31 - Avery #2
“We haven’t even played a game yet.” He uses his captain’s voice, the authority making my mouth dry. “Don’t you guys know not to make bets on your own team?”
A couple of guys groan, but they listen to him nonetheless.
As the sun begins sinking lower over the harbor, we get our checks. But as I go to pay, Grayson discreetly swipes my bill, pairing it with his.
And I let him.
Everyone stands and starts heading to the new ice cream place around the block, but I just sit back and take it all in.
There’s an easy comfort with all of us together. Last year, I’d just gotten out of my relationship and feeling at peace seemed impossible.
Maybe that’s why I lean toward him every time he’s near me. Because for the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t feel like I’m waiting for or running from a disaster.
I just feel happy.
Now, I need to figure out how to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As if sensing my thoughts, Grayson looks over, his expression softening.
We filter down the sidewalk, breaking up into groups.
I find myself lingering in the back, too caught up in my thoughts to want to be in the thick of things.
Ahead of me, Nathan has an arm slung around Wesley’s shoulders, while Liam tells them about something completely inappropriate.
I catch snippets of Harper and Sloane discussing decorating with Wyatt, who is obviously only pretending to listen.
Nobody is paying attention to me. Or Grayson. Which is why he’s able to slow down until he’s next to me, the rest of the group drifting ahead of us. My body is immediately aware of how close he is to me.
“Hi,” he says.
I glance over. “Hi.”
His jaw ticks.
“You look gorgeous right now. I really wish I could kiss you.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m in leggings and a t-shirt.”
“Chaos, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. I always think you’re gorgeous, and I always want to kiss you.”
My cheeks flush. “You just kissed me this morning.”
“That was hours ago.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“I spent six hours in meetings today. And then, I had to sit through Liam explaining why he could survive a zombie apocalypse.”
“You poor thing.”
Grayson ignores me. “And now I just want to be alone with you.”
The words send my pulse stumbling, a restless ache settling beneath my ribs.
I bump his shoulder. “You’ll have to wait a little while longer.”
His fingers brush my hand, then his pinky hooks around mine.
My eyes glance to the group ahead of us, confirming that we’re still not drawing attention. I lean into the touch, wrapping more of my hand around his, bumping into him again when he smirks.
His fingers squeeze once before letting go. “If we weren’t keeping this secret, I could kiss you right now.”
It’s meant to be teasing, but I know him too well not to hear the honesty underneath. He might be letting me set the pace, but he’d be shouting our relationship status from the rooftops if it were his choice.
Whatever that status even is at this point.
“And then we’d have a hundred different opinions being shouted at us.”
“We could ignore them.”
“It’s not always that easy.”
He nods, shifting the topic to safer ground. “I do like having you all to myself.”
God, I like him. I really fucking like him.
But every time I think about telling everyone, my skin prickles with anxiety. There is no world where we tell our friends, and they act normally about it. And then there’s the fact that he’s playing some of the most important hockey games of his career right now.
I know they’re excuses. Shitty ones if I’m honest with myself. But, honestly, I’m just not ready.
I’ve never had a relationship go this well, and I just want to revel in it a little longer before we open it up to the scrutiny and future that is still so uncertain. We haven’t talked about what a future would even actually look like.
Panic starts crawling up my spine the way it always does when I think about us and the future in the same breath.
Are we just setting ourselves up for pain when this ends?
I can’t bring myself to see a world where anything this good lasts.
He squeezes my hand, pulling me back to the moment. When our eyes meet, the panic recedes enough that I can ignore it again.
Thank god.
The group ahead of us turns a corner, and suddenly, every single person has disappeared around the building. There’s not a single person who can see us right now. No teammates. No witnesses.
Grayson notices it too. I can tell from the way his eyes flick toward the corner, then back to me.
I don’t even think about it.
One second, we’re walking and the next, I’m grabbing the front of his sweatshirt and shoving him against the building next to us.
His eyes widen. “Avery…”
My lips are on his before he can finish, and he groans into my mouth. His hands land on my hips, yanking me closer to him as he melts into the kiss.
His tongue trails across my lips before intertwining with mine as we both get lost in it. My hand wraps around his neck.
A loud cough has both of us jolting apart, eyes darting to the corner where Wyatt sits, shaking his head like a disappointed dad.
“Jesus Christ,” he breathes. “This is still happening?”
I grin at Grayson, ignoring the skeptical glare from Wyatt. “You wanted a kiss.”
Grayson pushes off the wall, but his thumb traces along my hip, maintaining contact.
“Everyone’s waiting for you guys,” Wyatt says before disappearing back around the corner.
Grayson’s hand combs through my hair to fix it. “You’re insane.”
“You knew this already.” I shrug, then saunter ahead of him and around the corner to find the entire group waiting for us.
“You guys okay?” Wesley asks.
“Um, yeah.” I scramble to come up with a story.
“Found it,” Grayson says behind me, turning the corner while holding his hand up in the air. He pretends to place something in my hand, but I don’t know what the hell it’s supposed to be. My eyes lock on his, panic setting in.
“Your earring,” he clarifies to the group. I relax instantly, pretending to put it back in my ear, thanking the heavens that everyone is too far away to see that I wasn’t missing an earring in the first place.
“Right, yeah.” I choke out. “Thanks.”
“Maybe now you can be a little nicer to me.” The group laughs, but Grayson’s eyes blaze into mine, his hand resting against my back out of view from the others.
“I’m plenty nice,” I argue back, letting my eyes linger on him longer than I should.
Then Grayson steps ahead, hand brushing mine as he passes in a touch too small for anyone to notice.
Except me.
The comfortable brush of his hand feels even better than the kiss.
I move forward, but Wyatt catches my arm.
“He’s serious about you, you know that, right?” His voice is quiet enough that only I can hear him.
I look at him, anger already locked and loaded, but there’s genuine concern in his eyes that has me reigning it in. “I know.”
“He’s the best guy I know.”
“I know,” I say again, trying not to let the frustration bleed into my voice.
“So if this is all some game to you…”
I cut him off.
“It’s not a game. Confusing, sure. A huge fucking conflicting problem to what I ever thought I wanted, sure. But it’s not a game.”
Instead of looking relieved, Wyatt just nods once.
“And it doesn’t have anything to do with you,” I add.
“Maybe not,” Wyatt’s eyes glance forward. “But I’ve watched him spend years putting everyone else first while he searches for a love that I’m still not confident even exists. And he’s looking at you like you’re it for him.”
I follow his sightline to see Grayson watching us. Wyatt’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. I see it every time Grayson looks at me. That’s half the problem. I don’t deserve to be looked at that way, not when I can’t commit to him.
“He deserves more than being someone’s secret. A lot more.”
The fight drains out of me, entirely.
“I know,” my voice sounds small.
Wyatt breaks away from me and heads up the sidewalk.
People funnel into the ice cream shop, and I can feel Grayson’s eyes on me more than once. When I finally look at him, there’s a silent question written all over his face.
I smile widely and nod like everything is great.
Because it is. At least it should be.