Chapter eleven Scottie
Chapter eleven
Scottie
“So, how was school?” I push my spaghetti around on my plate, my appetite dissipating the longer I avoid telling my son what I need to. I have no idea how Chase is going to react to the fact that I’m having another child, let alone that the father of his future sibling is Grady.
“It was fine.” Chase takes a bite of his garlic bread, keeping his eyes on his plate.
“It’s been a few weeks now since we moved. Any classes that you like the most?”
When he finishes chewing, he replies, “I actually really like my math teacher. I mean, math sucks, but she’s funny and explains things really well.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah.” Another bout of silence stretches between us as I take one last bite of my pasta and push it to the side. Chase notices that I haven’t eaten much and furrows his brow. “You okay, Mom?”
Sighing, I lean back in my chair and clasp my hands together. “Well, yes and no, honey. I—I need to tell you something.”
He sets his fork down and wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Okay…”
“I…” Just say it, Scottie. Rip off the Band-Aid. You’re not going to be able to hide it much longer anyway. “I’m pregnant.”
Chase’s mouth falls open slightly, but he doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me from his seat across the table.
My heart is hammering against my rib cage and my stomach threatens to expel the small amount of dinner I just ate, but then my son practically yells, “When the hell did you have sex?”
“Chase Matthew!” I scold, shocked by his outburst. I definitely wasn’t expecting that to be his response.
He visibly shudders and then stands from the table, putting distance between us. “You’re…you’re not…” He groans. “You’re my mom!”
Standing from my seat, I cross my arms over my chest. “Yes, I am. But I’m also a woman, and…”
He holds his hands up in the air. “Please, for the love of God, don’t say anything else.” He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.
“Jesus, I never imagined this being your reaction!”
My son and I had the sex talk about three years ago because I wanted him to hear things from me, not his friends or something online. I was honest with him, letting him know sex isn’t just for procreation, but for pleasure too.
And now I feel like that conversation is coming back to bite me in the ass.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” he finally says on a sigh. “But…”
“Look, I know it’s hard for you right now to look past how this happened, but the fact of the matter is, you’re going to have a little brother or sister in September, Chase.”
That information sinks in quickly, and he rushes back over to me, pulling me in for a hug.
My son is two inches taller than me, and I know he’s not done growing.
It feels so odd feeling dwarfed by him in this moment, but I’m grateful that he’s able to comfort me because I’ve been in knots keeping this from him, and this baby isn’t just changing my life. It’s going to change his too.
“I always wanted a sibling,” he mutters as he squeezes me.
“Sorry it’s happening so late,” I counter sarcastically, which makes him laugh. But then I remember that I have one more detail he needs to know. I separate myself from him and then look up into his eyes. “There’s something else, though, Chase.”
“What is it?”
“The father…” I start, inhaling deeply before his eyes bug out as if he didn’t think about that piece of information. “It’s Grady.”
Chase’s face falls and then his spine straightens. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, which made your break-in at his garage all the more complicated.”
Chase takes a step back from me. “Does he know?”
“Uh-huh.” I watch the wheels spin in my son’s head as he walks from side to side, wearing a line in the carpet. “I didn’t find out until that day that you broke in to his garage, but I told him the day after.”
“And you’ve been keeping this from me all this time?” he says, his voice rising.
“Don’t yell at me, Chase! You shouldn’t have been anywhere near that garage in the first place!”
“It wasn’t my idea!”
“It doesn’t matter,” I counter, lowering my voice once more. “You were the one that did the damage and went along with the idea, so you are guilty, a lesson that I hope you freaking learned from. You don’t have to be in charge to still reap the consequences of a choice.”
“And what about the consequences of having sex? Shouldn’t you have used protection when you and Grady…” he trails off, shaking his head and visibly shuttering.
“We did! We did and it still failed!” I shout back, even though I never imagined sharing this much detail about how his sibling was conceived.
“But let this be a lesson to you too that things don’t always work, even when you prepare for them.
And maybe in the future, you should use two condoms anytime you choose to have sex! ”
Uh, not sure this is the time to give your son advice, Scottie.
Chase plants his hands on his hips, as if he’s the parent that’s disappointed in me right now. “So what does this mean? Are you two getting married?”
“No,” I reply instantly. “No. We’re just friends. We knew each other a long time ago in high school and now we’re having this baby together, but we are not romantically involved.”
“You don’t want that?”
Well, there’s another thing I didn’t think we’d be talking about.
“I…” As I try to find the right words, Chase’s eyebrows draw together. “I’m trying to keep things as uncomplicated as I can. I don’t want another situation like with your dad.”
My son’s jaw flexes tight. “So what happens now?”
I close the distance between us and take his hand. “We keep doing what we’re doing, and in a little less than six months, there will be a new baby to love on.”
“And what about Grady?”
“He and I are figuring out how things are going to work between us. He wants to be involved in his kid’s life and I’m not going to deny him that opportunity.”
Chase rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.”
My heart breaks in that moment for my son, for his tumultuous relationship with his own father, the one that has jaded him so deeply that he doesn’t feel that he can trust men.
“Grady isn’t like your father, Chase.”
“Not now, maybe. But…”
“No. He won’t ever be,” I say, more resolutely than I feel because I can’t have Chase discounting the man Grady is already.
I know he has his own feelings toward him given their complicated relationship, but as his sibling’s father, he can’t think that way or say those things out loud.
I don’t want this child to hurt like Chase has, and I’m going to try to do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen, including keeping my feelings for Grady locked up tight.
“What I need from you is to just keep working off your punishment, do what Grady says on and off the baseball field, and focus on yourself. Don’t worry about what’s going on between him and me. Anything we decide, we will let you know, okay?”
“I don’t get a say in anything?”
I swallow hard. “If it affects you, then yes, of course you’ll have a voice in the matter.”
He scoffs but nods. “Fine.”
“I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry our fresh start is more complicated than I hoped it would be.”
Chase pulls me in for another hug. “It’s okay, Mom. This is a surprise, for sure, but…it might be kind of cool to have a little baby around.”
The warmth in his voice eases some of the tension in my chest just slightly.
“I love you. Having you come into my life was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced.
I know this baby is only going to amplify the love in our lives.
” I look up at him. “You are the most important person in my life, Chase, and that won’t ever change.
Now I get to make another child the center of my world, and I’m scared but excited too. ”
“I can’t believe you had sex,” he mutters, making us both laugh.
“One day you’ll understand. There will be someone you’re drawn to in a way you can’t quite explain.”
We part and, suddenly, memories of Grady and me from high school come flooding back.
It was always there—this connection I feel to him. But we’re all grown up now, and the stakes are so much higher.
“I have some homework to finish,” Chase says, pulling me from my inner turmoil.
“You’re doing homework on a Friday night?” I ask as he carries his plate to the sink.
“Yeah, that way I don’t have to worry about it on Sunday. I’m pretty sure that after working at Grady’s tomorrow, I’m going to be beat.”
I stop him before he retreats down the hallway. “I’m proud of you, you know.”
He scoffs. “Why? I did something really freaking stupid, Mom. I still can’t believe that I listened to them.” His gaze drifts off to the side of the room as he shakes his head. “I just wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to feel like an outsider again.”
God how I wish I could take away his pain and convince him that things get so much better after high school. He has so much talent, which has always caused problems on any team he’s played on. But I hoped it would be different here.
I lift his chin and direct his gaze back to mine. “I’m proud of you because, even though you made a poor choice, you’re taking the right steps to learn from it. That’s all I can hope for as you grow into a young man. Own your mistakes and strive not to repeat them.”
He nods and heads to his room, leaving me alone to consider my own words. I keep telling myself this is the same reason to keep my distance from Grady.
I just wish that my heart would get the message too.
***
“I’m sorry Jaxon is struggling with the divorce.” Mr. and Mrs. Harrison sit on the opposite side of my desk, trying to hold a united front in this meeting despite the animosity I can sense between them. “But throwing a chair across the room is unacceptable behavior.”
“My son is upset. I don’t know what else to do,” Mrs. Harrison says, glaring at her husband. “I mean, if my husband hadn’t slept with his secretary, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!”