Chapter 22
MY EYES FLUTTER OPEN. AVEN’S cry for nursing is right on time. I’m robotic as I sit up, pull him into my arms, and slide in the rocking chair. It all hits me again as the sun begins to rise. I failed. He’s gone. It’s over.
Chantal sleeps in my bed, crouched in a ball, her breaths so quiet, I didn’t even realize she had crept in.
Aven quietly eats, falling back to sleep within minutes as the ache rips in my chest. Everything inside me feels like it’s sinking, so low, I’ll need to be scraped from this chair.
I know what I’m supposed to be thinking…
I have a child now. I need to get myself together, gather all the broken pieces, and build a life without Bastian.
But right now, I just want to—need to—get back in bed and pretend like everything I’ve been working toward didn’t just come crashing down around me.
I clench my chest, the heart inside it raging, dying, grieving… all over again.
I stand with every intention of bringing Aven back to bed with me this time. But right before I turn, I look out the window just as the sun peeks over the horizon, and notice something in the water. I blink my eyes, trying to zoom in and focus, but I can’t make out what it is.
I place Aven in his bassinet then run back to the window to decipher what I’m looking at. Something moving, something swaying in the ocean. The sun continues to rise, and my heart stops as it shines upon what appears to be a head full of brown hair.
“Chantal!” I whisper-yell, shaking her. “Chantal, look outside.”
I walk back to the window, my eyes surely playing tricks on me, my heart not done torturing me. But when I look out the window, there’s a man walking from the ocean. It can’t be Bastian. The sun is up, but there’s dark hair, and he’s tall, so very tall. It can’t…
I pull on my leggings and grapple with a hoodie from the closet as Chantal walks over to the window.
“It’s not him,” she says, looking at me with sympathy etched on her forehead. “Honey, he’s in the sun. It’s a guy swimming.”
“I just, I have to make sure. He doesn’t have a wetsuit on. Do you know how freezing that water is?” I zip my hoodie up.
“Aster.” Chantal grabs my hand. “You’re torturing yourself.”
“I know,” is all I can manage before I run out the front door and down the side of the house, Chantal not far behind.
And when we both make it to the back porch, our inhales are collective, and then she says it. “Oh, my God! I’ll stay with the baby. Go!”
I’m running before I realize it. Speed, I think, and my feet start to move like I’m on roller skates, flying down the steps to the beach, hitting the chilled sand, flying across it in seconds. It’s him, my heart tells me. It’s him.
All I see is a man’s chest, smooth and familiar, walking from the water, slow and steadily.
The sharp intake of my breath hits the back of my throat like a baseball, my hand flying to my mouth, a stampede of horses galloping inside my chest. I run faster.
The sun is fully up now, and there’s no orange glow, no burning body.
“Bastian,” I cry because my eyes meet Aventurine’s. They are staring back at me, and am I dreaming? Am I actually dreaming? Please make it be real. Please. “Bastian!”
I run into the water, the cold biting my legs but I don’t stop. Because he’s making his way through the ocean, trying to get to me, and I would keel over, pass out if I didn’t have to touch him, to make sure he’s really here.
I crash into him, his bare chest slamming against me, his strong arms pulling me up so my legs can wrap around his waist as my arms slide around his neck.
My face presses against his, my eyes clenched shut, while my arms have his neck in a death grip. “Is it you? Is it real?” I cry, a cord of fright spearing through my skull. Dreams can feel so real, as do nightmares, and this could be both.
“Baby?” he barely whispers, jaw quaking against my cheek. That voice. “Aster.”
I sob, hearing my name, eyes clenched so tightly as the waves rock us.
His smell envelops me, his heart beats against mine, and his arms wrap around my waist so hard I can barely breathe.
I’m too scared to let go, to look up and see him, because if he disappears, I won’t be able to take it.
I’ll never recover. Because he’s in the sun, so it can’t be real.
It can’t be, and my body goes cold all over again.
But his nose is in my hair, breathing me in, placing kisses all over my head, and then he says, “Baby, look at me.”
“I can’t.” I shake my head.
“Aster,” he whispers in my ear. “You brought me back.” And his mouth is back on my chin, my cheek, my jaw, like he can’t stop, so I slowly open my eyes.
Aventurines glowing brightly, boring into my eyes, and I shake my head.
“You’re in the sun, it can’t be real,” I say, tears falling down my face, my legs tightening around his waist. I press my eyes closed as fingers grip my thighs powerfully, and I won’t let go.
I’ll stay in this dream for as long as I can.
“I don’t know why, or how. But it’s real, baby.
I’m real. Let me show you.” That mouth slides down my cheekbone, goading mine to meet it.
I lift my chin slightly, his mouth like a magnet I feel getting closer, a magnet pulling me toward him.
Then his soft lips press on mine, determined to convince me he’s real.
My mouth opens to kiss him back, my hand pulling his neck toward me as if I could pull his entire body inside of mine so I can never lose him again.
It’s him, it’s him. I know every corner of this mouth, every sigh that escapes it, every twist its tongue makes.
I don’t want to pull away, but I can hardly breathe, an elation I’ve never felt in my life taking over every inch of my body.
“Oh, my God,” is all I can mutter between panting, the shock of it all seizing my ribcage. He starts to walk, holding on to me firmly, kissing me with each step.
“It’s you?” I ask and finally look up to his face, his beautiful face.
His mouth breaks into a smile, clear tears in his eyes.
His nose grazes along my forehead, breathing me in, and my tears fall, heavily and freely.
Both my hands slide up to his ears as I inspect him, stare at him so hard, taking in everything.
The black eyelashes, the soft, pouty lips, the scar from when his father threw him down the stairs, the tiny beauty mark above his lip. It’s all there, right before my eyes.
He stops walking once he reaches the shore, and I run my fingers through his hair, down his neck just to feel him, feel that he’s real.
Every cell in my body is humming, vibrating, exploding.
Because it’s sinking in. The circle on the shore has washed away into the ocean, and he rose from it and he’s in my arms. Now. Again. Forever.
“It’s all me,” he breathes and crashes his lips onto mine. And I’m home, he is my home with his chest against mine, everything sparking inside of me, my heart unable to keep up with the rapid ache that feels so good it hurts. His mouth is everything it ever was. Tender and flawless and soft.
I sob, so he pulls back, pushing my hair out of my face. I’m a mess, and I just wrap my arms around his neck and sob, tears flowing down his skin. There’s so much to say, to figure out, to catch up on, but I can’t believe it worked. The spell worked.
“You’re in the sun,” I say, my teeth chattering, body shaking.
“I don’t…feel like myself,” he says, eyes uneasy. “And I’m also naked.”
I gasp as he sets me on the sand. “Oh, you are very naked,” I say, looking at his perfect body and then around the beach.
There’s no one out yet but that’s not what made me gasp.
It’s that smile in his voice I’ve missed so much.
My sunshine man. The love of my life. My days have been so dark without him here.
With shaking hands, I unzip my hoodie and tie it around his waist, looking up at his beautiful jawline, his eyes watching my hands work.
“You did it.” His voice is so intense, so astonished, grabbing my face between his lovely hands.
As if he knew. As if wherever he’s been, he knew this was my plan all along. He bends down to kiss me, again and again, and I let him. I bring my hands to his chest, just wanting to touch him, to never let him go.
“Did you know?” I ask. “Did you know I would?”
“I—” He swallows, trying to catch his breath until the words can pile out of his mouth.
“I don’t know where I was. The fire hit my skin, and I knew it was the end, baby, I did.
So much weird stuff happened in between, but then I popped up from the water, taking a breath of air, and I knew what you did.
I knew it. How did you do it? How am I even here? ”
“Oh, my God, Bastian. I can’t believe it worked.
I have so much to tell you.” My jaw trembles, and I crash against him, holding on to his waist so tightly like he could disappear into thin air if I let go.
He kisses the top of my head, his hands rubbing my shoulders, his tears only fueling mine.
They are not blood tears and it’s confusing yet astonishing at the same time.
“My girl,” he whispers and pulls my face up to meet his, kissing me again so sweetly, and I’m dizzy and can’t catch my breath.
“You’re freezing,” he says, and his comforting me only makes me cry harder.
Because he’s here. To comfort me. And when I don’t move, he picks me up and walks toward his house.
I know that warmth won’t end my chills because I’m not just cold.
I’m so full of bliss, my chest is packed tight with all the hopes and dreams I’ve carried our future.
When we reach the bottom of the stairs, he walks under the deck and sits in a chair with me on his lap. I smash my face against his neck and whisper, “I just want to hold you.” He wraps his arms around me tighter as I feel the rise and fall of his lungs.
“Then hold me,” he says into my hair. “Just hold me,” he whispers between soft kisses on my cheek. “I must not be a vampire anymore,” he says, and I meet his eyes. “I feel different. Slower. Human.” His eyes look worried, so I just bite my lips and nuzzle into him.
“I didn’t see that coming. I assumed you would come back as you left. But maybe it brought you back to your original state? Back before your first death? I…I don’t know. Your tears aren’t bloody.” I shake my head, suddenly terrified at the unknown.
He runs his pointer finger over his canines and tries activating his fangs, but nothing slides out, just human teeth, and he blinks, a blank look on his face.
“No fangs,” he says, gripping my hand again. I see the concern this causes in him, yet his hand sits in mine and it’s his beautiful hand. I hold it, studying every finger, his wrist, the line of veins that wraps up his forearm to his bicep.
“But you’re here.”
“I’m here.” His eyes drill into mine, an intensity that ignites every cell in my body. Every piece of my flesh could burst into flames from his eyes alone and what they do to me.
With our arms tightly wrapped around each other in silence, tears wetting our faces, we just take each other in.
I run my fingers along the scar on his face, the lips I’ve claimed as mine, the eyebrows so perfectly shaped.
His hands roam up and down my sides, caressing so gently, his green eyes staring into mine.
“I’m not going anywhere, right?”
I look up to him, the past several minutes more emotion than I can stand, but I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Is bringing me back allowed?” he asks.
I shake my head, and his face falls, the reality of everything hitting him all at once.
“What do you mean it’s not allowed? Are you in trouble?”
“No,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Not yet, at least.” Aven comes to mind, and my heart drops. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I cry, not knowing how to bring up the fact that he has a son, and just the thought of the words coming out of my mouth throws me into a fit of sobs.
“How long has it been? And why are we in Santa Cruz?”
My teeth scrape against my bottom lip as I assess him, the task of filling him in on everything suddenly feeling very daunting when all I want to do is hold him, kiss him, caress him, and make love to him.
But I know he has so many questions that need to be answered, and I need to get it together.
There’s time for all of that. I take a deep breath, calling on strength to ground me and then say, “It’s been eleven months. ”