36
THE CREATURE
More time was spent staring at work than actually doing it. My hands were idle, but my mind was not.
Every time I stared at a blank page or let my mind wander, I only saw her.
It was like every time I turned my back, she suffered.
The guilt of doing anything other than being with her only made the fixation worse.
At this point, I would need to strap her to the leg of my desk to make sure nothing else could possibly go wrong.
It wasn’t even her fault. She wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for me.
How was I to know she would be killed that night?
And now I must live with the remorse of feeling for her in the most natural of ways.
The sun had already set over the park, my only accomplishment of the day was to overthink. Dinner was canceled for the night. Our guests were provided room service, but that wouldn’t keep the pigeons from talking.
The door startled me.
“Can we have a moment?” Luka straightened his shoulders, only one foot in the door in case I wasn’t in the mood.
I contemplated telling him to fuck off, but that would mean returning to a relatively stagnant state. I welcomed him in with a lazy gesture of the hand.
He closed the door carefully, the lightness of his steps indicating how this conversation was going to go.
Luka settled on the other side of the desk, hands folded in his lap with his elbows on the arms of the chair. I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to extract the exchange from him myself, or he was reconsidering it altogether.
“Sidney said she hasn’t left the room today.” He held his palm out as if offering the news in a positive spin. “Her legs and spine should make a full recovery.”
I pressed my fingers into my throbbing temple. “That’s nice,” I said, squinting at him, “but I know you didn’t come to only tell me that.”
Luka chewed his lip, transfixing his focus on the brass paperweight on my desk. His knee bobbed, the heel of his shoe rasping lightly on the carpet.
“Spit it out.”
“We need to consider arrangements.” His eyes finally met mine.
“What for?” I mumbled, leaning back in my chair as I tapped the butt of the pen against the desk.
Even with that permanent sneer carved into his face by the scar, somehow he formed the look of genuine regretfulness.
I laughed at him, my next word was final. “No.”
The answer only made his expression twist more. He readjusted in his seat, leaning forward. He was brushing off his bedside talk.
“You said she would make a full recovery.” I slapped the desk.
“Her body may heal, but that doesn’t mean that her mind will. She hasn’t had a full meal since waking, she is malnourished. The fact she’s sleepwalking again—”
“She will be fine,” I strained. “She will.”
“At some point we have to consider that she may be rejecting the turn.” He kept on pushing. “I’ve never seen it happen post-waking, but I suppose the body is a wonder and nature is sometimes cruel.”
“If she was rejecting it, she wouldn’t have woken up,” I insisted, then pulled back immediately. “Do not bring this up again.”
“Do you want to remember her as she is, or when she becomes feral from brain damage like those things in Buffalo?” he said, raising his voice.
I turned my head slowly to him. The throbbing in my head intensified by the tightness of my jaw.
“I said,” my voice slow, so there would be no mincing of words, “do not bring this up again.”
“I will bring it up one last time,” Luka said, tapping the desk as he stood, “after the Appraisal. Find it in yourself to be kind to her and consider it.”
“Leave.”
But his mouth opened again.
“Leave!” I took the brass paperweight and threw it at him.
Luka blocked it when he raised his arms. When his limbs lowered, he could only stare at me with such disgust, I thought acid would come straight from his tongue.
But he didn’t speak.
He turned with tempered anger, the heavy footsteps storming toward the door. He held the doorknob for just a second. I knew there was more to say. But he knew it was in his best interests to keep it to himself or risk another desk trinket being thrown, aimed for the head this time.
After I witnessed the silent battle within Luka, he left.