Chapter 64
I’d lost track of how often we’d changed our horses during the last few days. Antas and I had spent all of them and most of the nights in the saddle, frequently riding at top speed, supported by the wind magic Antas wielded.
My uncle was exhausted, stretching the little power he harbored thin, which told me more about how rightfully I worried about the entire situation, even if he refused to admit to its gravity.
We also ate and slept on horseback, taking turns resting, and the closer we came to the Cuirt an Ghra, the more my unease turned physical. My chest was aching, my short dreams were a cornucopia of weird images, and there was a constant wrongness itching under my skin.
“Something is happening, Dion, is it not?”
“I’ll kill every single one of them if they harm my Nayana.”
Antas regarded me with concern, but I wasn’t able to catch a lone rational thought. Someone was hurting what was mine, so I’d hurt them back a thousandfold, so much that the destruction of Amalach would look harmless next to my retribution.
If the worlds believed they understood only an inkling of how unhinged I was when it came to her, they would soon realize how very wrong they were.
“To witness you like that—”
“What do you mean?” Irritated at being pulled out of my darkest revenge fantasies, I glowered at my uncle.
“Crazed because of a female. No one saw that coming.”
“Not even you?”
“No. Although I caught on fast. Quicker than the two of you.”
“Don’t be so sure about that.”
Antas chuckled, and I glared at him. How could he even consider laughing during a situation like this? I bared my teeth at this offense, but he just observed me as if I were an insolent faeling.
First, my eyes transformed to slits, then I shook my head in an attempt to clear my mind. “If we hurry, we’ll arrive tomorrow. So, no more talking.”
Antas gave me one of his looks I couldn’t decipher, but I decided not to care. Instead, I spurred my horse to run faster, ignoring the ever-increasing agony in my chest.
Never have I touched anything softer than the ceremonial gown I was wearing. The off-white fabric resembled silk, but I assumed that the cloth was something else entirely.
The sleeveless corset-style top was cut low and showed a generous amount of cleavage.
The skirt consisted of several panels created from the same cloth, shifting with every step, displaying more leg than I would have been comfortable with before I’d arrived at the Cuirt.
But I didn’t mind this level of nudity anymore.
Instead, I marveled over how cool the material felt on my heated skin, how the white embroidery danced over the finery, and how the tiny glass beads caught and reflected the light.
The other females who waited in the meadow in front of the ritual hall donned almost identical dresses, everyone’s hair was unbound, and no one had applied makeup.
The males were bare-chested, and the garments each of them wore resembled the skirts of my gown, only that their panels had been attached to belts riding low on their hips.
A smiling fae male with raven hair sauntered around and gently placed flower crowns on everybody’s heads. Just like everything else, the flowers were cream-colored, and as soon as I’d received my garland, a sweet scent enveloped me.
The giant double doors leading to the ritual hall opened, and, one after the other, we entered. My heart was beating with excitement, and not for the first time in the last few days, I felt like flying.
I accepted a goblet and a small confectionery treat as I stepped inside, like everyone did.
“Nayana, I’m so glad you’re joining us today.”
“Oh Coir, hello. Yes, I’m delighted to be here.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Slightly. But only because I’m clueless about what to do.”
“You’ll do great, dear. Remember, we all love you.”
Heat flowed through me, and to cover my awkwardness due to the compliment, I took a generous sip of my drink. Flavor invaded my senses, like fruit and flowers and so much more. My eyes widened, and I had to take another mouthful, then another, until I’d drained my goblet.
Gods, I wanted more.
“Easy, Nayana.”
“Oh, that’s so tasty. Can I get a refill?”
“That’s not for me to decide. Cantarlann granted you already so much more than he allowed everyone else.”
“Why?”
Coir just laughed, and I stared at her mouth in fascination. Had I ever noticed before how delicate the arch of her upper lip was?
“Nayana, why don’t you ask Cantarlann if he has another glass of Laiga for you? See, he’s waving at you. You should go over.”
There was no reason not to follow Coir’s suggestion, and so I floated to the fae male, who scanned me from head to toe.
“How are you, sweet thing?”
“So good. And that juice was extremely flavorful.”
“Yes, Laiga is special. Oh, wait. If you like that, you’ll love what I have here.”
He handed me a delicate vial containing a deep purple liquid inside. Cautiously, I uncorked the stopper and inhaled. Sugary notes assaulted me in the best way, and my mouth watered. “What is this?”
“Drink and you’ll see. That’s nothing I can explain. You have to experience the phenomenon for yourself.”
“Is the mixture dangerous?”
“Oh, sweet Nayana. Nothing here is dangerous to you. Especially not Seadan. But you have to drink the whole vial at once. Can you do that for me?”
A small voice screamed inside my mind, warning me of an uncertain danger, but the sound was weak and quickly drowned out by a wave of euphoria. “I’ll try.”
“I’ll help you if necessary.”
Nodding thankfully, I brought the vial to my lips and, without further hesitation, drank. At first, the taste was even more intense than the one of Laiga, but as more liquid flooded my mouth, something felt very, very wrong.
Suddenly, my gums and tongue burned, the fluid thickened, and morphed into a viscous mass growing in size.
I barely noticed that Cantarlann had hauled me close to him and poured the rest of the vial into me.
I wanted to scream as the burning sludge filled my entire mouth, but the male held me tight and prevented me from spitting out anything.
“Don’t worry, precious. I’m here to support you. Just swallow. All will be good.”
I whimpered through closed lips, deadly afraid that the flaming sensation would continue spreading should I do as Cantarlann insinuated, but the pain in my mouth increased to an unbearable intensity.
And as I wasn’t able to spit the goo out, I swallowed.
An inferno created a fiery trail searing through my insides as the Seadan traveled deeper into my system, and I coughed before a scream erupted from my scorching throat.
“Shhh, you’re doing great, Nayana. So well. Just a little while longer.”
I barely perceived that Cantarlann pressed a goblet to my lips and coaxed a cool, soothing fluid into me. This tasted more like Laiga, but the foul taste and the burn of the Seadan overpowered everything else.
But then the pain ceased, and exhaustion attacked me with such ferocity as if I’d been running half the day. My knees buckled, and my eyes drooped before warmth and euphoria returned with a vengeance.
“I’m so proud of you, Nayana. Everyone is.”
How we’d ended up in the dead center of the room slipped past me, but Cantarlann supported me when weakness threatened to overwhelm me, and everyone else was encircling us.
On a raised dais, I spotted a couple of fae with an eerie glow to their skin. They were taller than the tallest person in the room, and for a moment, I forgot about the drowsiness as I stared at them.
“The Graigh,” I whispered, and I couldn’t recognize my own voice.
Something was off.
Wrong.
Gods, what was happening?
My whole body was shaking and shivering, and my consciousness expanded.
Colors—they tasted strange. And was it normal to hear smells?
Hands. Did I still have them? My eyes told me yes, but—numb. So numb.
“Yes. They’re here for today’s ceremony.”
“The moon—”
“Yes, the moon ceremony. But they also asked me to evaluate if you’re ready for the next step on your journey to become a Vessel of Love.”
Suddenly, a deep yearning gripped my soul, and a fever was rushing through my deepest, darkest desires.
If I worked harder, everyone would continue looking at me with untainted affection. What if the members of the Cuirt stopped including me because I didn’t strive to be better? Would Cantarlann throw me out?
These prospects were more than I was able to bear, and fresh lances of agony shot through my chest. My already weakened legs buckled to the point where only Cantarlann’s aid prevented me from collapsing.
“What’s the next step? What will I have to do?” My desperation tasted like the awful cabbage dish my mother used to cook, and the memory drove tears into my eyes.
“Don’t cry, sweet thing. I’m sure you’ll do great.” The male looked softly at my distressed face and cupped my cheek with his hand. “If you are serious about our community, then it’s time to leave your ties behind, don’t you think?”
“My ties?”
“Yes. Those invisible strings that bind you. They’re vile chains, preventing you from advancing in the right way.”
Everything in me rebelled. I wasn’t tied down.
A rusty blade sawed at my insides as I understood he’d hinted at the divine magic binding me to Dion as his Amplifier.
No.
I wanted to keep this blessing. The binding wasn’t a chain, just a connection.
But—
Wasn’t this cause so much bigger than me and my sensitivities?
Sorrow radiated through me.
Oh.
True, unraveling the tie wouldn’t be possible.
Relief hit me so strongly that the sensation turned physical.
“The only one I have can’t be cut.”
“Oh, but the Graigh can, precious Nayana. There’s an ancient ritual, and they’re offering their services to you as part of today’s ceremony.”
Gods, what should I do?
No, I didn’t want that.
I couldn’t be separated from Dion. Not now, not ever.
Despair clouded my senses, but Cantarlann hugged me close again.
“I know the prospect is scary, but imagine everything you can do for the greater good.”
His hand painted soothing circles all over my back as his words pierced through the fog in my brain and latched onto my emotions.
“The greater good. Hmm—yes.”
“Oh, wonderful, Nayana.”
What?
Had I just agreed?
No—I had to tell him no.
That hadn’t been what I’d meant when I’d mumbled yes. I’d just been musing.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t open my mouth anymore. I’d lost all control over my muscles.
Cantarlann rewarded me with a beautiful smile, and cheers all around me strove to convince me I’d made the right decision.
No one noticed the dread paralyzing me.
Stop.
Please—
No.
Help me—
Please, Dion—
Fingers danced over the back of my neck, and I barely realized a weight falling away as someone took off my collar.
Everyone could see my divine marks—
No—
Stop—
Before I could attempt to voice my protests again, all thoughts dissipated—and every single person present began to sing.
“Fuck.”
“Dion, what is wrong?”
Bending over my horse’s neck, I panted because of a searing torment shooting through my chest. But I wasn’t hurt. No, this was phantom pain because Nayana was suffering somewhere.
“Faster, Antas,” I coughed, fury driving the sensation away until all I could see was crimson streaked with black. My magic was already leaking out of me, and a cacophony of internal roars demanding to protect my female threatened to overpower me.
“Listen to me, Dion. Whatever you do, you have to control yourself until we are able to assess the situation.”
Silence.
I didn’t even dignify his bullshit with an answer. Every last shred of reason had been burned away by the blistering anguish moments ago.
“Promise me.”
My head flung to Antas, and I growled so viciously that my horse bucked, but I was too good a rider to be fazed by the animal’s antics. “Ask yourself. Would you have been reasonable if this were about you and Lile instead of Nayana and me?”
My uncle flinched as if I had hit him, but I couldn’t care less. He, of all people, should understand what I was suffering through.
Enough. Faster.
On the horizon, the giant bridge leading to the island housing the Cuirt an Ghra appeared, and I snapped. Mid-ride, I jumped off the steed’s back and hurled myself into the nearest shadow.
The last I heard was a really colorful curse from Antas.
My vision was blurry as I swayed next to Cantarlann, fighting against my drooping eyes.
My memory remained patchy as I fused with the colors, the smells, the light, the tastes, and the sounds. Melting, dissolving, evaporating.
I barely noticed being led to the dais where those giant bright fae-creatures stood in a circle, each of them a miniature sun ready to burn me alive.
My guide presented me to them, and they, one after the other, pressed a light kiss onto my forehead, branding me with an invisible mark descending right into my very essence.
A million voices coming from everywhere sang a tune so hauntingly beautiful I yearned to cry.
Where was I?
Who was I?
Bright light devoured me.
With every muscle twitching, I couldn’t stand upright anymore, and gentle hands guided me to lie down on the hard floor of the dais.
If I could have a pillow? The question churned in my mind, but my tongue didn’t obey my command to speak.
The Graigh didn’t sing with the others but hummed instead, and their cadences mingled together with the melody from below in an eerie tune. The notes engulfed me like a toxic lover’s embrace and etched themselves into my skin.
Something within me shifted, and my limbs were so heavy I couldn’t will them to move.
Was I still breathing?
Somehow, the thought of dying didn’t scare me as long as the end was like this. Basked in light, surrounded by love, and accompanied by the hauntingly beautiful tune.
But then the chant changed. Slight dissonances tasted like rotten fruit, and the light bent and blistered. Invisible forces latched onto me and tightened as if someone was ripping my soul apart.
“You’re doing so well, sweet thing. Not long now, and the ceremony will be completed. You’ll be free. We’re all so proud.”
My eyes—they’d fallen shut seconds or winters ago—opened wide as a fresh wave of searing agony radiated through the hidden place where my Potential rested, and some of the haze I’d been in for days vanished into thin air.
What was I doing here?
Why?
Gods, I had to get away.
A scream tore from my throat as I attempted to rise to my feet but failed because I was too weak.
With the last strength I could muster, I tried to half-crawl, half-drag myself away.
Light was binding itself around my limbs, and another horrid wail shredded my voice as the most crucial part of me shattered into a myriad of tiny fragments.