Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
Royal Vampire Nest, Blood Kingdom
Lanlin Sin, Alpha Shadow Vampire King
I roar with fury as I stalk into my royal vampire nest, where I had imagined spending the night before my marriage with my new mates.
It is also the night before I sacrifice myself for them by throwing myself into the Void…the night before I die…
They don’t know that.
I am sure that if they did it would bring them joy.
Have they ever seen me as more than the freak? The monster?
Freya and Daire are spending the next day in a guest chamber, rather than the punishment pits like Isis would like.
Yet I can’t bear to be close to them right now.
Why must this room still smell of them?
My betrayers, my soulmates, my everything.
I take a deep breath of the delicious scent of summer roses in full bloom, along with sweet berries and sunshine, mingling with oak and frost.
By my heart, I need my nestmates.
I have dwelled in loneliness my entire life, but this is like having my twin cleaved from my soul all over again.
“Damn them to the Void!” I tip back my head, as tears drip from my chin.
I tear off my mask and hurl it against the smooth, whitewashed wall. The antique mask cracks down the middle.
Like a whirlwind, I tip over the small table where I sat and helped my mates prepare for the ball, spilling the perfumed oil and gold and turquoise beads over the floor.
I kick the polished bronze mirror, and it snaps in half.
I twirl to the perfumed, bronze bowl in the corner of the room, which is burning sweet lotus oil and honeyed resin, sweeping it spinning to the floor with my claws.
Is this happening because I sacrilegiously killed my High Priestess for Daire? Because I didn’t heed the warning of her visions, which showed Aurelius resurrected as the tyrant Hadrian, destroying the realms?
Golden flames, bones, and ash…
Nothing but ash.
I catch sight of my carved cedarwood bed, which is inlaid with gold. Its legs are shaped like powerful lion paws. The curved headboard is decorated with bat wings.
My heart wrenches at the sight of the lotus petals that I sprinkled over it, imagining the smile that it would tug from my Omega’s lips.
I dive at the bed, shredding the ivory linens and tearing at the reed mattress.
“Do you understand now, Lanlin Sin?” A voice overflowing with temptation and echoing with the primordial growl of something far older than language murmurs directly into my mind.
The agony of a being from another plane breaking through to speak to me is like being cracked in two.
The Void Devils.
I stagger across the bedroom, clasping onto my desk. “I won’t talk to you.”
“Illogical. We can sense your suffering. We warned that you would be hurt by those who you claimed loved you. An outcast orphan like you knows better than anyone that there is nothing in your realm but betrayal, sorrow, hate, and loneliness. Tell us again what you are saving this world for. Whom.”
I grit my teeth, as pain pulses through my forehead. “Eat burning poison.”
Then I scream as agony lances through me.
I fall to my knees, tearing at my long, black hair to try and block it out.
“This is the pain of the world.” The Void Devils raise their voices, and I cover my ears.
“We would devour it. Devour everything. Wouldn’t you like peace?
To feel…nothing? Why suffer such torment for creatures who do not recognize how special you are.
But we believe that you are special. No one wants you.
But we do. Allow us through the Void…and you shall have your reward, while everyone else shall be—”
“Destroyed?” I bang my head hard against the floor, and crimson trickles down from my temple. “Get out of my head. Or shall I kill myself now? Then someone else will sacrifice themselves who you won’t be able to tempt.”
“What is your decision?” The Void Devils howl.
I shudder, paling in pain. “Out!”
As if I’m about to fall, I am left tottering on the edge of a howling abyss.
My mind feels like it will shatter from the single glimpse into an infinity of black…infinity of nothing…beneath me.
And if I give in to the numbness within myself and make the choice that the Void Devils want tomorrow night, then our world will be swallowed whole by it.
I groan, turning to the side and vomiting.
My throat burns. My fangs ache.
I drag myself with shaky arms away to the wall. I struggle to pull myself up against it.
I lean my forehead against the wall, tracing over the pretty painted frescoes of bats, rats, and moths.
When I was first brought to this chamber and realized that I was forbidden from bonding and would grow up alone, I requested permission to be taught by Heka how to paint animals, my only friends.
The animals were also my allies around the court, who I quickly learned to use as spies with the Power, my animalism.
Heka pulled a face, telling me that it was a waste of both time and paint. He said that I should concentrate on hieroglyph magic and scientific endeavors if I wanted to grow strong enough to take on my enemies.
I believed that my tutor was the only person who was on my side in this palace.
Was Heka protecting me tonight or destroying me?
Couldn’t he have allowed me a single, final night of living in my delusion?
I stroke over the painted animals who have kept me company, when no one else would.
I thought that I had finally found friends. People who cared for me.
Why does it hurt so much to know that was a lie?
“Was I born to be unlovable? Because of the Power?” I trace a painted bat. “To die?”
At the sound of a rumbling roar, I turn to Shadow and Devil. The demonic lions, the size of horses, uncurl from their giant beds to the side of the room.
I force myself to smile at them through my tears. “You allowed Freya through to bite Heka, hmm?”
Devil gives me a baleful look through her glowing eyes, as if it should have been obvious. Shadow wrinkles her nose with a sniff.
They both were charmed by Daire, allowing him to pet and ride them. I have never seen them act like that with anyone.
But then, Daire has a closeness with animals, just like I have.
My heart aches.
The two demonic lions slink forward, muscular and woven out of shadows and blood. Shadows curl from them like black tendrils, as they settle next to me in comfort.
I pat Shadow’s flank. “At least I still have you. But was it wrong to also wish to hold sunshine in the palm of my hands? Maybe I should have known that it would burn me.”
I stroke Devil’s ear.
I can’t blame Freya or Daire for playing me.
The one who truly lied to me was myself.
Before I met my nestmates, I prided myself on not being a dreamer unlike my brother. I saw through the deceptions of the Blood Court.
But this time, by the Moon, I wanted to believe more than anything in my plagued life that I was wanted and loved.
And that was the greatest self-deception of them all.
I have no one to blame but myself.
Except, can I trust what Daire told me about us no longer being enemies but rather, pack? Or did he hide his identity because he means to assassinate me?
Maybe even on our wedding night?
I sigh. “Do not be angry with me, Shadow. I didn’t mean what I said to my Raven.
I merely want him to feel the same devastation as I did.
I meant every promise that I have made to my nestmates.
Let them slit my throat and take my blood if it’s what they need.
I would give them anything. Yet is it enough?
Am I? I will die anyway, which will free them from needing to be around me.
They love each other; their love is bright and pure.
Sunshine. I am overjoyed that I was able to bathe at least for some time in its light.
But I was only borrowing it. After my death, the day can be returned to them.
They should never have been forced into the dark with me.
Even if our love was fake, then the pretense of it…
our friendship…has given me the best memories of my life. It is enough.”
It’s not.
I rest my cheek against Shadow’s flank, wiping my tears on her fur.
Freya, Daire, and Aurelius.
My mistake was allowing myself to believe that they weren’t the same as those who saw me as a monster who should be bullied, hunted, or killed.
Now, I don’t even know if any one of them even liked me.
“I am at my weakest on the Blood Moon.” I shift on my knees, my forehead still pounding. My mind is whirring with thoughts. “Was the plan for Daire to tear out my throat, while my magic binds with Freya during the ritual?”
It’s a good plan.
I will be vulnerable. It will be the happiest moment of my life.
And Aurelius wanted to use that against me.
I clench my jaw, remembering the moment that I tore the crown from Daire and the haunted look in his eyes.
I am willingly giving up my crown. But is that the same as having your crown taken from you?
Aurelius has already tried to break Daire. Can I trust that he doesn’t want to do the same to me?
Devil snarls, baring her teeth.
I quirk my brow. “Your belief in the fae is touching. I hold the same belief in my Omega. Why do you think I didn’t retrieve the lodestone from her that she stole?
If my soulmates are plotting together, then I trust them.
They are a true pack, and with someone as dangerous as King Daire devoted to her, I know that my Omega blood bond will be safer now.
For a short while, I at least was able to experience through them what love, touch, and acceptance feel like.
In the end, does it truly matter if it was real? ”
What is reality?
When I know that the Void Devils wait on another plane of reality, ready to tear through and devour our own, I don’t believe in simple truths, whether it’s love, hate, or prophecies.
Suddenly, one of my favorite rats, Tia, scampers from the shadows. Her slender body flows over the sandstone floor toward me.
Tia’s large ears twitch. Her eyes sparkle like obsidian.
I sit up, and Devil grunts in annoyance as I stop petting her.
I hold out my hand, and Tia climbs on, wrapping her long tail around me to balance. Her claws tickle my skin.
I hold the rat up to my face. “By my Power, you have secrets for me, my noble whiskered friend?”
Unlike Bloods, animals have never let me down.
Tia’s whiskers tremble, testing the air.
Then she squeaks, and with my animalism, I understand her.
Tia knows if the love was real, she replies. Tia and her sisters and brothers have spied on our King’s mates in the sun.
I stiffen.
I almost drop her.
I square my shoulders, preparing to hear how Freya and Daire have mocked me, laughing about how they have played me, and how foolish I have been to fall for their tricks.
I take a calming breath. “Tell me.”
They talk about you. Tia circles on my palm, curling up. Boring, all the time. Their love. Your beauty. The pleasure of feeding you blood and being your bat riders. Friends. They want to create a royal nest. Forever.
My heart is beating too fast.
It can’t be true.
Tia is talking about spying on my nestmates when they believed that they were alone.
Why would they talk about…all that…when Daire is my enemy? When they weren’t trying to trick me?
I can’t stop myself smiling, as desperate hope surges through me. “By my heart, what else?”
Fear. Panic, Tia answers.
Troubled, I bite my lip. “Fear of me?”
Tia nips my palm, as she does when she thinks I am being a fool. Fear for you. They don’t talk about killing you. They talk about trying to save you from that uncle who is trying to hurt everyone.
“Maximinus,” I hiss.
Everything comes back to him.
Aurelius’ uncle, who whipped and abused him. The sorcerer who poisoned my family. The war criminal behind the genocide in the Unseelie Kingdom.
My nestmates have been entangled in Maximinus’ spiderweb — we all have.
But have they been bravely struggling to find a way to break us free?
My brow clouds, and shadows trail from me. “Long after your body has failed, Maximinus, I will still be finding new ways to make you regret this moment.”
Because of the dragons, my ancestors have found no rest.
By this oath, I won’t allow Maximinus to find his. He shouldn’t fear that he’s gained my hatred. He should fear that he’s gained my attention.
I may die tonight, but my soul won’t rest after death.
I will find a way.
My red eyes darken. “You’ve earned cheese for this.”
Cheese! Tia squeaks excitedly. Good because I don’t want to eat your Blood Lover’s guts. I like him.
I give her a wicked grin. “You were spying in the ballroom too?”
Tia stares back at me unashamedly. Want me to keep spying?
“You’ll have help.” I lift my gaze, summoning my moths to me. “Come, little ghosts of the moon. We are both creatures forever chasing a light we should not touch.”
Instantly, I am surrounded by a veil of moths. Their velvet wings brush across my cheeks and brow, cooling it. Tenderly, their relentless touch quietens my headache.
The air feels alive.
Their wings whisper across my lips like scraps of silk.
“Keep guard over my soulmates,” I instruct.
The moths rise up like the moon in the sky. I watch, as in a living cloud of wings, they fly out of the open door.
My throat is dry.
Can I forgive Dove for truly being Daire? The fae king? My enemy?
Can I trust him to protect my Omega when I am gone?
I am shaking already, however, addicted to his blood. My fangs hurt, desperate to sink into his throat.
My stomach is hollow, cramping with hunger pains.
I am starving, desperate to drink from my Blood Lover’s neck.
Tonight, everything will change, one way or another.
Tonight, I celebrate both my marriage and my funeral.
Tonight, I will die, and all I wish is that first I may be loved, for one final time.