Chapter twenty-one Willow #2
“Oh, honey.” She stands from the couch and walks over to me, scooting onto the cushion as I adjust myself to make room for her.
“It’s okay,” she says as I lean my head on her shoulder, resisting the urge to let the emotions I’ve been holding under the surface break through.
“Maybe it’s time to let go of some of the anger, Willow.
Maybe this is all part of your journey to healing. To learning how to let people in.”
“I was doing fine, Mandy. Life was exactly as it should be, and then I got that stupid letter and it drudged up all of these thoughts, regrets, doubts, insecurities…” I swipe a tear from my cheek.
“It made you feel.”
I nod, not stable enough to respond as I choke back a sob. “I don’t cry, Mandy. That’s not me. Emotions are a sign of weakness.” At least that’s what I’ve always told myself.
“No, they’re not. They’re a sign of strength, Willow. And I think it’s time you let some of yours out.” She holds me as I shudder in her arms, giving me time to gather myself before she speaks again. “You know, I never wanted kids, Willow,” she whispers, and her admission has my head popping up.
I wipe under my eyes and nose. “What?” It comes out as a whisper.
She smiles, brushing my hair behind my ear.
“I didn’t want children. I felt like that wasn’t what I wanted my life to be about.
Women shouldn’t have to have children to feel validated.
It’s a societal norm that women have been told they should want, but I didn’t.
And Jason and I had plans for our life. But then your parents died and suddenly I was thrown into this role that I resented. ”
I swallow hard as her words ring out loud, wondering if this is her way of dropping another bomb on me all at once so it doesn’t feel like I’m being hit over and over again—like ripping off a Band-Aid instead.
Am I the reason they divorced? Because they didn’t want me?
I don’t think I could take knowing that on top of everything else right now.
“But the second I signed the papers as your guardian, I realized that this was the role I was meant to have—to be here for you—this little girl who had part of her world ripped from her far too young. Your presence opened up this entirely different side of me, and I could never regret having you in my life.”
“Mandy—”
She lifts her hand, gesturing for me to wait.
“So the reason I’m telling you this is because I feel like this is a similar experience for you.
It’s not ideal. I know it’s stirring up all kinds of shit for you.
But maybe this is one of those forks in the road that will change the entire direction of your life if you let it.
” She brushes a tear from my cheek. “Open yourself up to the possibilities. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Go back to him and try to work it out, and see if you can finally find a place where you belong and people who make you feel that way too.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I’m always here. But you and I both know you already know what you want. And I have a selfish desire to visit the coast. Knowing you’re there may just make the trip worth it.”
“The house isn’t a mess anymore, thank God.”
“A little mess never stopped me. Some of the biggest messes turn out to be the most beautiful masterpieces when they’re complete.”
God, I hope she’s right.
***
“Um…that looks like the inside of your apartment, Willow.”
I’m sitting in my bed, holding the phone up on my knees so we can see each other. “It is.”
Shauna sighs, resting her chin in her hand. “I take it things didn’t go well with Dallas then?”
“He saw the letter from his dad, Shauna. I left it on the bed when we were talking and forgot to put it away.”
“Oh, Willow. I’m so sorry.” Concern is etched into every line of her face.
“It’s okay. I came home and have been here for a few days now, trying to find the courage to go back and make some decisions.”
“Are you thinking about selling the house now?”
“I think I might.”
That’s where my head has been for the past forty-eight hours.
After talking to Mandy, I’ve been working from the office during the day and sitting on my couch at night, wondering if trying to reconcile is even worth it.
If things got that ugly during our first fight, do we really belong together?
Dallas and I might think we want the same things, but there’s no guarantee.
“Why would you do that? Don’t you want to try to work things out with Dallas?”
“He said some horrible things, Shauna. If the man really feels that way about me, I’m not sure I can forgive him.”
His texts say that he’s remorseful, but I’m still hurt.
Ever since I left Carrington Cove, he’s texted me every day—pictures of the sunrise from the house, pictures of him eating blueberry muffins from the Sunshine Bakery, and the latest, a picture of the gaggle of geese hanging out in front of my house.
They’re waiting for you to return. Come back to me, Willow.
She adjusts Hudson in her arms. “Willow, I hate to break this to you, but that’s going to happen.
Hell, Forrest and I have said all kinds of shit to each other that we both wish we could take back.
It’s part of being in a relationship—making mistakes, learning to communicate, and saying sorry… a lot.”
“I just don’t know how we move past this.”
“You won’t know until you talk. Look at Forrest and me, hun. We survived and there were plenty of hard discussions that got us to this point. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but we can’t let it stop us from living.” I stare off into space. “Do you love him?”
“I do,” I say without hesitation. “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about him.” And that’s the truth.
“Do you see a future with him?”
“I thought I did. He’s changed my life, Shauna.”
“Then don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
“Yes.”
“Then stop wallowing, put your big girl panties on, and get your man. Welcome to being in an adult relationship. You’re going to fight, you’re going to disagree. That doesn’t mean you just walk away.”
Laughing, I push my hair out of my face and voice the concerns that scare me the most. “What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he’s changed his mind and realizes that I’m too much for his small-town life?”
“First of all, I doubt it. And secondly, you’ll never know unless you ask.”
“I’m scared,” I admit, looking at my best friend through the phone.
“As you should be. Anything worthwhile is scary. But trust me from my own experience, going after what you want is worth it.”
“Okay,” I breathe out. “I’ll go back, but if it doesn’t work out, then I’m moving to Texas. I’ll be your live-in best friend.”
Shauna taps her chin with her finger. “Live-in childcare? I think Forrest could get on board with that.”
“I love you, Shauna.”
“I love you too, Willow. Now go get your man.”
***
I took one more day at home to go back into Marshall Advertising and speak with my board of directors, letting them know about my impending plans should things go the way I want with Dallas.
They were all extremely supportive and respected my decision.
And as much as my company means to me, my time in Carrington Cove has shown me that there’s more to life than work.
And that’s my new focus for my future.
As I drive back into town, I roll down the windows of my car, letting the ocean breeze whip through my hair. The smell of the salty water, the view of the lights—it all makes me look back on each trip I’ve taken to and from here and how each time, this view has become more familiar and meaningful.
But this return holds the most weight because the next steps of my new life depend on how this trip goes.
When I pull into the back of the Bayshore house, I shut the car off and stare at the structure, the place that led me here in the first place, knowing that regardless of what happens, I will never regret coming down here at the direction of that letter.
This town, this house, and the people here have helped me see what really matters, and those things will be my focus moving forward in my life, despite where I end up.
I head up the gravel walkway on the side of the house, ready to step up on the porch, but the gaggle of geese that have been M.I.A. for weeks are waiting for me tonight of all nights, stalking toward me like a gang that is out for blood.
Just fucking lovely.
“Get out of here!” I shout, holding my purse by the handle, swinging it back and forth, ready to use it as a weapon, if necessary. These birds are messing with a woman who’s on the brink of a mental breakdown and huge life shift, so they have no idea what I’m capable of right now.
“HONK!” The leader turns his head to the side so our eyes meet, stopping in his path.
“Honk right back, asshole. You wanna fight?” He flaps his wings like he’s riling himself up and for a moment, I debate doing it right back to him. But I refrain. “Fine then. It’s your funeral.”
“Are you planning bird murder?” Dallas’s voice scares the shit out of me as I turn to my right and see his face behind the window, a small crack in the opening allowing me to hear him.
Distracted, I turn to him and drop my purse to my side. “What the hell are you doing in my house?”
“Do you want to wait outside while I answer that?”
The geese start honking again as I twist my head back and forth between them and the man I haven’t seen in nearly a week—the one I desperately need to talk to. “Not particularly.”
He moves from the window, opens the front door, and pops open an umbrella, blocking the geese from the porch with just enough space that I can squeeze by, ducking inside the house.
Dallas shuts the door behind me and then puts the umbrella away, setting it to the side before standing tall and holding my gaze with his own.
“How did you get in here?” I finally ask, breaking the silence even though I feel frozen in place.
“No thank you for helping you inside?” he asks, a teasing lilt to his lips.