Cameron snipped a couple more pumpkins and watched as she picked them up.
‘So, Maud was talking about her trip to Edinburgh in the café this morning.’ Izzi broke the silence as she picked up another pumpkin. ‘The Halloween festival’s in less than a week, have you had any more ideas about how we can stop her from leaving town?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. It had been troubling him, but he hadn’t come up with an answer yet.
‘Because I was wondering if we might just have to come clean,’ she said. ‘Everyone’s done so much preparation, worked so hard – we can’t let Maud miss it. Flora suggested Cat and I pretended we were sick so she couldn’t go, but I hate the idea of lying to her, even if it is for a good reason.’
‘I don’t want you to lie,’ Cameron said, appreciating Izzi’s point.
If she didn’t want to lie to Maud, it was unlikely she’d lie to him.
He needed to relax. Had to trust that whatever she was doing tonight was her business.
That she had a good reason for not telling him about it.
Had to get over his feelings of hurt. They were far more to do with his history than anything Izzi had done.
‘If we don’t come up with something soon, I’ll tell her…
I guess we’re so far along now she can hardly tell us not to go ahead.
But I like the idea of it being a surprise.
I think everyone in the village is invested in seeing her happy.
I’ll see if I can come up with an idea tonight,’ he promised.
‘If I can’t, then we’ll have to come clean.
’ Since it was clear he was spending the evening alone, he’d have plenty of time to think of something.
He only hoped he’d be able to stop wondering where Izzi would be for long enough to do it…