15. Beau
Beau
Ineeded to get my shit together. Focus on making sure things got done and stop daydreaming about tonight. I was failing miserably at both.
We packed a lunch just in case, but one of the big tests of today was catching our own food.
The big family had brought their own rods, while Colt pulled some extras from his pack and handed them to whoever was interested.
A bunch of us took the poles and tossed our lines into Snow Creek and then patiently waited for a bite.
The twins seemed to have the magic touch, but hilariously, Clark was the one to get a massive fish on the line.
I supposed if he were a fisherman, that wouldn’t have been something to brag about.
But Clark was not a fisherman, so I wasn’t surprised when he nearly got pulled into the water.
Thankfully, I was right there, standing behind him.
I reached around him and grabbed the rod, helping him maintain his grip on it.
His compact body against mine was sending me spiraling, and I was about to embarrass myself. I grew hard against his ass, which he then exacerbated by subtly pushing it back against me. It was all I could do not to throw him to the ground, right then and there.
“You are torturing me!” I whispered furiously as I helped him bring in the large fish.
“I thought you enjoyed edging,” he whispered back, his grin audible even as he faced away from me.
“As a porn category.”
I grabbed the net, even as I pressed my erection between his cheeks.
Taking the net, he snagged the fish and turned to face me. “Life imitates art,” he murmured with a smirk.
Grr.
I yanked out my T-shirt and tugged it over the front of my jeans while promising to make him pay for that little trick.
“Nice catch,” said Colt as he pulled out the frying pan.
Clark grinned, looking proud. “Thanks!”
His fish was big enough to feed half the party, and he bragged about his elite fishing skills to anyone who would listen. He was mostly joking, of course, which had everyone, including Jake, laughing by the end of it.
Well, everyone but River.
He went quiet as he and Miguel took over lunch prep. Miguel tried to get him to talk, but River seemed to shut down entirely. Folded in on himself.
Clark was close to tears when everyone was packing up for the return trip.
“You okay?” I asked softly.
He sniffed and dashed at the few tears that’d managed to slip past his eyes.
“I chatted with my therapist for a few minutes after you left. You know, updates about how things had been going. Grateful, for once, to be going to her with good news.”
“I’m sure she was happy to hear it.”
“Yes, but she was also quick to warn me that my son’s grief hadn’t gone anywhere. And not to take it personally if he fell back into a little bit of a depression.”
“Sounds reasonable.” One look at Clark’s miserable face told me that her advice hadn’t stuck. “Though, even if you don’t take it personally, it’s still really hard to see your son in pain.”
“It’s awful. And I can’t do a thing except be here for him. As worthless as that is.”
“Hey.” By this point, we’d wandered near the tree line, so I took him by his shoulders. “The way you support your son is not worthless. You were telling me just last night that you hadn’t seen him smile at all in six months, and he’s been laughing.”
“He’s not laughing now.” Clark nudged a rock with the toe of his boot.
“But now you know he can get back to that feeling. Even if he gets taken down by his grief, you both now know that laughter is possible.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.”
His eyes, red and puffy, met mine. “Yeah?”
I winked. “Been working with all kinds of kids for a long time. None of what I’m seeing from him is uncharted or extreme territory.” I lifted a shoulder. “Something probably reminded him of his mom—the view, the sky, the water—and it made him sad.”
“You’re right.” Clark sniffled. “It’s the water. Her family’s from Bend, Oregon, over by the Deschutes River.”
“Is that why y’all named him River? Because rivers are important to your family?”
Clark nodded. “In part. Also, River’s grandmother was a huge fan of River Phoenix and cried for days after he died.”
“It’s a beautiful name.” A thought occurred to me, so I asked, “Did y’all ever do any river rafting?”
“Yeah. We’d go to the family-friendly areas.” Clark gave a half-smile. “Riv always thought it was funny when I fell in the water.”
“I bet you fell in the water a lot.”
He gave a wet snort. “Yep.” He gestured to his son, who was sitting on a log and retying his combat boots. “I’m gonna…”
“Of course.”
I watched as Clark made his way over to River and sat next to him. Clark mentioned that he had been working hard on just letting his son talk. So, I gave Colt a heads up, and he and everyone else understood that we needed to give the father and son some space.
I sidled up next to Miguel. “It’s really hard to see someone you care for go through grief like this.”
“I hate not being able to do anything about it.”
I heard the break in his voice. That surprised me. “You seem to really like him.”
“More than I should.”
“Same, with his dad.”
Miguel and I gave each other sadboi looks, then sort of laughed at our own pathetic messes.
We watched as Clark inched closer to his son, finally reaching for his hand.
River didn’t pull away, which I hoped was a good sign.
It looked as if he said a few words, then rested his head on his dad’s shoulder.
Clark snaked his arm around his son, and a few minutes later, River was laughing.
I’m guessing Clark was reminding him of his propensity to fall into the water. The fact that he was such a good dad shouldn’t have been as sexy as it was, but it really was.
By the time we got back and ate a quick dinner in the main hall, everyone was ready for bed. River sent me a conspiratorial smirk before grabbing Miguel’s hand and walking off toward the bunkhouse.
Clark walked right up to me. “Hey, you.”
“So, I take it River knows about us?”
“He guessed.” Clark’s eyes found his son again, and a wistful expression took over. “He looks so comfortable with himself. Makes me proud.”
“That he’s leaving you alone for the night makes me grateful.”
Clark elbowed me in the ribs, smiling.
“I have to go take care of a few things at the bunkhouse. See you in about an hour?”
He nodded. “I’ll be ready for you.”