Chapter 54
“So he’s gone?”
Antas, who had taken a seat across from me, massaged the temple not hidden by his mask before catching my gaze. “He would not have left the palace if he could have avoided whatever he has to do.”
“Still, it’s horrible. And without a word. Gods, imagine if he hadn’t run into Thain.”
“But he did.”
“And our plan? What will we do?” More worry crept into my eyes as my stomach revolted. While I trusted Antas and the others with my life, they were no match against the High King. With Dion gone, every single one of us was in real danger of getting into the crosshairs.
Even if the prince couldn’t fight Galrach in the traditional sense, he was a buffer between the king and us because he wasn’t expendable. We were.
A wave of self-loathing about how useless I was in defending myself crashed over me so suddenly that the negativity left me breathless.
“One of us will stay close to you at all times. And we are in the process of figuring out if evacuating you from court would be better, and if so, to where. With Dion gone, you are in more danger than before, and I am sure he would appreciate if you disappeared out of Galrach’s reach.”
“Do you think the High King found out that we wanted to leave tonight? His timing feels too intentional.”
“Very likely. He is a master of unearthing secrets, particularly those you want to keep from him at all costs.”
“Gods, none of this is good, especially—”
“Especially?”
“We’re wasting so much time. We should be out there being productive; instead, we’re trapped in Alaiann. Whatever happens to the worlds is continuing while we’re hiding from a mad king who might be pushing for the destruction we’re fighting to prevent.”
“Even though admitting this pains me, your observation is astute. I hoped to find proof, but there is none. My brother is keeping his affairs so very close to his chest, misinformation runs rampant through the High Court, and everything we scraped together are vague rumors and gut feelings. As soon as Dion is back, we will leave Alaiann. If you are already off court by then, we will pick you up and figure out our path from there. Cannot say I missed traveling around blind.”
“Your dreams?”
“Silent for weeks.”
“Fuck.”
“You have acquired quite a mouth.”
“Dion’s fault.” Despite the dire situation, I grinned at Antas, and he chuckled in return.
“How is the courtship going?”
Antas’ sudden question caught me off guard, and I blushed.
Memories pushed to the forefront of my mind, and the soreness between my legs was a constant reminder of what I’d done.
Dion had left me a letter mentioning bath salts, but I hadn’t taken the time to check them out—I could vividly imagine his scowl at that.
But with him gone for only the gods knew how long—I preferred letting nature run its course.
Just like his last note, that I felt him with every move was a memento I didn’t want to miss.
But before I explained any of that to Antas, I’d rather perish.
“Good. Dion is showering me with thoughtful gifts every morning.” Picking up the book on Ivreian history he’d left me today, I rested my gaze on the precious tome.
“Although this is the last one for a while, I assume. But I don’t mind.
Presents are nice, but nothing he has to do. ”
“He will loathe the forced break. To interrupt the Second Act of Courtship while the rite is ongoing is considered bad manners.” Antas picked up my treasured book, flicked through the pages, and then inserted a bookmark between two sheets. “You might find this chapter interesting.”
“You fae really have some rigid convictions, which is quite the juxtaposition, given you’re such an instinctual and, in some cases more than in others, almost primal species. And thanks, I’ll read that part first.”
“Our customs must seem strange to you, but they will make more sense the longer you are around fae. There are many rites, even some daily ones everyone conducts in private. But the Rite of Courting is special. Two people finding each other and swearing eternal devotion is extremely rare because doing so contradicts our nature, which is a lot more free-spirited. So, when such a deep connection is established, the occurrence is cherished. Celebrated. Shouted out to the world.”
“You had a wife, right? Did you court her too?”
“Yes, I did. And I live with the knowledge I failed her and our daughter every day.”
Antas’ usually stoic face was marked with anguish, and seeing him in pain hurt me in my bones. “Why do you blame yourself?”
“Because I could not protect them. My family died because I was not close enough to save them.”
“What happened?”
“I cannot go back. Not now. If I lose myself in the past, I will not be able to function properly. One day, Naya.”
“Of course.” I was the last person who would force someone’s buried trauma to the front. “But don’t condemn yourself. Nobody can be around someone else all the time.”
“You have to understand something, Nayana. When one of us loves, we do so without any restraint. As I told you, and you experienced by now, fae are very possessive, obsessive, and territorial in general. But once deep emotions come into play, those traits manifold aplenty. And in your special case, I can only add that my grandnephew is an extreme example.”
My throat tightened with every single one of Antas’ words, but especially when he hinted at the potential nature of Dion’s feelings. Even after yesterday, I still wasn’t comfortable that the prince was under the impression his temporary infatuation was more than just a passing fancy.
“He mentioned he never had something that was truly his.”
“One of the reasons he is clinging to you that hard, if you ask me.”
“He can be suffocating.”
“Yet you are handling the situation well. I have seen humans who bathed and drowned in the affection of their fae lovers, which rarely ended on a positive note. But you challenge Dion. You do not accept what annoys you, and that is what he needs. As contradictory as this sounds, Nayana, there is more freedom for you to be with him than with one of your own. Sure, fae—especially males, but females as well—crave to possess their partners, but are human men not the same, and is their greed not backed up by Ivreian law? The difference is that we also want our beloved to thrive. You just have to be vocal and stand up for yourself.”
“I never wanted any man or male in my life.”
“That is valid, but so is changing your opinion.”
My head was buzzing. Antas’ ability to assess a situation in a different light had become invaluable to me, and I was always grateful for his advice. He never tried to push or sway me, but instead nudged me to reevaluate my sentiments and face facts I didn’t want to acknowledge.
Especially when it came to my inner workings.
Lately, I couldn’t deny anymore how much Dion and I complemented each other.
Yes, the prince was infuriating and insufferable, but the more our walls came down, the more he actually at least considered my side of the story, and if he didn’t, he ignored my opinion because he was in the right.
He’d learned to read me on an instinctual level, and I was closing in on that point as well.
My parents and society had drilled into me I had no choice but to follow the norm and marry, something I despised so much, and I pushed back against the sentiment so hard that my resistance had brought me nothing but trouble so far.
But the world wasn’t always black and white. Would being with someone really turn out to be so horrible if I chose a partnership out of my own free will? I’d mull over this question in the days to come.
“Thanks, Antas.”
“You are very welcome, as usual.”
In the next two days, I was never alone in Dion’s quarters. Even at night, at least one of my friends was staying in the sitting room, sleeping on the couch, or whatever they did during their vigil.
Turned out, they were all territorial to some degree, even if I’d never realized their behavior before, because their prince was so much worse.
But somehow, in the last few months, I’d become one of them, had been accepted into their tightly knit circle, and this made me very happy.
In a way, I considered them family, a chosen one, and not one by blood.
“There’s an envelope addressed to you in the antechamber, sweet thing.”
“Oh, who wrote to me, Thain?”
“The letter bears the royal seal, so it’s probably nothing good.”
Ever since winter solstice, the relationship between Thain and me had changed for the better.
While I’d been wary of the seemingly airheaded flirt before, finding out how a part of his impossible behavior had been an exaggerated act he was playing for Dion’s sake—as weird as it sounded—had adjusted things, and we were on the verge of becoming good friends.
Not that Dion had any inkling—he’d possibly threaten to slaughter the redhead, as usual.
When I picked up the envelope, I broke the seal, removed the parchment, and concentrated on its contents.
Gods, this wasn’t good.
“There’s another ball in two days? And I’m invited?”
“Oh yes, I’m on guard duty during the revelry. We hoped that Galrach announced the event in an attempt to make you feel excluded. You being invited changes circumstances.”
“I have a bad sense of foreboding about this.”
“You’re not the only one, darling. But we’ll keep you safe.”
“Can you?”
“Oh please, have some trust.” Thain grinned at me and brushed some of his red hair out of his face. “Also, I’m not supposed to mention this to you, but we finalized the plans to evacuate you from court in a few days.”
“To where?”
“Sorry, I can’t tell you yet. The less you know, the better.”
“Have you ever considered involving me in your plotting sessions?” My eyebrow arched. I wasn’t too fond of the way I was left in the dark until my friends had decided on my fate.
“Bring that up with Fig, darling. He has taken charge once more.”