CHAPTER SIXTEEN - LIZ
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LIZ
“Breathe, Liz.”
Liz nodded quickly, sucked in a shallow breath, and listened to Melody’s voice. She was a much better choice for helping her get reacquainted with driving. Rose would have been short-fused and judgmental. Although, to be fair, Rose had matured a lot lately. She’d proven to be a dependable sister when Liz needed her and a decent employee at The Bitery. Mature and responsible or not, though, she’d still been teasing Liz about their first and last driving lesson together this past week.
“Liz, you’re turning a little gray. You’ve got to breathe.” Melody’s voice wasn’t judgmental at all. Instead, she was calm, gentle, and patient. Melody had every good quality that you could ask for in a driving instructor.
Liz glanced over. She’d only gotten as far as cranking the engine. She was calmer than she’d been with Rose, so that was progress. She wasn’t about to have a panic attack or hyperventilate or vomit. Hopefully. “This is me breathing.”
Melody didn’t look so sure. “All right. Are you ready to drive to the end of the driveway?”
Liz contemplated that question. It was just a driveway. There were no cars on the street behind them. Not even a pedestrian to witness if she hit the ditch. “I guess so,” she said, uncertainty playing in her voice. “Remind me of what I need to do? It’s been a while.”
Melody tapped the gear. “Press the brake pedal down and shift the gear into drive, lift up on the brake, and let the car roll forward. Tap the brake if the car moves too fast or if you need to stop. Press the brake pedal all the way once you are level with the mailbox. That’s a good start for right now.”
Liz nodded, more to herself than to Mel. “Right. I’ve done all this before.”
“It’s like riding a bike,” Melody said.
Liz cast her a look. “No, it’s nothing like riding a bike.” She blew out a breath. “Put the car in DRIVE,” she repeated to herself. “Roll to the mailbox, press the brakes.”
“Exactly,” Melody said.
Liz looked over. “Are you nervous to be sitting beside such an amateur driver?”
Melody lifted a brow. “We’re only going down the driveway. And you have your license, albeit you’ve barely made use of it.”
“With good reason.”
“It’s not like you’re going to speed down the road or drive recklessly. The worst that can happen is that we’ll go off into the ditch.” Melody cast her a teasing glance. “Then I guess we’ll need to call Matt to tow us out. That might work in your favor.”
Liz rolled her eyes, although just the mention of Matt’s name gave her butterflies. She didn’t need butterflies right now. She needed courage. “Okay, here I go.” On a deep inhale, she pressed the brake with her right foot and pulled the gear right beside the steering wheel down until it was level with the capital D for drive. On an exhale, she lifted off the brake and felt the car begin to roll. Without thinking, she quickly slammed her right foot on the brake and the vehicle jerked to a stop. From her peripheral vision, she saw Melody’s body lift forward off the seat and slam immediately backward.
“Whoa! Okay,” Melody said. “That was . . . good.”
“Liar.”
“Well, maybe next time, don’t press the brakes so hard. Slamming the brakes is for emergencies only.”
Liz wanted to say that the car rolling forward felt like an emergency. Instead, she breathed in through her nose, held it for a minute, and exhaled slowly. “Okay,” she said. “Here we go again.” She lifted off the brake and the car began to roll once more. This time, she watched through the front windshield as the car continued its roll toward the end of the driveway. Once it was parallel to the mailbox, she slowly put her foot on the brake and pressed down in a calm, controlled manner.
“That’s it!” Melody cheered beside her. “You did it!”
Liz laughed out loud, exhilaration running through her body with the same intensity as the fear that had coursed there only two minutes earlier. “I really did!” She leaned across the center console and threw her arms around Melody. She hadn’t put the car in PARK, however, and as her right foot came off the brake just slightly, the car began to roll again.
“Whoa!” Melody pulled back from the embrace. “Brake! Brake!”
Liz moved her right foot to the brake pedal and stomped it as quickly as she could. The car jerked to another halt and she saw Melody’s body move forward and slam back against the passenger seat once more. “That was an emergency, right?”
Melody sighed. “We have our work cut out for us, don’t we? Keep holding the brake pedal down and move the gear back to P for park.”
Liz did as Melody instructed and then she looked at her friend. “Thank you for this.”
“Of course.”
“And now you probably want to forget about any more driver’s lessons, huh?”
“No way. You made one mistake and everything is fine. No one got hurt. Let’s try again. You can reverse to where you were and drive forward to the mailbox.”
Liz grimaced. “My neighbors will think I’ve lost my mind, going up and down the driveway.”
“Who cares?” Melody asked. “You’re conquering your fear, which is more than most people ever do.”
Liz looked down for a moment, steadying her breath and her emotions. “Most people don’t have as much fear as me.”
Melody gave a humorless laugh. “You’d be surprised.”
Liz looked at her friend across the center console. “What’s your fear to be conquered?”
“It was returning to Trove Isle,” Melody said.
“Well, you did that already. Now what?”
Melody shrugged. “I’m not sure. Now I take this summer one day at a time, I guess. You ready to drive again?”
Liz side-eyed her. “Are you ready for me to drive?”
Melody laughed lightly and gripped the handle on the passenger door. “Ready.”
* * *
On Sundays, Liz had Danette’s sister, Sissy, work at The Bitery. Whereas Liz and her mother had once handled the store by themselves, over the last couple of years Liz’s mom had hired consistent part-time help.
That was good because today Liz’s Sunday was wide-open for whatever she wanted to do. She’d been invited to Mrs. West’s home for lunch along with Melody, Christopher, and possibly Matt. She hadn’t said yes, but she also hadn’t said no. She’d said maybe because she didn’t like to be tied down with plans on her one full day off.
Maybe she’d read a book today. Or take a walk and snap some pictures. Or sit in a car and drive up and down the driveway again. The choices and the freedom to choose was nearly intoxicating.
Rose stomped out of her bedroom and looked at Liz. Liz gave her sister a visual assessment, realizing she hadn’t necessarily stomped out. She was just wearing boots with a chunky heel over her black leggings that made her sound like she was marching through Liz’s home.
“Going somewhere?” Liz asked.
Rose shrugged. “Stores open at noon. I was thinking about going dress shopping.”
For prom. That was the only reason that Rose would ever put on a dress. “You’re going out with Devin?”
Rose shook her head. “She’s busy.”
Liz waited as her sister nibbled her lower lip. Liz was the one with anxiety. Rose was always confident, but right now she looked nervous. “Who are you going dress shopping with then?”
Rose’s slight shoulders shrugged upward toward large silver hoop earrings. “I was kind of hoping you would go with me.”
Liz felt her blood funnel away from her face toward her feet. “Me?”
“Well, Mom isn’t here. I mean, I guess I can go alone.” There was something vulnerable in Rose’s eyes that gave Liz pause. When was her sister ever vulnerable? Never that Liz could remember. “There’s just this guy who’s going to prom. We’re not going together or anything, but he asked if I’d be there to dance with him. I sort of really like him and I want to look nice. He’s kind of preppy and . . .” She held her arms out by her side, “I mean, look at me.”
“Preppy?” Liz couldn’t hide the surprise in her tone. “You like a preppy guy?”
“And he likes me too,” Rose said, a hint of defensiveness in her voice. “Anyway, if you have something better to do today . . .”
“I was invited to go to Sunday lunch at Mrs. West’s house,” Liz said, clearing a path to say no to Rose. Not because she didn’t want to hang out or help her sister, but because this was about prom, and prom was not a topic of choice for Liz. She’d never made it to her own prom. Her life had changed that night. And the thought of watching Rose set off with a dress and corsage in a few weeks sounded like torture.
“Whatever.” Rose turned back to retreat to her room. Liz had seen the touch of vulnerability pass across her sister’s face right before she’d turned though. This was important to Rose, and it was another moment for Liz to prove to herself that she could resist her fear and do brave things.
“Wait.” Liz closed her eyes and took a breath. She reached for the charm bracelet on her wrist before remembering that Melody had it now. Liz didn’t need it though. She’d sat behind a steering wheel and had cranked its engine. She’d driven up and down the driveway. Liz opened her eyes to find Rose watching her. “I can cancel lunch at Mrs. West’s home. It’s not that important.”
Rose’s face lit up. “Really?”
“Yeah, of course. I can go with you. It’ll be fun,” Liz lied. It would be the furthest thing from fun that she could imagine doing except maybe driving a vehicle in rush hour traffic.
“Great.” A smile flickered on Rose’s lips. “Thanks. I mean it.”
“Of course.” Something warm crawled up inside Liz’s chest as she watched Rose turn and walk back to the guest bedroom. Her sister needed her and even though Liz didn’t want to go dress shopping this afternoon, she could do it. And she would do it.
She’d found a little bravery behind the steering wheel the other night. She’d faced a fear head-on and it hadn’t killed her. So, while it might hurt her heart a little, it was very unlikely that a little prom dress shopping between sisters would be the death of her.
* * *
Two hours later, Liz was sitting in a straight back chair with oversized armrests, drinking complimentary lemonade and nodding at the tenth dress that Rose had tried on.
“It looks awful. I can see it on your face.” Rose crossed her arms at her chest and poked out a sassy hip.
“It’s not really your style,” Liz said, taking in the bright orange silky fabric. There was a sash of sequins moving across the front of the dress. Liz scrunched her nose. “You don’t usually wear bright colors.”
“But bright colors can be cool. Maybe the black dress.” Rose turned back to the dressing room. The owner of the store kept bringing dresses and Rose kept trying them on. Finally, Rose growled in frustration and stomped her foot. “None of these are right,” she said, on the brink of tears.
“You must really like this guy, huh?” Liz knew that Rose normally didn’t care much about things like this. She would’ve picked a black dress and have been done with it if the guy wasn’t someone special.
Rose plopped onto the chair next to Liz’s. “He’s so cute. I can’t even believe he wants to dance with me. Like, some part of me thinks it’s a cruel joke and he’s really just toying with me, and he’ll show up with his real date. And everyone will be laughing about how stupid I was to think he wanted me.”
Liz lifted her brows. Maybe she needed to get Rose an appointment with Dr. Mayer. “Wow. You’ve really been hanging out with me for too long because you sound paranoid. Which is a form of anxiety. Or it can be.”
Rose rolled her eyes, but she also laughed a little. “We’re from two different worlds, sis. So, do I buy a dress that I would like? Or one that fits his personality? Or something completely different?”
Liz tapped a finger to her chin. “If he likes you, then he already knows your style and likes it. So I say pick something you like. Just be yourself.”
Rose slumped deeper into the chair. “Well, I don’t like anything in here,” she said loud enough to embarrass Liz because she was sure the owner bearing unlimited lemonade had heard her.
Liz cared more about Rose right now though. Her sister needed her support, which didn’t happen often. “I think I know where you might find the perfect dress.”
Rose looked over, hope glinting in her suspiciously shiny eyes. “You do?”
“I do.” Liz nibbled her lower lip. Hidden Treasures was closed today, but she knew the owner. She pulled out her cell phone and tapped off a message to Melody.
Liz: Any way we can have a private showing at your store this afternoon?
The dots started bouncing on the screen as Melody tapped out a reply.
Melody: We’re at Mrs. West’s house. But say in an hour?
* * *
Liz tapped the thumbs up emoji. Then she looked at Rose. “We have one hour to kill before we continue our prom dress shopping. What do you want to do?”
Rose gave her a strange look. It occurred to Liz that, aside from the girls’ night the other week, she and her sister had never really hung out for fun. The age gap between them always felt too far to cross.
“Ice cream,” Liz decided, standing up. “We’ll eat ice cream and then try on every dress in town if we have to.” She offered her hand to Rose, who reluctantly took it. Then Liz pulled her sister up to a standing position. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”
To: Liz Dawson
From: Bri Johnson
Subject: What If
Liz,
All the what-ifs continue to keep me up at night as I get closer to my release date. I just keep imagining all the worst-case scenarios. The best-case ones seem to disappear when I close my eyes for sleep. You hear about people who get out of prison and can’t find a job or a means to support themselves. They can’t cope. Then they commit crimes just to return to the familiar. I get why that happens. Don’t get me wrong. I want my freedom, but I’m also a little bit afraid of it. Stupid?
Ally wrote me a letter this week. She’s having a blast with her dad in Cali. What if she doesn’t want to come home after spending all summer with him? What if she likes him better? What if I lose her completely?
B
P.S. Don’t worry about me committing a crime to come back to prison. That’s not going to happen. The ex-cons who make that choice obviously don’t have friends like you waiting for them on the outside.