Chapter 14 #3
“I guess we fell into something. At the time, I thought I loved him, but after a while, I felt restless with what we were. I wanted to be with him, but he
wasn’t mine to want, not really. Our future together wasn’t something we talked about often, but when it came up, it was always
him talking about it. How we’d be together, how he was excited for me to eventually meet his kids. It sounds so dim-witted
to me now, but I actually thought we’d be a family one day—me, him, the kids.”
Jack nodded. “That sounds like a natural progression. Why weren’t Wade and his wife divorced?”
Stella rolled her eyes. “That’s a great question. His kids weren’t little anymore. His oldest was already driving. Not that
it’s ever a good time to get divorced, but it feels worse to me if the kids are small. The easy answer is they weren’t divorced because they didn’t want to be. I also didn’t understand why, at the time, he spent most of his free time with her and the kids when he could have
spent more of it with me.”
“Did you ask him why or tell him you wanted to be clear about your future together?” Jack asked.
Stella sighed. Reliving the past with Jack highlighted even more how she and Wade weren’t ever going to work. “I asked him
if we could start spending more time together, if we could take our relationship to the next level. And if there were plans
for him and his wife to divorce.”
Jack leaned forward, caught up in her story. “What did he say?”
“He said I wanted too much,” she answered. “He said I didn’t understand what he was going through, how difficult it was for
him to make time for me. He had his children to think about, to provide for, to be present for. I understood that, but didn’t
I deserve to be present for too?” Stella shrugged.
“I realize how pathetic that sounds. I was settling for a subpar relationship. He said I was living in a dream world. I didn’t
understand how gritty and imperfect life was. I should have understood that what he was giving me was good enough. He had
to think of his kids first, and a full-time relationship with me wasn’t possible. After all those months he finally admitted he’d never seen a future with us in it.”
Stella folded her paper towel into a square and then into a smaller square, and then into an even smaller square.
The anger and heartbreak she’d grown accustomed to didn’t emerge.
When was the last time she’d thought about Wade without feeling suffocated?
Now, the sense of freedom was like a thunderbolt.
“How could that relationship have been good enough for anyone?” Jack said quietly.
Stella looked at him and knew he’d never be the kind of man to do what Wade did. “He left my house that day, and we never
spoke again. He didn’t call or text. After two weeks, in a moment of complete weakness and probably too much caffeine, I called
him. He didn’t answer. So I texted him, asking if we could talk about what happened. But he never responded.”
“Did you want him back?” Jack asked, his expression revealing his disbelief.
Stella groaned. “I realize it was pathetic, but at the time, my heart was broken. How could someone who supposedly cared about
me ghost me? I wanted anything to make my heart feel better.”
“And you thought it could be him?”
“At the time, he seemed like the obvious solution,” Stella said, “but I can finally see how flawed that thinking was.”
Jack leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Did it ever occur to you that Wade was wrong? Did you ever think the
way he treated you was a reflection on how he felt about himself and wasn’t about you at all? What if he was wrong about everything, Stella? Especially about you?”
Stella rubbed her fingers across her collarbone. “I made so many mistakes with him. I saw it as admirable that he was willing
to give up everything for his kids.”
Jack locked eyes with her. “He didn’t give up everything. It sounds like he kept his life exactly the way he wanted, with the exception of you. I’d bet he would’ve kept you around for as long as you would have stayed. Until you finally
decided he wasn’t good enough for you.”
Jack’s words resonated within her. “I mishandled a lot, especially my heart.”
“Everyone makes mistakes,” Jack said with a small smile. “Maybe falling for a man who wasn’t single wasn’t the best idea,
but I bet you were good to him. I bet you made him feel special and important. Love is complicated, and we all make a mess
of it at some point.”
Stella picked up her cold pizza crust and pointed it at Jack. “Says the hero.” She took one last bite.
Jack shook his head. “I’m just one guy who made a good decision. Anyone can be a hero if they want to be. This is your story. You get to write it. I think it’s time you stop writing yourself as the loner or the aimless heroine.”
“What about the bitter crone?” Stella teased. She unfolded her paper towel, wiped her hands on it, and stood. “In the chapter
with Wade, I’m pretty sure I was the pathetic nobody.”
Jack pushed away from the desk and stood. “Says who?” His anger startled her. “Says the guy who was resentful about what he
couldn’t give you? The guy who wouldn’t make time for you because he had a list of excuses? The guy who shined a light on
what he thought were your shortcomings? It sounds to me like he wanted it all—you, the kids, his wife—and he expected you
to agree that your life together would always be on his terms. It doesn’t sound like what you wanted mattered a great deal to him. That’s not love. That’s selfishness. He did you
a favor by disappearing, even though it hurt you. But he’s not the verdict on your worthiness, Stella. Look at you. You’re
smart and kind and weird and funny . . . and beautiful.” Jack closed the distance between them.
His intensity and willingness to defend her astonished her. Stella hadn’t been called beautiful since Wade whispered it one
night in his car. Jack reached for her and twined their hands together. The contact stole her breath.
“If he failed to see and appreciate you and treat you as worthy of so much love and respect, then he never deserved you. Only a fool would take for granted and gamble with something as precious and rare as love. I’ve known you for a scattering of moments, and I can see who you are.”
His hands sent warmth through hers and radiated up her arms. “What do you see?” she asked.
“I can see how lucky any man would be to stand in your light. I see how deserving you are of love.”
Her heart fluttered wildly. Jack was so close to her, so close she could see the dark blue flecks in his hazel eyes.
“Have you ever been kissed by a character from a book? Other than Hook?”
“No,” she said as he came closer. “But I’ve daydreamed about it lots of times.”
Jack grinned. “I bet you have.” He leaned down to kiss her.
“Stella Parker!” Wearing bright pink scrubs that matched the strand of dye in her blond hair, Ariel looked like a streak of
color as she rushed across the foyer toward the circulation desk.
Jack and Stella jumped apart quickly. Lightheaded and filled with yearning, Stella reached out to the desk to steady herself.
“Ariel,” Stella said, surprised at how breathless she sounded.
Ariel laid her arms on the high top of the desk and shifted her gaze from Stella to Jack and then back to Stella.
“You two are as lit up as a pair of sparklers. What is going on here?”
“Nothing!” Jack and Stella said together.
Then someone screamed.