Chapter 5
CHLOE
The moment I stepped into the facility where my mother now lived, I could smell disinfectant. At least they kept the place clean. But this certainly wasn’t where I’d envisioned her living out her last days.
I made my way down the hallway to her room. When I opened the door, I found Mom staring blankly at the television.
“Hi, Mama.”
She turned to me, her eyes slowly widening. Did she recognize me?
“Hi, Judy,” she said after a moment.
Judy. My heart clenched.
One of the workers walked in shortly thereafter, and I introduced myself before taking a seat in the chair next to my mother’s bed.
“How is she doing?” I asked.
The woman smiled. “I did her hair.”
She’d styled my mother’s graying hair up in a twist. It reminded me of the way she’d worn it on her wedding day to my father. A bittersweet feeling filled my chest. But I forced a smile. “It looks nice.”
“She seems happy today,” the woman added.
“Well, that’s the best I could hope for.” I smiled again sadly.
Actually, that wasn’t the best I could hope for.
There was so much more I could hope for.
For starters, it would be really great to go back to the time when my mother hadn’t lost her mind, a time when my parents were still together.
A time when my sister, Fawn, hadn’t fled town just to get away from the pain of it all, and a time when I didn’t feel like a stranger in my own hometown.
A time when I’d had a place to go on Christmas instead of feeling depressed over the holidays.
Oh, and a time when I wasn’t accidentally living with a man who’d once rejected me. That would be great, too.
“It’s so good to see you, Mom,” I said, rubbing her hand.
My gaze moved over the photos on a shelf nearby.
They were mostly of my sister and me. None included my father, per my request. I couldn’t bear the thought of her looking at his photo and perhaps remembering him for a fleeting moment as her loving husband.
The truth was anything but that. Maybe it was cruel of me to hide family photos that included him.
It was possible they could’ve sparked some good memories, too.
But what if she remembered him, got confused, and then somehow realized he’d married someone else?
That thought devastated me, and I wasn’t willing to risk it.
Mom suddenly smiled at me, but there was no real acknowledgment or recognition. The fact that she’d called me “Judy” told me everything I needed to know. She had no idea who I was. Tears formed as I joined her in blankly staring at the television. It was the soap opera that used to be her favorite.
“Did she ask for this show specifically?” I asked the attendant.
She shook her head. “I follow this show, so I put it on.”
I nodded in disappointment.
After an hour had passed, I decided to leave. I’d be coming to see Mom frequently while I was in town, so I didn’t need to stay the entire day.
After my visit, I moved on to the other reason I’d come home: my family’s storage unit.
When my father had sold our family home, he’d taken the few things that mattered to him—and his family wasn’t included on that list of keepsakes.
He and I mostly corresponded over email now.
While I’d told him I was coming home soon, I hadn’t given him an exact date.
So he likely didn’t know I was here yet.
Dad had left me with the responsibility of sorting all of our family belongings while I was home.
He’d provided me with the information needed to access the storage unit and informed me that he’d prefer not to have to keep paying to store everything.
Imagine being in a rush to rid yourself of any shred of your family, of the life you had for decades.
And how had this become my life? I wanted to resent my sister for leaving me to deal with this all on my own, but I couldn’t blame her for staying away.
Maybe she was the smarter of the two of us.
Fawn had started a nice little life for herself in New York.
She worked as a nanny for a wealthy couple, and the last time we’d talked, she told me she’d just started dating someone.
I pulled up to the storage unit facility, a series of what looked like individual garage bays. It was in the middle of nowhere, set in the midst of a field of unmanicured grass.
After punching in the code that allowed me to unlock and lift the steel door, I sighed, overwhelmed by the massive piles of stuff that represented my entire childhood, all of my memories, and all of the memories my mother had lost. It felt so heavy.
It would take months to sort through everything and decide what to do with it.
As I surveyed the scene, somewhere in the mounds of stuff, a chair caught my attention.
I sat on it as I began reaching for random items in the rubble of my life story.
A box labeled recipe cards that had been passed to my mother from my grandmother.
Blankets and old bedding, which now smelled musty.
A bag of Christmas ornaments, tinsel, and decorations.
Some of the ornaments were sentimental, so I’d put that bag aside to take back to Chicago with me.
Someday I could hang them on my tree when I had a family of my own.
Who knew if that would ever happen, but if it didn’t, those ornaments might be all I’d have left on the holidays.
As much as I would’ve loved to, I couldn’t hang onto the majority of this stuff. Where would I even put it? I didn’t live here anymore, and I only had so much room in my Chicago apartment.
There were stacks of VHS tapes, and I couldn’t just throw them out without knowing what was on them. But where would I even find a VCR these days?
I turned to a file cabinet filled with folders.
This likely contained some important documents.
I immediately knew I’d be saving that for later, since I couldn’t handle anything right now that would require me to think too hard.
My mother had saved everything from our report cards and awards to medical bills.
I could already feel myself burning up from the stress. Where would I even begin?
Somehow, I urged myself forward, and I spent about an hour sifting through, filtering out items I knew with certainty I could donate into white garbage bags I’d picked up at Walmart earlier.
Then I had black garbage bags for the items I would throw out.
I’d drop off what I could at the local Salvation Army on the drive back to Evan’s.
As much as I’d hoped to find another place to stay for tonight, I’d come up empty again when I’d stopped by the local motels between here and visiting Mom.
And the property management company couldn’t find any other rentals for me.
I did locate one house available for rent in town on my own, but when I called the number, it turned out to be double my budget.
Maybe it would be worth it, but I couldn’t get myself to bite the bullet.
Just when I was about to leave, I came across a box labeled Chloe’s bedroom.
Holy crap.
A tear rolled down my cheek as I sifted through that one.
My favorite stuffed animals.
Dance trophies.
Photos of high school friends.
This was everything I’d left behind when I went away to college, as I’d never returned to Dry River.
If I’d known how things would end up playing out, I might’ve visited more back when my family was still intact, when my mother hadn’t lost her memory.
I’d taken everything for granted and assumed my world here would be the way I’d left it forever, that I could come back any time and return to my life.
When I came across a bunch of my old diaries, I shuddered at the thought that I’d left these behind for anyone to see.
Why hadn’t I taken them with me to school?
Someone had put them into this box. Was it my mother?
My father? My sister? She’d still lived here when my parents split.
Had they read what I’d written? I certainly hoped not.
I opened one of the diaries and began eyeballing the pages. I stopped on something I’d written around the time Evan had first moved in.
Evan Ricci has been living with us for three weeks now.
I feel so bad for him because I can tell he’s sad about his mom.
They had to sell their house to pay for medical care because Carmen has no insurance.
I’m happy we can be there for him and give him a place to stay.
He’s very cute. Have I mentioned that? He’s got the most gorgeous tanned skin and black hair.
I bet it would feel nice to run my fingers through it.
Evan comes from football practice smelling like cologne and sweat.
Am I supposed to love that smell? Maybe not. But I do. I really do.
I cringed at the pathetic tween I’d been back then.
I’d had the biggest crush on him, though.
But at twelve, I hadn’t stood a chance with high-school-senior Evan.
It wasn’t until I turned eighteen, after Evan returned from serving a four-year stint in the military, that the lines blurred between friendship and something more with him.
That had lasted barely a couple of years before everything fell apart.
But it still had been one of the best times in my life.
I tucked the diaries away in a spot where I could easily access them next time. Then I closed up the unit for the night.
Dread sank into my gut as I drove back to Evan’s. I’d have to tell him I hadn’t found a place to stay and suck up my pride for another night.
The moment I walked in the door, though, Effie’s eyes lit up as she sat at the kitchen table. “You came back!”
“Did you think I was gone for good? All of my stuff is still here.”
“Daddy’s had to clear out people’s stuff who never came back before.”
I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”