Chapter 22
“Hey there,” Wade said, still grinning at Stella as though they’d planned this encounter, as though he hadn’t been gone and
silent for months.
She stared at him. She tried to inhale a slow breath that might control her heart as it galloped out of control, but her lungs
didn’t respond. She gripped the pencils in her hand. One snapped.
“No hello? No hey, how are you?” Wade said, moving closer, his shadow like a menace inching toward her.
Thoughts slammed around in her mind like trapped, angry wasps. Where had he come from? After all this time, why was he here?
He’d never been in the library before. Seeing him standing in her favorite place felt all kinds of wrong. The back of Stella’s
neck burned. “What are you doing here?”
“We brought the kids to the festival,” he said.
“Great job with it. Myles brought his girlfriend, so he didn’t spend as much time with us, but she’s a nice girl.
Hannah and Christian had a blast with all the activities.
There was plenty for the older kids to do this year, even more than last year, I’d say. ”
He stepped closer, and Stella took a step backward.
“I saw you out on the dance floor with a guy,” he continued. “Who is he? I haven’t seen him before. Seemed like you two know
each other pretty well.”
There was no mistaking the jealousy in Wade’s voice. He sounded like a man hinting at someone invading his territory. Stella
dropped the pencils on the table, and her empty hands balled into fists. What right did he have to care who she was with?
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s not from around here.”
When she didn’t offer any more conversation, he said, “Vague on the details. But you look good, Stella. Beautiful as ever.
I’ve missed you. Every day I’ve thought about you. Every. Day.”
Disbelief washed over her. He expected her to believe that? Anger crackled in her veins. “You haven’t contacted me for months.
You might as well be a stranger to me.”
Wade smirked. “That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think? We’ve never been strangers.”
He walked toward her. She caught a whiff of his soap and remembered how his scent lingered on her hands. He spoke to her in
that unguarded voice he used when they were alone. “You know me better than anyone.”
In an instant, she recalled Wade disappearing without a word. Tumbling backward into the past created a hollow inside her,
and the emptiness expanded.
“The man I thought you were wouldn’t have ghosted me.
He would have answered at least one of my messages.
But somehow you’ve thought about me every day?
” Stella pointed toward the exit, wishing her hand wasn’t trembling.
“You should go. You don’t get to show up and act like everything that happened is okay.
Don’t act like we’re friends. My heart starved in your silence. ”
“Still my favorite wordsmith,” he said as though she wasn’t serious. “Can you honestly say you haven’t thought of me? That
you haven’t missed me?”
Stella backed herself against the table. “How was it so easy for you not to contact me day after day?”
Wade frowned. “You knew how stressful life was for me. You knew the pressure I was under. Temporary changes had to be made.”
A sickly feeling slithered through Stella. Old wounds struggled to remain closed, but the woman she had been had burned up
in the flames alongside the journal. That woman was ash, fertile ground for someone new to be reborn.
Stella clenched her jaw. Why hadn’t she seen how temporary she was back then? Why had it taken her so long to realize the truth? At least clarity was with her now. Her insides trembled
so hard that she felt herself visibly shaking.
“When you left I felt sick with grief and confusion. I actually believed in us. I believed you wanted a future with me, but
it’s so clear to me now that was never your intention. You were happy to drag me along indefinitely so you could have it all.”
Wade reached for her hand, and for a moment, she let him intertwine his fingers with hers. His cold fingers sent a shiver
up her arm.
“Stella, baby,” he said. “I never stopped thinking about you or loving you. I don’t have anyone in my life like you. I miss
us. I miss you. We had a lot of fun. We had a good thing, didn’t we?”
Stella pulled her hand away. “No. We had a broken thing, a mess of a relationship where you came and went when you had time.
If something had to give or be pushed aside, it was me. I was always the expendable one.” She walked past him. If he wouldn’t
leave, she would.
But Wade grabbed her arm.
“Stella, I never pushed you aside in my heart. You’re still there. You’re still my favorite girl.”
Bright blue words sneaked across the books behind Wade. I miss you. I love you. You were my escape. Wade slid his hand up her arm, across her shoulder, and up her neck. “I still love you.” His hand crept down her arm. “I
will always love you.”
Stella shuddered and stepped away. Any lingering desire she might have had for Wade had vanished. She wanted nothing to do
with him anymore. He’d come to the festival with his wife and kids. Nothing was different from when they first started seeing each other. “And what has changed?”
His brow wrinkled. “What do you mean?”
Fury tore through her. She’d wasted too many days on Wade already. “What have you changed in your life that would make our
situation any different? Would I not be the other woman now? Would I not be second? Or third or fourth or fifth? Maybe sixth if you place me behind your job as well? Would you have
more time for me because you’d be free to spend time with me without either of us feeling ashamed of what we’re doing?”
Wade stared at her.
Stella shook her head. His lack of response said it all. “I think the answer you’re searching for is nothing. Nothing has changed because you were never going to change anything about your life for me.” She clenched and unclenched
her hands. “Your silence and your leaving broke my heart. But your leaving was the greatest gift you could have given me.
There’s no place for you in my life anymore, and even if there was, I don’t want you in it. I’ve always deserved more than
you were willing to offer.” She turned and walked away.
Wade didn’t speak. A few seconds later, he called her name just as she reached the staircase. She sprinted down them as though he might pursue her and ran to a broom closet on the first floor where she closed herself inside.
She leaned her back against the far wall and slid down, pushed a mop bucket out of the way, and pressed her knees into her
chest. Then she hugged her arms around her legs, touched her forehead to her knees, and let hot, furious tears roll down her
cheeks, releasing the last traces of emotional garbage she’d been carrying around in her heart since Wade left. An awareness
of deliverance broke the surface, and for the first time since Wade had left, Stella felt truly free.
Some time later Jack opened the closet door and filled the small space with light. Stella blinked in the harshness of it.
“I’m going to assume you’re not rearranging shelves or searching for the perfect broom.” He stepped inside and held out his
hand. Stella grabbed it and let Jack pull her to her feet.
She wiped at her cheeks. “How did you know I was in here?”
“I didn’t, although not for lack of searching. Darcy said he heard crying. Then I recognized Wade from the photograph you
showed me. He was walking out of the library looking like a survivor of a great war.”
She’d never seen Wade upset about anything, not in any heartbroken capacity. Had she actually upset him? She assumed his heart
was closed off and unaffected. How else could a man who professed to love her ghost her for months?
“No,” Jack said, as though reading her mind. “Don’t you dare feel sorry for that man. He made his bed. Let him lie in it.
Without you.” Jack’s gaze held a questioning look. “You did tell him no, didn’t you?”
“Of course,” Stella said, miffed that he’d question her desire for Wade. “I don’t want anything to do with him.”
Jack’s gaze softened. “Come here.” He folded her into his embrace.
New tears formed, but the intensity of her sadness had faded. These tears filled her with relief. She’d never stood up for
herself when it came to Wade. She’d let him do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, always putting her own needs to the
side. Not anymore.
“How’s your heart?” Jack asked while rubbing her back.
She sniffled against his chest. “Good. Strong.” She leaned away from him to meet his gaze. “I imagined his return so many
times in a million different ways. I imagined how my heart would react, everything I would say, and even how he might explain
his absence in a way that would make his leaving less hurtful. But when the moment finally arrived, I was angry and indignant
on my own behalf. He doesn’t get to waltz back into my life like he’s the returning hero. He doesn’t get access to me anymore.
He gave that up. Willingly. I thought I’d feel guilty for telling him to get lost, but I don’t. I want him to get lost.”
Jack held her. “It’s important that you take care of yourself. I hope you know that.”
Vicki called her name from the foyer, and Stella released Jack. Vicki held two white paper plates with funnel cakes dusted
in a thick layer of powdered sugar. “I brought dessert to celebrate the success of the festival! Arnie will be so proud of
us. Oh, I didn’t realize Jack was still here. Well, we can share— Hey, are you okay?”
Stella touched her fingertips to her wet cheeks. “Just stress relieving.”
Vicki put the plates on the circulation desk. “I get that. There were a few touch-and-go moments when I thought I might lose
it, but I think we did the library proud. I received hundreds of compliments. The only thing people complained about was the
heat, and that’s out of our control. Get over here, and let’s celebrate a job well done, and thank the heavens we don’t have
to do this again for another year.”