Chapter 49 #2
Once I’ve put the shopping away and hung up our new clothes, I set about making an insalata caprese and a seafood risotto, which keeps me out of Kate’s way for a while.
By the time she and I are sitting at the table, we’ve each had a glass of wine and our discomfort is fading.
Even so, I make sure to position myself a few seats away from her and also a few seats away from Theo: I don’t want to rub her nose in our happiness.
Over dinner, I don’t have to say much as the kids are still excited to see Kate and can hardly stop talking—even Callum, who in between sentences grins so widely I can see pretty much all his brace.
I’ve no idea what happened while I was inside—or what was discussed—but he and Mabel have clearly forgiven her.
After we’ve eaten, Theo shows Kate the digital marketing Callum and Mabel have done for the castello.
“You’re both very talented,” she gushes. “You’ve just got yourself a new follower!”
“Mum, can I be in a video?” Archie asks.
She takes a sip of wine. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”
Archie sits up. “I want to go on my swing, with Adam pushing it. And put it on TikTok!”
“I said they needed to ask your permission first,” clarifies Theo.
There’s a pause. All three kids look at their mum, expectantly.
“Yes, of course,” answers Kate. She tips back the rest of her wine.
“So can we all be on the social media?” checks Mabel.
Kate puts down her glass and smiles. “Fine by me. In fact, why don’t we do the video now? Is it still light enough?”
We look out at the skyline and see the sun is slipping towards the mountain.
“Just about,” judges Mabel. She jumps up out of her seat. “We’ll have to be quick!”
Theo and Callum stay back to clear the table, while the rest of us walk over to the rope swing. Mabel films me pushing Archie, and Kate stands behind her, watching.
When Mabel decides we’ve got enough footage, she and Archie dash back to the table, where there’s a better Wi-Fi signal. “I’m posting this right now!” she declares.
Kate and I find ourselves alone. A tense silence sets in.
“Sorry I was such a cow,” she blurts out. “Clearly, I got you wrong.”
Kate’s apology—and its directness—take me by surprise. “Oh, thanks, I—”
“—Look, I don’t know what came over me,” she goes on, almost rushing through what she’s got to say before she can talk herself out of it. “But I want you to know I’m not some hysterical desperado. I think I just felt aggrieved by the whole thing. I was hurt. And I was probably a bit jealous.”
“That’s OK,” I say. “I get it. As long as you know I never wanted to replace you.”
“Well, you have in a way,” she snaps back. Then she looks surprised. “Sorry, I mean, you have got Theo.”
I’m not sure how to respond to that. Why did I wind her up by saying something so stupid?
Thankfully, Kate continues. “But I could never have made him happy. I know that now.”
There’s another silence.
I look down at the grass. “No. But I know you’ve had it hard.”
She gives the empty swing a little push. “I have to admit, it’s slightly less hard now I know the truth about his little affair.” She grabs onto the swing and stops it.
I’m not brave enough to face her so look back at the patio, where Mabel and Archie are tapping away on her phone. “If it’s any consolation, I understand why you’d have found it confusing.”
Kate folds her arms. “Well, I’m not confused anymore, am I?
Now I just need to stop myself from looking back over our entire relationship and thinking it was a sham.
Every intimate moment, every romantic gesture, every happy memory.
” Her chin trembles and she squeezes her eyes shut.
She reopens them. “But I’ll get there. And I guess I’m not the only woman who’s found herself in this position. ”
“No.” I look up at the side of the house—the side of what would have been the watchtower for the castle.
I realize I hadn’t considered the women, all those wives and girlfriends who ended up heartbroken and hurt simply for falling in love with the wrong men, men who could never have loved them in return.
And if the stories of all the men who suffered from prejudice in the past have been forgotten, the stories of the women who suffered in their shadow are possibly buried even deeper.
Kate gives a little kick to a tree root. “Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know you’re no longer the focus of my anger. I can hardly go on blaming you.”
I rock backwards on my heels. “I appreciate that. But I apologize in advance if I do anything insensitive.”
She waves away my comment. “Don’t worry about that. Theo’s all yours. I don’t hold your happiness against you.”
“Thank you.”
She takes a seat on the swing and pushes herself off the ground. “You know, it actually helps seeing how much the kids like you. Even if I was hoping for the opposite—at first, anyway. Clearly, they adore you.”
I smile, realizing this is the best compliment she could have paid me. “Thanks. I adore them, too. They’re fab kids. You’ve done a great job.”
Kate smiles, as if this is the best compliment I could have paid her. “Thanks.”
There’s another pause but this time it isn’t awkward.
“What I meant to say earlier was, I wasn’t trying to replace you in the eyes of the kids,” I comment. “You’re their mum. You’re irreplaceable.” I don’t add how I know that. I don’t explain how I’m able to deliver the line with such conviction.
I don’t have to: Kate is happy to accept it. “Yeah, I can see that now. And it looks like there’s room for both of us.”
“Yeah.”
“Mum! Adam!” Mabel shouts from the table. “Have a look at this before I post it!”
Kate stops the swing. “Just a minute, sweetheart!”
“Coming!” I shout.
She looks at me and frowns. “Anyway, I hope you can accept my apology.”
“Absolutely. Let’s move on.”
She lets out a breath and straightens her sleeves. “I think I deserve another glass of wine.”
She flashes me a smile that’s ever so slightly sassy, ever so slightly playful. And something about it makes me think that one day, the two of us might just be friends.