Chapter 35
After a late night celebrating my unexpected windfall—and christening the new kitchen with a gorgeous meal of seafood gnocchi and chicken saltimbocca—I finally get the chance for some time on my own. I know just how I’m going to use it.
It’s Saturday, so a day off work—and it’s great to have some respite from the builders’ banging, plus to know there aren’t a group of near-strangers coming and going at the castle.
Theo has taken all three kids to the museum in Camaiore, where he’s arranged to meet Vito, who’s showing them an exhibition on what life was like in a medieval castle.
I would have gone with them but spotted the opportunity to read Mum’s second letter.
Although I still have mixed feelings about this, I need to seize my chance.
I retrieve the shoebox from under the wardrobe, make myself comfortable on Wilf and Arnaldo’s old bed, and slide the letter out of the envelope.
Dear Uncle Wilf,
I’m glad you’re not annoyed at me and I’m sorry nobody told you about your mum and dad, that’s really bad. But it sounds like you’d already made peace with it, or with not having them in your life. Good for you, I say.
I loved hearing about your life in Italy and teaching adults to speak English sounds like a mega interesting job or at least more interesting than mine.
I can’t believe someone from our family is living such a glamorous life and that Lucca sounds like summat something out of a film.
You should be dead proud of yourself moving there and making it work, although I’m sorry to hear about all the crap you’ve had to put up with.
I can’t believe you and Arnaldo had to set up a fake bedroom. I hope things are getting better now.
Between us, I think our Adam might be gay.
And I’m not just talking about a mother’s intuition, although I do think mums know this kind of thing.
It’s more that he’s sensitive and a bit feminine and a real mummy’s boy, not that I’m complaining about that because I love it.
When he were was little he used to walk around the house in my high heels and I know he’s been in my make-up bag a few times and I think he might have tried my clothes on too, but I don’t mind.
Although I haven’t said owt anything in case he’s embarrassed.
I love him to bits, but I do worry about what’ll happen when he grows up, especially with all this AIDS knocking about.
One of the girls in the shop had a hairdresser who died of it and it sounds like the worst thing ever and can you believe the same bloke got queer bashed a few years back?
That’s what I’m saying, there’s a lot to worry about.
Anyway, I’d love to know if there’s any way you think I can make things better for our Adam because if he is gay I just want him to be happy.
And it’s not as if he can stop being gay, is it?
Not that I’d want him to as then he wouldn’t be our Adam.
Speaking of being happy, thanks for not thinking I’m a bad person for falling for Gary.
And what you said about forbidden love is so true—yes, it is romantic.
Mind you, my Gary isn’t that romantic, I’d say he’s more the strong silent type.
But he’s very passionate. He can’t keep his hands off me sometimes, not that I’d want him to—between us I egg him on.
Although please don’t think I’m a slag or owt anything because I’m not and this is the first time I’ve cheated on Mart and that’s why I know this is special and not just some fling.
And thanks for your advice. I agree with what you said and I’ve got to do what feels right and makes me happy.
So I’ve decided I do want to be with Gary and I want to live with him so I’m going to leave Mart.
It’s a good job I’ve made that decision as it looks like I’m going to have to get on with it soon.
This nosey cow on the reception of the hotel where we go saw my surname and asked if I were was any relation to our Julie.
You see we always check in under my maiden name Treadwell and there aren’t that many Treadwells, which I’m sure you remember as you’re one.
Apparently this woman were was at school with our Julie which is just my luck but I pretended I’d never heard of her, even though I could tell she knew I was lying.
Flamin eck, she wouldn’t stop banging on about it!
She kept saying she was sure our Julie had a sister!
Anyway, that were was this Friday night and I know she must have said summat something because our Julie’s been trying to get hold of me ever since and I can’t avoid her forever.
I know what she’s like, if she can’t get me she’ll just come into the shop on her dinner break.
She won’t blab to anyone or owt anything like that but I know she’ll try and talk me out of it and I don’t want to be talked out of it and I don’t want her to make me feel bad.
I’ve no idea if this receptionist will tell anyone else, but I wouldn’t put it past her as I can tell she’s got a gob on her.
So I’ve spoken to Gary and he went a bit quiet at first but he’s come round now and we’ve decided we’re going to take the plunge.
I’ve found a house for us to rent in Longsight but it’s not going to be ready till the middle of May so I’ve booked two weeks’ holiday off work.
I got away with it because my boss isn’t married and doesn’t have kids so she didn’t even realise it’s not the school holidays and I wouldn’t be going away with our Adam.
Having said that, I’m sure some of the girls will ask questions once they find out.
Anyway, the idea is for me and Gary to get out of the country for a bit, just till everything has calmed down, and come back when the house is free.
I’m not good with money but I’ve been saving up for a while and now I’ve paid the deposit I reckon I’ve got just enough left over for our flights and spends.
You did invite me to come and stay with you some time and I’m sorry to put this on you so soon when you hardly know me but would you mind if me and Gary came the first weekend in May?
That way I can write a letter to Mart explaining what’s happened and me and Gary can have some time to ourselves and then come back to Manchester when the dust has settled and move into our new place and get Adam to come and move in with us.
I will miss him and I’d love to bring him with us but it wouldn’t be fair on him, it’d be too much for him.
I’m sure when he’s old enough he’ll understand why I had to do it and I’m sure one day the three of us will come back to Italy as a family.
It seems funny using that word about me, Gary and our Adam but I do think we’ll be a family and I’m sure Adam will like Gary once he gets to know him.
But the main thing right now is I’ve got to make the break and get everything set up for me and Gary.
And funnily enough, I were was thinking that we went to an Italian restaurant the first time he took me out so it’s actually a nice coincidence if we come to Italy, although now that I’ve written that I’m not sure coincidence is the right word.
But you know what I mean, it’s like it was meant to be or summat something and I hope you agree but I think you probably will because it sounds like me and you think the same about a lot of things.
So what do you reckon, Uncle Wilf? Please let me know if you and Arnaldo are up for it as soon as you can.
Sorry to put pressure on you but I’ve got to get a move on and sort all this out before that silly cow in the hotel starts blabbing our secret to anyone else because if she does it’ll end up being a right mess all round.
Oh and if you say yes please let me know your phone number so I can call you from the shop and we can make arrangements.
You are mega and the best uncle in the world.
With lots of love and kisses from,
Suzanne xxx
I realize I’ve been scratching my mosquito bite and make myself stop.
I feel dizzy and my heart rate is at a canter. I put the letter down and lean back against the headboard, drawing in deep, calming breaths.
So Mum was going to leave Dad and was planning to come here. And not just that but she knew I was gay, she always knew. And she didn’t mind. She still loved me.
On the other hand, I’m shocked that she wasn’t just going to leave Dad but move in with Gary—and take me with her and make him my stepdad.
And by the sounds of it, Wilf encouraged her!
Although I’ve no idea what he said about her plan for the two of them to come to Italy.
Did he agree? And what did Arnaldo think about it?
Through the open window, I hear the sound of a siren coming from an ambulance down in the valley. I fill my lungs and let out a long breath.
I look at the date on the letter and confirm it’s just a few weeks before Mum died. So what happened? She didn’t leave and I don’t remember anyone trying to stop her leaving, although it’s possible people would have kept that from me. But did Dad know?
Even if we were close, I couldn’t ask him. What if he has no idea Mum cheated on him and thinks everything was fine? What if he asks to see the letters and finds out she didn’t love him anymore?
And there’s another thing: now I know what was going on in Mum’s life, now I know how she felt about me, I can’t see any reason why she would have killed herself. So maybe she did have an accident on a night out with Auntie Julie. But just before she was planning to leave?
No, there’s something not quite right about this.
And there’s only one way for me to get to the bottom of it.