Chapter 45
Ben ran along the platform and jumped on the train just as the doors started to close.
He grabbed the pole to steady himself as the train slid away from the station, before falling gratefully into the seat nearest the glass partition.
He dumped his backpack between his feet and leant back wearily, his head resting against the window.
Typical. Why today, of all days, had his watch been called out on a job just as their shift was about to end.
The driver announced the next stop and he realised he was closer to the Fire Station Gallery than he was to home. He’d planned to go home first and get changed, but what if he just jumped off the train here and went to meet her now? Perhaps she’d still be there talking to Larry.
He was conscious of his outfit – a plain grey tracksuit that had seen better days, and his beaten-up old trainers, but so what?
He sat frozen for a moment as the train shuddered to a halt at the station, not knowing what to do for the best. Should he stay on the train, go home to get changed and hope that Jenni might still there,? Or should he jump off the train now?
As the pre-recorded voice announced that passengers should stand clear of the closing doors, he grabbed his bag and leapt to his feet, dashing off the carriage, making it just in time before the doors clamped shut.
He sprinted down the platform and took the steps two at a time until he reached street level. If he ran, perhaps he’d make it before she left.
Not standing Jenni up suddenly felt urgent, necessary. And if he let her down, he suspected she wouldn’t give him another chance.
Thankful that the gallery was only a short distance from the station, Ben weaved his way through the delivery drivers on bikes and the too-fast idiots on electric scooters.
The pavement widened and Ben saw the tables under their black parasols and slowed his pace, scanning the crowd outside the bar.
He remembered the first time they’d met here, arriving to find Jenni waiting for him. He remembered seeing her looking down at her phone before she spotted him, the smile she’d given him making his stomach flip.
He ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, desperately trying to flatten the front where it had spiked after washing it, and took a steadying breath.
And then he saw her.
She was sitting with her back to him, but he recognised the long, curled hair that fell to her waist, almost reaching the seat of the chair, and when she turned her head slightly, the corners of her lips lifted in a smile.
And then he stopped in his tracks.
A man, blond hair teased into a quiff at the front, blue linen shirt highlighting a tan, was walking towards her table, and it was clear that Jenni was smiling at him.
Ben watched as the man slid down into the chair next to her, putting an arm around her and pulling her in for a hug. They stayed leaning against each other, the affection between them obvious.
Ben took a step back as he heard the man say, ‘One more for the road, love. Then let’s head home.’
Ben was relieved that the quiet, residential streets were empty as he made his way home. Every step that bought him closer to his flat only served to remind him of the night he’d discovered Luisa was seeing someone else.
She’d never liked that he worked shifts, but when she’d stopped complaining that he was never around and that she was fed up going out on her own, he’d thought she’d finally accepted that erratic hours came with the job he loved.
But he’d been wrong.
She’d just found someone else who could be there for the romantic dinners, or when she woke up in the early hours of the morning craving affection.
He’d discovered by accident, although he often wondered if she had actually wanted to be caught out, too ashamed or too much of a coward to confess the affair to his face.
The day it had happened, a major fire on an industrial estate outside of London had started and crews from surrounding stations had been called in for support as they battled around the clock for several days to bring it under control.
It was one of those jobs that affected everyone, no matter how long you’d been in the service.
The despair and the guilt you felt when you hadn’t been able to rescue everyone stayed with you, and left a mark that was impossible to get over, no matter how much counselling and support the service offered.
Ben had never forgotten the desperate voices of those trapped in one of the buildings, their plea for help piercing through the smoke and flames, until, eventually, they had been silenced by an explosion that had ripped the roof off the factory.
It had been the worst day he’d ever experienced on the job, and when they finally managed to put the fire out, days later, he’d returned home a shadow of his former self, the reality of what had happened already lodged in his brain.
He’d wearily caught the tube home, anticipating Luisa would be home by the time he got back.
He hadn’t had an opportunity to message her to let her know he was on his way, but as he’d passed by the off-licence next to the station, he’d picked up a bottle of wine, hoping the alcohol would numb the pain and sadness rippling through him.
He’d smiled weakly at the girl behind the till, thanking her, before turning to leave the shop.
And that’s when he’d spotted Luisa, framed in the huge window of the pub opposite, with a man Ben didn’t recognise, but knew immediately wasn’t a work colleague or a friend.
There was something about the way they were sitting slightly too close together, seemingly unaware of everyone around them.
And then the man had leant forward and Ben had watched as this stranger kissed her tenderly.
Even now, Ben could remember every second that had followed: when Luisa had finally got home, the shouting, the accusations, the recriminations, the sound of her crying from behind the bedroom door as she threw her clothes into a suitcase.
He remembered how the darkness had descended as the front door had slammed behind her.
Penny had found him three days later, in bed, the curtains closed, his phone turned off. He hadn’t argued when she’d packed a bag for him and told him he was coming home with her.
Seeing Jenni with another man tonight just confirmed that he couldn’t face going through all that again. He was better off alone.
He pulled the key from his pocket and let himself into his flat. Walking into the kitchen, he flicked on the light, hoping to see Fred waiting for him at the window, but there was no sign of him.
Frustration and disappointment coursed through him, but life would go on. He’d be fine.
Tomorrow, he’d be back at work, and he’d take a twisted delight in telling Taz and Vick that he’d been right, Jenni did have a boyfriend, and they should drop it once and for all.