Chapter twenty-one Penn
Chapter twenty-one
Penn
“Why am I so nervous?” Astrid wrings her hands together, fidgeting as she sits in the passenger seat of my truck. It’s Sunday afternoon and we’re headed back to her house after spending the night in Raleigh after the benefit.
My chest feels lighter than it has in years, and in its place is something I haven’t felt in just as long—hope.
Hope for our future. Hope that we get this right. Hope that everyone can just accept that she and I belong together—including Bentley and Lilly.
“Do you honestly think they’re going to have a problem with it?” I ask because in my mind, the discussion we’re about to have with them should go swimmingly. I’m already a constant in their lives and Astrid and I being together isn’t going to change that.
“I don’t know. I’m not concerned about Lilly. More about Bentley.” She bites on her bottom lip. “I guess my fear in us being together was always in him feeling like you are trying to replace Brandon.”
“Believe me, Astrid. That’s the last fucking thing that I want to do. Brandon will always be their father, but I want to love them enough for the both of us.”
She rests her head on the back of her seat as she stares at me. “You already do, and I love you that much more for it.”
“And I love hearing you say that you love me.”
When we pull up to her house, Lilly comes barreling out of the front door. “Mommy! Uncle Penn!” She slams into Astrid’s legs before she can get fully out of the truck.
“Hi, baby.”
“How was your party?” Lilly asks, peering up at her mom.
“It was amazing.”
“And did everyone like your cupcakes?”
“They did!”
“That’s ‘cause they’re delicious.” She releases her and then rounds the front of the truck to hug me. “Hi, Uncle Penn.”
“Hey, Lilly Bear.” I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head. “How was your night?”
“It was so much fun! Grandma and I painted our nails and watched movies and ate popcorn. Bentley even let me put toenail polish on his big toe.”
“He did?” Astrid asks.
“Yeah, but then I had to take it right back off. I told him he should leave it. That way his feet wouldn’t look so gross, but he said heck no.”
Astrid and I share a chuckle as we follow Lilly back into the house.
“Mom?” Astrid calls out when we enter.
Melissa comes into the living room from the hallway. “You’re back! How was it?”
“Let’s just say that the next six months are going to be extremely busy, but I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.
The guests went wild for the cupcakes. People asked me about custom cake orders, and Penn bragged about my muffins to anyone who could listen.
I think he used the phrase, ‘best on the East Coast.’”
I shrug. “It’s easy to brag when it’s the truth.”
“Well, it sounds like a success then.” Melissa grabs her purse and slings it over her shoulder. “I hate to run when you just got here, but I’m meeting the girls at the movie theater.”
“Is your phone on vibrate?” Astrid asks her.
She rolls her eyes. “Yes, Mom. I learned my lesson, okay?” With a parting kiss on her cheek and a wave to me, Melissa leaves and then Astrid looks in my direction.
“No time like the present, right?”
“Bentley?” I call out, nodding at her.
“What’s up?” he yells back at me from his room.
“Can you come out here really quick, please? Your mom and I want to talk to you about something.”
Lilly bounces into the room. “Oh! Is Bentley in trouble?”
“No, Lilly,” Astrid admonishes. “You need to be a part of this conversation as well.”
Bentley strides into the living room, brushing his hair back from his face. The kid looks more and more like Brandon every day. “What’s going on?”
Astrid and I take a seat on the couch next to each other, and Lilly and Bentley sit on the loveseat beside us. I turn to her and prompt her to start, like we discussed.
“So, Penn and I wanted to talk to you about something,” she starts, nervousness in her voice.
“Are we in trouble?” Lilly asks.
“No, baby.”
“Did someone die?” Bentley asks and the look on his face almost breaks my heart in two. I imagine the last time Astrid sat him down with something to talk about, it was probably to tell him that his father was never going to come home.
Astrid’s bottom lip trembles, but she holds it together. “No, Bentley. No one died.”
Bentley visibly relaxes. “Okay, then what’s going on?”
I squeeze her hand and take the reins. “Your mom and I are in love,” I say, waiting for a reaction from either one of them. “And we wanted to let you know.”
Wide eyes stare back at me before Lilly exclaims, “Like Anna and Kristoff!”
I search Astrid’s face for help. “Frozen,” she explains simply.
“Uh, yeah. Exactly like that,” I reply, scratching the back of my neck.
Bentley crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you two like boyfriend and girlfriend now?”
Astrid nods. “We are…Even though those titles sound so juvenile.” She wrinkles her nose as she turns to me. “Am I supposed to call you my boyfriend now?”
“I guess. Although, I’m not a boy anymore.”
She laughs. “Oh believe me, I know.”
“Are you guys gonna get married?” Lilly asks, leaning forward in her seat. “And is Uncle Penn going to be our new daddy?”
And just like that, reality slams right back into us. “Well…”
Astrid puts her hand on my thigh, letting me know she’s got this one.
She turns to her kids and takes in a deep breath.
“Look, I know that you both have a lot of questions, but here’s what I want you to know.
Uncle Penn will never replace your father, okay?
” Bentley nods but Lilly still has hearts in her eyes.
“And we want you to know that this wasn’t something that just happened.
Penn and I care about each other a lot. We’ve been friends for so long, but now we want to be together as more than friends.
And we want the four of us to be a family. ”
Lilly jumps from the couch and claps her hands. “Then you have to get married!”
“One day, Lilly Bear.” I wink at her and find Astrid staring at me. “What? You act like that’s not where we’re headed.”
She draws in a shaky breath. “I know, but I thought we could discuss you moving in here first before we talked about marriage,” she says, her voice low.
“We can hear you,” Bentley says, alerting us to his presence again. I can’t get a good read on him, and I wish that I could because I’m sure his mind is racing with all sorts of feelings and questions.
Astrid grimaces and turns back to the kids. “Well, we just wanted to know how you two feel about this,” she says as I reach for her hand, waiting on pins and needles. Now that we’re actually talking about this, my confidence in their reaction has diminished.
If Bentley’s not okay with this, will she want to press pause again? Wait until he can accept the truth? Or will his feelings on the matter prevent us from ever moving forward?
“I’m so happy that Uncle Penn is gonna live with us!
Then we can have game night every night!
” Lilly yells and then races over to her box of art supplies in the corner of the room before we can correct her.
“But that means we have to fix something now.” She runs over to the vase sitting by the front door, rips off the sign and scribbles something on it, then tapes it back on. “There.”
As soon as she stands back, I can see the addition she made to the Kisses from Daddy jar—"And Uncle Penn.”
Fuck. I think there’s something in my eye.
Astrid’s bottom lip trembles again. “I think that’s a great idea, Lilly.”
Lilly turns around and runs over to me, throwing herself into my arms. “I love you, Uncle Penn. And if you love Mommy, then I think that’s awesome.” She stays in my arms as Bentley stands from the couch and walks over to us.
He reaches out his hand to me, waiting for me to shake it. And I do. “I know that you make my mom happy, and you’re already here all the time, so I guess it’s not horrible if you become a part of our family too.”
My lips lift. “Thanks, Bentley.”
“But if you two kiss in front of me, I will leave the room.”
Astrid laughs. “We’ll try to keep the kissing to a minimum.”
“I don’t agree to that,” I say. “I’ve waited a long time to kiss you.”
“Kissing is gross,” Lilly says, lifting her head from my shoulder.
“But Anna and Kristoff do it,” I argue.
“Yeah, but…” Lilly contemplates her reply, but Bentley cuts her off before she can speak, his voice low.
“I miss my dad. I always will. But I’m glad that we have you, Uncle Penn.” The emotion in his voice almost makes me break, but I manage to hold it together.
With Lilly still wrapped around me, I stand and pull him into my chest. “I miss him too. But I think he’d be happy knowing that we’re all together.”
Bentley nods his head against my stomach. “Yeah, I think so too.”
***
“Woo! Go Lilly!” Bentley shouts beside me and Astrid, cheering for his sister as she takes her final bow after her dance recital.
Grady and Melissa are in the row beside us.
We’ve been watching young girls twirl around in tutus for almost two hours, so my cheers are mostly for the fact that this event is finally over—although of course I reveled in watching my Lilly Bear dance around.
Fuck, I love that little girl.
As the crowd disperses, Astrid heads behind the stage to collect Lilly and her things, so Bentley, Grady, Melissa, and I make our way through the auditorium to meet them outside.
When Lilly sees me, she runs up to me just like any other time and I pull her into my arms enthusiastically. “You did such a good job, Lilly Bear.”
“Thank you. I tried really hard.”
I lean back and stare into her dark green eyes, the same ones her mother has. One day, she’s going to break so many hearts, and I can’t wait to be the one to chase off any boys who don’t understand how a woman like her is supposed to be treated. “I could tell. You were amazing.”
Bentley comes up to us and hands her the bouquet of flowers we purchased before the show. “You rocked it, Lilly.”