Chapter 15
Are We Just Going To Pretend Nothing Happened Between Us?
Kai to Tess: I wish I could love you the way you deserve. [unsent]
Tess
“Want some help?”
The sound of Kai’s voice has me clutching my chest, the spoon I was holding clattering to the ground.
“Stop sneaking up on me!”
“Stop getting lost inside your own head.”
I whirl around, narrowing my eyes at him. “Talking to me now?”
His face tilts down and his eyes look everywhere but me. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, I know you didn’t exactly ask for this.”
His eyes snap to mine. “It’s not that. I like being around you, Tess.”
He bends down to retrieve my forgotten spoon and places it in the dishwasher.
I turn back to the stove, fighting the weird mix of feelings welling up inside me. The simmering tomato sauce is starting to bubble over, so I grab another spoon from the holder and stir, trying to focus on something—anything—other than the pounding in my chest.
“What are you making?” Kai asks, coming to stand next to me, close enough I can feel the heat radiating off him.
“Meatball pasta.” I point towards the bowl of seasoned minced meat that I need to roll into balls.
Kai tilts his head in silent question.
“Alright, you can help.”
The two of us make quick work of rolling the balls, though Kai’s are not exactly ‘ball shaped’.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask with horror.
He looks at me with puppy dog eyes. An expression I’d never have associated with him. “Making meatballs?”
I stare at the oddly shaped blob in his hand with wide eyes. "That’s not a meatball, that’s a pancake. The clue is in the word ball; they should be round.”
Kai shrugs with a sheepish grin. "Oh."
I roll my eyes, fixing his mess with my own, though his attempt does at least lighten the mood. For a moment, it’s like we're just two normal people cooking dinner—no complicated emotions, no heavy atmosphere. But I know it's a fleeting moment.
Once the meatballs are browning in the pan, I step back, keeping a safe distance. I learned the hard way that flying oil isn’t something to mess with.
Kai moves around me, pulling out plates and glasses from the cupboard. As he stretches to reach the top shelf, his shirt rides up slightly, exposing a patch of his tan skin. I bite my lip, trying not to groan.
Why does he have to be so damn attractive?
His arm brushes mine, and it sends a shock through my entire body, like an electric jolt. I freeze, my pulse racing. Crap.
Kai pulls back almost immediately, his body stiffening, but he doesn’t say anything. The silence between us thickens, awkward and heavy. I can’t figure out if he’s feeling what I’m feeling or if I’m just losing my mind.
I watch him carefully as he sets the table with a kind of controlled precision that makes me want to scream.
Everything he does is so deliberate, so careful.
It’s like he’s trying to be perfect, trying to avoid the tension between us.
Meanwhile, I’m standing here pretending I didn’t just feel every inch of my skin tingle from his touch.
I really need to get laid. Preferably by someone who doesn’t scowl at me like I’m his worst mistake.
Placing the plates down, sliding one in front of Kai, I keep my eyes low. It’s so awkward even I’m not sure what to say.
Eventually, the silence becomes too much.
I stab a meatball, the scrape of my fork against the plate sharper than necessary. “Are we just going to pretend nothing happened between us?”
His head lifts, gaze cutting to mine, dark and unreadable. “What do you want me to say, Tess?”
“I don’t know. Maybe that you regret it?” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.
His jaw ticks. He drops his fork, metal clinking against porcelain. Then he stands. Comes around the counter until he’s right next to me. Close enough that I smell the soap that clings to his skin.
“I don’t regret it,” he says, voice low, rough. “That’s the fucking problem.”
My breath catches.
His fingers brush my wrist—barely there, just a ghost of contact—but it’s enough. Enough to make my pulse kick, enough to remind me exactly how his hands felt on me before.
I should say something. Laugh it off, crack a joke. But I don’t. I just sit there, heart hammering in my chest, waiting for whatever happens next.
But nothing does. Because Kai exhales sharply, like he’s forcing himself to step back. And then he does—turning away, back to his plate, back to pretending nothing happened at all.
And I hate that it stings.
"You cheater!" I scream, my voice laced with mock fury as I throw my arms up in exaggerated disbelief.
Happy grins at me, his expression pure smugness. "I did no such thing. You just can’t handle losing."
I cross my arms and pout, screwing up my face in the most dramatic way I can muster.
"You’re adorable when you’re angry," he whispers, moving way too close.
I take a step back, just as Kai walks in. His eyes narrow, zeroing in on the small gap between Happy and me.
Happy, of course, grins wider, clearly enjoying the tension between them.
I shake my head, grabbing the Switch controller. "Come on, best of three," I mutter, nudging Happy’s shoulder as I walk past him, heading back to the sofa.
Kai stands in the doorway, his arms crossed, his posture stiff, like he's trying to keep himself in check.
I cock my head, studying him. "Wanna play?"
His eyes meet mine, and for a moment, it’s like the world stops. My breath hitches, my heart skips a beat.
But just as quickly, he turns away, his shoulders tight as he walks out of the room without a word.
And I’m left standing there, feeling like the weight of a thousand unspoken words is pressing down on me.
“What’s up with you two?” Happy asks, his voice jolting me as I spin around to face him.
Shaking my head, I load up a new game. Silence stretches between us uncomfortably before I speak. “I don’t know,” I sigh, “I can’t seem to do anything right.”
“You like him?” he probes, curiosity and something else lacing his tone.
I shrug. “I just wish it wasn’t so awkward being here with him. He won’t talk to me about what happened between us.”
Happy nudges my shoulder playfully. “What happened?”
I turn beet red.
“Nothing,” I mumble, clicking play on the next race but Happy forces the controller out of my hand.
“Come on!”
Rolling my eyes, I turn to face him. “We got a little frisky. Then my new brother turned up and my world turned upside down—more than it already had.”
Happy lets out a low whistle, waggling his eyebrows. “Frisky, huh? Now this is getting interesting.”
I groan, snatching the controller back from him. “It’s really not.”
He tilts his head, studying me. “So, what? You’re into him, he’s into you, but neither of you know how to deal with it?”
I grip the controller a little tighter. “Something like that.”
Happy leans back against the couch, his grin fading slightly. “Look, Tess, I joke around a lot, but I know what it’s like when things get… complicated.”
That catches me off guard. I glance over at him, expecting another smirk, but there’s something almost wistful in his expression.
“I don’t think he’s mad at you,” he continues, stretching his arms behind his head. “I think he’s mad at himself. And if I had to guess, he’s probably scared shitless.”
I scoff. “Kai? Scared? He doesn’t do fear.”
Happy chuckles, shaking his head. “Everyone does fear, T. Some of us just hide it better.”
Something about the way he says it makes my chest tighten. For all his teasing and constant grinning, I realise I don’t actually know that much about him.
“You ever been in a situation like this?” I ask, nudging him with my foot.
Happy gives a half-shrug. “Maybe.”
I arch an eyebrow. “That’s vague.”
“That’s intentional,” he shoots back, flashing me a smirk. But then his expression softens. “Look, I can’t tell you what to do, but I do know this—when shit gets weird, you either talk it out, or you let it eat at you until there’s nothing left but regret.”
I swallow hard.
“I’m just saying,” he adds, nudging me playfully, “if you wanna keep brooding, fine. But I’d rather kick your ass at Mario Kart, so maybe get your head in the game.”
A small smile tugs at my lips. “Best of three?”
Happy grins. “Oh, you’re on.”
Kai
Sweat clings to my skin as I run, pushing myself to my limits. Each breath feels like I’m inhaling glass shards.
Nico matches my pace silently. I’ve heard Tess refer to him as ‘Happy’—the statement’s pretty accurate. I’ve never seen the guy without a smile on his face.
I started running on the first day, and he joins me when he’s not on duty.
There’s only so far I can go, so we just do laps of the grounds.
“How long do you reckon we’ll be here for?” I ask him as I slow to a jog.
He slows with me; his head turned towards me. “No idea, man. Enzo’s tracking down some leads, but Petrov’s being very smart about staying hidden. They haven’t made any more moves.”
My jaw clenches, contention filling me at the thought of being here much longer. I can’t handle being around her. She’s under my skin. I can’t even work out why.
Tess isn’t my usual type. I go for girls that will stay quiet. Girls I can fuck and not think about ever again.
“You’re going to push her away, you know,” Nico says, just a hint of smugness in his voice.
“Good,” I grunt. Though, as I say it my heart clenches at the thought of her hating me.
I want her.
Want her to know me.
To want me.
But that’s a fool's dream. My own parents couldn’t love me. Why would anyone else?
Nico rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything else for a while. But then—“So, you wouldn’t care if I asked her out?”
The growl reverberating from my throat has him laughing, slapping his hand on my chest as he takes off towards the house.
“First one there gets the girl,” he calls out, grinning wide as I take off after him, shoving him to the ground on my way past.
I’m so fucked.