4. 5
She touched him on the arm. ¨I wonˇt take a dime of your money. But I am going to rent an apartment.〃
¨Really? How are you going to pay for it?〃
¨Iˇll rent out my house.〃
His forehead creased with concern. ¨Are you sure this is the right thing to do?〃
¨No. But Iˇm sure I want you in my bed every night.〃
His expression softened. ¨Me too.〃
¨You wouldnˇt be able to come over until after Paige is asleep.〃
¨With work, I wouldnˇt be able to come over until long after then, anyway.〃
¨And youˇd have to clear out before she wakes up in the morning. Either that, or lock the bedroom door and donˇt make a sound until we leave.〃
¨Iˇll take whatever I can get.〃 He kissed her for a minute, then pulled away and looked seriously at her. ¨Tuesday is my next day off. Do you think we can start looking then?〃
¨Iˇll ask my mom if she can watch Paige that afternoon.〃
¨Plan to spend the night.〃
At the grim look on her face, he took her hands in his.
¨Hey. Look at me.〃 He turned her face up to his. ¨Iˇll never give you a reason to regret this. Ever.〃
¨I need to go see a friend tomorrow after work,〃 Julia told her mother on Monday evening. ¨Do you think you can pick Paige up from school and put her to bed? Iˇll be home before she wakes up.〃
Her mother looked startled. ¨What kind of a friend would ask you to spend all night with her when you have to work the next day?〃
¨Donˇt worry about me. 〃
Her mother peered at her. ¨You didnˇt come home the other night, either. Is everything okay? Are you doing drugs?〃
Julia laughed. ¨No, Mom, I swear to you I am not using drugs. Everything is okay. And Iˇm not away that much.〃
Julia watched with dread as her motherˇs expression changed. As suspicion crept over her face.
¨Julia,〃 her mother said slowly. ¨Is there something you would like to tell me?〃
¨Not really, Mom,〃 she replied, as nonchalantly as possible. But she could not meet her motherˇs relentless gaze. ¨Iˇll have my cell phone on me all night, if you need anything.〃
Julia wished her mother would look angry, reproachful. Anything but the sad expression she gave her now as she watched her leave the room.
Better than an apartment, they found a furnished house that the landlord was willing to rent cheap because it had sat vacant. It had nine hundred square feet and no dishwasher. But though cosmetically everything was badly in need of updating, it was all in working order, and it was only blocks from both Juliaˇs parents and Paigeˇs school.
She broke the news to her parents in the living room on Sunday night, when they were both home.
¨Why?〃 said her mother. ¨If thereˇs something weˇve done to make you uncomfortable here, please tell us. It wasnˇt on purpose.〃
¨No,〃 Julia said, taking her motherˇs hands. ¨Youˇve both been so lovely. I just think itˇs time that you had your house back.〃
¨We donˇt want our house back. We love having you guys here.〃
Juliaˇs father, who had been staring suspiciously at Julia during this whole exchange, now said, ¨They require some proof of income.〃
Julia played dumb. ¨Huh?〃
Her fatherˇs jaw tightened. ¨Proof of income. You canˇt prove that you have a sufficient monthly income stream.〃
Her mother looked at him, slack-jawed, then turned back to Julia. ¨Oh, no, Julia. Donˇt. 〃
Juliaˇs stomach dropped. ¨Donˇt what?〃
¨Donˇt do this. Donˇt move in with him. Not with Paige.〃
Julia glared at her father. ¨Dad, what is she talking about?〃
¨I made him tell me,〃 her mother said. ¨I guessed you were having an affair. He told me about William.〃
¨Itˇs not an affair, for the love of God.〃
¨Youˇre still married,〃 her father said calmly.
¨I wouldnˇt be, if Kevin hadnˇt left the country. Iˇve filed for divorce. Itˇs inevitable. But letˇs set all that aside for the moment. Iˇm not renting the apartment with William. Iˇve rented out my house in Menlo Park, and Iˇm using that income. Itˇs my own place.〃
¨But no doubt, heˇll be visiting you there,〃 said her father.
¨Julia, think of your daughter,〃 implored her mother.
¨Iˇm not letting him meet Paige. Not yet.〃
¨Then youˇre getting yourself deeply entangled with him, and you have no idea how well heˇs going to interact with Paige,〃 said her mother. ¨What happens if it turns out itˇs a bad combination?〃
¨He has no kids of his own,〃 her father pointed out.
Julia clutched her head in her hands. ¨Itˇs done. The lease is already signed.〃
¨Julia,〃 her mother said gently. ¨You made vows.〃
¨A lot of consideration Kevin gave to that.〃
¨That doesnˇt mean you have to throw yours overboard.〃
¨Mom, you know I only got married in the church because both of our families insisted on it. Itˇs the same reason I went through catechism and confirmation. My heart has never been in any of this stuff.〃
Her mother began to cry silently, and her father glared at Julia.
¨Mom,〃 Julia said gently, going to put her hands on her motherˇs shoulders. ¨I donˇt love Kevin. He abandoned me and Paige in a way that has caused us hardship of every kind. Paige cries every day because of him. The sooner we move on, the sooner she can heal.〃
¨Not if you move on just to jump into bed with the next man,〃 said her father.
¨Once again, Paige wonˇt know about William for a long time.〃
¨Forgive me, but from what I know about your discretion, Iˇm finding that hard to believe. 〃
Julia heard her mouth take off like a runaway train. She sensed the danger of it, but couldnˇt stop herself. ¨I love William. Weˇve loved each other since we were teenagers. Did you know he gave me an engagement ring back then? Weˇre not going to tiptoe around like we have something to be ashamed of.〃
Her father glared right back at her. ¨Grow up.〃
Julia felt the sting of his words. It was only after she went to bed that night that she realized why it hurt so much. She was afraid he was right. She was traipsing around, indulging her passion for all the world to see, with no thought for the consequences on her divorce proceedings or her daughter. Telling her parents off like an overgrown adolescent, with no consideration for the effect it might have on others. William still worked for her father, after all.
She looked at the clock on her bedside table. It was a little after midnight. William would just be getting home.
She picked up the phone, dialed his number. Told him everything.
¨Iˇm sorry. Iˇm so sorry,〃 she said. ¨I donˇt know what heˇs going to do.〃
¨You say he already knew about our relationship. I doubt if this will change things much. Besides, by now I can get a job somewhere else if I need to. Thereˇs enough people whoˇve worked with me in the past who can vouch for me. A couple of them are sous-chefs now.〃 He paused a minute. ¨Listen, Julie, donˇt let the stuff your parents said give you cold feet. I told you, I wonˇt give you any reason to regret this. And when the time is right, Iˇll take care of Paige like sheˇs my own.〃
Julia let herself believe him. Let the weight of the nightˇs events lift from her shoulders. Let her spirits soar again.
At work, Holly said, ¨How is Cousin Erin working out for you?〃
¨Great,〃 said Julia. ¨Weˇre almost done with the process of searching for him.〃
¨Iˇm so glad you decided to give her a call. And to file for divorce, finally. 〃
¨Me too.〃
¨You know, you should ask Erin if she has any work for you. Actually, forget that. Iˇll call her up myself and tell her to hire you.〃
Julia wondered why she hadnˇt thought of it, herself. Erin knew that she worked for Holly.
¨Would you? I really need to quit working for my dad, anyway.〃
¨Are you kidding? Itˇll be my first phone call after this.〃
Julia felt giddy. ¨I have an appointment with her this Friday.〃
¨Then plan on interviewing at the same time.〃
Julia sprang to her feet and threw her arms around Holly. ¨The universe is falling into alignment. Everythingˇs going so great.〃
Hollyˇs eyebrows rose. ¨Everything?〃
¨Oh yes.〃
At the look on Juliaˇs face, Holly smiled slightly. ¨My God, it must be really great. Iˇm sure Erin is advising you about that.〃
Juliaˇs heart sank. ¨Actually, I havenˇt told her.〃
¨Julia. You have to tell her. Itˇs attorney-client privilege, so sheˇll keep it to herself. But she has to know so she can advise and represent you properly.〃
Julia sighed. ¨I know.〃
After a moment, the corners of Hollyˇs mouth lifted slightly. ¨Is it William?〃
Julia nodded, glowing.
¨I never thought Iˇd see you so happy again. And I always loved his rakish hair. Tell me, does he actually style it or does he just roll out of bed looking like that?〃
Julia grinned. ¨Heˇs a thing of beauty, isnˇt he?〃
¨If I agreed, would you hold it against me?〃
That Friday, Erin reviewed with Julia the progress they had made on her case. ¨Now all that remains is to wrap up our last bit of business in Brazil. But since he disappeared in S?o Paulo, I donˇt think we have much hope of finding him.〃
Julia nodded, and Erin set aside her briefs. ¨Now. Holly tells me youˇre looking for an additional part-time job in a law office.〃
¨Yes, but Iˇm not sure youˇll want to hire me after what Iˇm about to tell you.〃
Erin looked startled. ¨Okay.〃
¨I need you to know that Iˇve been having a relationship with another man.〃
Erin stirred in her chair. ¨How long?〃
¨About three weeks now.〃
¨Are you living with him?〃
¨Technically, no. Heˇs not on my lease. But he spends every night with me.〃
¨I call that living together.〃
¨Paige hasnˇt met him yet. He doesnˇt come over until after sheˇs asleep.〃
¨Iˇd keep it that way. In fact, I wouldnˇt have him spending the night in the first place.〃
Juliaˇs heart sank. ¨Is this going to cause problems with the divorce?〃
¨Not unless Kevin is down there in Brazil creating some asset of value even as we speak. Then that asset would be considered separate property, and you would get no share of it.〃
¨Okay; that seems unlikely. Anything else?〃
¨The other way I can think of is if Kevin or his lawyers could show that Paigeˇs safety or emotional well-being is threatened.〃
Julia shook her head. ¨Thatˇs definitely not the case.〃
¨Even so, it would have been much better if you had waited until after youˇre divorced.〃
¨I know.〃
¨Then why are you doing it? Couldnˇt you have waited a little while longer?〃
¨No, I couldnˇt. We were engaged a long time ago, right after high school. Then we tried to do the long-distance relationship thing during college, and it didnˇt work out. But I always regretted it. Heˇs the one, and I wonˇt wait anymore.〃
¨Okay,〃 she said, but her tone was skeptical. ¨How many other people know?〃
¨A lot. My parents. My sister. Holly. Probably his brother. Pretty much everyone we work with at the restaurant. Iˇm pretty sure his parents suspect.〃
Erin shook her head in dismay, and Julia said, ¨Iˇll understand if you donˇt want to represent me anymore.〃
¨Donˇt be so melodramatic.〃
¨Would you still consider hiring someone so irresponsible?〃
¨You come with a glowing recommendation from Holly, and I trust her judgment more than God Herself. Our receptionist is going on maternity leave soon. She performs a lot of secretarial duties too, just like you do for Holly. I can start training you with her the week after next, and part-time will be fine for now if you want to stay on with Holly in the mornings.〃
Julia rummaged through her briefcase. ¨Hereˇs my resume, if you want it.〃
Erin accepted it, but didnˇt bother looking at it. ¨The job pays eleven dollars an hour.〃
Julia reached out her hand to shake, but Erin said, ¨You should really learn to negotiate.〃
Julia laughed. ¨Thirteen?〃
¨Monday after next?〃
Julia held out her hand again, and this time Erin shook it. ¨Thanks, for everything.〃
Life settled into a groove. Julia woke at six oˇclock with William beside her in bed. She got up and dressed for work. Woke Paige, made her breakfast, ring mastered the circus that was their morning routine, and took Paige to school. Drove to work for Holly, then ate lunch in the car on the way to work for Erin. Got off work again at five-thirty and went to pick up Paige from her mother. Made dinner and got Paige in bed by eight oˇclock. Worked on her portion of the business plan until she dropped from exhaustion at ten-thirty.
Sometimes when William came home after work, they were both too exhausted to do more than hold each other for a few minutes before falling asleep. Other times they lay awake a while, talking about their day and their steady progress with the business plan.
After one busy Friday night at work, William told her, ¨Mike is coming home from rehab next week.〃
¨Oh. I guess youˇll want to spend the night at home a while.〃
But he shook his head. ¨Iˇm done babysitting him. My mother can do that, if itˇs that important to her. Heˇs going to spend the first week at home with my parents before trying his first night alone at our apartment. But my life is here now.〃
She reached for him, pulled his face down to hers. After kissing him for a while, she sat up, lifted the nightgown off of herself. He looked at her skin draped in light from the window, at the mermaid pendant glinting against her chest. He put his lips to her ear and whispered, ¨Come lay down with me.〃
He leaned back, pulled her on top of him. Touched and kissed her face and her lips. Pulled her up a little further and kissed her breasts. His mouth circled around to her nipples, and he kissed and sucked them gently.
¨I canˇt believe you still want to do this, after the day youˇve had,〃 she whispered.
He pulled down her underwear, stroked her bare bottom. Slipped his fingers inside of her.
¨I see you do, too.〃
She gave a long exhale of pleasure. He pulled her up even further, made love to her with his mouth and his fingers. Brought her to the edge and pulled her back mercilessly, again and again.
She looked down at him and begged him, ¨Please.〃
His eyes flitted up to her face, laughing at her. He shifted his fingers a little, and her body wrenched itself inside-out in wave after endless screaming wave.
When the waves finally subsided, he slid her down onto him and rolled her onto her back. Made love to her that way for a while, then flipped her onto her hands and knees. Gathered up her hair in his hands and held it behind her head as he rode her from behind. Though she tried, she had no way to reach up and muffle the sound of his voice as he came. And he had never been one to be quiet about that .
Afterward, he collapsed on top of her. She let him lay there and listened to his breath lengthen, felt his body sink into hers as sleep overtook him.
¨Daddy!〃