Chapter 61 #2
But maybe I was simply overthinking as usual? After all, Antas’ mother had been a long-term resident, and Thain had grown up alongside Cantarlann, for the gods’ sake.
When would I finally stop being afraid of everything? “So, the initiation. What do I have to do?”
“Not much. It’s a fancy term for a lot of talking.” Cantarlann picked up a bottle of red wine and poured some into a simple silver goblet before handing the drink to me.
Afterward, he fetched another bottle, which looked like white wine, and prepared another vessel for himself. “The dark color symbolizes your current ignorance of our ways, and the white means I’m already enlightened.”
I scanned my glass, which was filled with a good four fingers’ worth of wine, smelling rich and decadent.
Cantarlann lifted his goblet to his lips, and I mirrored him.
We drank our wine in silence, and the flavor exploding on my tongue was exquisite.
“A small amount of alcohol will also ease some of your tension.”
A light frown marred my forehead but soon disappeared again. He was right, and a relaxing warmth spread through me. Calmness engulfed me.
This must be some strong wine. Or my sickness was to blame for being tipsy after just a couple of sips.
“Welcome to the Cuirt an Ghra, Nayana Garnet Ortha of Ivreia. Everyone is ecstatic to have you here, and even more so because you decided to determine if our ways could be yours as well. Today, I’m here to aid you with the first step on this path if initiation is still your wish.”
“It is.”
“Good. How are you feeling?”
“Relaxed. Calm. Safe and warm.”
“Perfect, Nayana. Those are excellent states.” Cantarlann smiled softly and leaned forward on his couch. “Let me ask you another question. What do you consider the purest emotion of all?”
What could he mean?
“I don’t know,” I said, slightly ashamed at the possibility I could have disappointed the fae.
“Few uninitiated can tell, so don’t be distressed by your ignorance. I’ll illuminate you. The purest emotion is selfless, unconditional love for anything and anyone around you. Once you let go of the baggage holding you back, you can become a Vessel of Love, something we strive for.”
His words didn’t sound as absurd as they should. The way Cantarlann spoke pushed his message right into my brain, where his ideas took root.
Still, there was a thought waiting to be voiced, even though dissatisfying him pained me. “I don’t believe in love.”
“Simply because you’ve never experienced a true one.
What most people call love these days isn’t more than an unhealthy obsession born of mindless infatuation.
An attempt to cage and bind. And we here condone such behavior.
” He paused for a moment, and his jeweled gaze bore into mine.
“Love grows from community and freedom, as well as from liberation from destructive ties.”
What he said wasn’t without sense. Safety in a warm environment and everyone caring for each other sounded not bad at all.
“That’s what we aim for and live every day. We desire to be so pure that love is the only emotion left in our hearts. If everyone in both worlds followed this ideology, there would be no grievance, pain, or war anymore.”
“Utopia.”
“Too fantastical for you, is it?”
“No, something worth hoping for.”
“You see, we’re not only hoping at the Cuirt an Ghra. We are actively working toward our goal instead. Our efforts might not affect every living being yet, but once we’re ready, we’ll spread.”
Nodding, I regarded Cantarlann, who met my gaze. He was serious, and the gleam in his eyes hinted at the passion he had for his beliefs. For a couple of heartbeats, I concentrated on inhaling and exhaling. My limbs were heavy, and dizziness held me in its grip.
“Nayana, why won’t you find out if you enjoy our ways while you’re waiting for your friends? It’s simple and without any strings attached.”
“But I’m only human.”
“One of the few rules the Cuirt has states not to care about species, color, or gender. In front of the all-encompassing love, we’re all equal. So never consider yourself less worthy than any fae ever again.”
“Are there other rules?”
“Yes. Strive to become a Vessel of Love.” Cantarlann studied me. “And try shedding everything tying you down.”
“That’s a lot for attempting your ways. The last point, I mean.”
“Don’t worry. No one expects you to be perfect within a few weeks. We can revisit this particular rule should you decide to move here permanently.”
My brain reacted like a lazy animal stretching in the sun.
Trying couldn’t hurt, could it? Not that I intended to stay at the Cuirt an Ghra forever, though. Once Dion arrived, we’d set out to combat the threat to the worlds. But why not broaden my horizon in the meantime, especially since everyone was so nice? “Alright, you convinced me.”
Cantarlann’s entire face lit up with a smile, and he rose, sauntered over, and pulled me into a deep embrace.
“Your words make me so happy. Allow me to present you to the others, and you can deliver the good news to them yourself. If you desire, you can already stay with the group tonight. I’ll ensure the safety of your personal belongings.
You can have them returned to you at any time. ”
“What?”
“Remember, we don’t believe in private property.
This extends to personal space. Everyone chooses a different place to sleep every night.
You’ll get used to our customs in no time, even if the sentiment seems strange to you now.
And if you don’t, speak to me, and I’ll move you back to the guest room.
However, you can keep your choker if you like.
We both know what’s underneath, and I completely understand the desire to cover up such an intimate part of yourself. ”
Cantarlann released me and returned to the table housing the collection of bottles. Shortly afterward, he turned around and extended my goblet to me, filled with the same white wine he had drunk earlier. Taking the glass, I returned his toast.
“Welcome to the true Cuirt an Ghra, Nayana.”