Chapter 33
Lucy
The hole in the ground seems like a gaping maw threatening to swallow up all the light left in the world.
As the storm clouds begin to gather, it appears that the universe agrees with me.
The swirling gray matches the feeling in the pit of my stomach, lighting a vicious sense of satisfaction within me.
I don’t think I could’ve handled it if the sun was shining.
As if sensing my growing turmoil, the woman to my left squeezes my hand in a silent show of support.
I lean against Aria’s side and allow myself to soak in that offered comfort for just a moment.
I can’t allow myself to completely fall apart yet.
That will come later; when we’re back home, I know I will be able to break and Aria will do everything she can to hold my pieces together.
The priest from Mama Betty’s church steps forward and addresses the few of us who traveled to the graveside to lay her to rest. I don’t hear the words, but I know they are full of comfort and joy and peace and how Mama Betty is “home” now. I can’t deal with that right now. That is too much.
She’s not home, I think bitterly. Home is here. With me.
“Are there any who wish to impart any final words and blessings?” The priest’s words shake me from my thoughts and I squeeze Aria’s hand before letting go and stepping forward, hands shaking as I pull out the slightly crumpled tear-stained page from my pocket.
I take a deep breath and look up at the people gathered here. For Mama Betty. For me. My family.
“Mama—” I stop, clearing my throat and trying to swallow back the lump that has settled there.
“Mama Betty is one of the purest souls I have ever met. She never met a stray that she didn’t want to take in, as many of us here can attest.” I look toward the Karma crew.
Cierra and Jeremy are clinging to each other while Bennett stands stiffly next to them, still looking shell-shocked.
“When she signed over Karma to me, we talked a lot about legacy. She always said that her only goal was to leave the world better than she found it. I can say for certain that she succeeded.” I take another deep breath and lock eyes with Aria for a moment, drawing strength from her presence.
“But, she left us with more than that. She created a space where anyone can feel safe to be who they are.
A space that fosters authenticity and uniqueness, rather than stifling it.
“That is something that I am proud to carry on for her. See, her legacy doesn’t end with Karma.
Every single person whose life she has touched will carry her with them forever.
And if I can pass on the spark she gave me…
then she will never truly be gone.” I nod once to the priest and walk back to Aria, leaning into her embrace.
“I’m so proud of you,” she whispers into my hair. I close my eyes tightly as a few tears escape.
***
The next several hours are a blur. All of us at the graveside move back to Karma where we sit and drink coffee and reminisce. At least, the rest do. I don’t have it in me to speak right now.
It feels like the hole in my heart where Mama Betty lived has slowly crept outwards, infecting my body like a slow-acting sedative, making me feel heavier and heavier. Once the last of the crew leaves, Aria and I head upstairs to our apartment.
I don’t look at Mama Betty’s door.
I don’t respond to Aria’s concern.
I head straight to our bed and let the grief drag me under.