Chapter 1 #2
I give him the sunniest smile I can manage and nod, trying and failing to not let my cheeks heat from his attention.
I’m not normally a blusher, but he manages to make it happen with just a look.
We’ve been dancing around each other since I started working here.
He’s made it clear he’s interested and I always catch him looking at me.
I like him looking at me. Ray thinks I’m ridiculous for not trying with him, and maybe I am.
If we weren’t coworkers I wouldn’t hesitate, because the man is completely magnetic.
His arresting eyes are always full of mischief, as if he could make anything mundane more fun.
He radiates pure warmth, like he’s the human incarnation of a sunny day.
I’d love nothing more than to run my fingers through his thick, dark, wavy hair that goes just past his ears, and trace the tattoos that run down in a sleeve on his left arm.
He has this lopsided grin that makes my knees feel like jello.
There’s not even any rule from HR that coworkers can’t date, as long as professionalism is maintained during the workday.
I learned the hard way that I should never shit where I eat, though.
It’s the reason I lost my last job and ended up here, and I’m not going through that again.
I like and need this job. So I’ve kept things strictly friendly and on a professional level.
To his immense credit, after he asked me out and I said it wouldn’t be a good idea, he didn’t push or question me.
He backed off and hasn’t asked since. For the past year, we just say hi and ask how the other is doing, maybe make some small talk or joke around together with our other coworkers.
At my nod, he raises his eyebrows as if to say, “You sure?” I nod again, but he still doesn’t look convinced.
A sad, resigned look passes over his normally animated face as his eyes roam my features, almost too quickly for me to make it out before he puts his game face back on.
It makes my chest tight. His face breaks into his devilishly handsome smile, and he gives me a little salute before he gets into his truck.
The loss of his ever present warmth feels like a bitter cold wind chilling me to the bone.
It’s moments like these that I think Ray is right.
I’m absolutely ridiculous and stupid for denying myself this man.
I’m also a woman who learns from her mistakes, though.
Everything in my life feels fragile right now, and if starting something with Carlo goes badly, it will all shatter from right under my feet and send me into a spiral.
If I lose this job, I lose my apartment, my cats would need to be rehomed, and I don’t have nearly enough of a safety net to protect myself from any of that.
I don’t have the luxury of playing stupid games and winning even more stupid prizes for kicks with my gorgeous coworker.
After so many years of upheaval in my life since the car accident, my craving for stability and comfort is the priority over my attraction to Carlo.
It has to be. That’s what I keep telling myself, at least. I get into my truck too, watching as he drives off for his day.
Mercifully, my route goes quickly and smoothly as the day goes on.
I get to pet some dogs along the way, which always makes me smile.
At lunch I scarf down some fast food and manage to nap for 20 minutes so I can get through the rest of the day.
It’s mid March, so it’s not freezing, but there’s enough of a chill to make me need a jacket.
By the late afternoon, I find myself in a really nice area on the edge of the town I’m in, with lots of pretty tree lined streets, and well cared for houses that have some character.
At my next stop, a signature is required for the package.
When I knock on the door, a small, lovely older woman opens it.
“Oh my new medication, thank you!” She beams at me. There is the softest accent when she talks, and it’s melodic.
“Of course! Just sign here, please,” I tell her with a smile back. She signs and hands me back my little tablet.
“My son must work with you. He’s also a delivery driver in this general area. Carlo Hernandez.”
I almost drop my tablet. When I look at her now, I see it.
The same brown puppy eyes, the same warmth that radiates from her very aura, the same thick dark waves.
I’ve heard him talk about his family and that they live close to him.
Never did I imagine this would be how I meet his mother.
Has meeting his mother crossed my mind when I’ve thought about what it would be like to date him?
Sadly, yes, and I was not in my work uniform, with my makeup pretty much worn off, and my ponytail going a little askew.
I feel flustered, my heart picking up a frantic rhythm even though there is no reason for it.
“I’m Alejandra. We hardly ever get packages that need a signature, so it’s wonderful to meet one of my son’s coworkers,” she goes on in her gentle voice, sticking out her hand. I manage to get my shit together enough to shake it back.
“I’m Tania. Your son is a great guy. We haven’t talked much, but I enjoy working with him,” I tell her, hoping I sound much more natural than I feel considering I was fantasizing about running my fingers through his hair just hours ago.
“You’re wonderful for saying that, thank you. He can be a devil sometimes, so I’m glad he at least behaves himself at work,” she says with a fond laugh. It’s an obviously all consuming motherly love and pride that makes my eyes burn and my chest ache. I miss my own mom so damn much.
“He does. It was great to meet you, if I see him back at the hub I’ll tell him you said hi,” giving an awkward wave and a smile as I start back toward my truck. She smiles back.
“It was wonderful meeting you, Tania.” She heads back into the house as I pull away.
I’m finished with my route not too long after, and head back to the hub to close it out.
I don’t see Carlo, and the disappointment steals over me before I even know what’s happening.
I’d like to think it’s only because I wanted to let him know I met his mom and how sweet she is.
Lying has never been my strong suit though, even to myself.
When I get home, Morticia and Gomez are waiting at the door as usual to wind around my legs and give me head butts.
They’re purring away, and it’s an instant serotonin boost. I did not get aloof cats, these two are needy and stick to me like glue.
I settle in for the night with them, throwing together some ramen for dinner, ditching my bra, and changing into comfy sweats.
There’s not another way I’d rather spend my evening, although spending a few nights a week apprenticing at the tattoo parlor a few towns over is right up there, too.
Drawing and art in general has always centered me, and I love learning how to help others express themselves through tattoos.
I put on my comfort show in the background while I scroll through social media and have dinner.
The furballs are eating their dinner I just put down so they don’t make hungry eyes at me while I eat.
As I’m scrolling, a call comes through from a number that never fails to make my blood freeze in my veins with worry.
It’s not the first time I’ve received a call from the correctional facility in NY, and it won’t be the last. My voice is tense and expectant when I hit the accept button.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Nia Bia.” My heart twists at the childhood nickname, and the fact that her voice sounds strained.
“What’s going on, everything ok?” A huge sigh answers me before she speaks.
“It’s not good. We need to talk in person, can you make a visit soon?”