Chapter 12
A Sibling’s Scolding
T am stared at his reflection and let out a disgruntled sigh.
It was the morning after the coronation, and after a long, remarkably undisturbed sleep, the future duke took stock of his new appearance in the light of day.
For a number of reasons, he had kept his hair long since he was fourteen.
For one, it helped obscure his sight and subsequently his magic from acting up. For another, it wasn’t a popular style, and so it had done a wonderful job of deterring the first wave of young women who might become interested in him.
As noblewomen had aged and married around him, however, and news of his inheriting the dukedom spread, he had started to look incredibly appealing, regardless of his efforts—though the rumors that circulated about his courtship with the current queen of Troivack back when she was a princess of Daxaria had briefly helped prolong his ineligibility. Many people wondered how Alina could have chosen a gruff man like Brendan Devark over him, and therefore assumed something was terribly wrong with Tamlin Ashowan.
Tam had known his hair wasn’t going to be as effective a shield as it once had been now that the day he might inherit his father’s titles was closer, so he wasn’t feeling too terrible about having to have it cut the previous night. Still, seeing himself without it felt… exposing.
His high cheekbones were visible, as were his almond-shaped catlike eyes, his mouth—full, but shaped like his mother’s—his nose, long like his father’s… He ran his hand through hair, now only a few inches long, pushing it back away from his face before he accidentally grazed the burn on the back of neck.
Flinching, Tam was just making a mental note to keep a jar of salve on him when the door to his chamber opened. Given that there hadn’t been a knock beforehand, it could only be one particular person.
Kat.
She stared at him, her golden eyes glinting, and without a trace of mirth in her face. She wore brown trousers and a white tunic, as was her usual, though she wore her hair braided and pinned in a low bun, which was not her norm.
Kat closed the door quietly behind herself, which was all the more disturbing. She stepped over and stopped before her brother, folding her arms.
“What the hell, Tam?”
“I didn’t tell them to set me on fire.”
Kat didn’t say anything.
Which continued to make the situation increasingly unnerving. Kat rarely managed her emotions when it came to him, and she most definitely wasn’t the shy type who’d hold back on calling someone out or cussing at them.
“Why did you do that to Hannah?”
Tam blinked. “If you saw Mr. Howard and Hannah together, would you have kept that to yourself?”
“Hannah has been a good friend to us. Yes, I would’ve.”
“She didn’t have to reveal it. She could’ve just trusted me.”
“Why would she trust you?” Kat asked coldly.
Tam frowned. “Why wouldn’t she?”
“Because she doesn’t know you. No one does. Not even me. Not really, and you wanted her to reveal it. You goaded her on and were an arsehole about it. I thought you were the more mature one between the two of us.”
It was the first time Kat had ever shamed Tam so calmly, and as guilt seized him, he found himself momentarily unable to speak.
“You’re right. I’ll apologize to Hannah.”
“You still haven’t answered. Why’d you do it? Did you honestly think it would be funny to laugh at something so personal getting outed so publicly?”
“Everyone is plenty fine sharing my own personal business and having a laugh or telling me what I should do. I’ll admit I was in the wrong, but I don’t think it’s right that my own boundaries get disrespected and I’m expected to just shrug it off. Like when I’d said I wasn’t romantically interested in Alina, and yet you all continued to spread the rumor that I was. Even when she was betrothed, you all kept going on about it!”
Kat raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “We do that kind of thing because we care. And that rumor most likely chased away women you didn’t want to court anyway! So why was it a big deal? What you did last night wasn’t teasing, it was vindictive.”
“You think it’s fun to be pitied by everyone? And that rumor has made it so I can never be proper friends with Alina ever again! Everyone talks about my every move, and judges my every word, and says what they wish about me. You and everyone else do it because I’m easy to look down on—and I didn’t out Hannah to be vindictive, by the way. I did it because I wasn’t thinking it’d be that serious. They’re adults, it isn’t a big deal what they are doing. But yes, I agree I was an idiot and shouldn’t have been so cavalier with their secret.”
The Daxarian queen’s eyes narrowed, then she turned around and stalked toward the door.
Tam didn’t call after her, instead looking toward his coat—he’d need it when he went to the castle for his meeting with the coven leader.
“Da already talked to Louise Riddel, and she’s aware that Eli’s comment about a curse was a slip of the tongue. You just head to Xava as planned to avoid anyone in Daxaria finding out and alerting the court or coven in Zinfera that you’re on your way.”
Tam squared himself toward his sister, even though she kept her back to him. “Kat, I honestly might have had enough of Daxaria. If I don’t come back, keep an eye on Mum and Da.”
The queen didn’t fully turn around, but she did meet her brother’s gaze.
“I hope you grow up, Tam. And finally stop being such a coward. Just because you learned how to do paperwork hasn’t changed that, and now you’re dragging my boys into acting as your shield and excuse to run away the way I used to. So if you want to stay away? Go ahead. You have my blessing.”
“Yesterday you told me how glad you were I’d still be here while you rule.”
“Yesterday you hadn’t hurt my friend and endangered my children.” Kat’s tone was emotionless. “If you weren’t my brother, you don’t want to know what I would do to you.”
“I never knowingly put them in danger. I seriously never thought they would take it that far. Kat, you need to at least believe that about me. Make whatever assumptions you will about the rest of my flaws, but I would never put those boys in harm’s way. I’d do anything for them.”
Kat continued gazing at her brother, and as she did so an ounce of her anger seemed to subside.
She didn’t have to say anything. Tam could tell in her face she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt how he felt about her boys.
“Did you take a carriage or ride here?” Tam asked while retrieving his cream-colored coat and pulling it on. “I still have to go to the castle to talk to Hannah before leaving anyway.”
“Rode here,” Kat retorted tersely.
“Right. I’ll take the carriage. I’ll make it up to Hannah, Kat. I promise.”
The queen’s hands clenched at her sides, and she at last chose to face him directly instead of storming out. “I know you will. You’re acting like an arse. You haven’t completely turned into one just yet. But Tam, I am worried you’re turning into a bitter old man the more you push people away.”
Tam bit back his usual responses to such concerns and for a moment considered his sister’s sincere worries. Of everyone in his life, he had always felt closest with her—his twin.
“Kat, you used to have trouble letting people in. You would only admit stuff to me, so… How did you get past that?”
The queen’s face softened and she looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Eric wore me down? No. That’s not it. I guess… I kept being placed in vulnerable situations, and I couldn’t get off with my usual tricks. When I was immature, during the consequences, I started to see how closing myself off was hurting people I care about, not protecting them like I wanted to. And when I let myself be open to them? I got stronger, too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not the most forthcoming, but I’ve found a balance.”
Listening intently, Tam nodded along, even though there were already too many differences between his own troubles with being a part of the world and his sister’s old ones for her reflections to be of much help to him.
“I know you’re different from me. You’re hiding because you’re scared of your magic. Whereas I had my own reasons. Though I do find it curious that you only started acting out when that new assistant of yours joined you. Is Eli a bad influence?” Kat wondered, in an only slightly jesting tone.
Tam snorted. “I’m in a bad mood because of the coven, and my pride has taken a lot of beatings. Eli has just happens to be nearby while it takes place.”
Kat gave a half shrug as Tam made his way to her side.
“I am sorry about last night, Kat. I really hope the boys are alright.”
She sighed. “They are. The mischievous goodhearted monsters are just worried about your juvenile arse.”
Tam grinned. “I’ll write them as often as I can while I’m away.”
“You better.”
Tam reached out and opened the door for his sister, gesturing her through, but the Daxarian queen hesitated as she regarded Tam evenly again.
“Are you serious about not wanting to be in Daxaria?”
Tam lowered his eyes, his slight smile turning sad. “I might be. Everyone here already has their impressions of me, and it’d be nice not to already have everyone assume things because of our father, or you.”
“Or because of certain rumors that someone started all on their own?” Kat mused dryly.
“They already were thinking those kinds of things anyway. I just wanted confirmation.”
“Why?”
Tam let out a defeated chuckle and reached up to rub the back of his neck as he pondered the answer, only to accidentally agitate his burn and jolt as a result, which forced him to drop his hand. “I guess I was hoping I’d changed their idea of me over the past seven years. Turns out, first impressions are hard to shake.”
“You and I have that in common at least. Maybe this trip is exactly the opportunity you need to reinvent yourself!” Kat speculated cheerily while patting her brother on the back.
Tam tilted his head, the familiar churn of anxiety burbling in his belly. “I hope so.”
“You may be a coward, but you’re smart. I’ll give you that. So if I figured out how to make the best of my own quirks? You can, too.” Kat exited the chamber into the hallway and headed toward the staircase with her brother close behind.
In the past they’d hurled hurtful words at each other out of anger, justified or not, and then not spoken for days, but that was just the way siblings were. Now they tried not to let the hardships of life come between them. If one or both were in the wrong, they owned up to it.
It was a silent agreement they seemed to have developed in light of the birth of Katarina’s children, though only Tam knew the reason for it.
◆◆◆
Night had already fallen by the time Tam finished apologizing to Hannah and Mr. Howard. After that ordeal, he had gotten reamed out again by his parents, and a colorful bruise on his arm from Hannah still throbbed and reminded him not to lapse into inconsiderate behavior again.
Tam yawned as the carriage rocked its way down the road out of Austice.
His parents were in the carriage just ahead. Once he departed, they were going to begin a tour of the Daxarian offices they’d established for the Coven of Wittica.
This meant he and Eli rode alone.
All in all, it’d been a terrible day, and Tam knew he had deserved it. At least he had received confirmation from Louise Riddel that she would also be interested to hear other covens’ thoughts on witches taking positions of power in the kingdom.
Kat had asked him earlier why he had done what he’d done to Hannah. It was out of character to act so recklessly. He truly hadn’t done it to get back at Hannah for telling on him about the office wall incident, or for her key role in spreading the rumors about himself and the Troivackian queen all those years ago…
Tam stared at Eli’s sleeping face.
Luckily, Eli hadn’t been privy to this morning’s embarrassing events, and it had been during his father’s reprimand that it had dawned on Tam why he had done such a thing.
He’d always been overlooked and taken lightly. Treated as though he were broken or an afterthought to barely consider…
But to have someone work closely with him and see how little power he had? How ineffective he was? For a stranger like Eli to see and spend time with him in the company of his other family members in his own home—which had almost never happened—and then witness how those who knew him best truly saw him, had Tam feeling awful. Pointless. And it had brought forward a repressed thought from long ago that had made him act rashly. Which hurt good people and made him feel even worse.
Tam closed his eyes and did his best to take a deep breath.
While he wished his sister’s optimistic thoughts would prove true and that he’d be able to overcome his troubles—or at least earn a new reputation for himself and successfully live up to the Ashowan name—he was sincerely doubtful. As a result, the idea of starting over in a foreign land where there were no expectations of him other than the ones he’d been sent with, and he had no one to fail at protecting, started to sound idyllic.
Besides, it wasn’t like anyone expected him to accomplish much in Zinfera anyway.