Chapter 16
CARLO
When I hear the door open, I look up from my phone with a smile, excited to see Tania.
That quickly evaporates when I get a look at her face.
Her normally warm chocolate eyes are stormy and wild, her breathing a little erratic.
My heart starts to pound, panic filling my chest, because while I’ve seen her upset I have never seen her like this.
I’m up in a flash and moving toward her.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen at work?” At the sound of my voice, her eyes become more focused and her breathing gets easier. She’s still clearly upset, but a little calmer.
“Don was working instead of Jacob,” she starts, and I grimace. He’s never done anything wrong to me, but I have never liked his vibe. It’s like he’s been polished and made shiny, but with slime.
“He’s more than enough to make anyone pissed off. What did he do? Do I need to punch him?”
“He was kind of a dick about the vacation requests we just put in and asked if we were romantically involved.”
“That is none of his fucking business,” I growl. Who the hell does he think he is?
“Well, I didn’t want to deny it and lie, so I said it was new but we’d remain professional at work.
It’s what he said next that ended up making me spiral the rest of the day and on my way home.
He said it would be a shame to lose one or both of us because we couldn’t keep things professional, or because we brought drama to the hub, since we’re such good workers. ”
Goddamn him, I see where this is going. She was so wary of getting involved with me because of it possibly getting messy at work, and now he’s sent her into a whole spiral because he threatened her with losing her job if this ends badly.
That’s been her biggest fear, and it’s rearing its ugly head.
I know how much she likes and needs this job.
I seriously want to punch him for being such a dick about us, and I’m not generally a violent person.
“There will be no drama at work, Tania. I don’t see things going badly, seeing as I like you more and more each second I spend with you, but even if they do we can still be professional and friendly at work.”
“How can you possibly know that?” she challenges.
“Because the past few weeks with you have been the best of my life, and I’m willing to work my ass off to make sure it continues like that!
” My efforts to keep my voice calm are failing, since panic is starting to fully set in.
I can feel my chest tightening, and it’s getting a little harder to breath
“They’ve been the best of my life too, Carlo,” she says, her face softening, wistfulness tingeing her voice.
“What happens if all of the work doesn’t keep things together, though?
I stopped looking for an apartment, and while I’m in a much better place now, it’s hard to find one.
What if we’re not able to be civil and professional at work if things get really bad?
I’ll be homeless again and possibly without a job. ”
“That won’t happen,” I tell her firmly. “I respect you too much for things to truly go off the rails, even if we end up going back to being friends or friendly acquaintances again. I’d help see you through anything bad that could happen, no matter what our status is.
Just like I did when you asked for my help weeks ago. ”
“When he said those things, it all hit me like a freight train that I’ve left myself completely unguarded with you,” she explains, her voice pitching higher with emotion.
“No backup plan for living elsewhere and my worries about having a workplace romance completely forgotten. If something happens where I lose my job because we’re together I won’t be able to support myself.
I’ve been so swept up in how amazing things have been that all of those very real concerns went out the window.
It’s terrifying, Carlo.” I move closer and smooth my hands up and down her arms, one hand drifting up to cup her face and swipe the errant tear on her cheek.
“What can I do to make you less terrified? I can tell you until I’m blue in the face that I will never, ever, let anything bad happen to you, no matter what.
I think I’ve backed it up with my actions.
Tell me what to do, Tania. You’re terrifying me, because you sound like you’ve got one foot out the door when we’ve barely started.
” My throat is constricted, my words throttled.
They’re also coming out frustrated because just as things were starting to come together in my life, she’s having second thoughts.
I get it, really I do. It’s fucking killing me anyway.
She looks down and scrubs her hand down her face.
Her shoulders slump, some of the fight or flight panic in her leaving.
“You have backed it up with your actions. I’m not sure why what he said is making me spiral when you’ve been nothing but incredible. Please know it’s not just you, I am well aware of how messed up I am and how easily I could drive you away for good.”
“Don’t you see, mi sueno? You kept me at a distance for a long time, and you know what?
I’m still here. I never stopped seeing you or wanting you, even when it was painful to look at you.
Now that we’ve been building something so wonderful do you think you could ever drive me away?
We’ve seen the messier parts of each other and we’re both still in this together.
I know in the deepest part of my soul that it will only get better from here and we can make it work.
” She sniffs and nods a little, hope filling her eyes, so I continue.
“Everything you’ve said is completely valid. I don’t want you to feel like you have no safety net. What can I do?” She rests her hand on my forearm, her eyes solemn as they lock with mine.
“You’ve done everything to make me feel safe and secure, above and beyond what I could have ever asked for.
” She looks down, taking a few breaths and nodding to herself, as if coming to some decision.
“If the worst happens, I do have a little bit of savings. My tattoo shop mentor and his wife might be willing to take me in, though they live far away from work and where I want to be. Don has kind of soured me toward working at that hub, maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world to leave and find something else.
Then our relationship won’t be an issue.
I’m almost done with my apprenticeship, and then I can pursue being a full time tattoo artist.” Relief floods my system like a tidal wave.
“You’re not going to leave? If we’re going to do this, I need you to fight for us too, not run away scared. Please, Tania,” I ask hoarsely.
“No, I’m not going to leave,” she whispers. I move closer and fit my hands to her waist while dropping my forehead to hers.
“Thank fuck. I promise I will never give you a reason to leave. I will always want you in my life, in this apartment, in my bed.” She lets out a shaky exhale, the warm breath tickling my throat as she searches my face intensely.
“That’s a whole lot of pretty promises, Carlo.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve them, but I’ll make some of my own.
I promise I won’t run away scared. If shit goes down, we’ll talk like adults and see if we can work through it.
I’ll always be there for you the way you’ve been there for me the past few weeks.
” Then her gorgeous face breaks into a wry smile.
“I also promise joint custody of the cats if worse comes to worst, which it won’t.
They’ve become so attached to you, it would be tragic to take that away from them.
Gomez is just getting back to his normal self as your shadow, we can’t risk another big change for him. ”
“It would be absolutely tragic, we must stay together for the kids,” I tell her dramatically, hand over my heart, getting a bigger smile out of her.
Then I pull her into my arms and wrap her up tightly, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.
I’m almost shaking with relief that she’s staying, and can’t help breathing her in.
Tania has become the person that makes me feel like I’m more than a good time, and can be taken seriously.
I’ve so rarely found that level of acceptance with anyone, because even my family sometimes has made me feel less than.
To lose her would be completely devastating.
“It will all work out, mi sueno. Don is an asshole who knows nothing. Don’t let him get to you with his power trips,” I whisper into her silky hair.
She hugs me back, burrowing her head into my chest. I stroke her hair and run my hand down her back in soothing patterns, loving how she starts to melt and breathe normally.
“If this is how we talk things out and work on things, you are absolutely right,” she hums, sounding happy. I murmur my agreement. Just as I am about to kiss her, both of our stomachs gurgle with hunger, making us lose it laughing.
“That is clearly my cue to ask what you’re in the mood to have for dinner. We’ve been busy talking when you must be starving after work. There are still leftover pupusas.”
“I think your mom sent us home with enough for a whole month. We made so many,” she says with a laugh. “I could definitely eat, I’ll go turn the oven on.”
We quickly get them in the oven, and I try to reclaim the moment before our stomachs decided to protest. Taking out my phone, I turn on some Norah Jones and pull Tania toward me by the hand.
Her eyes go bright and sparkle up at me as I bring her into my arms to lead her in a gentle sway around the kitchen.
“There, that’s better. This is how our evenings should start,” I rumble into her ear. She sighs and nods.