MERRITT
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Submitting my law school application lifted a weight off my shoulders that was even heavier than I thought, leaving me lighter than I’ve been in months.
Now that it’s done, I feel like I can take a full breath without the deadline looming over me.
I’m closer than ever to graduation and to my future. And it honestly feels surreal to see everything starting to come together after working toward it for so long.
Hence the good mood.
That, and it’s also Thanksgiving break, which means the one holiday of the year that my dad isn’t working.
He generally picks up most holiday shifts at the plant since they pay double time for them, and we always need the money, but Thanksgiving has always been our holiday. Ever since Mom died, I’ve always tried to make it special for us.
We always spend it together. Just him, Elliott, and me.
Some years, we get Christmas Day, but it depends on how his shift falls. A ton of people request Christmas off, so it’s never certain whether or not he’ll have to work.
So, we made Thanksgiving our day.
I’ve been in the kitchen baking since before the sun came up, dancing to “Comedown” playing on my iPod, and apparently, my good mood is “weirding” Elliott out.
He’s just come down the stairs still in pajamas, one eye cracked open, looking at me like I’ve finally lost my mind.
“Why? Can’t a girl just be in a good mood, El?” I ask as I shut the oven door, whirling around to face him again. “It’s Thanksgiving, and the sun is up. Dad’s off work, I’m done with my application, and I’ve got Bush playing in my ears. It’s a good day.”
He stares at me blankly, rubbing a hand through his too-long hair.
Which reminds me that I need to schedule him a haircut sometime next week.
“I mean… yeah, okay, I’m happy that you’re happy and all, but it’s like six thirty in the morning, and I’m pretty sure I just saw you moonwalking when I came down the stairs. ”
Ouch. That was not for anyone to see. But… yeah, I guess that’s fair.
“Okay, well, whatever, sue me, dude. Happy Thanksgiving, buttnugget!”
Elliott finally laughs, shaking his head. “Happy Thanksgiving, Mermaid. Should we wake Dad up?”
I toss the oven mitts onto the counter and walk over to him, throwing my arms around his neck, giving him the tightest hug I can manage.
“Of course we can. It’s tradition, after all.”
One we started when Elliott was maybe in kindergarten. We walk out to the garage together, my arm still wrapped around his shoulders.
He’s sprouted like a weed this year, gaining inches and passing me completely.
My almost twelve-year-old brother is now taller than me, and I’m twenty-one.
He’s getting older, changing and maturing way past his years, and it makes something in my chest pull taut.
He’s my brother, not my child, but in some ways, it feels like I’ve spent most of my childhood raising him.
We’ve grown up together, and he’s taught me more about life and myself than he’ll ever probably know.
My dad has always been the very best dad we could have ever wished for.
He’s funny, and thoughtful, and works so incredibly hard for our family.
He’s always worked himself into the ground to make sure that El and I are cared for.
He’s just a single dad, doing the best that he can, and we recognize that.
Even on the hard days. Because of the hand that we’ve been dealt, I like to think that Elliott and I got each other as the silver lining.
I bite the inside of my lip when emotion surges in my throat, bringing hot tears to my eyes. Elliott grabs the small plastic water guns out of the cabinet and looks at me with his wide, still-boyish smile. “Ready?”
I nod. “Ready.”
As busy and hectic as our life can be, I still want to hold on to these moments because I’ve learned how quickly they pass us by.
It seems like I blinked, and now he’s a teenager right in front of my eyes.
Hours later, I’m waiting to pull the last pan out of the oven, Mawmaw’s famous cornbread dressing, and scrolling social media while Dad and Elliott watch football in the living room when I get a text.
GOOD BOY: Happy Turkey Day Mer Bear. Eating all the good stuff?
My stomach flutters when I see that ridiculous name on my phone, even though it shouldn’t.
We saw each other last week, but since we’re on Thanksgiving break, we haven’t been on campus, and I’ve been busy with Elliott and work.
I… kind of miss him.
A very small amount.
God, I literally cannot believe I’m even thinking that right now, but it’s true.
The night I submitted my law school app, I guess we both fell asleep watching Jennifer’s Body, and when I woke up, he was wrapped around me like a vine.
His thick arm was wrapped tightly around my waist, anchoring me against him, with his legs tangled between mine, plastering every inch of me to his massive body.
His face was buried in the crook of my neck, and the feeling of his warm, steady breathing lulled me back to sleep.
I can’t even remember the last time I slept so well.
When I woke up, he was gone, and the sun was already up, shining bright through the curtains.
I found a note on the pillow he slept on.
Had to get to a morning workout and didn’t want to wake you. If you and Elliott want to come to the game tonight, there will be tickets at Will Call. Proud of you Mer Bear. SO fucking proud.
heart B
P.S. You still snore when you sleep and it’s still cute as fuck. winky face
P.P.S. Eat real food today, pls
I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day, and I realized in that moment just how dangerous Bennett Legros is. How easily it is to fall into his orbit and never want to leave.
How easy it would be to find myself wrapped in him the very same way that I was with Blake, and for that reason, I skipped the game.
I know Elliott would have probably had a blast, but somehow, it felt like too much. Too close to something bigger.
I need to keep these walls up to protect myself, and Bennett seems to have the uncanny ability to get too close in a way that scares me.
Sometimes it feels like he sees me, even the things I’m not showing anyone.
I tap the screen and open up his text.
ME: Thanks! Happy Thanksgiving
ME: And… Soon. I’m just waiting for the dressing to finish in the oven, and then we’re going to eat. WBY? Spending time with your family?
GOOD BOY: Nah. I couldn’t travel home because of my hockey schedule, and my Dad’s pulling long shifts to cover the hospital so Mom stayed to make sure he had food and water, you know… so he didn’t starve lol
GOOD BOY: My sister Brie is going to her boyfriends in Washington
GOOD BOY: So it’s just me and my couch, and this remote
He doesn’t get to see his family at all for the holiday?
The thought registers as I glance back at my phone. I tug my lip between my teeth, gnawing at the corner as my thoughts race.
Today’s a day supposed to be spent with your family.
And Bennett’s alone. That makes me sad for him.
Even on the holidays Dad works, Elliott and I still have each other, so at least we’re not completely alone.
My fingers fly across the screen before I can even give myself a chance to think about what I’m typing.
ME: Wanna come have dinner with us? There’s way too much food
He doesn’t immediately respond, and it makes my stomach churn. Shit.
Was that weird? Should I have not invited him?
A few seconds later, I’m still staring at the screen when the dots begin to bounce with his response.
I blow out a sigh.
GOOD BOY: I don’t want to interrupt time with your family
ME: As if. It’ll probably make Elliott’s year to have you over. Plus… my Dad knows that we’re “dating”. Along with being your biggest fan, my brother also has the world’s loudest mouth
ME: It would be weird if you didn’t come really
GOOD BOY: Yeah?
ME: Yeah. We’re eating in fifteen so… you better hurry
Not even thirty seconds later, a notification comes through showing his ETA.
Twelve minutes.
I’m still smiling when I set my phone on the counter and open the oven.