Chapter 6
EVAN
After I sent my little motor-mouth daughter to her room to finish her homework, I regretted it. Effie had been the only buffer tonight. Now the quiet tension between Chloe and me was more obvious.
Chloe stood and took her plate to the sink.
I tried to stop her there. “Leave it,” I barked. “I’ll handle it.”
“It’s the least I can do,” she said, ignoring me and pumping dishwashing soap onto a sponge. “Thank you for dinner.”
She wouldn’t even look at me—well, not if she thought I was watching.
I did catch her looking at me when she assumed my attention was elsewhere.
Then she’d quickly move her gaze away. But at the moment, she seemed to be making a concerted effort to avoid eye contact altogether. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore.
“Look at me, Chloe.”
She stilled before shutting the water off and placing the plate on the drying rack. When her eyes met mine, I could see the pain in them. I suspected she’d had a hard day. It wasn’t my intention to make it more difficult.
Chloe shook her head. “What are the chances of me ending up at your house, of all places?”
“Not that much of a stretch in this town.” I laughed under my breath. “Tell me about today.”
She wiped her hands on a towel. “What do you want to know?”
I moved in closer. “You said you visited your mom. How is Judy?”
“She called me Judy, actually. That’s how she is.”
“Really…” Man, that hurt. Judy had been like a mother to me, too.
When I’d lived with them, she had been sharp as a tack, always so perceptive and insightful.
Her presence in my life had been a godsend after my mother got sick.
I regretted not visiting her, despite losing touch with the family.
I should’ve reconnected with her long before she lost the ability to know who I was.
Chloe leaned against the sink and crossed her arms. “I’m not sure if she calls me by her name because she thinks she’s looking at a younger version of herself or whether she’s generally confused and doesn’t even realize where the name Judy comes from.
The only thing I’m sure of is that she doesn’t know who I am. ”
“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure what else to say about such a horrible situation. Chloe had been close to her mom. While I’d lost mine way too young, this was a different kind of cruelty, to lose someone before they were even physically gone. “I didn’t know how bad it was.”
“It’s as bad as you can imagine.” She looked up at me. “The last time I was home a year ago, it wasn’t like this. She had at least some recognition. She went downhill fast.”
I nodded. “Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
I should’ve checked up on Chloe. But after the letter she’d sent me from school, I’d assumed she wanted nothing to do with me. So I’d stayed out of her life, even when I’d itched to reach out, just to make sure she was okay. There were many times I’d almost done that, only to stop myself.
Her eyes shifted to mine. “It’s not easy being back in town. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be, but it’s even harder than I imagined.”
“You have no plans to see your father?”
Chloe shook her head and looked down.
“It’s okay to protect your peace for a while,” I said. “But you probably should see him at some point.”
She deflected. “Speaking of protecting your peace… You keep telling me it’s okay that I’m staying in the spare bedroom, but I don’t believe you. I’m trying to get out of your hair because I don’t think me being here is making your life any easier. You’ve got a lot on your plate, too.”
I wanted to tell her that even though I should feel that way, I didn’t.
It was actually really damn good to see her, and damn good to have someone else here for Effie’s benefit, too.
But the words wouldn’t come out. It was easier to be the sarcastic prick I’d been from the moment she walked in the door.
Because feeling anything for this woman would be as dangerous as it always was, just for different reasons this time.
The fact that Chloe would only be in town for a short while was at the top of the list of red flags.
“You can get out of here when you have a safe place to stay,” I insisted. “I’m not letting you stay at some cheap motel. And I’m certainly not letting you sleep in your car.”
“Letting me, huh?” She lifted a brow as she cracked a smile.
She was as feisty as ever. I’d never forget coming home after being discharged from the Army and being shocked to see how much Chloe had grown up.
It’d been disconcerting and a little exciting all at once.
In some ways, this felt a lot like that time, only tenfold, maybe.
Chloe was even more of a woman now, and still as off-limits as ever.
I took a moment to really look at her. Goddamn, she was beautiful.
She’d always been a stunner, but time had only enhanced her beauty.
The same long, sandy-colored hair was painted with more streaks of blond than I’d remembered.
The full lips that had always taunted me seemed even fuller.
But her bright green eyes, which had always been full of possibility, were more guarded now, undoubtedly due to life experience.
“Well, hopefully I’ll find something else soon,” she said.
“Feel free to say goodbye when you leave this time,” I taunted.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I think you know what it means.”
There I go again. Whenever those old feelings bubbled up, my first instinct was to protect myself by being a jerk.
“I never said goodbye to you when I left for school because I was still mad about how things turned out with us. That was just the way I needed to handle it at the time.”
“I’m playing around. I know why you did what you did. And I don’t fault you.”
Chloe tilted her head. “Speaking of goodbyes…” She lowered her voice. “Where is your wife?”
I’d been waiting for her to ask about the elephant in the room. “Ex-wife,” I clarified.
“Well, where is she?”
I sighed. “Katerina didn’t want to be a mother anymore.
That’s the short version. But I can’t exactly frame it like that to my daughter because then Effie would think it was about her when it has nothing to do with her.
Katerina is selfish and wanted her independence back.
So she moved to California—with her boyfriend.
” My jaw tightened. “I’m sure you’re wondering what I did to cause her to leave, but it wasn’t like that. ”
“I never said it was, Evan.” She looked away, probably to process what I’d tried to downplay. “She cheated on you with that guy?”
“No. She met him after we’d separated but before we were officially divorced. At a certain point, she decided she wanted to move away from here and travel the world. She’s based in California now but is hardly ever in one place for too long.”
“So where is she right now?”
“I honestly couldn’t tell you.” I threw my hands up.
She gave me a look. “That’s insane, Evan.”
“You don’t need to convince me of that.”
“Does Effie talk about it?”
“Very rarely, and I don’t force her. She’s smart, though.
She knows she got a raw deal. But she still loves her mother very much, craves her attention when she comes back to visit.
” I ran a hand through my hair. “It’s fucking heartbreaking, but somehow, Effie never holds it against her—or at least she keeps her feelings inside.
Effie clearly wants her mom back, but she’s resigned herself to accepting whatever she can get, even if that’s just a handful of visits a year. ”
“So Katerina does visit…”
“Yes, for a week here, a week there. In some ways, that makes it harder. Because after she leaves, Effie is more cognizant of the fact that she’s gone.”
“That makes sense.”
“Actually, none of it makes sense.” I looked away. “It’s just the way it is.”
“When did Katerina start to check out?”
“Things were never perfect, but she really withdrew when Effie was about four. From the beginning, everything with us had happened fast. When she found out she was pregnant, it was a shock to both of us. We tried to make it work, though. Or at least, I tried. And I would’ve kept trying.
I was willing to do anything for my daughter.
Katerina didn’t see things that way. She had dreams away from Dry River that she thought she needed to fulfill.
Said she couldn’t be the type of mother Effie deserved long term if she didn’t live her life untethered for a while.
” I sucked in a breath. “As you can see, Effie and I are doing just fine. I wouldn’t change a thing. ”
“You wouldn’t have her mother permanently back in her life?”
“Well, of course I would want that. I meant if I could go back in time, I would do everything the same…just to have Effie.”
She smiled and murmured, “Yeah. She makes you a better person.”
Chloe seemed almost sad for me, though. And the last thing I needed was pity, especially from her.
It was bad enough that I felt it everywhere I went in this town.
Everyone knew about the single dad raising a little girl who had been abandoned by her mother.
The looks I got. They were the same as the one Chloe was giving me right now, and I needed an out.
“Heading to shower,” I announced before leaving her standing there.
Once in the bathroom, I tried to decompress under the water.
But all I could think about were Chloe’s eyes, Chloe’s face, Chloe’s lips.
How damn beautiful she was. Fuck, I was hard up.
Things hadn’t been going well with my girlfriend, Naomi, and me.
It had been a while, to say the least. And that was mostly my own doing.
But I stopped myself from relieving the tension here because I knew my imagination would go straight to Chloe.
That would only make this situation worse.
After I showered, somehow managing to avert an orgasm, I stared at myself in the mirror, hesitant to venture back out there in case Chloe was still in the kitchen. I took my sweet time in the bathroom and then went to check on my daughter and tuck her in.
Effie closed the book she’d been reading. “Hey, Daddy.”
“You all ready for bed?” I sat at the edge of her mattress.
“Do you think Chloe’s going to be able to braid my hair in the morning?”
“I don’t know, baby.” I ruffled her hair. I wished Chloe hadn’t made that promise.
“Can you ask her?”
“No. She’s in her room for the night. I’ll try to figure out how to do it myself, okay?”
“You can’t. You already tried once, remember?”
“I didn’t try that hard. It was one time, and I hadn’t gotten any formal lessons. I’ll look up instructions before bed. I’m sure I can find a tutorial online.”
I’d stay up all damn night if I had to.
My daughter frowned. “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”
I chuckled. “Have faith in your dad, okay?”
“It’s not that you don’t mean well. You’re just…follicularly challenged.”
I chuckled again. “Follicularly? Did you make that up?”
“It’s a real word. Like hair follicles. Follicularly challenged means you can’t do hair. You can’t do hair.”
I bent down to kiss her on the cheek. “Try to get some sleep. We’ll get up a little early and figure it out.” Nothing like making promises you weren’t sure you could keep.
“Okay.” Effie sighed, placing her book on the nightstand and getting under the covers.
She didn’t believe in me when it came to this task, and she had no good reason to. Effie deserved better, but all I could do was try. I shut the light off in her room on my way out.
Later that evening, I set up my laptop on the kitchen counter while I prepared Effie’s lunch for the next day. I put on a YouTube tutorial about how to French braid and glanced over at it in between arranging items in her lunch box.
“What the fuck?” I muttered as I watched. “You’d need three hands for that shit.”
“Looks like we both had the same idea…” I heard Chloe say from behind me.
I turned, and she faced her cell phone toward me. “I was watching a tutorial, too.”
“You don’t need to worry. I’ll handle it.”
“Oh really?” she challenged. “It’s getting late. Could you do the braid right now if you had to?”
“Sure,” I lied.
She pulled the elastic from her ponytail and fluffed her hair out. “Prove it.”