Chapter 30
CHLOE
Evan stalked over, interrupting my conversation with Brendan. “Ready to go?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Already?”
He placed his hands on his hips. “Yeah. I’ve had my fill here. Haven’t you?”
This whole scene was pretty hilarious, particularly Evan in his cowboy hat acting all possessive, like he was ready to wrangle me away from Thor and put me on his horse.
Little did he know that I’d spent the majority of this conversation with Brendan confessing the complexity of my relationship with the crazy cowboy.
Brendan had insisted that Evan had it bad for me.
I’d told Brendan I wasn’t sure whether Evan’s behavior was a power trip or if he had intentions for me at this point.
But it seemed Brendan had pretty much concluded that I was a lost cause, the mutual obsession with my grumpy roommate all too obvious.
I turned to Brendan. “It was nice seeing you again.”
“Call me,” he said, looking over at Evan, probably just to get a rise out of him.
But I couldn’t even respond, because for the second time tonight, Evan pulled me away.
Despite the fact that it was rude, I secretly loved it.
I loved his jealousy. It wasn’t something I’d ever experienced.
It was always the other way around—me jealous of him dating other girls when I’d thought he’d viewed me like a sister.
“That was rude,” I told him.
“You think I give a shit?”
As he led me toward his truck, I said, “Did you forget something?”
“Nope.”
“Effie?” I glared.
“Effie is spending the night at her grandmother’s.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. What? “Whose idea was that?” I asked as I remembered how to walk, got into the truck, and put my seatbelt on.
“Mine.”
“Oh.”
He turned to me. “Does that scare you?”
“Why would it scare me?” I shrugged, even if I now had goose bumps. “Experience has proven that you’re the safest person in the world to be alone with.”
“I’m happy you feel that way.” He started the engine and began driving down the road.
“Although that kiss earlier didn’t feel very safe. You pretty much hijacked my brain for the rest of the night.” I looked over at him. “Not to mention, you ruined my chances with Brendan. You made it quite obvious that there’s something going on between us.”
He scoffed. “You don’t like that guy anyway.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know you, Chloe. I know you better than fucking anyone.”
“That’s the problem,” I shot back. “You fuck anyone.” I’d totally twisted his words. “Half the women at the party, probably.”
“One woman at the party. And that was finished a long time ago.” He groaned. “You know how many women I’ve slept with since you got here?”
“I don’t.” I shrugged. “I have no idea what you do while you’re away during the day.”
“The answer is none.” He sighed. “And that’s a problem.”
“Are you calling me a cockblocker because I’m staying at the house? What, you can’t have trysts on your lunch break now?”
“It’s not about you being in the way, at least not like you think.
It’s about you getting in my head. It’s about you outshining everyone and everything from the moment you came back here.
” He licked his lips. “I can’t go on like this.
We need to figure out what the hell is happening between us.
That’s why we need to be alone tonight.”
“Are we gonna talk when we get back to the house?”
He lowered his voice. “Whatever we’re doing, I want you to do it in that nurse costume.”
I burst into laughter. “We’re gonna have a deep conversation while I’m dressed like a nurse?”
His eyes filled with mirth. “A slutty little nurse, yeah.”
I laughed harder. “That’s gonna be one serious conversation, cowboy…”
He chuckled but kept his eyes on the road.
“You’re funny when you’re jealous, Evan. You know that?”
“Didn’t feel funny to me,” he grumbled. “I felt ready to rip his head off.”
“I know. That’s why it was funny. You got so serious when you thought I was going to hook up with someone.” I reached over and set my hand on his leg. “There was never a chance of that. I’m not into him at all.”
“Then why were you talking to him?”
“Because believe it or not, you can talk to a guy and not want to fuck him. I do it all the time with you.”
He glared. “You’re a brat.”
“You gonna spank me in my nurse outfit?”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“You can’t expect me not to have fun with you when you literally acted a fool tonight.”
“You make me act a fool. I’ve never done that kind of shit before.”
The rest of the ride was tensely quiet. I still had a permasmile on my face, though, as I looked out the window.
When we got to the house, I didn’t know what to expect. It felt different walking into this place at night without Effie. I was reminded of how much of a buffer she was. Without her here, the mood felt darker, yet free and intoxicating at the same time.
Evan threw his keys on the counter and removed his cowboy hat. His hair was all matted, but it was kind of sexy like that.
“Come here.” I beckoned him closer.
He approached me slowly, and I reached up to tame his messy hair, combing my fingers through it. I started to massage his scalp. He closed his eyes and groaned under his breath.
“Does that feel good?” I whispered, massaging his scalp.
He hummed in response. “You make me feel too much, Chloe.”
“You’re not the only one. Remember when you had your hands all up in my hair when you were braiding it? That felt nice.”
He reached for my hands at the top of his head and slid them down to his heart.
“After I came home from the military, you were the only person who helped take my mind off of the pain of losing my mother. You were my best friend, but I still kept so much from you. I wanted to tell you I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. Still do. I need you to know how much I wanted you.”
“Wanted?” I asked. “In the past tense?”
“You know that it’s very much want, present tense.” He studied me a moment. “Did you fall in love with anyone in the past decade?” Evan rubbed his thumbs over my hands, holding them firmly against his chest.
Not like I loved you. I sighed. “I thought maybe I was in love with my college boyfriend my senior year. But we grew apart, and in retrospect, I don’t think it was ever genuine love.”
“How many boyfriends have you had?”
“Three. My college boyfriend, Jayson; a guy named Ford, who was also a single dad; and then Scott, whom you met, of course.”
“What happened with the single dad?”
“He decided to get back together with his wife.”
His eyes widened. “Really…”
I nodded. “They were divorced when we got together, but then they reconnected while we were dating.”
“Well, fuck…” Evan looked down at our hands for a moment.
“Yep.” I sighed.
His eyes met mine again. “Were you hurt?”
“Not really. I didn’t think he was the one.
It was for the best. I was happy for him.
If she was his one true love, who was I to stand in the way?
He was honest about it and broke up with me instead of cheating.
I respected him for that. I’d rather be alone than with someone who’s pining for someone else.
It’s like…do what you want. Just spare me from being in the middle. ”
“I can relate to him somewhat, but in a different way.”
“How?”
“I was the one married and pining for someone else,” he admitted.
I swallowed. “Pining for whom?”
His eyes seared into mine. “Who do you think, Chloe?”
“You were really still thinking about me after that stupid letter I sent you?”
“Like I’ve said, I knew you didn’t mean those words.
You were hurt. In fact, the letter showed me for the first time just how much I’d hurt you.
Even though I suspected you were drunk, sometimes alcohol brings out the pain.
And yes, I did still think about you and imagine what my life might’ve been like had I not let you go. ”
I choked back tears. “You were never happy with Katerina?”
“There were happy times, but I don’t think I told you that Katerina and I broke up before I found out she was pregnant with Effie…”
Wow. I shook my head. “No, you never told me that.”
“When she found out about the pregnancy, we got back together. Things were good for a while. I really tried to make it work. I wanted to give my daughter the kind of life I never had, one with two parents. I guess you could say I wanted to give her an upbringing like yours. But in the end, all I did was inadvertently walk Effie right into the same kind of childhood I had, with one loving parent and another who was MIA.”
“Do you think you would’ve stayed married to Katerina forever if she hadn’t left you?”
“I probably would’ve, yeah. For Effie. That’s how badly I wanted Effie to have a stable family life.
But I made the mistake of admitting once to my ex-wife that I didn’t feel fulfilled.
That was the beginning of the end. I was willing to keep working on things.
But my honesty gave her an excuse to start bowing out of the marriage, even though I never cheated.
I can’t blame her, though. I can only blame her for not sticking around for Effie after the divorce.
” He shook his head. “Anyway, I didn’t intend for us to talk about Katerina tonight. ”
“What did you intend?”
“I think I’d convinced myself that we should talk tonight, but actually…” He rubbed his thumb along my cheek. “What I really want to do is fuck you.”
A jolt of arousal shot through my body as I stood there, stunned into silence.
“I just don’t want to hurt you, Chloe.” He let out a long breath that I felt on my chest. “But I really want to fuck you.”
“Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“I won’t break if you let go. I promise. No matter what happens, I’ll be okay. And I won’t regret it.”
He shook his head. “I’m barely hanging on by a thread. It won’t take much. You have no fucking idea how easy it would be for me to let go right now.”
“I sort of need you to because I’m ready to lose my mind.”
He nodded before he walked over to one of the drawers and opened it.
What is he doing?
He took out one of the neon pink notes, followed by a black Sharpie. He wrote something down before coming back over to me. “I believe it’s my turn,” he said, sticking it to my chest, right in the middle of my cleavage.
I looked down at what he’d written. It was the same challenge I’d given him all those years ago.
Have sex with me.