Chapter eleven Penn #3
I look back over at Astrid, concern etched on her face. And then I wonder what my face must look like right now. “Sorry, I just…”
“I know.” She fiddles with the bottom of her shirt but keeps her eyes locked on mine. “We can stop…”
“Fuck no,” I declare, closing the distance between us and framing her face in my hands before kissing her again.
We might have our ghosts, but there’s also the spirit of something new, something meant to be, something that we’ve been fighting for so long that it’s finally developing into an energy that is overwhelming us both.
I lift Astrid’s shirt from her body, finding her in a pink lace bra, the fabric so sheer I can see her nipples through it.
“I found something a little sexier than last time,” she says, a shy smile on her face.
“You wore this for me?” She nods, chewing on her bottom lip. “Fuck. You know you don’t need this, right? That I think you’re so fucking sexy in anything…”
She runs her fingernails through the hair at my nape. “I know that now.”
I back us up to the bed and then reach down to untie the drawstring on her pants, watching them fall to the ground to reveal matching pink lace underwear.
Jesus Christ. She’s stunning. Perfect.
And right now, she’s all fucking mine.
Astrid reaches for the bottom of my shirt, sliding it up my torso so I can pull it off. And then she leans forward and presses her mouth to my stomach, kissing my abs, licking between the muscles.
“Fuck, baby.”
“I love your body, Penn.”
I pull her up to look into her eyes. “Not as much as I love yours.”
Our lips meet again, and Astrid pops the button on my jeans, shoving them down so I can step out of them. And then we tumble to the bed, taking our time exploring each other with our hands since we didn’t get to do much of that the other night.
When she dips her hand below the waistband of my boxer briefs and wraps her fingers around my cock, I nearly come apart.
“Fuck, Astrid.”
“I want you inside of me. Now.”
I lean down and press a kiss to each of her breasts still covered by the lace, reaching behind her to unhook the clasp before peeling the bra from her body and tossing it to the floor.
She slides her underwear down her legs as I do the same and then I rest my body between her legs, cupping her face with my hand.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. For years, I’ve just wanted you to know that, to be able to say that to you.”
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine as she draws in a shaky breath.
“Fuck me, Penn. Please.” She pulls me down to her and claws at my back, shifting the tender moment between us to a carnal one in an instant.
I can feel her desperation. Hell, I’ve felt the same way.
I haven’t been with a woman since we kissed three years ago.
It’s like my heart and body knew she was it for me in that moment.
And now I know for certain that it’s true.
I run the tip of my cock through her slit, coating myself in her arousal. She’s fucking drenched already, needy and desperate for me. In one smooth motion, I slide in.
“Oh God!” she moans a little too loudly. “Shit. God, you feel so good.”
“Shhh. You don’t want to wake the kids,” I whisper in her ear as I start moving my hips.
“I know, but…”
I cover her mouth with mine, swallowing her moans as I thrust harder and deeper, shaking the bed and showing her how much I fucking want her, how crazy she makes me, how now that we’ve crossed this line, there’s no way I’m going back.
When I release my mouth from hers, she sucks in a breath. “Oh God…” Her eyes are closed and her head is turned to the side, but she looks so fucking perfect—coming apart at the seams because of me. I drop my mouth to her exposed neck, kissing and licking her there, feeling her shudder in my arms.
“Yes, Penn. Yes…”
“Fuck, Astrid.” I set a relentless pace, pinning her to the mattress with my hand on her hip as I thrust deep inside of her over and over, fucking her like I want to—like I need to—like I’m never going to stop.
Reaching between us, I find her clit and move my fingers in soft circles.
She tightens around me, digs her nails into my back, and takes in labored breaths until I feel the flutter of her cunt grip me.
“Oh, God! I’m gonna come…” And then she sucks in a breath and shudders beneath me, clenching my cock with her pussy, nearly pulling me over the edge with her, but I hold off and watch her ride out her orgasm, completely enraptured by the sight.
Jesus. I’ve never seen something so fucking exquisite.
“Shit,” she breathes out as she comes down from the high, but my hips are still moving, still thrusting inside of her.
“I love seeing you like this,” I whisper in her ear, turning us on our sides and wrapping her leg over my hip so I can stay rooted inside of her.
Her eyes pop open and meet mine, staring at me as if she can see right through me. “I can’t believe you’re inside of me right now.”
I lean my forehead against hers again and shift her legs so they’re folded up against my chest, her knees in line with my shoulders, changing the angle to make her feel good. And fuck, like this, her curled up against me, she feels so fucking tight and wet. I’m not going to last much longer.
“We could have been doing this for a while now if you weren’t so stubborn.”
“Are you seriously lecturing me during sex?”
I slam my hips against her ass, penetrating her deeper. “I am. Now stop talking and let me make you come again.”
Her eyes roll in the back of her head as I swivel my hips, circling them around before thrusting deeper again. “Oh God, Penn…”
I reach up and cover her mouth with my hand. “I love hearing you, but if Lilly comes to that door, she’s going to be scarred for life.”
Astrid smiles beneath my hand and then I gently lift it off and replace it with my mouth.
As my pace quickens, I can feel her tightening around me again and that familiar tingle at my spine builds.
With our foreheads pressed together, my hands cradling her head, eyes locked on one another, her knees and legs still pressed against my chest, I bring us closer to the edge together.
“I’m there, Astrid.” She nods. “Are you gonna come for me again?”
“Yes. Oh God. Right there…” she whispers and then gasps as her orgasm slams into her.
And then I let mine go as well. “Fuck. Fuck…” I feel like my soul leaves my body for a moment as my release fills her, my hips pulsing and slamming into her until she has every last drop.
Our bodies unclench and Astrid rolls to the side as I fall flat on my stomach, catching my breath. We lie there, still and frozen with our eyes locked on one another. And then her brows draw together right before she stands from the bed and heads to the bathroom to clean up.
When she returns, she has a robe wrapped around her body as she sits down on the bed, staring off into a corner.
“What are you doing?” I ask, propping my head up on my arm as I lay on my side, still naked.
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you have clothes on?”
She glances down at her robe. “Uh…”
“Take that thing off and get under the covers with me. We need to talk still.”
“Penn…” She bites her bottom lip, still not looking at me.
I launch myself from the bed and round the bottom of the mattress, grabbing my briefs from the floor and sliding them on as I make my way to her.
I take a knee in front of her and her eyes go wide.
I shake my head, grab her hands in mine and bring them to my lips to kiss softly, trying to comfort her. “Talk to me.”
“So…we just had sex. Again,” she says shakily.
“Yes, we did.”
“It was…great.”
I arch a brow at her. “Just great?”
Her gaze turns icy. “Is there something wrong with great?”
“I mean, I feel like there are better adjectives you could use. Stupendous, transcendent, mind-blowing…”
“I’m sorry. Did I hurt your fragile male ego?” She scoffs. “Forgive me, please.”
I find her ribs beneath her robe and tickle her, making her squeal. “Stop!”
“Shhh. You’re so loud.”
“Ha! That’s funny. You didn’t seem to be complaining when you were inside me.”
I press a finger over her lips, rise to sit on the bed next to her now, and stare down into her eyes. “I loved every minute of it, every noise and every time you said my name, Astrid.” She relaxes. “But I really wanna know where your head is at right now.”
When I lift my finger from her mouth, she stares up at me. “I…I don’t know.”
“You’ve got to give me more than that, sweetheart.”
“I mean…we had sex, Penn. You said things the other night…”
“Like what?”
“That you’ve wanted me for a long time, that you wondered how it would be when we were together…”
“Did you think I was just saying that in the heat of the moment?”
“No, but it was a lot. And I haven’t really heard much from you since…”
I take her hand and place it on my chest, holding it there. “I meant every word of what I said, Astrid. That night three years ago wasn’t just the tequila talking. My feelings for you are real. They always have been. And I’m tired of pretending like this isn’t something that we both fucking want.”
“There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t though, Penn.”
“But do you want me?”
God, please say yes. Please don’t leave this magic between us to die.
Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “Yes, I want you. I did that night too…”
“Then let us explore this. I can’t go back, Astrid.” I lean down and give her a soft kiss. “And I don’t want to. Everything is different now and I know what I want.”
Chewing on her bottom lip, she says, “I’m scared of what people may think.”
“About us?”
“Yeah. And not because I’m ashamed of you, but because of Brandon, and now the bakery.” Her throat bobs as she swallows roughly. “I’m starting a business and I don’t want to tarnish my reputation.”
“So what are you saying?”
She brushes a hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “I’m saying, if we do this, I think we should keep it quiet for a while.”
My gut instantly protests the idea. I want to claim her in front of everyone, show her affection in public, take her out and spoil her the way she deserves. But I also get where she’s coming from, and as someone who’s also starting a new business, it might be smart for us to lie low for a while.
“I understand.”
“Not forever, obviously. But just until our lives smooth out a bit.”
“Do you think that will ever happen, babe?”
The corner of her mouth lifts. “You called me babe.”
“Is that a problem?”
“No. Not at all. It’s just going to take some getting used to.” She reaches down and strokes my cock with her hand. I’ve been half-hard throughout this conversation, but her touch is bringing me to full mast in seconds. “Like this. Touching you like this is…”
“Fucking perfect,” I finish for her, twisting us so she’s flat on her back again, staring up at me.
“Yeah, it is.” Our lips meet and then we languidly kiss, exploring each other’s bodies. Part of me wants to take her again, but I don’t want to push her. And I don’t want this to just be about sex.
When we finally come up for air, I get dressed, knowing that staying the night is out of the question with the kids. I quietly unlock and open her bedroom door, and then Astrid follows me back out to the kitchen where I left my keys.
“So when do we tell them?” I jerk my chin in the direction of the hallway, keeping my voice low as we talk.
“I can’t give you a timeline, Penn.” She takes in a shaky breath. “I just know that I need some time to wrap my head around this.”
Pulling her into my chest, I rest my forehead on hers. “I know. And I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m so nervous about this changing our friendship.”
“It won’t. If anything, I think it’s going to make it stronger.”
“Aren’t you scared? That something will happen…”
I lean back and stare at her, feeling like pieces of my heart are snapping into place, the fragments that have been floating around lost all finally coming together because all I’ve wanted for years is to be with this woman.
I can sense that she has doubts, that she’s terrified of this shift in our relationship.
But all I can do is show up for her and keep proving to her that it only means good things for us.
I can’t push for too much right now. I just have to accept that at least where we’re at is a far cry from where we were.
“The only thing I’m scared of is going back to a life where I don’t get to hold you like this,” I say, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “And kiss you like this,” I continue, kissing her more deeply this time. “And tell you that you’re gorgeous, incredible, and the only woman that I want.”
Her eyes widen. “Wow.”
“Just give this a chance, Astrid. Please?” My heart is thrashing because I can sense how uncertain she still is. And I wonder if I’m the only one that’s truly worried about being hurt in this situation.
What if this doesn’t work out?
I don’t even want to entertain that thought.
“Okay.” Her voice is unsteady, but she inhales deeply and then pulls my mouth to hers again.
When we part, I grab my keys from the counter and notice a few pieces of paper strewn about. “What’s this?” I ask, lifting the papers from the counter to get a better look.
“Oh, sketches for the new name. I’m not sold on either option, though.”
“Cooper’s Creations or Whisk Me Away Bakery?” I wrinkle my nose. “Neither of these fits you.”
“I know, but I haven’t been able to come up with anything else.”
When our eyes meet, the same sweet smell I take in every time I’m around this woman hits my nose. And then I grin over at her. “Smells Like Sugar,” I say.
“What?”
I drop the papers to the counter and pull her into my chest again, dropping my nose to her neck and dragging it up the column until I get to her ear, watching how her skin pebbles right before my eyes. “Smells Like Sugar. That’s what you should name the bakery.”
She gasps as I lick and nibble on her skin. “Penn…”
“It’s perfect.” My voice is gravelly as I hold back, trying not to pounce on her before I leave. But my dick isn’t getting the memo.
When I pull back, she’s staring at me with wonder in her eyes. “Smells Like Sugar…” she echoes as her smile grows wider.
“I think it’s the obvious choice.” I press one more kiss to her lips and then head for the door.
“Good night, Penn.”
“Good night, babe,” I say as I leave and then head back to my own home, wishing I could spend the night wrapped up with this woman instead. But all in good time. Good things come to those who wait, right? And I’ve waited a long fucking time, but God—is she worth it.
Now I just need to get her to see that we’re worth all the shit we still have to face together, including the memories and guilt that continue to haunt me at night.