Chapter 15
CHLOE
The morning after Scott and I spent the first night at the other place, I already wished I could leave.
The house was nothing like the management company had described it, and it certainly looked nothing like the photos in the listing.
No wonder it had become available. I was pretty sure whoever rented it last had abruptly vacated the premises.
The thermostat didn’t seem to work, there was mold in the kitchen, and the dishwasher was broken.
The state of things around me now metaphorically matched what had been going on in my heart since the moment Scott arrived.
Earlier this morning, I’d gone to the market while he was still sleeping to pick up some things for breakfast. I’d cooked bacon and eggs with toast for us, and we’d just finished eating when Scott brought up Evan.
“What was with the attitude I got from that guy?”
I played dumb. “From Evan?”
“Yeah. Who else? He nearly broke my hand with that handshake. Does he have his sights on you or something?”
I straightened in my seat. “Trust me, Evan doesn’t want me that way.” At least that’s what I’d thought until our laundry room moment yesterday.
“Why do you say that?” Scott pushed.
I decided to be honest. “Because when we were younger, I made a pass at him, and he shot me down.”
“Oh, so you’re the one who’s into him?” Scott huffed. “That’s what you’re trying to say?”
“I did have feelings for him when I was younger. That was a very long time ago, though. Nothing ever happened.”
Scott narrowed his eyes. “You don’t really look like you’re over it. You get all weird and fidgety when you talk about him.”
“He and I were practically kids then. We’re grown-ass adults now, and neither of us asked for that living situation. It just happened. You’re reading into things.”
“Am I? Because you never mentioned that you were living with him. And you haven’t seemed like you wanted me here from the moment I arrived. We haven’t even had sex, and we’ve been apart for weeks.”
“I wasn’t going to have sex with you in a room right next to an eight-year-old’s.”
“And what about last night here?” he challenged.
I twisted my ring around my finger. “I told you, I got my period.”
I’d lied about that. This was not good, and I knew it. Things were close to hitting a boiling point with us.
Scott rolled his eyes. “Okay, aside from that, I’m getting a strong feeling that I somehow interrupted your peace.”
“Being here and handling my mother’s affairs is hardly peaceful for me, Scott.
” I couldn’t allow this to go on a second longer.
Say it. “But if I’m being honest… I don’t think I can do this with you anymore.
” My heart raced as the words poured out.
“I can’t maintain this relationship and handle all of the other stuff.
I need to be alone right now. And I’m so sorry you came all the way out here, only to have me do this, but I can’t pretend all week with you when this is how I feel. ”
His mouth dropped open. “I can’t believe this.”
I let out a breath. “You know we had things to work on even before this. We had our issues. And you’ve always wanted more from me than I can give between my job and what’s happening here in Dry River.
That’s stolen a lot of my mental energy.
I’m just trying to get ahead of things right now so I don’t waste any more of your time.
You deserve someone who can focus on a relationship. ”
The color drained from his face. “You’re serious?”
I hesitated. “Yes.”
He pushed his chair back and stood. “Well, there’s no sense in me staying here with you if you don’t want me.”
I stood. “Please don’t be upset. I’m just trying to be true to myself and to you. You shouldn’t be stuck in limbo because of me.”
Scott stormed out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” I asked, even if that was the dumbest question on Earth.
“Where do you think I’m going?” he shot back. “To grab my shit and leave.”
I followed him. “I’m so sorry, Scott. I truly am.”
He whipped around. “You can save the apologies. In fact, it’s better if you don’t say anything else at all. Let me leave with my dignity. I don’t need to hear more reasons why I’m all wrong for you.” He practically screamed, “Jesus Christ, why didn’t I see this coming?”
I jumped, even though his reaction was understandable.
With my mouth closed, I went back down the hall and I sat alone in the living room, bouncing my legs while Scott gathered his things.
After a few minutes, I heard the door slam behind me and then the sound of his rental car starting up and driving off.
I listened until I could no longer hear the engine in the distance.
A calm came over me. The weight of my unresolved situation with him had been hanging over me for quite some time.
Not only had I felt guilty about my attraction to Evan, but I knew it wasn’t fair to string Scott along.
The fact that I hadn’t missed him since I’d been here really helped me see even more clearly where my heart was.
I should’ve ended things before I left Chicago, but was proud of myself for not being too afraid to do the right thing now.
Scott had handed me an opportunity with this surprise visit, and I’d taken it.
But perhaps the only thing worse than being stuck here for a week with Scott was being all alone in this house now. I wanted to go back to Evan’s where I’d felt safe.
If my mother’s dementia had taught me anything, it’s that life is too damn short.
Even if all I could ever accomplish with Evan was to reclaim our friendship, I’d take it over nothing.
And even if I couldn’t be there for Effie in the long term, I could be there for her today, for now, for as long as I was here in Dry River.
Who the hell was I kidding? She had been there for me, providing the best kind of distraction when I needed one most. I didn’t want my entire time here to be about depressing storage-unit cleanouts and a mother who couldn’t remember me.
Effie would remember me. What if I could make memories with that adorable little girl and become a friend to her, even if I had to eventually maintain our connection from afar?
The thought of spending the rest of my time here alone in this house became more unimaginable by the minute. I picked up the phone and called the property management company.
“Hi. This is Chloe Cavanaugh. I need to cancel my stay at the house on Bounty Road in Dry River. I know I just moved in here, but there’s a laundry list of problems, and it’s not suitable for occupancy.”
I spent the next few minutes detailing all the things wrong with the house, and thankfully I was able to get them to let me out of the lease I’d signed only yesterday. In the end, that was probably easier for them than having to address all of my complaints and get everything fixed right away.
Since it was the middle of the workday, I figured I would wait until tonight to go back to Evan’s. I didn’t want to return to the house without him being there, since technically I no longer lived there. So I decided to stop by the storage unit first and make another dent in the smaller items.
After I’d filled three garbage bags, I took a break and opened one of my old diaries, which had become my way of rewarding myself for hard work.
Evan and I had breakfast together again this morning.
He hasn’t visited Carmen’s grave since he came back from Germany.
I told him I’d go with him, but he said he’d prefer to go alone.
He also told me some stories from his time overseas.
I don’t know what to do about my attraction to him.
What had seemed like a crush when I was twelve feels so much more intense.
There’s this new pressure because I feel like I might actually have a shot now.
Or maybe that’s all in my head. The other thing I found unnerving was that over dinner last night, Fawn asked Evan to join her and some friends at a bar.
He told her he was tired, but it feels like only a matter of time before he says yes.
All I can do is look forward to our breakfasts together.
They might only last an hour, but they’re my favorite time of every day.
The angst I’d felt back then rose to the surface as if it were happening in present time. I closed the diary and resumed working until I’d had enough for today.
It was early evening, and I figured Evan and Effie would be back home by now.
I had to think about how I was going to frame my decision to return.
My explanation would be a bit different depending on whether Effie was within earshot or not.
Would Effie run to the door when she saw me back so soon?
Or would she be suspicious of my wishy-washy behavior?
Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as I pulled up at Evan’s. I used my code to enter, and that was my first mistake. Because it wasn’t Evan and Effie who greeted me when I entered the kitchen. It was Evan and Naomi.