41. Diesel
41
DIESEL
“ F ocus. You need to stay focused.” He wasn’t going to turn into a rabid dog and lose all self-control. He was a human being with decency and morals. Okay, some might argue that his morals were questionable, but murder was something he was strongly against.
Concentrate. Remain focused.
That was what he kept telling himself.
He hoped that he had the willpower. Self-control and willpower were not something that he was well known for. Anytime things got tough, he either ran away or gave into the easiest solution. Oftentimes, that easiest solution was drugs. Drugs took away all the pain. Drugs made everything feel better. Drugs always made him… forget.
That’s it… relax. Give in. Why fight against all of that pain? You know it’s only going to get worse , that pesky voice inside him urged.
He hated that voice sometimes. It always got him into trouble and always left him feeling alone and empty.
Seeing the others freak out and lose control had been terrifying. It was like watching someone flip a switch and suddenly transform into a mindless beast.
Two of them ran screaming in terror—off into the woods with no clear direction in sight.
Diesel and the guy with the crooked nose were given the other drug. The one that made people crazy and angry.
It started off with a bit of discomfort. His face began to flush, and his jaw began to tighten. Then came the feelings of sadness and depression. Why was he all alone? Why had nobody come to rescue him? Because nobody cared. It was as simple as that.
That was when he heard the laughing. Male and female voices all making fun of him and snickering at the fact that he didn’t have any friends. No family to give a shit whether he lived or died. No boyfriend or girlfriend to wonder where he was or when he would be coming home. No… nothing .
That was when the rage began. That buildup started in his gut before rising through his veins. He would make them all pay. All those who laughed. All those who thought he was worthless. Fuck them all. They were all going to die.
With anger at his side and determination on his team, he set out into the woods to exact his revenge on all those who hurt him.
It didn’t take him long to locate the redheaded guy. He was trying to climb a tree, screaming that the wolves were going to get him and that he needed to get as high as possible so that the beasts couldn’t get to him.
Fucking idiot. The wolves were the least of his problems.
Grabbing the redheaded meth addict by his leg, Diesel tugged the tweaked-out fuck down to the ground and straddled his waist. It was so fucking easy. The guy weighed less than a baby koala and had no fucking hand-eye coordination.
Staring into the man’s pale-blue eyes, Diesel wrapped his hands around his neck and slowly began to squeeze.
Feeling the man struggle beneath his weight, then clawing at Diesel’s arms and chest, only fueled that burning rage, trying to make its escape. He continued to squeeze and watched as the life began to slip from the young man’s eyes.
That feeling of power and control. Knowing that the fucker would never laugh at him again. All of it felt so good. So addictive.
And then what happens? When this man stops moving, and the light has been extinguished from his eyes. Then what? Do you think that M and any of the guys at home will ever forgive you? The voice was barely a whisper and sounded a million miles away, but it was just enough to cause him to loosen his grip, then eventually get off of the young man’s thighs.
Gasping and sobbing, the man clutched his neck and ran off into the darkness, leaving Diesel alone with the echo of those words and the lingering ache he felt in his heart.
He wasn’t an animal.
It was the drugs that were fucking with his mind. No one was laughing. No one was around.
He was alone. Always alone.
He needed to keep his mind focused.
Levi, Isaac, Jared, and the twins. Diesel took a breath in. Chase, Teo, Matteo, hell, even Ares—they all cared for him. Focus on their voices, their laughter.
Then another name formed on his lips… Zero .
His gentle brown eyes and soft, growly lips. His stupid jokes and quirky smile, and the way he took Diesel’s hand when he needed comfort.
Zero was there. Alone in the dark. Keeping him company and reminding him that someone did care. Someone was fighting to get him back. Someone who would not leave him alone to get lost in his rage and become the one thing he feared the most—a mindless shell of rage and hatred.
No. He needed to focus. He needed to fight the effects of the drug.
Placing a hand on the wet dirt, he tried to lift himself up but was knocked back down by a bulldozer on two legs.
Gasping to suck air back into his lungs, Diesel stared up at the stars and wondered what the fuck had just plowed right into him.
Then it rammed him again.
Standing over top of him, the boy with jet-black hair and a mole just under his left eye socket picked up a thick branch and brought it down against Diesel’s body as hard as he could.
Throwing his arms up in front of his face, Diesel tried to defend himself and block as many of the blows as he could. But the man’s rage and power were too strong.
“I’m going to kill you!” the man shouted, spit flying from his mouth. “You’re dead! Fucking dead! You shouldn’t have stolen her from me! She was mine! She loved me! She was mine!” the man kept shouting.
Blood began to spill from the open wounds on Diesel’s arms. The splinters from the wood cut deep, tearing open his flesh and bringing with it a new stinging sensation.
His attacker had now straddled him and had the advantage of weight and leverage.
“Stop! I—didn’t… fuck!” Diesel couldn’t get a word in. The pain was too great.
Give in. Let the beast take you. Rip out this fucking guy’s throat. Feel his blood as it slides between your fingers… Come on. You know that he deserves it.
That voice was so seductive. So sweet and caring.
Around Diesel, the wind seemed to slow. That rage in his stomach was beginning to build once again. All he had to do was grab the man by the throat and dig his fingers into his flesh. Easy. His fingers would sink in like hot butter.
God, he loved the sound of that .
Eyes narrowing, Diesel reached up and managed to grab the man by the throat with his right hand. With his left, he grabbed hold of the man’s branch mid-swing, cringing at the pain that shot through two of his fingers as the solid wood connected the wrong way.
But still, he had achieved his goal. He had the fucker by the throat.
Now, just… squeeze…
“Diesel, no!”
The sound was like a bullet ripping through his skull. It was both painful and alarming both at the same time.
He blinked a few times, causing his grip on the piece of wood to release and the chunk to come barreling down on his skull.
Lights flashed across his eyes seconds before the sound of a gun going off tore through the night sky.
“Argh!” His attacker growled before falling forward and rolling off of him.
Lost in the commotion, Diesel turned to see his attacker writhing around on the ground in pain. He was gripping his hand, which was sleek in his own blood.
Did the guy get his hand shot off? No, all four digits and thumb were still attached, but there was a nasty dark hole in the center of his hand.
The man with the bleeding hand snapped at them both before taking off into the darkness once again.
“D! Are you alright?” Zero’s voice shouted, sounding far off in the distance. He felt like he was listening to the world around him while holding his breath underwater.
He felt his body lift and a strong pair of arms wrap themselves around him.
Who the fuck? Diesel’s blood began to boil at the thought of someone touching him without his permission. Whoever the fuck this was…
“Are you alright?” the man asked, still gripping him in a bear hug.
Who was this fuck?
Unable to control his rage any longer, Diesel shoved the man hard, causing him to stumble and slam his body into a tree right behind him.
“Don’t ever touch me again, asshole!” Diesel barked, reaching down and picking up the log that his attacker had dropped.
That’s right, teach this fucker a lesson. Who does he think he is? Going around copping feels whenever he damn well feels like it?
A shimmer of light caught Diesel’s eye. Lying next to a bush was a large metal bear trap. Its teeth looked nice and sharp.
Think about how good that would look, attached to the pervert’s face, that voice inside his head suggested.
Yes, he was right. It was like the trees were providing him with everything that he needed.
Dropping the log, he stumbled over to where the trap was lying. This was going to be so epic.
“D? D, it’s me! Zero!”
Diesel’s breath caught in his chest.
Zero?
Slowly he turned his head to where Zero lay bloody and huddled up against the tree. What had he done?
The pain and anguish came flooding toward him. How could he?
He touched you without asking. He grabbed you and tried to beat you into submission, that dark voice inside him said.
“D? It’s me. Zero.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Diesel pounded his fists against his head.
Give in.
Fight it!
Just let go. He doesn’t really care about you.
He loves you. He came here to rescue you. Are you really going to hurt the only man who ever truly understood you?
With tears flooding his eyes, Diesel turned to face his knight in shining armor.
“I… I can’t…” he whimpered, struggling against the rage and feeling so fucking tired. He wasn’t sure how much longer his mind could hold on.
Staring into Zero’s pleading chestnut eyes, Diesel’s heart broke.
Was he strong enough to resist the chemicals flowing through his veins?
It was getting harder and harder to tell what was real and what was a hallucination. Perhaps Zero wasn’t even there? Staring up at him like he couldn’t believe the monster he was seeing.
No matter whether the man before him was real or fake, there was no way in hell he was going to harm the only man who broke through his defenses and latched onto his heart.
Smiling down at that gorgeous washed-up underwear model’s face, Diesel did the one thing he could think of to keep Zero safe.
“I love you,” Diesel whispered before stepping into the bear trap and screaming when the sharp metal blades cut into his flesh.
The pain was excruciating.
Anger, rage, sorrow, love. All those emotions came rushing over him.
Staring up at the stars, his mind finally gave in to the rage that possessed him, but not before he saw Zero’s loving face staring down at him.
Zero was safe.