Chapter 29
Aria
We stand at the doors of the Aurora Lounge. I look over at Lucy who looks at me with an innocent smile lined with stubbornness and steel.
Goddamn it.
Knowing that arguing is pointless, I tug on the end of her hair and square my shoulders and head towards the door.
I stop, feeling Lucy place a hand on my shoulder.
I start to turn back to her and she guides me to the wall away from the door.
Before I can say anything, she threads her hand through my hair and pulls my head down for another kiss.
This kiss is passionate. Harsh. Demanding. I feel, rather than hear, the whimper that escapes my throat at the way she takes control. My hands move of their own accord to grip at the back of her sweater.
Her lips move against mine firmly, making me more pliable by the second. Her tongue darts out quickly and I open my mouth letting her in. She plunders my mouth ruthlessly and I do nothing more than let my tongue dance with hers and succumb to her completely.
As soon I melt into her, she breaks the kiss and steps away, a wicked smirk tugging its way onto her face.
“Now you know what pulling my hair does to me, Cherry,” she murmurs, voice thick and sultry, before giving me a wink and grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door.
Well. Fuck.
***
We’re two drinks in before the others arrive. Lucy looks to me and I give her a nod and a smile before she stands, presses a quick kiss to my cheek, and goes to greet them. I watch her go with a smile on my face, absentmindedly stirring the ice in my empty vodka cranberry.
“Looks like you got your girl, huh, sweetie?”
I turn around and see the same bartender from last time I was here, Alice, standing behind the bar and drying a glass. I blush deeply and turn to face her.
“Yeah, it is something of a…recent development,” I respond, fidgeting a bit. She lets out a delighted laugh.
“Well, good on you!” She shoots me a bright smile. “Next drink’s on me while you fill me in; I’m a sucker for a good love story.”
I accept the drink with thanks and launch into my story.
I give her all the details; how we met, confronting Jacob, our beach trip, Mama Betty, whole shebang.
She listens and reacts in between taking care of the other patrons.
By the time I reach the end of my story, she is leaning towards me with a softer smile on her face.
“I love that so much for you, hon,” she says, genuine happiness coloring her tone. Then she straightens up a little and cocks her head to the side, her ice blue eyes feeling like they are piercing my soul. “You are holding something back, though. What’s going on?”
I finish the rest of my drink and ask for a water. I give her a smile to let her know I am not exactly avoiding the question, but that I need a little time to figure out what to say.
Because she’s right. I am holding back.
It is hard, though, when you spend your whole life believing one thing about yourself. Then, by pure fucking happenstance, you meet somebody who makes you start to realize that—
My thoughts are cut off by the water bottle I requested sliding into my peripheral vision.
“Ready to share, sweetheart?” Alice asks, her voice kind. I know I could waive off, not answer the question, move on, but…
My gaze is drawn back to where Lucy is standing with her chosen family, leaning against the high-top table and deeply engrossed in whatever story Jeremy is telling, based on his wildly gesticulating hands and dramatic expressions.
They all share a laugh and I smile towards the group fondly.
Then, I turn back to Alice with a bit more bravery.
“I…” I start, unable to figure out exactly where I want to start. I look at her helplessly before blurting out, “How did you know that you were…?” I stop, blushing, when I realize this might not be the most appropriate question.
“Trans?” Alice asks, a wry tilt to her smile.
“It’s okay, I’m not hiding it. Let’s see.
” She tilts her head back slightly, pondering her answer.
“I felt it long before I had the words to describe it. When my parents would refer to me as their son, it just felt wrong. Same with my teachers calling me ‘Mr. Bersten.’ Logically, I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I really wished that I could wear a dress or skirt or even a little makeup, not because those things make someone a woman, but because maybe, finally, someone would see who I am rather than what everyone else assumed I would be. ”
I nod along, enraptured by her story.
“When I first heard the word transgender, I didn’t actually have a big moment of realization.
For me, at that point, I had put myself so deep into denial that I would have rather believed that there was actually something wrong with me than to believe that there was a word for who I am.
The problem is that that word comes with a lot of heaviness, mostly from society as a whole. But I couldn’t let it go.
“Eventually it came down to this: should I embrace authenticity and freedom when I knew that would lose me the majority of my family and friends? Or should I continue to let everyone else be comfortable with their perception of me while I continued to sink further into a depressive spiral I wasn’t sure I would make it out of?
I chose me. I will always choose me. And so should you, sweetie. ”
I feel the tear roll down my cheek that I cannot even try and stop from escaping. I take a deep breath and steel myself before making eye contact with Alice.
“I think…I’m a lesbian,” I say, the weight of the words leaving my shoulders as I finally let them leave my mind. “I thought I was bisexual, and I am with Lucy now, so I know it doesn’t really matter—”
“If it matters to you, then it matters,” Alice interrupts my rambling, firmly but gently, a genuine smile gracing her lips. “Thank you for telling me. How did you figure this out?”
My face turns scarlet and I take another swig from my water bottle before burying my face in my hands.
“I thought it was normal to not be sexually attracted to your partner,” I mumble, slightly embarrassed. I listen to her let out a bark of good-natured laughter, much louder than I expected. I feel a prickle at the back of my neck and turn my head to meet Lucy’s gaze.
Her warm amber eyes meet mine and I am spellbound. I feel my heart flutter in my chest like the wings of a hummingbird, divebombing when she smiles at me. I feel my lips curve up automatically and she waves me over to join the rest of the group. I nod, turning back to Alice.
“Thank you,” I murmur, my soft gratitude permeating the air between us. She reaches over and squeezes my hand twice before moving back to take care of the other patrons.
I feel strangely lighter as I join Lucy and the rest of the crew. The liquor and laughter flow freely as we celebrate life and the new family we are creating one day at a time.