Chapter Forty Corrina
I barely see where I am going or who I am passing as I hurry through the base towards my quarters.
I’m fairly certain that I ignore some people greeting me, but I desperately need to be alone.
As I close the door to my quarters, I begin to pace.
I rub my hands along my arms. It is like I can almost still feel Davix’s hands on me, feel the wet warmth of his tongue on my skin.
I close my eyes as a shiver passes through me.
He said that he wants me. Just as I was starting to make peace with the idea that while my feelings might seem reciprocated at some level that there was no chance of a sexual relationship, Davix announces that he wants me.
I rub my face with my hands. I don’t think I mistook his words or his actions.
The way he wrapped my legs around him. I close my eyes and shudder again at the memory of his hard frame pressed against me, at even the tiniest friction against my core as I tightened my legs around him.
I want him so badly that it hurts, and yet I don’t know if I could handle if sex were just an itch for Davix to scratch once.
It would be easier to never be with him physically at all than to have that and then lose it.
Not to mention how to deal with Krish and Zann.
If it’s possible that either of them feel the same way as Davix, I don’t know how I could possibly choose between them.
The console in my room chirps and I answer it. “Hey, Commander. Krish is at the gate asking to come see you,” says a voice through the speaker. “Want me to let him through?”
“No,” I answer immediately.
“Say again?” the voice asks. I can hear the uncertainty in the speaker’s voice. The haleens don’t have a blanket pass to access the base, but I’ve never denied them entry before.
“I’ve got other commitments at the moment, so it’s not a great time,” I lie. “Access temporarily denied.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the voice replies and then the connection goes dead.
???
“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Curran asks quietly at breakfast the following morning.
I stare at him. I really don’t. I don’t know how to tell him how flustered and confused I am by Davix’s behavior.
How a part of me wants to just say yes and go along with whatever he was offering while a part of me thinks it will break me to lose the friendships of the haleens I’ve come to care so much about.
But Curran is still looking at me intently.
“I broke up with Slade,” I say dropping my eyes to my plate so Curran can’t see that it’s only a partial truth.
“I didn’t realize you were back together again,” Curran says.
“We aren’t. We weren’t. But he wanted to be, and I told him no.”
“It’s about time,” Curran mutters.
I jerk my head up and look at him in surprise. “What?”
“He was never good enough for you,” Curran says matter-of-factly. “I’m glad you finally realized that.”
“I can’t believe you are saying that to me right now,” I grumble at him.
“Corrina,” he says seriously. “You deserve someone who will treasure you, who will put you first, who cares about what makes you happy. That isn’t, and was never going to be, Slade. And you know I’m right.”
I’m tempted to argue with him just for the sake of arguing, but instead I just stab a piece of sausage angrily. “It still seems rude to point it out,” I reply irritably.
“And yet, I get the sense you’re not as upset about it as you would have been a year ago.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask.
Curran shrugs. “Just that having someone care about you, really care about you, makes it impossible to not see when someone doesn’t.
” He stares at me, seeing more than I want him to, and I drop my eyes to my plate.
“It can be terrifying, though,” he continues softly.
“Realizing how much you care about someone and not knowing what will happen next.”
“I’ve got to go,” I say suddenly, getting to my feet.
“You do what you have to do,” Curran replies. “But know that I’m here if you want to talk.”
But I don’t want to talk. Not to Curran.
And I don’t know how to talk to any of the haleen trio.
I wonder if Krish or Zann even know about Davix’s confession or if there is any chance that they feel the same way he does.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to face any of them right now.
How am I supposed to go back to just being friends when I know in my heart that I want so much more?
But how do I give up what we have now when I have no idea what more would look like?