Chapter 19
Nineteen
Zephyr
"There. That should do it," Lord Fredrick said as he leaned back and eyed my crudely stitched-together hand.
He'd sewn back the hand he'd cut off with magic, and I didn't know what he was hoping to accomplish.
The pain in my arm was making my vision blurry, but I was sure whatever he'd done wouldn't help.
He'd chopped my hand clean off, and there was no way he could fix that.
Maybe a skilled healer could, but while Lord Fredrick was a powerful sorcerer, he was a lousy healer.
I spent the next few days in a feverish haze of pain, dreaming about Rei.
About the day I'd found her as a puppy, about playing with her and the way she made magic so damn easy.
But all my happy memories of her were now stained with guilt.
I couldn't save her. I'd had to watch her die, and I could do nothing.
Lord Fredrick should've lopped off my neck instead of my hand. Then I wouldn't be stuck here with Rei gone.
Once my head cleared a little, I tried to find something, anything I could use to hurt either Lord Fredrick or myself. I was exhausted. I didn't want to be here anymore. Death would be nicer than this life; I was sure of it.
"Yeah, it's infected. You should've called me."
I blinked up at the woman standing at the foot of my bed. When had she arrived?
It took me a minute to recognize her as the healer that sometimes visited. She was a friend of Lord Fredrick, and she didn't give a fuck about me, just like all his other friends.
"Do I go around messing with the wards you put up at my house? Men," she grumbled as she placed a hand on my forehead, and everything went black.
The next time I woke up, I was alone in my room, and the haze that had clouded my brain for the last few days had lifted somewhat.
I glanced down at my hand and sucked in a sharp breath as I raised the bandaged limb. Lord Fredrick had cut my hand a little above my wrist, but now... now everything from an inch below my elbow was gone. What the hell?
Remembering the healer, I tried to recall what she had said. Infection. My arm had gotten infected because that bastard had tried to stitch it back together.
I stared down at my arm, and slowly, the guilt gave way to anger. Lord Fredrick had taken everything from me. My family, my familiar, my hand.
I didn't know how, but one day, I was going to make him pay.
With a sharp gasp, I shot upright, my heart thundering in my chest. The dream clung to my mind, refusing to drift off into nothingness like dreams usually did, and I struggled to catch my breath as the remembered agony made my arm ache.
I rarely got phantom pains these days, but when it happened, it lingered, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Even healers with all the magic at their disposal hadn't figured out a fix for phantom pains.
"Zephyr? Everything okay?" Keoni mumbled, and I tried to tell him it was, that he could go back to sleep, but my lungs were still refusing to cooperate.
Keoni was silent for a moment; then I heard him move. I followed the clip-clop of his footsteps against the wood floor as he walked around to my side of the bed, then grabbed my shoulders and pulled me closer. He took my right hand in his and placed my palm on his chest.
"Breathe, Zephyr. Follow my lead, and breathe," he murmured, his chest moving under my palm in deep, even breaths.
I tried to follow along, ignoring the tightness in my chest as I breathed along with him in the dark room.
It took me a few minutes to catch my breath as Keoni stood there patiently, holding my hand to his chest.
"I'm okay," I murmured as soon as I could speak, and Keoni hummed.
"Nightmare?"
I nodded, and he leaned down to press a kiss on my forehead. I reached up to pull him close, and it was only then that I remembered I wasn't wearing my prosthetic.
I sucked in a breath, freezing in place as I dropped my left arm. Had Keoni seen it already? He must've when he walked over, right?
Keoni pressed another kiss to my forehead, then whispered, "It's okay. I didn't look. I know you're not ready, and I would never force your hand."
God, why was he so good? And what was I so afraid of? He'd just made a pun with zero intention to do so, and I was pretty sure he'd die of horrified embarrassment if I pointed it out.
Keoni wasn't the type of person who'd be unnerved. He wouldn't care.
Swallowing hard, I decided to trust in Keoni and ignore my hang-ups.
"It's—it's fine," I said as I pulled Keoni closer and wrapped both arms around him. It was a bit of a cop-out, but it was something, right?
Keoni hugged me back, his arms tight around me as I tucked my head under his, glad I'd changed the height of our bed. I'd done it so Keoni could easily climb on and off, but this was a nice perk.
"Do you want to talk about it? Your nightmare?"
I opened my mouth to decline, but the words that left my lips were, "He tried to fix my arm."
Keoni was silent for a moment, then asked hesitantly, "The sorcerer?"
I nodded against his throat, breathing in his warm, sleepy scent as I tried not to remember the vivid nightmare. "He used magic, but he wasn't a healer, so I got an infection, and then the healer he called amputated more of my arm to save my life."
Keoni sucked in a breath, his arms tightening around me hard enough to hurt. Not that I minded. It felt good. Protective.
"That bastard. Are you sure he's dead?"
"Yes." I'd made sure of it.
"And the healer?"
"She was his friend. I... I killed her too," I confessed. I'd killed everyone closely associated with that man, and I'd never regretted it, but I wondered if it would make Keoni see me differently.
The people at the Sanctuary had a certain image of me, a false image that I'd never tried to correct. What would Keoni think when he realized that?
Keoni
Zephyr seemed to be waiting for something. Judgment, maybe? Did he think I thought less of him now?
"Good," I said, making my voice strong and firm so he'd know I meant it. "I'm not much of a fighter, but I would've helped you take them all down if you hadn't. Fucking bastards."
Zephyr leaned back, and I could just about see his eyes in the dark room, though not well enough to read him. "Really?"
"They hurt you, Zephyr. When you were a kid. They deserved what they got."
Zephyr was silent for a while, and I held him close, wishing I could take all his pain away.
A rapid-fire knock at the door pulled us apart, though I kept my arms around him as I called, "Who is it?" At the same time Zephyr waved his hand, unlocking the door.
Rei came in without a word, shutting the door behind her as she hopped onto the bed and hurried over to Zephyr.
"Are you okay?"
I loosened my hold on him so he could turn to his familiar, and Zephyr smiled at her, then patted her head.
"I'm okay, Rei. Just a nightmare."
Rei nodded, then glanced between us. "Do you want me to leave?"
"Not at all," I said before Zephyr could say anything, sensing she wanted to stick around. She'd known Zephyr longer than I had, even discounting the hundreds of years in-between when they were apart. Just because we were mates didn't mean Zephyr needed her any less than he needed me.
"Tomorrow, I'll ask someone to get a bed for you so you can sleep here with us," I said, and she squinted up at me.
"Nah, I'll sleep in Zephy's office. I don't want to see you two... you know..." She made some weird hand motions, and I snickered as Zephyr groaned and hid his face against my chest.
"Whatever you want. You can stay here for tonight, though. We're just going to sleep, I promise."
"Okay."
We settled back into bed, with Zephyr and me under the blanket and Rei over it on Zephyr's other side. I pressed a kiss on Zephyr's cheek, and Rei grumbled under her breath, making me chuckle.
"Relax, it was just a goodnight kiss. Or are you annoyed because you want one too?" I teased as I leaned up on my elbow to look at her, and she huffed, then turned her back to us, making me chuckle.
Lying back down, I placed my head on Zephyr's shoulder, wrapped my arm around his waist, and sighed as I settled in to sleep again.
We'd have to be up again in a few hours, but I didn't mind.
Just thinking about how many nightmares and panic attacks Zephyr must've dealt with on his own over the years made me grateful I could be here for him tonight.
"Good night, Keoni. Night, Rei," Zephyr murmured, already sounding half-asleep.
"Good night, Zephyr, Rei."
Rei gave a very raccoony chirp, and then everyone went quiet. The sound of their breathing eventually lulled me to sleep, and I hoped that one day, Zephyr would have no more nightmares to contend with.
Rei was gone when I woke up the next morning, and I assumed she was out wrecking havoc on the Sanctuary. Zephyr was still asleep, and he'd turned on his side at some point so he was facing me, half his face smushed into the pillow.
What had grabbed my attention, though, was his left arm. It was thrown over my side, and if I glanced down, I'd see it, sans prosthetic. Zephyr had said it was okay last night, but did that carry over to now? Or had he said it was okay simply because the room had been dark then?
If he'd only meant it for last night and I looked, I'd be breaking his trust. But if it had been a blanket permission and I didn't look, would he think I was avoiding looking at his arm because I was afraid or uncomfortable?
Zephyr stirred before I could make a decision, and I snapped my eyes shut, then slowly opened them, rolling my eyes at myself. I wasn't going to pretend to be asleep.
"Good morning," Zephyr mumbled as he turned his head, sleepy blue eyes meeting mine.
Smiling, I pressed a kiss on his nose, then chuckled when he went cross-eyed. "Good morning, Zephyr. Did you sleep okay?"
He hummed, then glanced down. His lips pressed in a firm line, and he blew out a breath before raising his gaze to mine.
Putting some distance between us, he drew his left arm back and into the space between us.
Getting the message, I lowered my gaze to his arm as I debated over the best way to handle this. I didn't have a lot of time to mull over it, so I decided to go with my gut.
I placed my right hand on his left shoulder, his skin warm under my touch, and slowly trailed it lower, humming at his firm biceps. My gaze followed my hand as I reached his elbow, then the stump where his prosthetic connected.
"Oh," I murmured when I realized there was a band of woven metal threads just above his elbow, and I ran my fingers over it. The threads were so slim they were almost invisible. "What is this for?"
"It extends and attaches to the prosthetic once it clicks into place. It adds balance and keeps my arm from hurting from the added weight."
Draven really was a fucking genius. I had no idea why he was here, but I was glad we had him.
Gripping his arm above the elbow, I leaned down and placed a kiss at the bottom of his arm, the skin long since healed.
I couldn't imagine the pain he must've felt when he lost his hand or when he got the infection and then had to lose more of it.
With the amount of pain he'd gone through at such a young age, it was a testament to his strength and conviction that he'd turned into such a wonderful person.
He could've easily let his pain twist him into something bad, but he hadn't.
"Keoni," he murmured, sounding pained, and I glanced up at him, wishing I could put everything I was feeling into words.
"You're beautiful, Zephyr," was what I settled for, though it felt highly inadequate, "every single inch of you."
Zephyr exhaled a shaky breath, and I slid up and pulled him into a soft kiss, morning breath be damned. Zephyr made a soft sound as he kissed me back, and I held him close, breathing him in.
Zephyr was stronger than me, and he didn't need me to protect him from physical harm, but his heart? His heart was all mine, and I'd guard it with my life.
No one was allowed to hurt my mate ever again.