Chapter 43 Make Me Forget
Make Me Forget
Carina to Kai: Don’t shut her out. She needs you. [delivered]
Tess
I let myself cry for a while. It’s overdue, really. This breakdown. A long time coming. Probably should’ve scheduled it weeks ago between all the murder, mafia drama, and general life fuckery.
But once the tears dry, I realise something.
I do not want to be here.
Alone. In this tiny flat. Surrounded by memories of my old life—one that, despite everything, I definitely don’t want back.
With newfound determination (and possibly some lingering hysteria), I march to my room, drag my suitcase from the wardrobe, and start violently shoving every item of clothing I own inside. I don’t fold. I don’t organise. I don’t even check if things are clean. If it’s fabric, it’s coming with me.
I’ll have to come back at some point… but for now? This is a start.
Grabbing the phone Enzo got me before we left America, I unlock it and immediately download the Uber app, drumming my fingers on my leg as the little loading circle spins. It’s like it’s taunting me.
Hurry up, you bastard. I’m on the verge of a dramatic life decision.
As soon as it’s ready, I order a car. I don’t even want to know what happened to all my bank cards—I should probably cancel them before someone buys a yacht in my name—but thankfully, my online shopping addiction has made me a walking, talking credit card database.
My financial irresponsibility is finally paying off.
The app says the car is three minutes away, so I do a last sweep of the flat, grabbing anything essential before heading downstairs.
Then comes the longest Uber ride of my life.
London traffic is a nightmare, and I spend way too much time oversharing with my driver. She gets the whole rundown on Kai. Well… most of it. Probably best not to casually mention the body disposal.
By the time we pull up outside Kai’s house, she’s fully invested in my love life.
“Good luck, girl,” she says, waving me off like I’m about to storm the beaches of Normandy.
Dragging my suitcase up the stone driveway, I suddenly realise how insanely loud it sounds. Like a war drum announcing my questionable life choices.
I hesitate at the door.
You need to show up for him.
Carina’s words replay in my mind, so I square my shoulders, knock, and shift restlessly on my feet as I wait.
Then the door swings open, and boom—oxygen? Never heard of her.
Kai stands there, looking unfairly attractive in those grey joggers I love, and a white T-shirt that clings to every muscle like it was personally sewn onto his body. His tattoo is peeking out from the sleeve, a reminder of the pain he’s suffered.
His face, however? Completely unreadable.
Lips pressed into a line. Eyes betraying zero emotion.
Oh God. Is he happy to see me?
Annoyed?
About to call the police?
“What are you doing here?” he asks, voice rough, but there’s a slight tremor to it.
“I’m not letting you push me away,” I declare, breezing past him like I absolutely belong here and wheeling my suitcase inside.
Kai blinks. Processing. “Uhh…?”
Leaving my case in the hall, I start roaming, taking in the house. “It’s different. Less… clinical?”
I yank open a kitchen cupboard, immediately horrified by the absolute chaos inside. “Oh my God, how have you not lost your mind?”
Kai is still staring at me, following my every move like I’m a wild animal he’s too afraid to provoke. Which is fair.
I march into the living room, collapse onto the sofa, and sigh like I’ve just moved in. Because, well… I kind of have.
“Hurricane, you’re kind of scaring me,” Kai mutters, still standing there, eyes wary.
I wave a hand dismissively. “Like I said. You’re not pushing me away.”
“I wasn’t—”
“You were.” I cut him off. “And I get it. But it’s not happening. I shouldn’t have left. I fucked up. I’m sorry. But I’m not going anywhere now.”
Arms crossed. Chin lifted. Unshakeable confidence—fake it ‘til you make it, baby.
Kai stares at me for a beat, then laughs—his whole face lighting up. “So, you decided to just… what? Move in?”
I frown. Okay. Fair point.
…But also, we’re doubling down now.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’ve decided,” I huff.
“Otherwise, you’ll keep pulling away because you think it’s easier.
You think if you push me out, I won’t be able to hurt you when I eventually leave.
Because that’s what you think, isn’t it?
That I’ll leave again.” I meet his gaze. “But I’m. Not. Leaving.”
Kai tries to argue. I don’t let him.
“I love you.” The words tumble out before I can stop them.
“Okay? I love you. I love how you make me coffee in the morning, how you let me talk for hours even though you don’t care about half the shit I say.
I love your stupidly big heart. Even when you barely knew me, you helped me.
You helped me get rid of Jake’s body. You came for me when Mikhail cornered me. You made Nate fit my carpet! Kai, I—
I don’t get to finish. Kai grabs my face and crashes his lips to mine.
I moan into his mouth, fingers threading through his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. He kisses me like he’s starving for it, like he’s just as desperate as I am. When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests against mine, breath warm against my lips.
“I love you too,” he murmurs, voice rough. “You maddening, chaotic woman.”
“Oh,” I whisper, as his lips ghost over mine once more.
He pulls away slightly, his hands cradling my face, thumbs tracing over my cheekbones. His gaze is searching now, sharp.
“Now tell me what’s really going on.”
I frown. “What do you mean? I just told you—”
“You told me you’re not leaving. I believe that.” His thumb strokes over my cheek. “But Tess… you didn’t just decide to move in here without consulting me to prove a point. What’s really going on?”
My chest caves. The air in the room disappears.
Tears spill over before I can stop them.
Kai moves without hesitation, pulling me into his arms, holding me against his chest as my body shakes from the force of my sobs. I clutch at his shirt, trying to steady myself, trying to breathe, but the words claw their way up before I can stop them.
“He raped me.”
Kai goes rigid. His arms tighten around me; his entire body coiled like a live wire.
He doesn’t speak. Not yet.
I choke on a breath, my voice barely more than a whisper. “I couldn’t sit at home. Alone. With time to think about it. I needed to keep my mind busy. The memories are too much.”
“Tess…” His voice cracks. “You didn’t tell me.”
I pull away, needing to see his face.
“I didn’t know how.”
His eyes glisten, pain stark in his expression. His mouth opens and closes, like he’s searching for words that won’t come.
“Fuck,” he breathes. “I can’t believe you were going to deal with this alone.” He shakes his head, like he’s disgusted with himself. Then his gaze turns pleading. “How can you ever forgive me?”
I frown. “Forgive you?”
“For pushing you away after you went through something like that.” He drops his head in shame.
I climb into his lap, cupping his face, pressing soft kisses across his cheek, his forehead, his jaw. “You didn’t know.”
He tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. “It’s not your fault,” I whisper. “It’s mine.”
His whole body tenses. A strangled noise of protest catches in his throat.
“It is,” I insist. “I knew what would happen if I left. But I went with him anyway, because I thought I was protecting you.”
I let my head fall against his shoulder, breathing him in, grounding myself in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “I made a mistake.”
Kai’s arms tighten around me, locking me against him like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. His voice is steel and fire when he speaks. “You are not to blame for what he did, Tess.”
I nod against him, even if I don’t quite believe it.
His hands slide up my back, holding me like he can keep me from falling apart. “What can I do?” he whispers. “How do I make it better?”
“Make me forget,” I murmur against his skin.
He stiffens, pulling back just enough to search my face. “How?” His voice is raw. “Tell me, and I’ll do it.”
I answer the only way I know how.
I kiss him.
He meets my desperation with his own, tasting and teasing me with his tongue.
His erection presses against me, and he freezes, tearing his face away.
“Shit,” he hisses as I grind myself down onto him. “What are you doing, Hurricane?”
“I don’t want to think about Nikolai.” Even saying his name has fury burning hot beneath my skin. “I want to forget. Please,” I whisper, rolling my hips. “Help me forget.”
His eyes search mine. Looking for something—hesitation? He doesn’t find it.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asks, conflict warring inside him.
“I’m sure,” I murmur. “Please, Kai.”
Kai hesitates for another moment before he’s pulling me up from the couch and towards the stairs.
“I’d scoop you up like a romance novel hero, but”—he gestures at his boot—“unless you’re into slow-motion hobbling, you’ll have to wait three to five business days… then I’ll make love to you. Good?”
I snort. “Make love to me? What are we, eighteen?”
His deadpan expression doesn’t waver. “Fine. I’ll fuck you. But it’ll still be romantic.”
“Don’t treat me differently. Please, I can’t handle that.”
There’s another moment of hesitation in his expression before he nods.
“I’ll be waiting in your room,” I say as I slip past him, “naked.” I wink, then start heading up the steps, adding an extra sway to my hips that I hope looks sexy.
Kai groans behind me. “That’s unfair.”
I sneak a glance back at him. “Just an incentive to be a little quicker.” I turn back and hurry up the stairs before he can say anything more.
Once in his room and I start stripping out of my clothes hurriedly, fully intending to make good on my promise. I manage to get my jeans off and my top over my head as the door opens. Tugging it off I grin at him. “Interesting, looks like you just needed the right motivation to get moving.”