Chapter 1
“Six weeks?”
We’re in my kitchen and Theo’s on the phone, talking to his ex-wife.
He has her on speaker as he irons his work shirt for tomorrow.
At the start of the conversation I was happy to listen in, sitting at the island pretending to do my online Italian course.
But then Kate told Theo she’s had a change of plans for the summer: her sister in Atlanta has found her an interior design job and it runs over the entire school holidays, so she won’t be able to take the children after all.
She said they’ll have to come to Italy for the whole six weeks.
At which point Theo stopped ironing and I spilled my glass of wine—thankfully not on my laptop.
I stand up and grab some paper towels to wipe it up.
“Kate, it’s not as if I don’t want to spend the summer with them,” Theo says, resting the iron in the cradle. “You know I was gutted when you said I could only have them for one week. But all six? It changes our whole summer.”
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” snaps Kate. “I can hardly dump them on Shona.”
I put the sodden paper towels in the bin as quietly as I can and tiptoe back to my seat.
“I’m not suggesting that,” protests Theo, unplugging the iron. “But couldn’t we split the time?”
Kate huffs. “Theo, I can’t leave them with her for three weeks. She’s got a job, remember?”
“Oh yeah.”
He widens his eyes at me as if to say, “What can I do?”
I slosh more wine into my glass.
“And before you ask,” Kate steams on, “I’m not saying no to this job. I put my career on hold for years to have our children, to bring up our family. And you threw it back in my face when you walked out on us. So now I need to claw something back and build it up again. And I won’t let you stop me!”
Theo rubs the crease between his brows. “I understand, Kate. And I’m not trying to stop you. But this isn’t just my summer—it’s Adam’s too.”
Bad move, Theo!
Kate makes a sound as if she’s being strangled. “Right, so you’re not satisfied with making me put my career on hold for you—now you want me to do it for your boyfriend!”
I can just imagine the face she’s pulling as she says that word.
I’ve only met Kate once—and that was briefly when she came to Theo’s flat to drop off the kids.
He was on the phone and I had to answer the door.
I have to admit, part of me was glad I had an excuse to see what she looked like in real life.
And she was pretty, slim and stylish, with honey-blond hair cut in an asymmetrical bob.
But she refused to say hello and looked at me as if a bird had just shat on my face.
“That’s not what I’m saying, Kate,” Theo insists.
“That’s exactly what you’re saying!” Kate fires back. “You know, you really are unbelievable. You want to dump your kids on my sister so you can go swanning off to some castle in Italy with your rich boyfriend!”
I want to point out I’m not rich. But if she finds out I’m listening, it’ll only make things worse.
Thankfully, Theo does the job for me. “Kate, Adam’s not rich.”
She scoffs. “That’s what all rich people say.”
“He grew up in a two-up two-down.”
“Well, he’s not living in a two-up two-down anymore. From what I hear, that place in Italy is enormous. And he can hardly be strapped for cash if he’s giving up his job.”
I feel a kick of anger but try not to let it take hold.
Theo lets out a sigh. “Kate, Adam’s taking redundancy.”
“I’m not interested, Theo! The point is, he doesn’t need to work. And you’re not going to be working over the summer, so what’s the problem?”
Theo kneads his eyelids. “We’re supposed to be renovating a house. And I’m just not sure the kids will enjoy it—at least not for six weeks. And, you know, they were excited about America. They were excited about the pool.”
“Stop pretending you’re thinking about the kids,” Kate barks. “As usual, you’re just thinking about yourself. You know, you didn’t used to be so selfish. It’s like you’re a different person now you’re gay.”
“He’s always been gay!” I want to yell at her.
But Theo looks as if he’s been wounded: she’s hit him in his weak spot.
I move over and give his back a rub.
“I suppose this is Adam’s doing, is it?” Kate blasts on. “Is he putting you up to this?”
I take a step back.
“Bloody hell, Kate,” says Theo, “how can it be Adam’s doing? You’ve only just told me about it.”
There’s a beat. “Wait a minute, is he listening? Is that why you’re on speakerphone?”
Theo picks up the phone and trudges out of the room.
I can’t hold my anger back any longer. Theo stayed in the closet for years to protect his family.
We’ve talked about this a lot, so I know that when he was younger, he was confused about his sexuality: he knew he was attracted to men but also thought he was attracted to women.
When he slept with Kate, he felt good about himself.
But he didn’t realize this was because he desperately didn’t want to be gay.
By the time he’d worked that out, they were married with a baby—and he wanted to do the right thing.
That’s why he ended up sacrificing his own happiness and living a lie for years.
Until he couldn’t do it anymore. And I do understand that it must have been really difficult for Kate, but she’s showed Theo no compassion—and still refuses to forgive him.
I fill my lungs and let out a long breath. I decide to empty the dryer and start pairing the socks and piling them on the worktop.
The kitchen’s my favorite room in the house, a house I moved into five years ago, when I became a first-time buyer at the age of forty, just a few years after finally paying off my student debt.
It’s a small townhouse in Prestwich, just outside Manchester city center, and couldn’t be more different to the property in Montemagno.
First of all, it was a new build when I bought it, so has no period features.
There are three bedrooms—the smallest of which I use as an office—and one lounge.
The kitchen is the biggest room, with a separate dining area, so it’s perfect for hosting dinner parties—which is my favorite way to socialize.
As the pile of socks builds, my anger fades.
Some of Theo’s clothes have sneaked into the wash, which doesn’t surprise me, as he’s spending three or four nights a week here.
When he split with Kate, he couldn’t afford to buy anywhere for himself—at least not anywhere big enough for the kids to stay—so he rents a place in Sale, not far from the family home in Altrincham.
But it’s characterless and not very comfortable, which is why he spends so much time here.
Although I’m more than happy about that.
After our trip to Italy, we’ve been closer than ever.
And making the decision to spend the summer together has given us a shared short-term future.
That is, as long as his ex-wife doesn’t ruin it.
Theo comes back into the room, looking crestfallen. “Ads, I’m so sorry.”
I leave the socks and go over to hug him. His hold is strong and I can feel the hairs on his forearms tickle the back of my neck.
“It’s alright,” I reassure him. “It’s not your fault.”
We break out of the hug and sit at the island.
“No, but I know how much this means to you,” he says. “I know how much you’re giving up.”
I take a sip of my wine. “It wouldn’t be so bad if she’d given us more notice: we leave in ten days. The flights are going to be expensive.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll deal with that. And hire a bigger car.”
I force out a smile. I don’t like to remind him that he hasn’t got much money—ever since he gave in to pretty much all Kate’s financial demands.
Theo spreads his hands on the table. “But you know, maybe it’s happening for a reason. I know it’s going to be a challenge, but it could work out for the best.”
I can tell how desperately Theo’s trying to convince himself as well as me.
But I’m not going to argue. And I’m not going to criticize his kids.
I can’t: I hardly know them. After all these months, I’ve still only managed to establish a bond with Archie.
He’s eight and is into Marvel superheroes, WWF wrestlers and the card game Top Trumps, building up a collection of several of the different sets.
We’re not an obvious match but I like playing with his action figures—it’s surprisingly imaginative—and we’ve managed to find a set of Top Trumps called Great British Bakes that works for both of us.
But the older two—Callum, who’s fifteen, and Mabel, who’s thirteen—just refuse to engage with me.
Their barriers are up the whole time. Last weekend, we took them to an Italian restaurant to try to get them excited about the holiday—which at the time we thought was only for a week.
That’s when we told them about the house and castle, information they must have passed on to Kate.
The irony is, when we showed them pictures, they didn’t seem remotely interested.
They said the house looked boring, that the castle was just a load of rubble, and moaned that there was no swimming pool.
No, I can’t see how this is going to work out for the best.
“I suppose I was just looking forward to us having some romantic time together,” I venture, diplomatically.
Theo sips his wine and swirls it around the glass. “I’m sure we can still do that. Callum’s older now and very responsible. He’s been babysitting for the other two for a while.”
Great, so we’ll get the odd evening out.
But I can’t say that. I force out another smile. “I’ll look forward to it.”
Theo inches his stool closer and gives me a serious expression. “Ads, I know it isn’t ideal. I know Callum and Mabel are still struggling with all the changes. But they’re great kids, I promise. They just need to get to know you. And this could be the perfect opportunity.”
I remember the state of the bathrooms, that the builders have told us the kitchen will be out of action for two weeks.
I remember that the earliest I can get Wi-Fi installed is mid-August—which would have been fine when the kids were joining us at the end of the holidays but not when they’ll be there from the last week of July.
And I remember how hot it was the last time I was there, which was only June—and there’s no air-conditioning.
I have a premonition that sends a chill down my spine: the kids turn their dad against me and he dumps me—just like all my exes have in the past. All those exes who told me I was insecure, oversensitive, needy.
… Wait a minute, is that what’s happening now?
Am I getting in my head, worrying needlessly and am going to end up scaring him off?
Whatever’s going on, it’s not as if I have any choice; if I want to spend the summer with Theo, I’ll just have to accept his kids. And if I don’t make an effort, that’ll be a surefire way to lose him.
“You’re right,” I manage, brightly. “Let’s see this as an opportunity. Let’s make the most out of it!”
Although my expression is cheerful, I’m feeling dragged down by dread. My dream summer is turning into a nightmare and it hasn’t even started.