Chapter 13
LEE
“Don’t pout.”
Silver looks over at me from my passenger seat. “I’m not pouting. I’m planning your violent demise. I turned down Calli’s invitation for Thanksgiving.”
“Well, I accepted for both of us.”
“When are you going to learn that you can’t tell me what to do?”
Not today, considering she’s here. My lips twitch up and she narrows her eyes at me as if she can read my thoughts. “Calli really wanted you there.”
“You got bullied into it,” she laughs. “By a woman half your size. Were you afraid to say no? Maybe she’d hide you in their graveyard?
” She continues when my only response is an exasperated look.
“No, I understand. She’s terrifying. The way she spends most of her time watching birds and gardening. It was a close call.”
Calli is her best friend but there are things she doesn’t know about her. The remark about burying someone in their graveyard hits closer to home than she’ll ever know.
“She was worried about you and guilted me into it.” It was hard to argue when she stood in front of me and asked if I was going to let Silver be alone on the first holiday after her mother’s death. She said she needed to be surrounded by people who care about her.
Silver shifts the two pies on her lap and sighs. “My brothers are trying to get me to come to their house for Christmas. I thought it’d be better to skip the holidays this year, but maybe they’re right. It won’t be any easier next year. Is Lacey coming?”
“No, she went to her boyfriend’s brother’s place.”
The driveway’s crowded when we pull in and park.
Arlow’s sister and parents have been staying with them, but the sister’s husband is supposed to be joining them tonight as well.
It’s going to be a full house. Silver carries the pies while I grab two bottles of wine.
She’s dressed soft today, in a sweater and jeans with her hair down.
I can’t seem to take my eyes off of her anymore.
Even with everything going on, my thoughts keep going back to her.
We haven’t seen a lot of each other in the past week since the diner reopened.
After her opening day, I bent her over my couch like she asked, and a few days later, she caught me first thing in the morning with a blowjob that made me forget my name.
I haven’t had another nightmare, but it felt like a warning from my subconscious not to let things get too serious, a reminder that I’ll only hurt us both if she falls for me.
The way we find ourselves on the couch together in the evenings, my arm around her, our pets sprawled over us while we watch TV should be concerning but it’s too comforting to give up.
She seems to need it as much as I do. Besides, she still sleeps in her own bed and hasn’t acted like she wants anything more from me. She understands.
The moment we hit the porch, the door swings open, and Calli beams at us. “There you are! Get in here, it’s freezing.”
“We brought booze and pie,” Silver announces.
“Perfect,” Arlow replies, taking the bottles from me while Silver follows Calli into the kitchen.
A man walks in holding a toddler upside down like a sack of potatoes while the kid shrieks with laughter. “Hi.” He offers his free hand. “You must be Lee. I’m Gregory, Alicia’s husband.”
“Good to meet you.” I shake his hand and he’s pulled away by a second kid who’s whining about something.
The house is loud but it’s a happy chaos. Here in the warm lighting, with the laughter and voices, and the air full of delicious smells, you could almost forget how cruel the world is. Calli was right. Silver needs to be here.
Dinner is delicious, and afterward, Silver joins Arlow’s parents, Calli, and Alicia to play a board game. Gregory wrangles the kids and they take turns cheering on their mom. I’m on my way to the kitchen for a drink when my phone rattles in my pocket with a text.
Private Number
You killed the wrong man. Poor Joss. I know where she is.
The noise of the room fades around me, and my heartbeat becomes audible in my ears. Any hope I had that this wasn’t connected to my former life dies at the sight of that name. Joss.
The text isn’t unexpected. Of course they’re getting impatient.
It’s been well over two weeks since the demand was made.
More than two weeks of following Joshua, of Landon tracking everything he can online, and we haven’t learned a goddamn thing of value.
We can’t find a reason that anyone would want the man dead.
My name is being called, seemingly from far away. “Lee?” The noise of the room comes back into focus, and I look over at Arlow. “What’s wrong?”
That’s a whole conversation, one I’ve been hesitant to involve him in, but I should tell him.
If the shit hits the fan, I might need him to help in some capacity, and it’d be better if he knows what I’m in the middle of beforehand.
Besides, Arlow is one of the only people I truly trust. He knows my past, all of it, and has kept me from tripping over the edge more than once.
“Can we get away for a minute?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
He nods and glances toward the living room where Silver’s laughter mixes with Calli’s. “Let’s go check out the goat pen.”
It’s a good enough excuse and no one wants to follow us into the cold night.
Arlow knew about the first two texts, but I never told him anything after that.
I catch him up on everything including what we’ve done to try to figure out who’s behind it all.
He listens without comment until we get on the far side of his barn, then stops and produces a half pint of bourbon from his coat.
“The look on your face told me we might need a drink, but damn.” He takes a pull from the bottle then hands it to me. As I do the same, my phone buzzes again, this time with a text from Landon.
Landon
I saw it. We’ll be back tomorrow.
Arlow looks over at me. “Another one?”
“No, the guys are coming back tomorrow.”
He leans against the barn. “What can I do?”
“I don’t need anything. Just keep this between us for now.”
“Does Silver know?”
“No, she knows I’m dealing with something that I won’t talk about, but she’s distracted by her own problems right now.”
Arlow shakes his head. “It really has been a hell of a month for you two.”
“Fucking tell me about it.” I take another small drink from the bottle and hand it back to him. “Don’t say anything to Calli. I know she’s trustworthy, but she’ll be worried about Silver and try to intervene. I don’t need anyone else involved right now.”
“Is Silver safe staying with you? We can arrange something else. She can crash here or we can pay for a place until this blows over.”
Maybe I should, but I can’t bear the thought of her being away from me right now. I need to know she’s okay. I need to be there if the Matheson’s pull some more shit. And I need to sit on the couch with my arm around her and let my mind rest from the turmoil that’s only growing worse.
“She’s safe. I would never let anything happen to her.
They haven’t threatened me or anyone, only offered that one crumb of bait.
That they know where Isla is. They’ve communicated through texts, a link, and an anonymous letter left in the middle of nowhere.
There’s no sign that they know where I live, or reason that they would show up.
Whoever it is has done everything they can to stay hidden, even outsmarting an excellent hacker.
They have nothing to gain by showing up.
If that changes or I think she’d be safer elsewhere, I’ll let you know. ”
He's quiet for a moment, digesting everything I’ve dropped on him. “Do you believe they know where she is?”
That’s the question of the year, isn’t it? “They had her ring. They know something. I took care of Joss alone, disposal and all. Tonight’s text changes things. I need to pay a visit to an old employer.”
Arlow shoves his hands in his pockets as a gust of wind cuts through us. “I’ll go with you.”
He knows how serious this must be for me to reach out to people I never want any part of again, and I appreciate the offer, but it isn’t possible.
“No, he isn’t the type that welcomes strangers.
And he’s no threat to me. We didn’t end things on bad terms, but even though I never admitted to killing Joss, he told me he knew. ”
Arlow nods. “So you want to find out who else he told or who else might know?”
“Exactly.” Snow begins to fall as we slowly start heading back toward the house. The first flakes of the season.
We get almost to his porch when he grabs my arm.
“Do you want the hundred back?” His voice is soft, carrying no judgment.
The same as it was when we first got to know each other at a grief support group.
He’d just lost his girlfriend and was as shut down as I was.
I’d left a meeting early after confessing that I had suicidal thoughts.
I’d denied having a plan or anything that would’ve ended up with me in a locked room, but maybe he saw how close I was because he followed me outside.
During our walk to the nearby parking lot, a hundred dollar bill tumbled right into our path.
We both saw it at the same time and reached for it, but the wind blew it into his hand.
I thought it was likely fake, but it wasn’t.
Arlow handed it to me so I could see a four leaf clover drawn on one side in black ink.
When I tried to hand it back, he shook his head and told me to give it to him on his birthday the following month.
At the time, making it through another month felt impossible.
All that had kept me holding on was the thought of Lacey losing another person she loved.
Most days that was enough to make me struggle through, but it was getting harder to convince myself.
“That’s the only thing I want on my next birthday. That hundred dollar bill,” Arlow said.
It sometimes seems silly to me that it worked, but it gave me an end date.
A just suffer until this time date that was easier to handle than looking ahead to forever.
I handed it back to him on his birthday and it’s become a tradition ever since.
If I’m struggling, I ask for it back. He knows what that means and checks in on me.
Then I give it back to him on his birthday again.
I’m not surprised he asked if I wanted it tonight, but I shake my head. “No, I’m good. Pissed.”
“Pissed is good,” he agrees. “Be careful.” He looks back at me with his hand on the front doorknob. “And if you find the bastard, the ground in the graveyard isn’t frozen yet.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
We’re met with sudden warmth, laughter, and music as we enter. It’s almost a shock after our conversation, like I’m living in two different worlds. “Have you seen Silver?” I ask Alicia, who has two whiny toddlers hanging on her.
“She walked over to the cabin with Calli to get the kids’ pajamas for me. They should be right back.”
I catch the kids’ attention. “Look at this.” I walk over to the window that faces Arlow’s backyard, where there’s a light, and pull open the curtains. “It’s snowing.”
They clamber off their mom and sit glued to the window watching the fat flakes fall.
The look on their faces tugs at something inside me.
We only seem to have that sense of wonder when we’re young.
When do we lose it? It’s such a powerful thing, but we can’t feel it go, only remember we had it once.