5.5
She heard Robert emerging from his room, and ducked quickly out of sight before William found her spying on him.
They all walked the few blocks to the beach. After a while, Robert, still in full pirate mode, entertained himself with digging for buried treasure in the sand, and Paige strolled thoughtfully at the edge of the water. William joined Julia at her side, his eyes trained on Robert.
They stood that way in silence for a while, until William quietly said, “After I heard what you did – with the research, the lawyer – I wondered why you were still hanging around, living in your parents’ house, when you had sold your own house and could go anywhere and do anything with that money.” He paused a few moments. “Alison told me you’re reviving your uncle’s old aquarium business.”
She looked straight ahead at the ocean, but said nothing in response. He searched her face for an answer.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?”
“You said it yourself. If I hadn’t been so angry, you might have let me know about Robert. I was so hateful. I’m not surprised you were afraid to tell me.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You had every right to be angry.”
The creases in his forehead deepened. “Being angry all this time was the only way I knew how to keep it together.”
Her heart leaped. “It’s okay.”
“I didn’t know all the rest of it.”
“The rest of what?”
“Well, besides the fact that you were pregnant, I didn’t know everything else you had been through. I didn’t know all of the details about the pressure you were under from your parents, from Paige, and from Kevin. How sick you got while you were pregnant. The fact that you had nobody to talk to.”
Julia’s face darkened. “Alison told you.”
“Don’t hold it against her. I told her I knew about Robert, and I asked her to tell me more about what was going on in your life during that time. I’m glad she was so thorough. I just wish I had known at the time.”
“I didn’t want you to be angry with my parents and Paige. It was ultimately my decision.”
“I’m not blaming you, or anyone else. I only blame myself. If I had been around more – if I had bothered to find out more about what was going on – I might not have missed all this time with Robert.” After a moment, he added, “I want you to know I intend to help support him. Financially, I mean.”
“No,” she said firmly, then quickly added, “I appreciate the offer so much, but the best way you can support him is by being a part of his life.”
He looked almost stricken. He hesitated, as if struggling with what to say. “I know you’re trying to get your business off the ground. You shouldn’t have to live with your parents, if you don’t want to. And –” She watched his feelings do battle on his face, his brows knitting together with the effort. Finally, with a look of determination, he said, “You shouldn’t have to leave the city.”
He looked up at her now, his expression solemn. There was no way to know whether he wanted her to stay too, or if he just didn’t want Robert to be so far away.
“I don’t want to leave,” she said. “I won’t need to. I’ll eventually find my own place, once I have the time to look.”
He looked back at Robert now. After a moment, he went toward him. Helped him build sand castles for a while. She watched them in between keeping an eye on Paige.
William searched with Robert for seashells. Robert’s voice drifted back to her. “Mommy loves seashells. She collects them.”
“She does?” William handed something to Robert. Leaned down into Robert’s ear and whispered something. Robert grinned, and ran back to Julia.
“Here, Mommy. William says you’d like this.” He handed her a tiny sand dollar. “He says it’s a mermaid coin.”
She peered up at William, but he was already digging down through the sand again. Robert ran back to join him, and Julia closed her hand around the little treasure and smiled.
After dinner, William said aside to Julia, “I think now would be a good time to give Robert my present.”
She nodded, and he went to retrieve it from the credenza. He brought it into the living room, where Robert sat on the floor, watching TV. William sat down on the floor beside him, and Robert tore into the present with gusto.
Beneath the paper was a plain cardboard box, clearly recycled for this purpose and taped shut. William opened it with his pocket knife, and Robert reached inside. Packed in some tissue paper was a toy boat .
“I used to play with this in the bath tub when I was a kid,” William explained, a bit shyly.
Julia came over and examined it. “This is classic Fisher Price.”
“It’s a houseboat. You can make the people walk the plank.” William pulled the plank in and out to demonstrate.
“What people?” Robert wondered.
“Look inside again,” said William.
Robert reached inside, and found several Fisher Price Little People.
“I remember these!” exclaimed Julia. “They don’t make them this way anymore.”
Robert looked up at Julia. “Can I take my bath now?”
“I never thought I’d hear you say that. You go get ready, and I’ll be down there in a minute.”
He took his boat, filled with the Little People, and carried it downstairs. When he had gone, Julia said to William, “It was really sweet of you to give him that, but are you sure? That’s pretty irreplaceable.”
“It’s not like it’s worth any money. I’ve been saving that all these years, in case I ever had kids of my own. Of course I had pretty much given up on that ever happening, but I’m happy to be able to share it with someone, after all.”
She smiled. “I’m going to help him with his bath.” Just in case, she added, “Don’t go yet. I’m sure he’ll want you to read him another bedtime story.”
After Robert bathed and dressed in his pajamas, he asked Julia, “Is William still here?”
“Yes. Do you want him to read you another story tonight?”
Robert nodded, and Julia called up to William who, at Robert’s request, read Harry the Dirty Dog.
Afterward, while William retreated back into the open doorway, Julia kissed Robert, turned off the light, and said, “Night-night.”
“William.” Robert’s voice summoned William forward again.
“Yeah?”
“Are you coming over again tomorrow?”
William glanced sheepishly at Julia.
“We’ll have to see,” replied Julia, “but you’ll see him again on Tuesday, for sure. ”
“Good night,” called Robert, and Julia knew it was meant for William.
“Good night,” William answered.
They ducked back into the hallway again, and Julia closed the door. Upstairs again, she turned to look at William.
“I’m going to check on Paige a minute, and I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.”
While he made himself comfortable, she went down the hall and found Paige on her bed, listening to music from her iPod and reading a book.
Paige took the ear buds out of her ears. “Is he still here?”
“William? Yeah.”
She curled her lip. “Please don’t spend the night with him.”
Shocked, Julia came inside the room and closed the door behind her. “What gives you the idea that he’s spending the night?”
“I just kind of assumed.”
“Why would you assume such a thing?”
“The way you two were acting, I just assumed.”
Julia gaped. “What are you talking about?”
“So you’re not together?”
“No.”
Paige set the iPod aside. “What are you waiting for?”
Julia laughed. “Well, make up your mind. What do you want?”
“It’s okay for you to date him. Just don’t sleep with him.” She grimaced and added, “Gross.”
Julia found it reassuring, at least, that her daughter was still innocent enough to find such a scenario likely. “Paige, there’s a lot you don’t understand.”
“Like what?”
“Like old wrongs don’t mend overnight.”
“Why not?” she demanded. “It’s obvious you’re both still crazy about each other. He stared at you all night long, any time you weren’t looking. And you stared at him.”
Julia tried hard to wrestle the hope back into the little spot deep down where she had hidden it. “I don’t think so.”
Paige laughed. “Mom, I’m not stupid or blind. ”
“Well, I think it would be a good idea to wait and see how it goes this coming Tuesday, after the whale-watching.”
“Why?” When Julia didn’t have an answer for her, Paige added, “Mom, do you know what carpe diem means?”
Julia laughed. “Of course I do.”
“Okay then. Don’t be such a wuss. Do something.”
Julia gazed helplessly at her daughter. Paige snorted in disgust and put her earbuds back in. She sat back against her pillows, and picked up her book.
After a moment’s hesitation, Julia went to the bedside table and opened the drawer. Inside, wrapped in a handkerchief, she found the smooth, flat circle of stone. It had a pink inner section, surrounded by a circle of white, surrounded in turn by an outer ring of green. Just like a slice of watermelon.
“Don’t be afraid of love. And don’t compromise.” She slipped the watermelon tourmaline into the pocket of her sweater.
Finally, she went to the safe in her closet, where she hid her valuables from Paige’s sticky fingers. From within the safe she retrieved a small box, slipped it into the other pocket of her sweater, and stumbled out of the room.
William turned off the TV when she appeared in the living room. She sat on the love seat and touched the watermelon tourmaline in the pocket of her sweater.
“If it’s meant to be,” her uncle had said, “the details will work themselves out.”
William reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Retrieved a photo, and held it out to Julia.
“I found something of yours.”
She went to sit beside him on the couch and took it from him. “My God. This is the photo you took of me and Paige when you took us whale watching.”
“I think Robert must have been in the picture, too.” He waited for her to grasp his meaning. “I knew there had to be a reason I kept this all these years.”
She stared down at the photo, blinking, her eyes stinging ominously. After a while, William ventured, “He’s so much like me, it’s scary. It must have been the worst kept secret on the planet.”
“It was,” she replied with a shaky laugh. Looking up at him, steeling her resolve, she said, “It’s been both a comfort and a torment, having such a big piece of you with me all these years.”
He shifted his weight in his seat. Stared down at the floor in front of him.
“From the second he was born, it took my breath away to look at him,” she continued quietly. “The way he would look up at me with those big blue eyes while I nursed him. Your eyes. You can’t imagine the pain I felt, knowing he might never know who his father was.”
He put his face in his hands, and she heard him whisper, “Julie.”
She took his hands and gently pulled them away from his face. He lifted his eyes to hers, and the creases in his forehead deepened.
“I have something of yours, too,” she said.
She reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out the small box. Opened it, and held up the chain with the Saint Peter pendant.
He gaped in disbelief at it.
“I must have snapped the chain when I grabbed at you, trying to stop you from leaving,” she explained. “I had it repaired. I was going to mail it to you. But by then I knew I was pregnant. I thought maybe one day Robert would realize Kevin was not his father. I wanted him to have at least one thing that was yours.”
She opened the clasp, leaned forward, and put the chain around his neck. After she had closed the clasp again, she leaned back to find him overcome with emotion. He would not look her in the eye.
“Now you can give it to him yourself,” she said.
The tears spilled over and he swiped at them with his hand. She swallowed, leaned forward and gently wiped them away with her thumb. He looked her in the eyes then, and she took his hands in hers.
“What I did six years ago, I did when I was not in my right mind,” she said. “Not one single day has passed when I haven’t asked myself why I did it.”
The pain in his eyes was palpable. “I don’t know what to say,” he whispered.
She squeezed his hands. “You have no reason to trust me. I have no right to make you promises. But if there’s even one tiny part of yourself that still cares – that can find some way to forgive me – I will love you and make you happy for the rest of your life.”
All the air seemed to leave his lungs, and he looked away from her again. After a while, she took his left arm in her hand and slowly began to push up the sleeve of his sweater.
He snatched his arm away, avoiding her eyes. She said, “Did you cover it, or have it removed?”
He said nothing, and after a while, she gently took his arm again. Pushed the sleeve up.
It was still there.
She gazed in disbelief at the mermaid. Then she picked up his arm, and kissed it.
He watched her for a moment, and said, “I tried so hard to hate you. But as far as I’m concerned, you’re all there is. I’m never going to love anyone half as much as I love you.”
She touched her hand to his face, nuzzled his beard. Smiled tenderly, and said, “This is going to take some getting used to.”
He covered her hand with his. Their foreheads touched, and his face contorted as he looked over the familiar cliff.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, stroking his hair with her free hand. Then, from beneath the lining of the box where she had stored his St. Peter chain, she lifted the mermaid necklace.
He let her kiss him; let go and let himself love her again.
THE END