19. Clark
Clark
Iwalked into the kitchen, not entirely proud of myself. I probably should’ve stopped touching Beau when my son came home.
I couldn’t, though.
I needed his orgasm more than I needed my own. I was greedy for it, my ego massive at the thought that I could make that gorgeous mountain man shiver and fall apart under me.
The thing I’ll remember most about last night was how much he gave himself over to me. Let me play him like a fiddle, let me extend his orgasm again and again and again. I felt powerful, both in the giving and then in the receiving.
I was proud of myself for asking for what I wanted.
Even though I was half joking at times, Beau took me seriously every single time.
I was grateful I’d been prepared for ass play, and just as grateful that we were able to move on from the toy.
The second he was inside me, I knew I was meant to be with him in that way.
Which sucked because I was never going to find someone like Beau in Chicago.
“Dad? Why are you staring at the coffeemaker?”
“No reason.”
He snorted, and I turned to find him shaking his head at me.
“We really are going to get our hearts broken, aren’t we?” he said, sighing.
“Probably.” Not wanting to think about it, I grinned and gestured at his face. “Are you wearing mascara?”
He rubbed his eyelashes with a sheepish quirk of his lips. “I forgot to take that off last night.”
“It’s like that ‘90s smudgy heroin chic.” I tilted my hand. “Except you’re not starving yourself.”
“Or shooting heroin,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“I like it. And the sparkle stuff on your cheeks. I miss you wearing that.”
He touched his face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I lifted a shoulder. “You can wear whatever the hell you want to. You’re an adult, and I’m glad you feel like you can express yourself. But yeah. I like seeing you get your sparkle back.”
He went quiet for a moment, sliding me a furtive glance.
I gave him our go-ahead gesture, meaning he could say what he needed to without judgment.
“Is it okay if I don’t get all of my sparkle back?”
I pictured a chunk of ice shearing off into blue arctic waters. I couldn’t prevent a process I hadn’t engineered, and it hurt like hell. But that wasn’t what he asked.
What would either of our therapists say to that?
“I think it’s perfectly okay to integrate the before and after.
” I lay my head on his shoulder so that he wouldn’t see the tear slide down my nose.
“The day your mom died will always be a dividing line. It will always be the before and after. And I think it’s important to honor both who you have always been, and how her death has changed you. ”
That sounded good, right?
“It wouldn’t feel right to wear bright colors right now,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable in them. But maybe a little color now and then?”
“Like a highlight?”
“Yeah.”
“Not that you need my approval for anything, but I think it’s emotionally mature of you to let your outsides match your insides, and for that to change over time.”
He nodded along. “And not that you need my approval for anything … but I noticed you’re spending as much time with Beau as I’m spending with Miguel.”
Even as he said I didn’t need his approval, I understood that I had it. Which … fuck these goddamn tears.
I tapped my forehead against his shoulder. “Yep. He’s a real special guy.”
“So, it’s not just sex with you two?”
“I wish.”
He scanned me, head to toe, in that way that only teenagers can. “No, you don’t. You don’t want it to be casual any more than I want this thing with me and Miguel to be casual.”
Who let him get so smart?
My shoulders slumped. “No, I do not. And I have no idea what to do with that.”
“You always say that long-distance relationships are really stupid.”
“I do say that.” The dry laugh that scraped my throat raw wasn’t fooling anyone. “Who would torture themselves like that?”
“Idiots,” he said, dumping coffee into the filter. “Stone-cold idiots.”
River and I spent the rest of the day together. We had to attend a first-aid class with Colt and Jake, who was as grumpy as ever. We also volunteered to help pack the supplies. It was just lucky, then, that Beau and Miguel happened to be the ones in charge of supplies.
A complete coincidence.
After a full day of prep work, Beau kissed my temple. “I’ll clean up and see you at the cabin.”
River, holding hands with Miguel, sent us a grin. “I’ve already got my stuff over at his cabin.”
Miguel looked at my son like Miguel was the earth, and River was his moon.
“See you in the morning for the trail ride?”
“Yep.”
I watched them walk away, turning over in my head the logistics of the two of us falling for Colorado men. Maybe it didn’t hafta be so impossible.
“Oh, fuck,” Beau moaned to the bathroom tiles.
I was kneeling behind him, exploring his asshole with my tongue. I thought it might be weird. I thought … maybe it wouldn’t be for me. Maybe this was the line. The place where my experiment with men came to a screeching halt.
As it happened, my love of giving pleasure was evergreen.
And making Beau’s back arch was becoming my favorite thing, ever.
More than that, the musky scent of man and ass formed this chemical reaction in my brain.
I was instantly hooked from the first time I pushed my tongue into that tight, tight space.
He was close, and we had already decided that we wouldn’t try for marathon sex tonight, since we had two long days ahead of us. That didn’t mean I wanted things to be over quickly, so I pulled back.
“You’re killing me, Clark.”
I stood and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his shoulders. “I was thinking about fucking you, actually.”
He stiffened, then slowly turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. “Are you serious?”
“Obviously, if that’s not your jam, then no worries.” Another shoulder kiss. “If you’re an exclusive top, it’s totally fine.”
“What do you know about being an exclusive top?”
“The internet is free,” I said, proudly repeating a phrase I’d heard River use. “I’ve been using it.”
“And you wanna fuck me?”
“Yes. But I totally understand if it would make you too sore for tomorrow.”
“Sweetheart, I was only worried about that with you because it was going to be your first time. It will not be my first time.”
I wrinkled my nose, not really enjoying the knowledge that he had been fucked before. Or that he could get laid, either way, pretty easily.
He was grinning as he pulled me to his broad body. “Aw, lookit you. Jealous Clark is so adorable.”
“Shut up,” I grumbled.
“Clark, darlin’, I would love for you to fuck me.”
“Really?”
“Really. Do you know how you want me?”
I actually did but was a little embarrassed to admit it.
He pressed his lips together, a little too knowingly. “If you tell me, I’ll do it for you.”
I huffed out a breath and narrowed my eyes at him. He was asking for trust. He’d certainly earned it, but … gah.
Fine.
“I like the way you feel on top of me. Your weight. It feels good.”
“So … you want me to ride you?”
I bit my bottom lip. “I would like that very much.”
“Me too,” he said with a shoulder shimmy. “Besides, I’m a cowboy. I love to ride.”
I rolled my eyes and then went up on my tiptoes, kissing him.
We made out in the shower for a bit longer, letting our hands do some of the prep work for us.
We stepped out of the shower, and I dried off.
He bent down, naked and dripping all over my floor as he rummaged below the sink, looking for the items I’d purchased from The Mercantile.
Somebody was in a hurry.
I ran my finger between his cheeks. “This makes my humiliation in front of Margot worth it,” I cracked.
He shot me a sexy glare as he stood, looking down at me with supplies in hand. His cock had softened but was no less glorious. “Get the fuck out of here.”
I saluted him. “Aye, aye, Captain.” Then executed a near-perfect heel turn before almost falling on my ass.
Beau barked out a laugh.
“Shut up.”
He zipped his lips. “Not a word.”
By the time he joined me in bed, both of us were hard and ready. He pushed me back onto the bed, rolled the condom onto me, and slicked my cock. With his knees straddling my hips, he reached back and opened himself up a bit more.
“I can … help?” I offered, feeling bad that he was doing everything.
He shook his head. “This’s quicker,” he said, sounding impatient.
Like maybe he was still short-circuiting from what I’d done to him earlier. Continuing to finger-fuck himself, he leaned forward and kissed me, plundering me with his tongue.
I was already floating on a wave of bliss by the time he was ready. He slicked himself a bit more, then grabbed my cock and aimed it toward his hole. Slowly, carefully, he lowered himself onto me.
I was unprepared for the shock of heat from his body. My mouth dropped open, and I panted, letting my head fall back onto the pillow.
He rolled his hips a few times, and it was—sweet baby Jesus—everything.
I pulled him toward me, needing his mouth on me.
Drowning in his sex-high smile and his perfect, beautiful muscles, especially the fact that he didn’t have a flat six-pack.
That his thighs and ass were thick. And currently making a wreck of me.
He was also ungodly tight, especially now as he clenched around me, milking me. The roll of his hips was like butter. I adjusted my angle, just a little, and his eyes flew open.
“Right there, Clark. Right. There.”
I tilted my hips, maintained the angle, and pulsed upward with small thrusts. He started to babble in curses, incantations.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come all over you.”
He said it like a warning, but I needed it more than I’d have ever thought.
“I want you to.”
I stroked him with a lubed hand, over and over again.
Moments later, he erupted. His cum hit my chest with a dull splat, and he shivered, the sensation working its way down my shaft.
His ass had a stranglehold on me, and I didn’t ever want it to let go.
My eyes were rolling to the back of my head, and he kept going, going until finally I couldn’t hold back another second longer.
I ejaculated into the condom. The meticulous side of me liked the easy cleanup of condoms, but this sensual side that he’d brought out in me loved the cum play. If this weren’t casual, if he were mine, we’d never wear condoms. Ever.
As my breathing and heart rates finally came down from the ceiling, the ugly reality of our situation came to a head.
I already didn’t know how I was gonna make it through tomorrow, and especially the night, without being able to hold him.
This was gonna be torture.